"Asking if I've lost weight isn't a compliment"

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  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    I do think what's getting lost a bit here is that the article was by someone who hasn't, and isn't trying to, lose weight. I like it when people notice I lose weight. But I'm trying to, and have.
  • dramaqueen45
    dramaqueen45 Posts: 1,009 Member
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    Oh I definitely don't mind people asking me how old I am- I have always looked younger than my age so I usually get complimented on that. I hated it when I was 17 and I looked like I was 12 though- that was horrible!!
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
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    I've never once been asked how much I weigh.
    I did have an acquaintance who I hadn't Seen in 2 years, ask me if I had cancer the other week!
    I'd only lost 10ish kgs (20lbs)
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
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    I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......

    i was like wtf is happening...
  • GiGiBeans
    GiGiBeans Posts: 1,062 Member
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    Rather than pick apart every little thing someone says to me I tend to look at intent. There are times I've heard "Have you lost weight? You look great." and times I've heard "You lost weight. Are you ok?" and neither has offended me - because the person asking meant well.

  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    christinev297 wrote: »
    I've never once been asked how much I weigh.
    I did have an acquaintance who I hadn't Seen in 2 years, ask me if I had cancer the other week!
    I'd only lost 10ish kgs (20lbs)

    Okay seriously, that's rude!
  • barbecuesauce
    barbecuesauce Posts: 1,779 Member
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    salembambi wrote: »
    I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......

    i was like wtf is happening...

    That's actually batsh%t crazy. 150 pounds is enough to render some people unrecognizable, and is certainly not easily ignored. I'd break my own rule of not making unsolicited remarks on others' bodies for that kind of loss.
  • PaulaWallaDingDong
    PaulaWallaDingDong Posts: 4,641 Member
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    salembambi wrote: »
    I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......

    i was like wtf is happening...

    My family doesn't say a word about it either. Maybe they're so used to not commenting on my obesity that they're afraid to say anything about my weight loss as well.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    barbecuesauce wrote: »
    salembambi wrote: »
    I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......

    i was like wtf is happening...

    That's actually batsh%t crazy. 150 pounds is enough to render some people unrecognizable, and is certainly not easily ignored. I'd break my own rule of not making unsolicited remarks on others' bodies for that kind of loss.

    Yup, especially with family.
  • ncboiler89
    ncboiler89 Posts: 2,408 Member
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    lindathom209 wrote: »
    I am completely against fat shaming but this is just stupid. If someone isn't intentionally trying to be rude, there is no reason to make them feel like *kitten* when they were just trying to give you a compliment.
    christinev297 wrote: »
    Seriously, if someone gets offended by something like this, then how do they get through everyday life??
    All I can say is- Toughen up Buttercup!

    Why is this thread five pages long when these two answers are all that are needed?
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    salembambi wrote: »
    I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......

    i was like wtf is happening...

    Okay wow, that's absolutely incredible! WTG! Just trade the family part in :smiley:
  • psych101
    psych101 Posts: 1,842 Member
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    salembambi wrote: »
    I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......

    i was like wtf is happening...


    maybe they didn't know who you were, and just kept thinking you were a friend that came with another family member haha

    That's the only reason I can think of for this!!

    Mind you, I've lost 120lbs and some people in my life have never said a single thing....
  • crys_todd
    crys_todd Posts: 41 Member
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    My MIL always greets me with "You are losing weight!" I've been with my husband 10 years and she always has. Even when I was rapidly gaining her greeting was, "You're losing weight!" No. No, I've actually gained weight. "Well you look lovely!"
    I never got offended because she was genuinely being kind but it is sad to me that she thinks that losing weight is the only complimentary thing to say about someone.
  • bpetrosky
    bpetrosky Posts: 3,911 Member
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    When I had dropped 60 lbs a couple years back, I had a TSA agent tell me at screening that she wasn't sure she would let me through because I looked too different from my ID photo. I guess it was a complement.
  • barbecuesauce
    barbecuesauce Posts: 1,779 Member
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    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    barbecuesauce wrote: »
    salembambi wrote: »
    I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......

    i was like wtf is happening...

    That's actually batsh%t crazy. 150 pounds is enough to render some people unrecognizable, and is certainly not easily ignored. I'd break my own rule of not making unsolicited remarks on others' bodies for that kind of loss.

    Yup, especially with family.

    Thinking a little more about it, it actually reminds me of a cousin of mine who had two breast implant surgeries in a year (surgeons don't perform massive increases at once, I think). Only the twentysomething cousins knew she'd had them, none of the "grownups." When she showed up, absolutely nothing was said. (There was no missing the change--she went from mosquito bites to looking like she had been drawn by a 13-year-old boy.) But I was hanging out with all of the elderly relatives and they would start up as soon as she left the room. At one point, she must have known she was being discussed or something because she came back in. Topic changed. She leaves. Back on her enhancement. This repeated a couple of times.

    It's a weird dynamic in both cases but I guess that's family for you.
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
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    From some of the latest replies here, it seems a lot of people are terrified of offending someone, so they just say nothing at all :disappointed:
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    ManiacalLaugh wrote: »
    I realize the author wasn't really trying to lose weight, and therefore, this might not mean the same to them, but it's still a remark intended on showing that person that "Hey, I can really tell that you're putting effort into trying to improve yourself." If they were trying to insult, there are a lot of other things they could've said. I've heard just about all of them.
    The reason behind her objection is that she (supposedly) believes being less fat is not an improvement.
  • Livgetfit
    Livgetfit Posts: 352 Member
    edited July 2015
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    OP here. Strange sequence of events.

    - Doing morning perusing of articles thinks to self "hmmm, I wonder what my MFP folks will make of this"
    - Post article on the social commentary people face during body changes
    - Begin work, forget about post
    - Come back to MFP to log lunch
    - Remember post
    - Read through replies
    - Think "must have clicked on wrong link, this is clearly something else"
    - Hit back
    - Nope, conversation has definitely spiraled, bizarrely, into an entirely different debate
    - Shakes head, laughs aloud in office to my computer in a conspiratorial way
    - Colleagues think I'm strange
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    Several years ago I was asked if I had lost weight and I had not. I concluded that the outfit I was wearing was awesome on me and always felt pretty good wearing it after that. In no way did I get offended nor would I be if someone asked that question. If I lost weight because of a medical issue that the person didn't know about why would I get mad?
    It is all just dumb small talk that people seem set on getting offended by. I don't feel that is a happy way to live.
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
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    Livgetfit wrote: »
    OP here. Strange sequence of events.

    - Doing morning perusing of articles thinks to self "hmmm, I wonder what my MFP folks will make of this"
    - Post article on the social commentary people face during body changes
    - Begin work, forget about post
    - Come back to MFP to log lunch
    - Remember post
    - Read through replies
    - Think "must have clicked on wrong link, this is clearly something else"
    - Hit back
    - Nope, conversation has definitely spiraled, bizarrely, into an entirely different debate
    - Shakes head, laughs aloud in office to my computer in a conspiratorial way
    - Colleagues think I'm strange

    Welcome to MFP.

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