"Asking if I've lost weight isn't a compliment"

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Replies

  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    Discussing my weight at all is not acceptable. It is a horribly rude topic and I'd rather be punched in the face then discuss my weight with random people with no social skills who think it is an acceptable topic.
  • professionalHobbyist
    professionalHobbyist Posts: 1,316 Member
    I am not sure how to feel about that article.

    On one hand some people are super sensitive and that gets annoying when whatever it is for them is worn like a cross they are nailed to.

    But then again I hear that weight loss comment myself all the time. I have lost over 125 lbs. and at the gym it is every other day.

    But I don't ever say it to women unless they are at the gym and I know they are working on it. I encourage my friends and they seem to enjoy their hard work is paying off.

    But outside of the gym...

    There are so many women sensitive about so many things it is just easier to say nothing more than hello instead of negotiating the minefield of socially taboo topics for her in particular.

    I don't mind being asked. But outside of gym buddies I leave that topic alone.
  • Jaedynmoon
    Jaedynmoon Posts: 280 Member
    My family is always saying I'm too skinny. That's when I flex in their face and say skinny can't have muscles. You just have to find a way to make the uncomfortable question turn into a weird situation. At least it works for me :) In regards to your question, I think it's just a topic starter that people say when they don't really know what else to say.
  • DeguelloTex
    DeguelloTex Posts: 6,652 Member
    Boo fricking hoo.

    "I like your new hairstyle." "Why did you remind me of my old, terrible one?!!?!?!"

    What a way to go through life.
  • strong_curves
    strong_curves Posts: 2,229 Member
    It's a double edged sword. I've seen people complain that no one said anything about their weight loss just as much as I've seen people get upset because someone asked if they have lost some weight. I actually had a co-worker get upset with me because I didn't say anything about the weight she lost. I just don't say anything and even if they do mention it I still don't say anything. It's a potential mine field all around.
  • momasox
    momasox Posts: 158 Member
    I can't wait for someone to ask if I have lost weight. Seems like a great compliment to me.
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    momasox wrote: »
    I can't wait for someone to ask if I have lost weight. Seems like a great compliment to me.

    Definitely! I would take it as a compliment.
    On the same token, I wouldn't be offended if someone asked me if I'd gained weight either. Often times other people notice before we do..

  • vivmom2014
    vivmom2014 Posts: 1,649 Member
    I've remarked to someone who lost a lot of weight, "You're shrinking!" I mean, to say nothing about it? It's a hard won accomplishment and to ignore it completely (particularly if you haven't seen the person for a while) seems disingenuous at best. It wasn't that this person had been ill; I think you can tell if someone looks sickly. She was thrilled to say, "Yes! I've lost 43 pounds!"
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
    People need to just get over themselves. People can be tactless but others may just not know how to say it. A simple, "you look great" would suffice and that's typically what I stick with.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    I'm not going to click on it. I'm just going to agree with @christinev297.
  • SkinnyCat39
    SkinnyCat39 Posts: 122 Member
    Yes I agree with Christinev297 also.
  • mdjones325
    mdjones325 Posts: 3 Member
    The whole article borderlines on "fat acceptance." Get over yourself already.
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
    TL;DR. People need to get over themselves. I didn't get offended when a much older lady I know said that I had lost more than enough weight already and didn't need to lose any more. I laughed and said I had 20 more pounds to go.
  • zdyb23456
    zdyb23456 Posts: 1,706 Member
    I'd take it as a compliment because I feel like I've been working hard to lose weight. I've lost 8 pounds and no one has noticed...

    Although, I was a bit taken back when my step-mom's mom... so does that make her my step-grandmother? Anyway, she hadn't seen me since the birth of my second baby, I had another baby who was 18 months at the time when I saw her and she said to my face "wow, you stayed thin!" It wasn't the thin comment that bothered me, it was the sheer surprise in her face/voice. Like I was doomed to be overweight because I had 3 kids? Or that she didn't think I could lose the baby weight a third time? But it sure seemed like she expected me to be fat.
  • Laurend224
    Laurend224 Posts: 1,748 Member
    I always take it as a compliment. That article was really whiney.
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  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,349 Member
    edited July 2015
    I don't mind when someone asks me if I've lost weight and they mean it as a compliment, because I'm trying to lose weight and so it is confirmation that I'm achieving my goals. I do get how someone who is NOT trying to lose weight would get frustrated by getting "have you lost weight?" instead of "you look great!" because it does imply that to look better, they need to lose weight.

    Real life example - my young-teen stepdaughter is very sensitive about her weight, she's at 'that stage'. Her grandma would often say "You've lost weight, you look lovely!" and I've had my husband interceede with his mum to ask her to stop that, because I think it says to the kid that to look good, she needs to lose weight.
  • lindathom209
    lindathom209 Posts: 19 Member
    I am completely against fat shaming but this is just stupid. If someone isn't intentionally trying to be rude, there is no reason to make them feel like *kitten* when they were just trying to give you a compliment.
  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
    I always laugh when people I haven't seen in awhile ask me "have you lost weight?" Uh, yeah, I've lost 125+ pounds, it's kind of noticeable. Last time it happened I told them "maybe a pound or two, thanks for noticing!"
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    Seriously, if someone gets offended by something like this, then how do they get through everyday life??
    All I can say is- Toughen up Buttercup!
  • PeachyCarol
    PeachyCarol Posts: 8,029 Member
    Everyone wants the world to revolve around them, and be sensitive to their feels and it's getting tiring. The undertones of the HAES movement in the piece didn't sit well with me either.

    I get that it's a blow to your feelings when someone says something like that to you and you haven't put in the effort.

    So, those of us, who have put in the effort, need to have our hard work and dedication to our health go unacknowledged (because that would be the outcome of this kinder, gentler world) to spare some feelings?

    Life's not fair. People say things you're not going to like. We didn't come out of the womb wrapped in cotton wool. There is nothing wrong with empathy and consideration, but that goes both ways. There has to be the consideration in assuming that someone who says something you find hurtful MEANT WELL, because generally? Most people do.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    I don't need to read the article to know that it is rude to make someone else's body your topic of conversation.

    Imagine prefacing it. Imagine saying to a coworker, "Hey, I'd like to talk about your body." Nobody would do that, so why just start doing it?
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  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    edited July 2015
    I see no issue with it...

    I actually had to owner of the company I work for stop in the middle of the catwalk at work and follow me to my office after he saw me for the first time in about 1 year...(older guy totally innocent) and he said he was just amazed and want to let me know that he noticed such a big difference and asked me how I did it..

    Was I offended...absolutely not. I blushed and told him how and he said "keep up the good work"

    He wasn't being rude...and discussing my weight loss is not discussing my body, he didn't comment that my legs looked smaller or my butt looked higher...It is weight loss and noticing that I am on a healthier path than I have been for 20 years...I was flattered and grateful.

    I think if people are offended by it then they need to get over themselves as they are the ones who are encouraging all this crap in our lives where no one can say anything to anybody for fear of "offending" someone...even Merry Christmas is scrutinized now...happy holidays my butt.

  • MoiAussi93
    MoiAussi93 Posts: 1,948 Member
    Some people are ridiculously thin skinned and try their best to be offended when no offense was intended. The article was very whiny. Seriously, if someone offers a compliment (and asking an overweight person if they lost weight is generally meant in a positive way), just accept it graciously. It really isn't that hard.
  • faithyang
    faithyang Posts: 297 Member
    I don't have a problem with it - I think it really depends on the intention of the words being said and the person's frame of mind.
    With a negative/insecure frame of mind you can literally feel like to smash someone in the face even if they commented on something completely unrelated like the weather because you've projected your insecurities into the sentence/comment.

    If the person's intention is to hurt through a comment that sounds like roses - it is malicious because its intentions are insincere and they are projecting on you.

    But these things are really used to compliment you because people assume most women (it is usually 90% true anyway) are constantly watching their weights and waist lines. By product of our shallow image-conscious society.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    edited July 2015
    christinev297 wrote: »
    Seriously, if someone gets offended by something like this, then how do they get through everyday life??

    TBH, I'm not completely convinced they do....
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    SezxyStef wrote: »

    I think if people are offended by it then they need to get over themselves as they are the ones who are encouraging all this crap in our lives where no one can say anything to anybody for fear of "offending" someone...even Merry Christmas is scrutinized now...happy holidays my butt.

    Grrrrrrrrr the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up! It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one :#

  • afatpersonwholikesfood
    afatpersonwholikesfood Posts: 577 Member
    I don't mind being asked if I have lost weight, but I agree with the spirit of the article.
  • macgurlnet
    macgurlnet Posts: 1,946 Member
    edited July 2015
    christinev297 wrote: »
    momasox wrote: »
    I can't wait for someone to ask if I have lost weight. Seems like a great compliment to me.

    Definitely! I would take it as a compliment.
    On the same token, I wouldn't be offended if someone asked me if I'd gained weight either. Often times other people notice before we do..

    This is me.

    I may take offense to HOW the person expresses themselves but the observation itself is whatever.

    Someone coming up to me and saying "Wow you look like an anorexic twig" would not be okay. Saying "Hey, have you lost weight?" is whatever, even if it's from someone I don't know very well.

    I have better things to get upset about.

    ETA:
    christinev297 wrote: »
    SezxyStef wrote: »

    I think if people are offended by it then they need to get over themselves as they are the ones who are encouraging all this crap in our lives where no one can say anything to anybody for fear of "offending" someone...even Merry Christmas is scrutinized now...happy holidays my butt.

    Grrrrrrrrr the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up! It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one :#

    omg me too!!!

    Honestly if you don't celebrate Christmas, fine. Wish me a happy something else in return or just ignore what I've said!

    ~Lyssa
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