My husband cheated on me...
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CrusaderSam wrote: »CrusaderSam wrote: »Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
Nah Pu_239 wanting to have sex with a woman that is his friend is way worse. Guys wanting to have sex with their female friends NEVER happens.
I mean come on it was only 4 hookers, its hard to get mad at anything under a full on 10 hooker orgy. You know in Europe that's just how men cope when a wife's family member gets sick. That is why their health care over there is so good, with no jobs and having to throw crazy sex parties all the time, all the guys would be flat broke if people didn't stay healthy. I mean this is just normal every day stuff and very common.
Now a single guy wanting to hook up with one of his female friends. Come on that is crazy and it is sick!
Don't worry Pu_239 there is still hope for you, just quit your job right now! We will get you some singing lessons and fly you out to Italy.
I like to think I can multitask well enough to express sympathy for the OP, *kitten* creepiness where I see it, and raid heal.
I do understand not everyone is so gifted.
I like to think a lot of things too, but it doesn't make any of them true just because I think them. Myself and a lot of others are not as gifted as you, that is true.
Thankfully all the things I think I can do are true. I expressed my sympathy for the OP, identified creepiness, and raid healed all at the same time. Wasn't even hard.
Want a gold star?0 -
CrusaderSam wrote: »CrusaderSam wrote: »CrusaderSam wrote: »Everyone keeps playing ping pong with Pu_239.
Can't we get back to discussing the married Roman who's a wannabe singer who's never worked a day in his life yet has the cash to pay 4 prostitutes to get tag teamed by him and his little friends?
How often do we get a chance like this?
Nah Pu_239 wanting to have sex with a woman that is his friend is way worse. Guys wanting to have sex with their female friends NEVER happens.
I mean come on it was only 4 hookers, its hard to get mad at anything under a full on 10 hooker orgy. You know in Europe that's just how men cope when a wife's family member gets sick. That is why their health care over there is so good, with no jobs and having to throw crazy sex parties all the time, all the guys would be flat broke if people didn't stay healthy. I mean this is just normal every day stuff and very common.
Now a single guy wanting to hook up with one of his female friends. Come on that is crazy and it is sick!
Don't worry Pu_239 there is still hope for you, just quit your job right now! We will get you some singing lessons and fly you out to Italy.
I like to think I can multitask well enough to express sympathy for the OP, *kitten* creepiness where I see it, and raid heal.
I do understand not everyone is so gifted.
I like to think a lot of things too, but it doesn't make any of them true just because I think them. Myself and a lot of others are not as gifted as you, that is true.
Thankfully all the things I think I can do are true. I expressed my sympathy for the OP, identified creepiness, and raid healed all at the same time. Wasn't even hard.
Want a gold star?
Well. I wouldn't refuse it.0 -
Thanks to everyone for all of the messages. For the people asking why I would post here...well I'm on MFP almost every day and not having many friends in Miami, tend to talk a lot to people on the forums. I was trying to work on myself before this terrible situation hit and just wanted some support from everyone and was wondering how people who have lived through similar circumstances were able to move on and continue with their goals.
Unfortunately I have not been able to get in touch with scumbag or his parents and they have blocked my phone number from calling. I have an international lawyer investigating to see what I am entitled to. The story gets much worse, but the rest is a little much to post on the forum. I guess I am just angry with myself because I feel duped. This person has everyone fooled, including his own parents. This was a person who seemed in love with me. He would come visit me in the states every 3 to 4 months before we were married and seemed like he would go to the end of the earth for me. He was well spoken, nice to everyone, and seemed like he really loved me.
I sacrificed a lot by leaving my family here in the states to go live with him after college and did my best to help him find a job that he really liked while working on his music project so that we could have a little extra cash but he never seemed interested in working. I learned the language and worked while I was there and thankfully put away all of my money which is what I was able to use to buy my car a few days ago. Now I have a way to move around. Had it not been for my hard work, I would not even have that at this point because the lawyers are saying that if the house and car are under his parents name (which they probably are), I may not even be entitled to anything. This is a very bad situation I never thought I would be caught in--not after the sacrifices I made for this person. We started having some problems with intimacy about a year ago and I tried my best to stick things out and fix things with him but it just seems like the there wasn't anymore attraction on his part, yet he refused a divorce and told me he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He is truly a wolf in sheep's clothing.
During the time this video was made my sister was in the hospital suffering from 40 micro emboli which could have killed her. I slept at my sister's bedside for a week to make sure she got the help that she needed from the nurses, and in the meantime I was actually also working on finding my husband's biological family because we had been working on finding them for a couple of years, and I was finally able to locate them on Facebook. I feel like I did so much for this person, just to be stabbed in the back. I don't know what I did wrong. I was a hard worker, a good wife, and most importantly, I loved him. How could someone have the heart to betray someone, let along in such a disgusting way? There were times when I went without things that I needed like shoes or clothes for work because everything was so expensive in Europe, yet he had money to blow on prostitutes while I was trying to budget our money? Why?0 -
Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
My scumbag husband would try to engrain similar things in my head. "You have to trust me. I would never hurt you. I'm the only person that will ever love you. You won't ever find another man to deal with your personality." Sounds pretty abusive to me.0 -
aliciamarieUF wrote: »Thanks to everyone for all of the messages. For the people asking why I would post here...well I'm on MFP almost every day and not having many friends in Miami, tend to talk a lot to people on the forums. I was trying to work on myself before this terrible situation hit and just wanted some support from everyone and was wondering how people who have lived through similar circumstances were able to move on and continue with their goals.
Unfortunately I have not been able to get in touch with scumbag or his parents and they have blocked my phone number from calling. I have an international lawyer investigating to see what I am entitled to. The story gets much worse, but the rest is a little much to post on the forum. I guess I am just angry with myself because I feel duped. This person has everyone fooled, including his own parents. This was a person who seemed in love with me. He would come visit me in the states every 3 to 4 months before we were married and seemed like he would go to the end of the earth for me. He was well spoken, nice to everyone, and seemed like he really loved me.
I sacrificed a lot by leaving my family here in the states to go live with him after college and did my best to help him find a job that he really liked while working on his music project so that we could have a little extra cash but he never seemed interested in working. I learned the language and worked while I was there and thankfully put away all of my money which is what I was able to use to buy my car a few days ago. Now I have a way to move around. Had it not been for my hard work, I would not even have that at this point because the lawyers are saying that if the house and car are under his parents name (which they probably are), I may not even be entitled to anything. This is a very bad situation I never thought I would be caught in--not after the sacrifices I made for this person. We started having some problems with intimacy about a year ago and I tried my best to stick things out and fix things with him but it just seems like the there wasn't anymore attraction on his part, yet he refused a divorce and told me he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He is truly a wolf in sheep's clothing.
During the time this video was made my sister was in the hospital suffering from 40 micro emboli which could have killed her. I slept at my sister's bedside for a week to make sure she got the help that she needed from the nurses, and in the meantime I was actually also working on finding my husband's biological family because we had been working on finding them for a couple of years, and I was finally able to locate them on Facebook. I feel like I did so much for this person, just to be stabbed in the back. I don't know what I did wrong. I was a hard worker, a good wife, and most importantly, I loved him. How could someone have the heart to betray someone, let along in such a disgusting way? There were times when I went without things that I needed like shoes or clothes for work because everything was so expensive in Europe, yet he had money to blow on prostitutes while I was trying to budget our money? Why?
You shouldn't put the blame on yourself. You did nothing wrong, some people are just like that. Sometimes we do things and we don't get appreciated for them. Don't forget about karma. If ou're a good person, good things will come to you in time, if he's a bad person bad things will come to him in time. Right now, you just need time to focus on yourself and help your sister. That's most important. It will probably help you get your mind off this. If you ever need anyone to vent to, you can message me if you like. It helps to talk about things and get things off your shoulders.
Oh my god, after this whole thread you just pulled "If you want to talk...." on the OP? You're a sociopath.
OP - you're going to kick this situations *kitten*. You have your head on straight and your butt in gear. Go you.0 -
ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
A better thing to say, rather than "you saw this coming" is to encourage someone to work on themselves and search themselves for what they -really- want. Love can be blind to many, many things, including douchebagness. Having compassion for someone having a hard time with relationships is NOT saying they should have expected it.
I reread my original post to see what the big deal is. I studied a lot of sociology between male and female interactions, mostly females. The best advice I ever came across twoards women was, "get rid of your long list of ideals and focus on how the person you're with makes you feel." That's what i was trying to communicate. I am not saying it's HER fault. I am saying next time around just be more aware. That's what i am trying to convey.
and random side note. GIF's on MFP are so 2010...
The fact that you said that I saw this coming is pretty disgusting. I did not see this coming at all, and neither did my family. He had everyone duped. His cousins can't believe what he did to me. He is a liar. I also want to know what you mean by "women need to get rid of their long list of ideals." What are you even talking about? I didn't have a long list of what I expected my husband to be. I accepted him for what he was, and that's what has gotten me into the bad situation that I'm in now!0 -
aliciamarieUF wrote: »ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
A better thing to say, rather than "you saw this coming" is to encourage someone to work on themselves and search themselves for what they -really- want. Love can be blind to many, many things, including douchebagness. Having compassion for someone having a hard time with relationships is NOT saying they should have expected it.
I reread my original post to see what the big deal is. I studied a lot of sociology between male and female interactions, mostly females. The best advice I ever came across twoards women was, "get rid of your long list of ideals and focus on how the person you're with makes you feel." That's what i was trying to communicate. I am not saying it's HER fault. I am saying next time around just be more aware. That's what i am trying to convey.
and random side note. GIF's on MFP are so 2010...
The fact that you said that I saw this coming is pretty disgusting. I did not see this coming at all, and neither did my family. He had everyone duped. His cousins can't believe what he did to me. He is a liar. I also want to know what you mean by "women need to get rid of their long list of ideals." What are you even talking about? I didn't have a long list of what I expected my husband to be. I accepted him for what he was, and that's what has gotten me into the bad situation that I'm in now!
This wasn't directed at you. Try and have a good night, good night.
What wasn't aimed at her? The "you probably saw it coming a mile away?" It was in your very first post.0 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »aliciamarieUF wrote: »Thanks to everyone for all of the messages. For the people asking why I would post here...well I'm on MFP almost every day and not having many friends in Miami, tend to talk a lot to people on the forums. I was trying to work on myself before this terrible situation hit and just wanted some support from everyone and was wondering how people who have lived through similar circumstances were able to move on and continue with their goals.
Unfortunately I have not been able to get in touch with scumbag or his parents and they have blocked my phone number from calling. I have an international lawyer investigating to see what I am entitled to. The story gets much worse, but the rest is a little much to post on the forum. I guess I am just angry with myself because I feel duped. This person has everyone fooled, including his own parents. This was a person who seemed in love with me. He would come visit me in the states every 3 to 4 months before we were married and seemed like he would go to the end of the earth for me. He was well spoken, nice to everyone, and seemed like he really loved me.
I sacrificed a lot by leaving my family here in the states to go live with him after college and did my best to help him find a job that he really liked while working on his music project so that we could have a little extra cash but he never seemed interested in working. I learned the language and worked while I was there and thankfully put away all of my money which is what I was able to use to buy my car a few days ago. Now I have a way to move around. Had it not been for my hard work, I would not even have that at this point because the lawyers are saying that if the house and car are under his parents name (which they probably are), I may not even be entitled to anything. This is a very bad situation I never thought I would be caught in--not after the sacrifices I made for this person. We started having some problems with intimacy about a year ago and I tried my best to stick things out and fix things with him but it just seems like the there wasn't anymore attraction on his part, yet he refused a divorce and told me he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He is truly a wolf in sheep's clothing.
During the time this video was made my sister was in the hospital suffering from 40 micro emboli which could have killed her. I slept at my sister's bedside for a week to make sure she got the help that she needed from the nurses, and in the meantime I was actually also working on finding my husband's biological family because we had been working on finding them for a couple of years, and I was finally able to locate them on Facebook. I feel like I did so much for this person, just to be stabbed in the back. I don't know what I did wrong. I was a hard worker, a good wife, and most importantly, I loved him. How could someone have the heart to betray someone, let along in such a disgusting way? There were times when I went without things that I needed like shoes or clothes for work because everything was so expensive in Europe, yet he had money to blow on prostitutes while I was trying to budget our money? Why?
You shouldn't put the blame on yourself. You did nothing wrong, some people are just like that. Sometimes we do things and we don't get appreciated for them. Don't forget about karma. If ou're a good person, good things will come to you in time, if he's a bad person bad things will come to him in time. Right now, you just need time to focus on yourself and help your sister. That's most important. It will probably help you get your mind off this. If you ever need anyone to vent to, you can message me if you like. It helps to talk about things and get things off your shoulders.
Oh my god, after this whole thread you just pulled "If you want to talk...." on the OP? You're a sociopath.
She's obviously hurt/upset. She might need someone to talk to. Have you ever been hurt and had no one to talk to? It's not good. She needs support right now and someone to listen to her.
And honestly about this entire thread... I was going to email the op because we're friends now and explain to her, but not going to bother her with it, because I was going to tell you the same thing.
Lot of the thing I said through this topic about my situation, you shouldn't take me too seriously. My original post was sincere, that entire thing about "women wanting a prince in shining armor" was just me being upset at my situation. Then people started to pick at it and it turned in to this big mess. As I also said, I understand her situation(the girl i was talking about). I know her, she meant no harm to me, i know how she is and as i said I accepted her fully. SO i don't blame her for nothing. As I said, you shouldn't take me too seriously about many things i say.
yeah, not you, doll. Brush up on the basics, maybe give it another try in a year or two with another individual.0 -
ogmomma2012 wrote: »ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
A better thing to say, rather than "you saw this coming" is to encourage someone to work on themselves and search themselves for what they -really- want. Love can be blind to many, many things, including douchebagness. Having compassion for someone having a hard time with relationships is NOT saying they should have expected it.
I reread my original post to see what the big deal is. I studied a lot of sociology between male and female interactions, mostly females. The best advice I ever came across twoards women was, "get rid of your long list of ideals and focus on how the person you're with makes you feel." That's what i was trying to communicate. I am not saying it's HER fault. I am saying next time around just be more aware. That's what i am trying to convey.
and random side note. GIF's on MFP are so 2010...
What made you think she had a long list of ideals? There are a lot of assumptions made on your part. Compatibility is certainly important, but a lot of differences can be put aside with enough love and passion.
I agree with you, i thought about it... like if there was a girl who i wasn't physically attracted to. If she made me feel good and happy yeah i'd be with her. To answer your question, i don't think my response would be good for the OP so i am not going to answer it.
I don't believe that if you knew a girl who you felt zero attraction to liked you that you would still "be with her". That is total bs. You are attracted to someone who does not find you attractive. That does not make her "broken" or "shallow". It's just life. Deal with it.0 -
Wide sorry to hear that don't rush into anything or worry about the weight at the moment get your head straight and deal with this emotional time first spend time with your sister when you are ready you will know0
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Amazing thread, here. My heart goes out to the original poster. I appreciate all of the positive responses as they are helping me with my own heartbreak. It's back to the gym, back to logging every bite I eat and drink, back to ME today. I can't fall apart over someone else's actions, no matter how much I want to just hide under 17 blankets and forget the world. Upward and onward - but not on the scale!
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aliciamarieUF wrote: »Thanks to everyone for all of the messages. For the people asking why I would post here...well I'm on MFP almost every day and not having many friends in Miami, tend to talk a lot to people on the forums. I was trying to work on myself before this terrible situation hit and just wanted some support from everyone and was wondering how people who have lived through similar circumstances were able to move on and continue with their goals.
Unfortunately I have not been able to get in touch with scumbag or his parents and they have blocked my phone number from calling. I have an international lawyer investigating to see what I am entitled to. The story gets much worse, but the rest is a little much to post on the forum. I guess I am just angry with myself because I feel duped. This person has everyone fooled, including his own parents. This was a person who seemed in love with me. He would come visit me in the states every 3 to 4 months before we were married and seemed like he would go to the end of the earth for me. He was well spoken, nice to everyone, and seemed like he really loved me.
I sacrificed a lot by leaving my family here in the states to go live with him after college and did my best to help him find a job that he really liked while working on his music project so that we could have a little extra cash but he never seemed interested in working. I learned the language and worked while I was there and thankfully put away all of my money which is what I was able to use to buy my car a few days ago. Now I have a way to move around. Had it not been for my hard work, I would not even have that at this point because the lawyers are saying that if the house and car are under his parents name (which they probably are), I may not even be entitled to anything. This is a very bad situation I never thought I would be caught in--not after the sacrifices I made for this person. We started having some problems with intimacy about a year ago and I tried my best to stick things out and fix things with him but it just seems like the there wasn't anymore attraction on his part, yet he refused a divorce and told me he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He is truly a wolf in sheep's clothing.
During the time this video was made my sister was in the hospital suffering from 40 micro emboli which could have killed her. I slept at my sister's bedside for a week to make sure she got the help that she needed from the nurses, and in the meantime I was actually also working on finding my husband's biological family because we had been working on finding them for a couple of years, and I was finally able to locate them on Facebook. I feel like I did so much for this person, just to be stabbed in the back. I don't know what I did wrong. I was a hard worker, a good wife, and most importantly, I loved him. How could someone have the heart to betray someone, let along in such a disgusting way? There were times when I went without things that I needed like shoes or clothes for work because everything was so expensive in Europe, yet he had money to blow on prostitutes while I was trying to budget our money? Why?
You shouldn't put the blame on yourself. You did nothing wrong, some people are just like that. Sometimes we do things and we don't get appreciated for them. Don't forget about karma. If ou're a good person, good things will come to you in time, if he's a bad person bad things will come to him in time. Right now, you just need time to focus on yourself and help your sister. That's most important. It will probably help you get your mind off this. If you ever need anyone to vent to, you can message me if you like. It helps to talk about things and get things off your shoulders.
I find this hilarious that the first post you put out to the OP is telling her she saw it coming and now you are telling her not to blame herself?? Alatariel had it right.
And to OP - I hope that if this is all true that your lawyer nails him to the wall. Hope you kept a copy of the video(s) and gave them over to him/her.0 -
aliciamarieUF wrote: »ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
A better thing to say, rather than "you saw this coming" is to encourage someone to work on themselves and search themselves for what they -really- want. Love can be blind to many, many things, including douchebagness. Having compassion for someone having a hard time with relationships is NOT saying they should have expected it.
I reread my original post to see what the big deal is. I studied a lot of sociology between male and female interactions, mostly females. The best advice I ever came across twoards women was, "get rid of your long list of ideals and focus on how the person you're with makes you feel." That's what i was trying to communicate. I am not saying it's HER fault. I am saying next time around just be more aware. That's what i am trying to convey.
and random side note. GIF's on MFP are so 2010...
The fact that you said that I saw this coming is pretty disgusting. I did not see this coming at all, and neither did my family. He had everyone duped. His cousins can't believe what he did to me. He is a liar. I also want to know what you mean by "women need to get rid of their long list of ideals." What are you even talking about? I didn't have a long list of what I expected my husband to be. I accepted him for what he was, and that's what has gotten me into the bad situation that I'm in now!
This wasn't directed at you. Try and have a good night, good night.
How was it not. You literally responded to the OP with the following:Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
Seriously man. Seriously. It's like the arguments you'd have with Sara and Sidesteel all over again.0 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »aliciamarieUF wrote: »Thanks to everyone for all of the messages. For the people asking why I would post here...well I'm on MFP almost every day and not having many friends in Miami, tend to talk a lot to people on the forums. I was trying to work on myself before this terrible situation hit and just wanted some support from everyone and was wondering how people who have lived through similar circumstances were able to move on and continue with their goals.
Unfortunately I have not been able to get in touch with scumbag or his parents and they have blocked my phone number from calling. I have an international lawyer investigating to see what I am entitled to. The story gets much worse, but the rest is a little much to post on the forum. I guess I am just angry with myself because I feel duped. This person has everyone fooled, including his own parents. This was a person who seemed in love with me. He would come visit me in the states every 3 to 4 months before we were married and seemed like he would go to the end of the earth for me. He was well spoken, nice to everyone, and seemed like he really loved me.
I sacrificed a lot by leaving my family here in the states to go live with him after college and did my best to help him find a job that he really liked while working on his music project so that we could have a little extra cash but he never seemed interested in working. I learned the language and worked while I was there and thankfully put away all of my money which is what I was able to use to buy my car a few days ago. Now I have a way to move around. Had it not been for my hard work, I would not even have that at this point because the lawyers are saying that if the house and car are under his parents name (which they probably are), I may not even be entitled to anything. This is a very bad situation I never thought I would be caught in--not after the sacrifices I made for this person. We started having some problems with intimacy about a year ago and I tried my best to stick things out and fix things with him but it just seems like the there wasn't anymore attraction on his part, yet he refused a divorce and told me he loved me and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He is truly a wolf in sheep's clothing.
During the time this video was made my sister was in the hospital suffering from 40 micro emboli which could have killed her. I slept at my sister's bedside for a week to make sure she got the help that she needed from the nurses, and in the meantime I was actually also working on finding my husband's biological family because we had been working on finding them for a couple of years, and I was finally able to locate them on Facebook. I feel like I did so much for this person, just to be stabbed in the back. I don't know what I did wrong. I was a hard worker, a good wife, and most importantly, I loved him. How could someone have the heart to betray someone, let along in such a disgusting way? There were times when I went without things that I needed like shoes or clothes for work because everything was so expensive in Europe, yet he had money to blow on prostitutes while I was trying to budget our money? Why?
You shouldn't put the blame on yourself. You did nothing wrong, some people are just like that. Sometimes we do things and we don't get appreciated for them. Don't forget about karma. If ou're a good person, good things will come to you in time, if he's a bad person bad things will come to him in time. Right now, you just need time to focus on yourself and help your sister. That's most important. It will probably help you get your mind off this. If you ever need anyone to vent to, you can message me if you like. It helps to talk about things and get things off your shoulders.
Oh my god, after this whole thread you just pulled "If you want to talk...." on the OP? You're a sociopath.
OP - you're going to kick this situations *kitten*. You have your head on straight and your butt in gear. Go you.
Truth.
Way to try and play both sides of the field.
OP - I'm truly sorry for what you are going through. I was also 24 when I walked away from my abusive marriage, though I had a 9 month old baby. It's never easy regardless of the exact circumstances. Being betrayed and lied to is the biggest kick to the gut. I'm glad you're not stuck in Rome though, and that you seem to have a great head on your shoulders. Seriously, you are tough as hell.0 -
3dogsrunning wrote: »aliciamarieUF wrote: »ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
A better thing to say, rather than "you saw this coming" is to encourage someone to work on themselves and search themselves for what they -really- want. Love can be blind to many, many things, including douchebagness. Having compassion for someone having a hard time with relationships is NOT saying they should have expected it.
I reread my original post to see what the big deal is. I studied a lot of sociology between male and female interactions, mostly females. The best advice I ever came across twoards women was, "get rid of your long list of ideals and focus on how the person you're with makes you feel." That's what i was trying to communicate. I am not saying it's HER fault. I am saying next time around just be more aware. That's what i am trying to convey.
and random side note. GIF's on MFP are so 2010...
The fact that you said that I saw this coming is pretty disgusting. I did not see this coming at all, and neither did my family. He had everyone duped. His cousins can't believe what he did to me. He is a liar. I also want to know what you mean by "women need to get rid of their long list of ideals." What are you even talking about? I didn't have a long list of what I expected my husband to be. I accepted him for what he was, and that's what has gotten me into the bad situation that I'm in now!
This wasn't directed at you. Try and have a good night, good night.
What wasn't aimed at her? The "you probably saw it coming a mile away?" It was in your very first post.
ah yes i see it now. I was wondering where the OP was getting that from. Is it wrong for me to say that? Maybe she did maybe she didn't. I am not the type to get upset at people if they're being honest with me and sharing their opinion. Even if I don't agree with it. How many have insulted me and tried to belittle me through this entire topic? I don't' care i don't hold it against them.
Many have said through the post they been in similar situations and they saw red flags all over the person. I have seen red flags over some people, Often people in these situations see red flags from a mile away. I am not putting the blame on the op, that's what my first post was about. I also said, many men bs women(which is true). I also said, that there will be a guy that would appreciate her. Yet everyone wants to focus on the negative and not the positive.
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I don't have an experience that could possibly compare to this, but just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I'm sending lots of positive thoughts for your new life. 0
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Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »ogmomma2012 wrote: »ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
A better thing to say, rather than "you saw this coming" is to encourage someone to work on themselves and search themselves for what they -really- want. Love can be blind to many, many things, including douchebagness. Having compassion for someone having a hard time with relationships is NOT saying they should have expected it.
I reread my original post to see what the big deal is. I studied a lot of sociology between male and female interactions, mostly females. The best advice I ever came across twoards women was, "get rid of your long list of ideals and focus on how the person you're with makes you feel." That's what i was trying to communicate. I am not saying it's HER fault. I am saying next time around just be more aware. That's what i am trying to convey.
and random side note. GIF's on MFP are so 2010...
What made you think she had a long list of ideals? There are a lot of assumptions made on your part. Compatibility is certainly important, but a lot of differences can be put aside with enough love and passion.
I agree with you, i thought about it... like if there was a girl who i wasn't physically attracted to. If she made me feel good and happy yeah i'd be with her. To answer your question, i don't think my response would be good for the OP so i am not going to answer it.
I don't believe that if you knew a girl who you felt zero attraction to liked you that you would still "be with her". That is total bs. You are attracted to someone who does not find you attractive. That does not make her "broken" or "shallow". It's just life. Deal with it.
I honestly thought about it, in my mind the situations/people i came up with, it was true. But honestly who knows, I'd have to be in that situation. There was a few married women on this site, who wanted to pursue something. But... obviously in that situation no.
Side note has anyone reached out to the op yet or was i the only one?
The only thing you should be reaching out for is a therapist.0 -
Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »ogmomma2012 wrote: »ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
A better thing to say, rather than "you saw this coming" is to encourage someone to work on themselves and search themselves for what they -really- want. Love can be blind to many, many things, including douchebagness. Having compassion for someone having a hard time with relationships is NOT saying they should have expected it.
I reread my original post to see what the big deal is. I studied a lot of sociology between male and female interactions, mostly females. The best advice I ever came across twoards women was, "get rid of your long list of ideals and focus on how the person you're with makes you feel." That's what i was trying to communicate. I am not saying it's HER fault. I am saying next time around just be more aware. That's what i am trying to convey.
and random side note. GIF's on MFP are so 2010...
What made you think she had a long list of ideals? There are a lot of assumptions made on your part. Compatibility is certainly important, but a lot of differences can be put aside with enough love and passion.
I agree with you, i thought about it... like if there was a girl who i wasn't physically attracted to. If she made me feel good and happy yeah i'd be with her. To answer your question, i don't think my response would be good for the OP so i am not going to answer it.
I don't believe that if you knew a girl who you felt zero attraction to liked you that you would still "be with her". That is total bs. You are attracted to someone who does not find you attractive. That does not make her "broken" or "shallow". It's just life. Deal with it.
I honestly thought about it, in my mind the situations/people i came up with, it was true. But honestly who knows, I'd have to be in that situation. There was a few married women on this site, who wanted to pursue something. But... obviously in that situation no.
Side note has anyone reached out to the op yet or was i the only one?
Not everyone is looking for an opening. And the point of responding to the thread IS to reach out.0 -
PikaKnight wrote: »3dogsrunning wrote: »aliciamarieUF wrote: »ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I did cut it off. I just feel kind of bad for her because i know the potential we could have had, but she missed out because of shallow views. she will always have problems, but it's karma. That's what it always is. but i do agree with you, let intentions be known up front, and get to know them differently. You're right. There are many more videos like the the one i shown.ogmomma2012 wrote: »
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Getting to know someone in the context of dating is NOT the same thing as getting to know someone as a platonic friend outside the context of dating. Make your intentions known -beforehand- so your delusions of the "friendzone" and "nice guys finish last" won't happen.
They don't want to date you? Deal with it. If you can't stand being friends with a chick without expecting something in return, cut that friendship off. Don't keep doing nice things expecting them to change their mind and see you as this awesome dude.
You show one video demonstrating one or two chicks being materialistic. Is that what you think of ALL women?
A better thing to say, rather than "you saw this coming" is to encourage someone to work on themselves and search themselves for what they -really- want. Love can be blind to many, many things, including douchebagness. Having compassion for someone having a hard time with relationships is NOT saying they should have expected it.
I reread my original post to see what the big deal is. I studied a lot of sociology between male and female interactions, mostly females. The best advice I ever came across twoards women was, "get rid of your long list of ideals and focus on how the person you're with makes you feel." That's what i was trying to communicate. I am not saying it's HER fault. I am saying next time around just be more aware. That's what i am trying to convey.
and random side note. GIF's on MFP are so 2010...
The fact that you said that I saw this coming is pretty disgusting. I did not see this coming at all, and neither did my family. He had everyone duped. His cousins can't believe what he did to me. He is a liar. I also want to know what you mean by "women need to get rid of their long list of ideals." What are you even talking about? I didn't have a long list of what I expected my husband to be. I accepted him for what he was, and that's what has gotten me into the bad situation that I'm in now!
This wasn't directed at you. Try and have a good night, good night.
What wasn't aimed at her? The "you probably saw it coming a mile away?" It was in your very first post.
ah yes i see it now. I was wondering where the OP was getting that from. Is it wrong for me to say that? Maybe she did maybe she didn't. I am not the type to get upset at people if they're being honest with me and sharing their opinion. Even if I don't agree with it. How many have insulted me and tried to belittle me through this entire topic? I don't' care i don't hold it against them.
Many have said through the post they been in similar situations and they saw red flags all over the person. I have seen red flags over some people, Often people in these situations see red flags from a mile away. I am not putting the blame on the op, that's what my first post was about. I also said, many men bs women(which is true). I also said, that there will be a guy that would appreciate her. Yet everyone wants to focus on the negative and not the positive.
Actually a healthy psychology according to Dr.Paul Debronansky(sp?) PhD in Psychiatrist is one that doesn't let negativity in. It's like semi-permeable membrane. It lets good stuff in and keeps the bad stuff out. You know, like people through trying to insult me, posting GIF's to mock me etc... doesn't bother me. But yet I say one thing and people get upset. I am not the one with issues.
But seriously, go see a therapist. I bet he'd say otherwise.0 -
I know she doesn't like me like that, because I wasn't INTERESTED IN SEX with her. I liked her as a person. SO i fell in to the "Friends zone" maybe if i was a bit more sexual at first, things would have been different. I actually take the time to KNOW someone, before jumping in to relationships. I mean that's a big problem in our society... Isn't that the problem the OP had??? And a few other people who have posted. Maybe if I had a lamborgini, it would be different. Like in the video i posted early, the girl wasn't interested, but the first sign of money... She gets interested.furioushummingbird wrote: »Sad thing is... you probably saw this coming from a mile away and did nothing about it. I bet you felt something wasn't right before you guys even got married.
You can't just close up and say "how can i trust any man again?" truth is for me... there was this girl i liked a lot, i treated her well, her ex cheated on her coutnless times, treated her bad, verbally and mentally abusive. This girl and i got along great, i looked for more than a friendship. She would give me excuses, "I am not ready, idk what i want" then a month later she got with some other guy. Really upset me. Guess what? they got in to a fight and they broke up, she was upset about it. She's different, she has ADHD and not many people understand her. I honestly can't see any other guy putting up with her and being able to handle her. I tried again, things, but she still wasn't interested, she lead me on a bit this time.
She tells me things like what you said, "how can i trust guys now?" I told her many times, you have to open up and trust, if you don't you're just going to shrivel up and die alone. Sure maybe a guy might come, may not work out, then another may not work out. But if you trust, there will be a guy who appreciates it and gives you what you want.
I also told her many times, "a guy has a tendency to bs, and make himself greater than what he really is at first." It's kind of understandable, you're trying to win someone over. But the guys who are real, who are genuine. Don't do that, then they don't fit the womens ideal, "the knight in shining armor" and she fells for someone who is lying and bsing her.
I haven't read other posts after this one, so forgive me if this was already said: WOMEN ARE NOT DEVICES TO PUT FRIENDSHIP COINS IN UNTIL SEX FALLS OUT. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU *kitten*. THE GIRL DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, TOUGH T*TS. STOP TAKING OUT YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION ON WOMEN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ONE.
Good god, please let this guy be a troll. Otherwise I smell fedoras and neck beard a mile away.
My original post in my first post is that it takes time for people to get to know one another
Alright so what does this have to do with anything? When I met my ex (whom I was with for 6 years) he drove his mom's old mini van. Together we bought things and built a life . . . he picked me up for our first date in an 89 caravan . . . 1989 as in the year I was born. It didn't change how much I liked him. We took a lot of time to get to know each other but it turned out he was really good at pretending to be someone else, until we lived together but by then we were in it and I tried to make the best of it. He was mentally and emotionally abusive and had serious addiction and substance abuse issues. This is what ended our relationship, not the money. I met him when I was in university but since I have finished school I make almost double what he did. Maybe that bothered him but I didn't care - it just meant we could have a slightly better apartment and cars and whatever. It's not about money for most people. Maybe for some it is. But having nice things is also a way of showing you have your life together and you are financially responsible. I don't know about the Lambo or anything, but in general, it can be something women want in a partner.
It isn't because you liked her as a person that she friend zoned you, that isn't it. It's because she wasn't interested in you romantically. It happens. It's happened to me that a guy was interested in me and kept asking me out after my separation and I was very blunt and said we're friends, and I'm not into you in that way; if you want to have a drink let's do that but it's just a drink.
If you aren't feeling it with someone, you shouldn't be made to feel guilty because you don't have romantic feelings towards them - that's really unfair to her as a person. She can't force herself to feel something just because you think you're one of the only ones who would "get her" and "understand her" and be able to "tolerate her" . . . which also makes me mad . . . you should never have to tolerate your partner. You tolerate your co-workers or that annoying great uncle who says rude things and gets away with it because he's old, not the person you're choosing to spend a significant amount of time with. That, to me, says you're not in it for the right reasons and you feel that because you think you're a "nice guy" she should by default trust you and choose you. This isn't a rom com, life doesn't work that way.0
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