Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

ythannah wrote: »

kellienw335 wrote: »

ythannah wrote: »

Italian_Buju wrote: »

Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....

That's horrible! But I can totally relate.

Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.

I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.

I. Am. Speechless. That is terrible, and I can't imagine a parent doing that. So sorry you had to go through that.

Thank you! By that age at least I realized their behaviour was abnormal. I remember lying to my friends about my reason for not telling my parents, saying "Oh, I can't, my dad would kill the guy!" because I had some inkling that the average father would be very protective of his daughter. The real reason was I didn't want to hear him accuse me of making it up because no man would ever want to touch me, which would have been more likely.

Talkradio wrote: »

ythannah wrote: »

Italian_Buju wrote: »

Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....

That's horrible! But I can totally relate.

Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.

I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.

That's terrible! You seem remarkably well put together for someone who has had to deal with such awful things.

That's an incredibly sweet thing to say. Probably the worst effect was coming out of that with an extremely skewed view of what love and caring was (and what I deserved), and picking romantic partners who didn't treat me very well. Now I'm a grateful member of Al-Anon and that program helped me when nothing else worked.

ladybuggnorris wrote: »

ythannah wrote: »

Italian_Buju wrote: »

Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....

That's horrible! But I can totally relate.

Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.

I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.

I would not say that my parents are uncaring...they would never make rude or hateful comments to me. But, I did learn a lot on how not to be a parent from them. I had my tonsils removed when I was six. My mom drove the 45 minutes to the hospital, stayed while they admitted me, did bloodwork, etc...then went home. She came and picked me up three days later. I do not remember a single time in my life where I was as scared as I was, waking up from that surgery and not knowing anyone.

I am sorry you experienced that.

I sadly have experienced this also. I was very sick as a child and spent a LOT of time in hospital. I had a kidney removed, and was in for a long time, I was very young, I barely remember anything, I was maybe 3, but I do remember that I was ALWAYS alone and scared.

When my son was three, he was in the hospital twice one winter with pneumonia, and both times I literally never left his side. I even had the nurses on the ward track me down a bottle of insulin when I ran out. I slept in the hospital bed with him, and did not even go to work or anything. I did not want him to be there alone because of how often that happened to me.

On kind of a funny note, but it also tells how often I was in hospital as a kid, some of the senior nurses on the pediatric ward remembered me when my son was there. I was sleeping in the bed with him one night and all of a sudden felt something in my ear. The nurse had come in for middle of the night temperature and did mine instead of his! She forgot I was not the patient, we laughed about that for literally days!

Talkradio wrote: »

These last few days of being sad have been pretty revealing about my unhealthy relationship with food... I just want to eat until I don't feel anything but full. The lifelong habit of medicating with food is lurking around me. I didn't log the last couple of days, and I know I probably ate over maintenance, but I'm happy that I managed to avoid sitting on the couch and eating bags (plural...) of chips and cookies.

Back on track today. Even if everything else is haywire, I am going to be kind to myself and not eat until I feel sick.

This is something I am currently going through myself. My MIL is very ill and it looks like they may not be able to do anything for her. I am close to her as I lost my own mom when I was 26. So I am somewhat self medicating with food and trying to stop myself from doing that at the same time. I didn't log at all yesterday, but I am trying to do better today and deal with the emotions another.

Italian_Buju wrote: »

ythannah wrote: »

Italian_Buju wrote: »

Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....

That's horrible! But I can totally relate.

Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.

I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.

I can relate to that because my mother did that to me! I was about 13 and was vomiting all day and in a lot of pain. A friend had slept over the night before, and by morning when she was leaving I headed over to the ER. My mother checked me in, and then left. I spent hours and hours in an ER room, puking my brains out and passing out over and over. The surgeon said I needed my appendix out, but they could not find my parents to sign the surgery consent. This was the mid 80's so before cell phones etc. My friend that had slept over stopped in with her mom that evening because they had been calling the house and could not get anyone so they came to the ER to see if I was still there. I vaguely remember seeing them between passing out. My friend's mother lost her mind when she realized I was there alone and that they hospital could not find my parents. She actually went out and hunted them down on her own. They were out at a restaurant having dinner. My father had come home from work, and my mother did not even tell him I was at the hospital or anything. I remember the DR reaming her out, and her excuse was that she was diabetic and needed dinner. REALLY? Grab a sandwich, wtf. Not only that, but she was gone for hours and hours before that.

Because they had to wait so long, my appendix burst while they were taking it out, I ended up in hospital for three weeks with a nasty infection and my scar is HUGE! My mother was a complete asshat. That is one of the lesser things she did to me......

This makes me sad beyond belief. I am the first to say that being a parent is the hardest job there is, but I cannot believe the terrible things you and so many others have endured.

I still beat myself up regularly for all the ways I feel like I've failed my children. Whenever they have an issue or a problem I immediately think about what I could've done differently or should have not done or said, but they DO know I love them and I'm their biggest fan in spite of my faults and shortcomings. I cannot comprehend the way some parents treat their own children. That's where my ranting about "don't have kids unless you really want to!" comes to play. Some people are not meant to be parents, but they don't think it out ahead of time.

Pattie74 wrote: »

This morning I was up a pound for some strange reason. It depressed me and instead of dealing with it properly, I had a donut. Now I feel even worse

Pattie74, it will hopefully help you feel better if/when/after you take a look at the following thread (and especially the OP's charts and associated comments regarding 'stalls' and 'spikes') --

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10152741/i-hit-goal-today-after-27-months

I cannot help considering the OP's posts in that thread among the most important I've seen on MFP...

Note that among the OP's comments = "Those spikes are why I am a huge fan of daily weighing and learning about the fluctuations rather than letting them upset you."


I don't weigh daily (or, at times, intradaily) for the purpose of 'recording' -- I do so for the purpose of taking a quick 'snapshot' (mentally), and forcing myself to see the fluctuations... and noticing how widely they can vary, on any given day (and they do so for any of several possible reasons (the most plausible of which can make a 'fleeting' appearance in my mind, before I simply 'get back to my day'))... and as the aforementioned OP shows, via charts, and especially when highlighting a specific 'what if' (in terms of what one could errantly conclude, if one happened to record weight on days that represented 'spikes'), I don't take any particular 'up' or 'down' as being some sort of new 'set point' -- weight can and does fluctuate daily (and 'intradaily'), and for several reasons...

...weight is dynamic, not static...

...what I mentally 'take note of', over time, is the approximate 'midpoint' of those fluctuating 'ups' and 'downs' -- i.e. what number my weight fluctuates up and down 'around'... *that* number, and as it changes over time, is what I grant "it" status to (so to speak)...

ythannah wrote: »

I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.

I am so sorry you went through that and had to do it alone. Sexual abuse is extremely damaging and taxing on the mind. I was very lucky that my mother was very progressive and neither of my parents ever placed blame on anyone but the men. Sadly I had two instances of sexual abuse and have been able to mostly get over them with support from those close around me. I hope you came out without much hurt.

BZAH10 wrote: »

lemurcat12 wrote: »

Lois_1989 wrote: »

spamarie wrote: »

I'm nowhere near my goal weight, but I am officially in maintenance now. The eagle-eyed among you will know why (I posted about my motivation many pages back). I'm on cloud 9.

I'm taking a guess here, but I think congratulations are in order? and no more alcohol? or... nuts? or egg whites. I trying to think of others but having not been there, I don't know. YAY!

Oh, I totally had the hint fly over my head and I even recall the earlier post now that it's made obvious.

Great news!

I'm not figuring it out yet, unfortunately. Any other clues anyone can give? Or approx. what page the previous post was on? I've read the whole thread, but sometimes my retention is lacking due to multitasking.

Hint: Impending family expansion going on.

dearmrsowl wrote: »

I really want to get a slow cooker or crock pot but it would scare the heck out of me to leave it on for a couple of hours while I'm not in the house. I'd be too afraid that the thing might catch on fire and burn the whole house down. I'm also kind of obsessive over checking if the stove is off at night and if all doors are locked. Once I walked 30 minutes (after already being at the library to study) just to check if I really locked the door to the community center I have the key for because I couldn't remember if I did or not.

I have the same slow cooker fear. Like how can you leave a burning fire in your house without someone there to keep an eye on it?

ladybuggnorris wrote: »

ythannah wrote: »

Italian_Buju wrote: »

Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....

That's horrible! But I can totally relate.

Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.

I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.

I would not say that my parents are uncaring...they would never make rude or hateful comments to me. But, I did learn a lot on how not to be a parent from them. I had my tonsils removed when I was six. My mom drove the 45 minutes to the hospital, stayed while they admitted me, did bloodwork, etc...then went home. She came and picked me up three days later. I do not remember a single time in my life where I was as scared as I was, waking up from that surgery and not knowing anyone.

You were six! I'm so sorry!

Oh wow I can't believe that so many of you had such irresponsible/horrible parents. I'm so sorry. Mine are/were definitely not the best parents but my problems with them seem pretty small compared to yours.

I think the worst was my mom beating me when I was 10 because I wanted to stop playing the piano (those lessons totally ruined my life, seriously, I hated it, I left in tears every single week because I hated practicing when there were people home, and I still don't understand why she beat me up over it, drawing blood with her nails etc), and my dad looking at me when I was 17 during dinner and saying 'wow, your teeth are ugly' (well, not anymore, I shelled out the $3000 last year to get them fixed, as they didn't think it was important enough to do when I was a teenager).

I admit I'm jealous sometimes when I see the fantastic relationships that some people have with their parents (my father died 13 years ago, my mom comes to visit 3x a year and it's always very stressful and ends up in screaming fests, but I guess I put up with it for my kids). But you all reminded me that there's worse.

@spamarie Congratulations!!!

About falling out of love... Let's just say I wish I was one of those couples who still love each other so much when they are old... but I don't see that happening. It's been 12 years... we've changed. The kids have changed us. I don't really want to elaborate but it's just not the same at all anymore.

Italian_Buju wrote: »

ladybuggnorris wrote: »

ythannah wrote: »

Italian_Buju wrote: »

Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....

That's horrible! But I can totally relate.

Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.

I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.

I would not say that my parents are uncaring...they would never make rude or hateful comments to me. But, I did learn a lot on how not to be a parent from them. I had my tonsils removed when I was six. My mom drove the 45 minutes to the hospital, stayed while they admitted me, did bloodwork, etc...then went home. She came and picked me up three days later. I do not remember a single time in my life where I was as scared as I was, waking up from that surgery and not knowing anyone.

I am sorry you experienced that.

I sadly have experienced this also. I was very sick as a child and spent a LOT of time in hospital. I had a kidney removed, and was in for a long time, I was very young, I barely remember anything, I was maybe 3, but I do remember that I was ALWAYS alone and scared.

When my son was three, he was in the hospital twice one winter with pneumonia, and both times I literally never left his side. I even had the nurses on the ward track me down a bottle of insulin when I ran out. I slept in the hospital bed with him, and did not even go to work or anything. I did not want him to be there alone because of how often that happened to me.

On kind of a funny note, but it also tells how often I was in hospital as a kid, some of the senior nurses on the pediatric ward remembered me when my son was there. I was sleeping in the bed with him one night and all of a sudden felt something in my ear. The nurse had come in for middle of the night temperature and did mine instead of his! She forgot I was not the patient, we laughed about that for literally days!

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. You sound like you are a wonderful, caring mom!

Some positive vibes here. I have the best mom anyone could ever ask for. I learned so much from her about how to be kind a decent human being. She raised 5 daughters by herself (at least for most of the time) and we always had other kids at our house who weren't as fortunate as we were, who didn't get warm, filling meals on a daily basis, who didn't have clean, fitting clothes even though we were on a really tight budget ourselves. Everyone was always able to come back home whenever we needed to. When I moved to the states for a year and things didn't go as planned she stayed up way past her bed time to skype with me and already had a plan to get me back home. She helps wherever she can. Right now my uncle has lung fibrosis in a very late stage. No one knows how long he's still gonna be with us. He was an **** for so many years, being mean to almost everybody in our family so all of us had little to no contact. Now that he can't do anything by himself anymore my mom stays with him, sleeps on his couch, washes him while still working part time and babysitting my nephews and niece at least once a week. I never feel like I can quiet give back what she did and still does for us. I live at home again so the only thing I really can do to support her is make sure that the house is clean and make sure everything is alright when she gets home (I don't even know when that will be). I am proud of my mom for everything she does.

Italian_Buju wrote: »

ladybuggnorris wrote: »

ythannah wrote: »

Italian_Buju wrote: »

Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....

That's horrible! But I can totally relate.

Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.

I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.

I would not say that my parents are uncaring...they would never make rude or hateful comments to me. But, I did learn a lot on how not to be a parent from them. I had my tonsils removed when I was six. My mom drove the 45 minutes to the hospital, stayed while they admitted me, did bloodwork, etc...then went home. She came and picked me up three days later. I do not remember a single time in my life where I was as scared as I was, waking up from that surgery and not knowing anyone.

I am sorry you experienced that.

I sadly have experienced this also. I was very sick as a child and spent a LOT of time in hospital. I had a kidney removed, and was in for a long time, I was very young, I barely remember anything, I was maybe 3, but I do remember that I was ALWAYS alone and scared.

When my son was three, he was in the hospital twice one winter with pneumonia, and both times I literally never left his side. I even had the nurses on the ward track me down a bottle of insulin when I ran out. I slept in the hospital bed with him, and did not even go to work or anything. I did not want him to be there alone because of how often that happened to me.

On kind of a funny note, but it also tells how often I was in hospital as a kid, some of the senior nurses on the pediatric ward remembered me when my son was there. I was sleeping in the bed with him one night and all of a sudden felt something in my ear. The nurse had come in for middle of the night temperature and did mine instead of his! She forgot I was not the patient, we laughed about that for literally days!

At least these experiences have made us better parents! When my daughter was in the hospital for three weeks, with a nasty infection (she was 2), the longest we left her alone was for the switch-up (me to drive home and my husband to drive back). This took about 15 minutes and we were very careful to do it while she was sleeping, so she never knew we left. The reason this was necessary is that we had three other kids at home that were not old enough to be alone...and they also needed Mom time.

JPW1990 wrote: »

AlciaMode wrote: »

dearmrsowl wrote: »

I really want to get a slow cooker or crock pot but it would scare the heck out of me to leave it on for a couple of hours while I'm not in the house. I'd be too afraid that the thing might catch on fire and burn the whole house down. I'm also kind of obsessive over checking if the stove is off at night and if all doors are locked. Once I walked 30 minutes (after already being at the library to study) just to check if I really locked the door to the community center I have the key for because I couldn't remember if I did or not.

I have the same slow cooker fear. Like how can you leave a burning fire in your house without someone there to keep an eye on it?

Not nearly an issue now as it used to be. They changed the regulations for them to prevent burns a few years ago, so any made in the last 5-10 years (forget which year) don't get all that hot at all. IMO, that's actually a problem, because the new ones don't actually get hot enough to cook things like they used to, meaning where it used to be ok to put frozen chicken in and be assured it would get to a safe temp, now you can't guarantee it unless you check with a thermometer.

I know that they are safe, otherwise they would never be able to sell them. I also know that the fear of it going up in flames is irrational and my head / mind is to blame for it. But still. I know that our stove top doesn't get hot unless there is the right pots and pans on it (it's an induction stove top). Still doesn't stop me from checking if it's cold before I leave the house or go to bed.