Pushy Co-Workers
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bigblondewolf wrote: »
Then order the salad and eat it or not. At the very least you're making an effort.bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
And I didn't "mock" anyone for the way they eat. I don't care what other people eat, I just don't want to be forced to eat food I don't want and that doesn't make me feel good for the sake of keeping the social peace.
You don't have to mock people by saying anything. If you bring your own food to a luncheon that's being offered to everyone, the perception is that the food isn't good enough for you. Actions do speak volumes even when nothing is said.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
So by your logic I have to eat what everyone else is going to be eating (even if it makes me sick) or I'll appear judgey and overly difficult?
That isn't what he said, from my understanding. No one likes office politics, but it's a part of the culture. By bringing your own food to an, essentially, catered event, you may appear snobbish and "too good" for everyone else. That can do a lot more harm to your future endevours at this office.
I've been in your situation. My boss didn't even ask for us to place an order; he just did it and we were expected to attend. I did what others here are telling you to do. I would take a very small portion and pretend to nibble at it while engaging in conversation (they all thought I was chatty kathy because of it). When we were all done, "OOPS, my food is cold!" In the trash it goes and I eat my lunch later at my desk. No harm, no foul.0 -
HardcoreP0rk wrote: »Look at all the trail-blazin bad@sses out there giving the finger to corporate culture... never knew we had so many tough guys in the average office.
The amount of "You can't tell me what to do!" in this thread is ridiculous. You'd think we were talking about forcing people to change religion or inform on their parents, not pick at a salad for a routine work lunch.0 -
HardcoreP0rk wrote: »hollyrayburn wrote: »Were it me and was told I HAD to order something, I'd order it, then throw it away, unopened, right in front of my boss.
No one has the right to tell you what you put in your body other than you.
And you're not being frigid, OP. Hell, these are coworkers. Though I'm sure you enjoy getting Ali g with them, work isn't a "social setting" and you shouldn't be forced to "break bread" with anyone.
I have a coworker who is constantly bringing in good. DELICIOUS food. She's a great cook. The other day, she offered me some lasagna she'd made. I said no thanks, looks awesome, but I brought something. She kept on. "Don't you love me, don't you think I cook good?" I said yes, just let me know next time, and I'll bring in some garlic bread. Later, she put a piece in a plate, came up to me, and tried FEEDING it to me like a kid, saying one piece won't hurt. Needless to say, it was thrown away.
If they call you insubordinate or try to write you up for not eating what they seem, speak with HR. That is 100% discrimination. And forcing you to potentially kill yourself by only giving options with things you're allergic to? Deliberate indifference. .
Just. No.
No? That I should have allowed coworker to put unwanted food in my mouth? Or no, that people should eat what a company tells them to? Sorry, but it IS discrimination. What if, as I am overweight, I was told I couldn't order pizza? Or I shouldn't have brought in a dessert I had made? Would the tables be turned then?0 -
bigblondewolf wrote: »PeachyPlum wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »
Then order the salad and eat it or not. At the very least you're making an effort.bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
And I didn't "mock" anyone for the way they eat. I don't care what other people eat, I just don't want to be forced to eat food I don't want and that doesn't make me feel good for the sake of keeping the social peace.
You don't have to mock people by saying anything. If you bring your own food to a luncheon that's being offered to everyone, the perception is that the food isn't good enough for you. Actions do speak volumes even when nothing is said.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
So by your logic I have to eat what everyone else is going to be eating (even if it makes me sick) or I'll appear judgey and overly difficult?
I'm somewhat confused: I thought your issue with ordering a salad is that it would be "boring," not that it would make you sick. Is there absolutely nothing you can order that will not make you ill?
Yes, that escalated when she didn't get the answer that she wanted. That seems to happen a lot around here.
No, it was clear from the start that I had food allergies. It might have gotten buried under the posts suggesting I get a lawyer though lol.
I do agree with everyone that it's best to make as few waves at possible in the corporate environment. And my original post was asking how to navigate the situation in a diplomatic way without stepping on toes.
I think what confused it for me was when you said you didn't want to eat a "boring" salad. I thought you were allergic to the other items and just didn't want to eat the salad. If I misunderstood what you meant by that and you were also allergic to all the salad choice, I apologize.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »HardcoreP0rk wrote: »Look at all the trail-blazin bad@sses out there giving the finger to corporate culture... never knew we had so many tough guys in the average office.
The amount of "You can't tell me what to do!" in this thread is ridiculous. You'd think we were talking about forcing people to change religion or inform on their parents, not pick at a salad for a routine work lunch.
I can't believe how much I'm shaking my head over here.
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I'm thinking boss discovered that salad perhaps wasn't an ordering option?0
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janejellyroll wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »PeachyPlum wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »
Then order the salad and eat it or not. At the very least you're making an effort.bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
And I didn't "mock" anyone for the way they eat. I don't care what other people eat, I just don't want to be forced to eat food I don't want and that doesn't make me feel good for the sake of keeping the social peace.
You don't have to mock people by saying anything. If you bring your own food to a luncheon that's being offered to everyone, the perception is that the food isn't good enough for you. Actions do speak volumes even when nothing is said.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
So by your logic I have to eat what everyone else is going to be eating (even if it makes me sick) or I'll appear judgey and overly difficult?
I'm somewhat confused: I thought your issue with ordering a salad is that it would be "boring," not that it would make you sick. Is there absolutely nothing you can order that will not make you ill?
Yes, that escalated when she didn't get the answer that she wanted. That seems to happen a lot around here.
No, it was clear from the start that I had food allergies. It might have gotten buried under the posts suggesting I get a lawyer though lol.
I do agree with everyone that it's best to make as few waves at possible in the corporate environment. And my original post was asking how to navigate the situation in a diplomatic way without stepping on toes.
I think what confused it for me was when you said you didn't want to eat a "boring" salad. I thought you were allergic to the other items and just didn't want to eat the salad. If I misunderstood what you meant by that and you were also allergic to all the salad choice, I apologize.
Yeah, I probably should have made that clearer in the initial post. But people started replying so fast and my replies got lost lol.
I didn't realize this was something people were going to have such polarized opinions on.0 -
So where exactly is your line? What if it's a bi-weekly meeting and the only option is fried chicken, baked beans, and french fries? I know, I know. "I'll just work it in." But should you have to? Every week twice a week. Shouldn't you be able to stick to your goals without being forced to eat something you don't want?janejellyroll wrote: »HardcoreP0rk wrote: »Look at all the trail-blazin bad@sses out there giving the finger to corporate culture... never knew we had so many tough guys in the average office.
The amount of "You can't tell me what to do!" in this thread is ridiculous. You'd think we were talking about forcing people to change religion or inform on their parents, not pick at a salad for a routine work lunch.
I don't know about bi-weekly fried chicken... but that cat picture on my desktop background aint coming down. I have a RIGHT to express myself through Lolcats - even on a Webex for B2B sales meetings. What do I look like? Some kind of sheep? D@mn the man!!!
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First World Problem.0
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hollyrayburn wrote: »HardcoreP0rk wrote: »hollyrayburn wrote: »Were it me and was told I HAD to order something, I'd order it, then throw it away, unopened, right in front of my boss.
No one has the right to tell you what you put in your body other than you.
And you're not being frigid, OP. Hell, these are coworkers. Though I'm sure you enjoy getting Ali g with them, work isn't a "social setting" and you shouldn't be forced to "break bread" with anyone.
I have a coworker who is constantly bringing in good. DELICIOUS food. She's a great cook. The other day, she offered me some lasagna she'd made. I said no thanks, looks awesome, but I brought something. She kept on. "Don't you love me, don't you think I cook good?" I said yes, just let me know next time, and I'll bring in some garlic bread. Later, she put a piece in a plate, came up to me, and tried FEEDING it to me like a kid, saying one piece won't hurt. Needless to say, it was thrown away.
If they call you insubordinate or try to write you up for not eating what they seem, speak with HR. That is 100% discrimination. And forcing you to potentially kill yourself by only giving options with things you're allergic to? Deliberate indifference. .
Just. No.
No? That I should have allowed coworker to put unwanted food in my mouth? Or no, that people should eat what a company tells them to? Sorry, but it IS discrimination. What if, as I am overweight, I was told I couldn't order pizza? Or I shouldn't have brought in a dessert I had made? Would the tables be turned then?
I don't see what either of those situations has to do with this one.\
By all appearances, the boss thought the salad option would work for the employee. When it was discovered that it wouldn't and both options wouldn't work, the plan was changed. OP can now bring her own food. Nobody tried to kill OP, she was never in danger. Things were worked out because people talked it out like rational people.
Actions like you suggest -- throwing the food away, unopened, right in front of your boss -- are absolutely inappropriate for adults in the workplace. You may do those sorts of things at work, but most of us (I hope) don't.0 -
Lol, and there are lots of office workers who can eat whatever is being ordered and be lean and fit too.Did someone actually say that we sometimes have to eat a "shi( sandwich" YOU MAY but I don't and wont'
Social situations at work the restaurants chosen, the food at pot lucks etc are operating from an antiquated systems...be brave enough to help that system fall to the way side. The majority of office workers are obese for a reason...be brave.
The OP is off the hook here due to allergies to the food so it's no longer an issue, but if the "be brave" stance gets taken and people at work then deem that person difficult to deal with on such a "simple" issue, it may make working with these individuals more difficult. Again, it's more a about a "team" bonding here and not personal preferences on food choices. Team aspects aren't about individuality.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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janejellyroll wrote: »hollyrayburn wrote: »HardcoreP0rk wrote: »hollyrayburn wrote: »Were it me and was told I HAD to order something, I'd order it, then throw it away, unopened, right in front of my boss.
No one has the right to tell you what you put in your body other than you.
And you're not being frigid, OP. Hell, these are coworkers. Though I'm sure you enjoy getting Ali g with them, work isn't a "social setting" and you shouldn't be forced to "break bread" with anyone.
I have a coworker who is constantly bringing in good. DELICIOUS food. She's a great cook. The other day, she offered me some lasagna she'd made. I said no thanks, looks awesome, but I brought something. She kept on. "Don't you love me, don't you think I cook good?" I said yes, just let me know next time, and I'll bring in some garlic bread. Later, she put a piece in a plate, came up to me, and tried FEEDING it to me like a kid, saying one piece won't hurt. Needless to say, it was thrown away.
If they call you insubordinate or try to write you up for not eating what they seem, speak with HR. That is 100% discrimination. And forcing you to potentially kill yourself by only giving options with things you're allergic to? Deliberate indifference. .
Just. No.
No? That I should have allowed coworker to put unwanted food in my mouth? Or no, that people should eat what a company tells them to? Sorry, but it IS discrimination. What if, as I am overweight, I was told I couldn't order pizza? Or I shouldn't have brought in a dessert I had made? Would the tables be turned then?
I don't see what either of those situations has to do with this one.\
By all appearances, the boss thought the salad option would work for the employee. When it was discovered that it wouldn't and both options wouldn't work, the plan was changed. OP can now bring her own food. Nobody tried to kill OP, she was never in danger. Things were worked out because people talked it out like rational people.
Actions like you suggest -- throwing the food away, unopened, right in front of your boss -- are absolutely inappropriate for adults in the workplace. You may do those sorts of things at work, but most of us (I hope) don't.
BINGO!
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So where exactly is your line? What if it's a bi-weekly meeting and the only option is fried chicken, baked beans, and french fries? I know, I know. "I'll just work it in." But should you have to? Every week twice a week. Shouldn't you be able to stick to your goals without being forced to eat something you don't want?janejellyroll wrote: »HardcoreP0rk wrote: »Look at all the trail-blazin bad@sses out there giving the finger to corporate culture... never knew we had so many tough guys in the average office.
The amount of "You can't tell me what to do!" in this thread is ridiculous. You'd think we were talking about forcing people to change religion or inform on their parents, not pick at a salad for a routine work lunch.
A bi-weekly meeting with a fixed menu sounds a lot different than a one time recognition event where the employee is given the option of ordering a salad.
That said, if I was in that situation, I would talk to my boss and work it out like a reasonable person. I have been vegan for nine years and I've never once had to compromise my ethics at work. And I've done it without one instance of "Whatever, I'll do what I want!"
I think you might be fundamentally misunderstanding my point.
My point is that issues like this should be resolved through discussion and compromise (not one-sided submission, as you seem to think I am suggesting). I'm not saying people should be forced to eat anything. But sometimes when we have special goals or restrictions, we have to be creative and flexible. Things like hiring a lawyer, going to HR, throwing an unopened food container in the trash in front of the boss -- these are the things that I think are silly and counter-productive.0 -
It must be nice to live in a land of plenty...and throw perfectly good errr food anyway. in the garbage rather than simply say/ "no thank you" wow. smh.!!!!0
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Lol, and there are lots of office workers who can eat whatever is being ordered and be lean and fit too.Did someone actually say that we sometimes have to eat a "shi( sandwich" YOU MAY but I don't and wont'
Social situations at work the restaurants chosen, the food at pot lucks etc are operating from an antiquated systems...be brave enough to help that system fall to the way side. The majority of office workers are obese for a reason...be brave.
The OP is off the hook here due to allergies to the food so it's no longer an issue, but if the "be brave" stance gets taken and people at work then deem that person difficult to deal with on such a "simple" issue, it may make working with these individuals more difficult. Again, it's more a about a "team" bonding here and not personal preferences on food choices. Team aspects aren't about individuality.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Maybe I'm naïve, but I don't see how what I eat has anything to do with a "team" mentality. It's not like we'd all become bffs over the fact that we're eating the same crappy catered sandwiches lol.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »hollyrayburn wrote: »HardcoreP0rk wrote: »hollyrayburn wrote: »Were it me and was told I HAD to order something, I'd order it, then throw it away, unopened, right in front of my boss.
No one has the right to tell you what you put in your body other than you.
And you're not being frigid, OP. Hell, these are coworkers. Though I'm sure you enjoy getting Ali g with them, work isn't a "social setting" and you shouldn't be forced to "break bread" with anyone.
I have a coworker who is constantly bringing in good. DELICIOUS food. She's a great cook. The other day, she offered me some lasagna she'd made. I said no thanks, looks awesome, but I brought something. She kept on. "Don't you love me, don't you think I cook good?" I said yes, just let me know next time, and I'll bring in some garlic bread. Later, she put a piece in a plate, came up to me, and tried FEEDING it to me like a kid, saying one piece won't hurt. Needless to say, it was thrown away.
If they call you insubordinate or try to write you up for not eating what they seem, speak with HR. That is 100% discrimination. And forcing you to potentially kill yourself by only giving options with things you're allergic to? Deliberate indifference. .
Just. No.
No? That I should have allowed coworker to put unwanted food in my mouth? Or no, that people should eat what a company tells them to? Sorry, but it IS discrimination. What if, as I am overweight, I was told I couldn't order pizza? Or I shouldn't have brought in a dessert I had made? Would the tables be turned then?
I don't see what either of those situations has to do with this one.\
By all appearances, the boss thought the salad option would work for the employee. When it was discovered that it wouldn't and both options wouldn't work, the plan was changed. OP can now bring her own food. Nobody tried to kill OP, she was never in danger. Things were worked out because people talked it out like rational people.
Actions like you suggest -- throwing the food away, unopened, right in front of your boss -- are absolutely inappropriate for adults in the workplace. You may do those sorts of things at work, but most of us (I hope) don't.
I've been with my company for ten years, and luckily (with the exception of the one coworker), we all tend to have a healthy relationship. No one else tries to shove food down my throat, nor tells me to "just get a salad" if they order out, and I decline. If they were to get pissed at me for declining a meal or a "mandatory" celebration or whatnot, so be it. I am there to do a job, take care of folks, and then leave. Not be your friend. I rarely become a "spitball" (as my granny would have said lol) but something someone should never be able to tell someone else is what, if any, God they pray to, what medication/vaccination/etc is placed in your body, or what food you fuel your body with. It's their choice.0 -
corporate culture (politics) involve spinelessnes. smh0
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janejellyroll wrote: »hollyrayburn wrote: »HardcoreP0rk wrote: »hollyrayburn wrote: »Were it me and was told I HAD to order something, I'd order it, then throw it away, unopened, right in front of my boss.
No one has the right to tell you what you put in your body other than you.
And you're not being frigid, OP. Hell, these are coworkers. Though I'm sure you enjoy getting Ali g with them, work isn't a "social setting" and you shouldn't be forced to "break bread" with anyone.
I have a coworker who is constantly bringing in good. DELICIOUS food. She's a great cook. The other day, she offered me some lasagna she'd made. I said no thanks, looks awesome, but I brought something. She kept on. "Don't you love me, don't you think I cook good?" I said yes, just let me know next time, and I'll bring in some garlic bread. Later, she put a piece in a plate, came up to me, and tried FEEDING it to me like a kid, saying one piece won't hurt. Needless to say, it was thrown away.
If they call you insubordinate or try to write you up for not eating what they seem, speak with HR. That is 100% discrimination. And forcing you to potentially kill yourself by only giving options with things you're allergic to? Deliberate indifference. .
Just. No.
No? That I should have allowed coworker to put unwanted food in my mouth? Or no, that people should eat what a company tells them to? Sorry, but it IS discrimination. What if, as I am overweight, I was told I couldn't order pizza? Or I shouldn't have brought in a dessert I had made? Would the tables be turned then?
I don't see what either of those situations has to do with this one.\
By all appearances, the boss thought the salad option would work for the employee. When it was discovered that it wouldn't and both options wouldn't work, the plan was changed. OP can now bring her own food. Nobody tried to kill OP, she was never in danger. Things were worked out because people talked it out like rational people.
Actions like you suggest -- throwing the food away, unopened, right in front of your boss -- are absolutely inappropriate for adults in the workplace. You may do those sorts of things at work, but most of us (I hope) don't.
meh- if you make your plan/point/intentions quiet clear and the boss gives YOU he middle finger and says don't like it tough titties- guess what I'll happily throw unopened food away as a point of contention.
I firmly believe that's a reasonable reaction to being treated like a child instead of like an adult. These are not kids at your BBQ- these are professionals- that should be allowed to eat what they want.
I have no problem acting like a child if you treat me like one.0
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