Why request friends if you're not going to interact?
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Agreed I read and like just about every post, I'm her to motivate and be motivated. I'm thankful to find a community that's into fitness as much as I am. #fitfam add me, I accept all. #Motivation
Ps people keep asking me if I'm a fake account
My IG is @domlnlc
Hope to follow your fitness journey!
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i guess only the people who do this can truly answer but it could be.
1. they are friend collectors and then have too many too manage
2. could be the lurker thing people mentioned before
3. Started off with good intentions then lost interest
4. They just dont want to comment as dont think its necessary
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47Jacqueline wrote: »I maintain about 20 or so friends, do not accept friend requests from people with over 50 friends (and then monitor response rate), only accept friend requests accompanied by a message or relevant comment in the request, open diaries only and reasonable profile picture, don't accept requests from men.
I've been on this website (or the app) every day for the past 3+ years. I'm maintaining and my friends are either maintaining or working hard at changing their relationship with food and fitness. Sometimes my newsfeed is very quiet and sometimes not. Someone usually acknowledges a significant number on my streak, but I simply am showing up each day for my own reasons.
Each person has a reason for being here. We are not responsible for anyone.
I agree with this.
Its been great having this site, and my friend list but at the end of the day i am in this on my own.0 -
I agree with the OP 100%. That's why I don't "collect" friends and only add people whom I have something in common with. I don't need nor expect everyone to like or comment on every status...that's just ridiculous, but I do expect to at least notice the person from time to time.0
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I don't normally send out requests, but I take them and I'm not too concerned how interactive others may be with me.
There's a lot of reasons people may friend someone and not be super interactive. Maybe they've read things posted on the forums and agreed with the post; or they have a similar weight loss/gain goal; could be they have similar eating habits or dietary restrictions and want to access your diary or recipes; friending would be an easy way to keep tabs for anything like that.
I could definitely see how all the 'xxxx lost lbs since whenever' or 'xxxx logged for 250 days', et al moving through their home page could be inspiring; if you constantly see you are not alone and there's success all around you that could help to keep you afloat.
Personally, I am my own light in the darkness, but if others want to use my light to make theirs brighter they are welcome to do that in whatever way it helps and I need no acknowledgement from them. As long as they log in, what they do/don't do beyond that is their struggle; even if it's something as simple as just having 900 friends that keeps them coming back, I'm glad my salad eating cat could help.
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I am referring to showing support when a diary is logged or exercise is logged or when your login streak updates. There's nothing to agree with about that. If you don't care about those things, then why have friends on mfp?
Well the streak increases every 5 days. Over the course of a year, that's 73 times. For some people (I'll use me as an example), have logged for a long time. I've been logging for 875 days. I can understand it being novel seeing triple digits to newer friends/members and whatnot, but as time goes on, it's like "Yeah, you've been here a long time, cool. I don't need to "like" it every 5 days now though. With my own streak, that's 175 times a friend could have potentially liked. That's alot. I certainly don't expect a like that many times. Maaaaybe on large round numbers (like 365, which would be a 1 year anniversary, I'd hope would be noticeable and celebrated).
As for exercise, same thing. For me, I only like them when there's a particularly interesting workout or an increase in weights on a progressive load type deal.
Same for diaries. I typically don't even look at them unless I'm trying to get meal ideas. Or if I see something that looks ridiculously yummy I might comment. But I'm not going to "like" it everytime someone closes their diary.
This is just my own experience though.
This is exactly my approach and probably why we are friends!
I'm nearing my 1000th day logging. I don't expect atta girls for continuing to do the things that have just become part of my daily life. I log in, exercise, and close out my diary daily. I don't need/expect external encouragement to keep doing those things. It's fine if people do like my updates but I don't expect it. Similarly I rarely "like" other people's updates that I feel are just part of their routine. If someone is starting Couch To 5K or a new strength training program I will definitely encourage them while they are getting going but if this is something they do daily then I don't think I need to give them a gold star for every status update.
I prefer to comment and kid around with people on my FL on actual updates about their lives, or to interact in groups.
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I rarely read my FL
I rarely interact on there..I also don't look at friend requests tbh
I don't actually need people saying woot cos I've hit the gym and assume others don't need the same..I don't see it as supportive just a reflex social conditioning
I think this is a cultural thing tbh, it's very american to like a "you go girl", other cultures are far more self-sufficient and don't actually even like that as a type of "support"...I actually see it as a social convention peculiar to certain cultures with no deep resonant meaning.
If someone posts something of interest, or funny, and I happen to be around I may add to the conversation for entertainment
I find this differentiation, and the lack of appreciation for other cultural norms, interesting (generic not specific comment)
I'm not sure if wanting comments or "woot" on your feed is cultural... Definitely not just an American thing. As I have and know tons of people that don't care for it. In addition, the friends that were not supportive and have not been are American. However, outside of that point, I want to elaborate.
I do not need the encouragement. Especially at this point when I've reached my goals. My main curiosity is why have friends if you don't interact. Support comes in all forms on here. I have friends that just send PMs occasionally. I have friends that I'm friends with and interact with on other forms of social media. I have friends that just pop up to say hey on my feed every now and again. I have some that just post funny things to keep others entertained.
I have enough friends on here. I don't want anymore. I just am/was perplexed by those that seek me or others out just to sit on my FL and I never interact with them. If I'm posting fitness related stuff and you never say anything, what's the point? If I post about sports or my life and you never say anything, what is the point? If you never respond when I'm cheering you on, what is the point? I delete these people but I just wish I didn't waste my time adding them if they are going to be silent.0 -
I personally don't have the time to comment daily. I do when I can, and am genuinely interested in and supportive of my friends, but I work full time, am a mommy to a 5 year old, and hit the gym hard 5-6 days a week.0
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I definitely understand that my success was not and is not dependent on others from this site. This is my life so I have to be accountable for it. Again, don't need their words to move forward. My question was only what's the point if you're not interactive or silent. Kidding around on others page is fine. That's interaction.
I don't think it's fair to imply that because some find it perplexing to send a friend request and never interact with you that you're dependent.0 -
I really hope that's not what you got from my post; I just meant if others friend me but stay silent I assume they feel they get something from it so best of luck to them.
If that came off as judgey I apologise, I truly wasn't trying to imply anything like dependency on responses.0 -
RoseTheWarrior wrote: »I agree with the OP. I now have 98 friends - only maybe 3 of which I sent the request - yet maybe 10-15 are actively interacting with me. I log daily and I like and comment and interact with everyone who posts. So where are the other 85 people??? Why friend a person if you're not trying to support and encourage them? It shouldn't be a one way street, IMHO.
Haha exactly. I get that. YOU (in general, not really you) requested me, so why aren't we interacting in some capacity? Nice of you to keep them around even though you're not getting anything out of the "friendship." I'm sure some of them are shy but not all of them.
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I really hope that's not what you got from my post; I just meant if others friend me but stay silent I assume they feel they get something from it so best of luck to them.
If that came off as judgey I apologise, I truly wasn't trying to imply anything like dependency on responses.
No no no. I honestly don't remember who's post I was responding to so I did not quote or @ anyone. Thank you for your posts. I appreciate all of them.
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I really hope that's not what you got from my post; I just meant if others friend me but stay silent I assume they feel they get something from it so best of luck to them.
If that came off as judgey I apologise, I truly wasn't trying to imply anything like dependency on responses.
No no no. I honestly don't remember who's post I was responding to so I did not quote or @ anyone. Thank you for your posts. I appreciate all of them.
Awesome 0 -
If I see you across my news feed then I will comment or like. But I don't go looking at all my friends unless I haven't seen them across my news feed in awhile and we are close friends enough for me to care.
And that's enough to be considered interactive in my book. I recognize everyone has different personalities and if everyone was as vocal as me that would be a bit exhausting
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And this is why I adopted the "don't ask, don't accept" policy.0
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Hi emhunter, you can add me, as I liked one of your comments yesterday. I fully support my friends!0
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MondayJune22nd2015 wrote: »1st I keep my profile private because I have a calendar of events that I have to remember, to weigh/measure myself for because my current weight/size, determines if or how much; I'll indulge & those events include people, whom I respect might not desire; someone else to know whom they are/when their birthday is, etc.
2nd I have had numerous accounts on here & I'd always fail because I tried to change my entire lifestyle in a day, which included logging my calories & exercise, it just overwhelms me; so I currently don't log or pay attention to someone else's logging either but I'd like to eventually.
I do like other's day streaks though but don't comment about them. I do comment on major life events & I love to read comments, that're like essays & I also help other's when I am able to. For instance I recently helped a friend of a friend, after reading their comment; to a mutual friend of ours & now we're friends.
As for my own news feed, I haven't posted any comments but I don't like to clutter it either, so once my new day streak posts; I erase the previous 1 regardless of receiving likes and/or comments about it & I also erase my previous weight loss, when a new 1 posts. Since my weight has been fluctuating, I even erase new weight loss posts once they post; until I'm at or less, than my lowest weight posted here.
This is a very interesting approach.
Keeping your profile private is definitely your prerogative. You have found the friends that don't mind it. That's a good thing.
Can I ask how many friends you have or do you get deleted a lot? Just curious.0 -
annblairdiet wrote: »I totally agree with you. I used to comment daily on my friends' newsfeed and they sort of ignored me.
I'm willing to offer encouragement and I wish others would do the same.
I recently deleted a few friends that never post or respond.
Good for you deleting those that just seem to flat out ignore you. Initially, did you request these people? Have you tried a few private messages and or something to make your interaction with these friends more personalized? It doesn't always help but sometimes it does help ignite their responsiveness!0 -
I'm interactive like you and completely understand what you are saying. In having said that, not everybody is like us and we don't know what goes on in people's lives. Maybe they are here to get motivation from people like us, not everybody's loud and everyone is at a different level not only on fitness/nutrition but as a whole person. We all learn and grow continuously. I think we need to take it all into consideration. Perhaps you are making a difference in someone's life without even knowing it, maybe one day they'll let you know, maybe not, who knows. But that's ok, I wouldn't delete anyone unless they said something rude or shocking or upset me.0
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I only have 8 friends but hey I have lost 46kg. One of my friends has 800 friends but she always supports me. Good luck0
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annblairdiet wrote: »I totally agree with you. I used to comment daily on my friends' newsfeed and they sort of ignored me.
I'm willing to offer encouragement and I wish others would do the same.
I recently deleted a few friends that never post or respond.
This is the same for me. Just a few do that, but I have trimmed the list recently. One thing that happens, if I've been on the forums at all, I'll get requests, but then those turn into no interaction (especially if they ask if I'm on KiK or any other type of social media for chat). I don't like to spend a lot of time on social media (as a general rule) so I guess if I'm not someone to put in the que for stuff like that - that is a factor as well. I try to comment on everyone each day, but I don't go hunting anyone down (unless we are kind of 'close' and I haven't heard anything). I'm not up for friend collecting.
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I guess this thread just goes to show how many different angles everyone takes to this. I'll admit I never considered the "lurkers" or real quiet types, but on the flip side just how hard is it to hit a "like" button now and then even if you're shy and lurking?
But overall I'm much more like @emhunter
I prefer to have less friends that I interact with more. That doesn't mean they have to like, agree, or even look at everything I say. It just means that if they don't interact at all then chances are they would be deleted at some point. But I'm similar with people I know personally and face to face. If they don't provide something in the relationship, I really don't see the point.0 -
I think some people get a team to spur *them* on, and aren't necessarily looking to return the favor.
One issue I've run into is when someone has hundreds and hundreds of friends. I'd normally like to participate in their conversations but I have the "email me when there's a response" activated. I'd be getting dozens of emails just from one status update. So I just don't comment
I do try to find other ways to interact, though, but sometimes, regardless of who friend requested who, we just don't have too much in common and don't interact much, but can still be inspired reading each other's progress and knowing that we're out there getting it done.
Still. We're all adults and certainly have the ability to throw a like or encouraging word someone's way. If you feel someone is just a taker and offers no support ever, despite multiple opportunities, you know what to do
Yes you're right. It's as simple as that. Some really just want the team cheering them on with no intention of returning the support.
I did read your profile and I like that you are upfront about what type of support style you have right now. That is helpful and can respect that.
I am private so I can't indicate what I'm looking for upfront. However, once I've added you, if you read my profile you will see what I am looking for. Many don't read that. And if I can tell they haven't taken the time to read it, I do delete them. Because I specifically state in my profile that if you don't interact with me, I will delete you.0 -
wonkywendy wrote: »I think there's lot a of lurkers here and I also think it's ok to be a lurker. I am one myself. To be totally honest when I first requested friends it was to simply look through their diaries and see if the person was on the same calorie allowance as me and to see if they were eating the types of foods that I liked too. It was simply to get myself started on MFP and to try and emulate their way of life in respect of food and exercise in a hope it would kickstart my journey too. After all if it was working for them then hopefully it would work for me! I only have a few friends here in MFP and I do little comments here and there and little well dones to my friends when they have a great day and maybe a word of encouragement when they fall off the wagon, but on the whole I am relatively silent and I don't think that's me beings a bad friend, not everyone has a lot to say and a lot of people are very shy and wary to comment as they are only here a short while and don't feel that they should comment. Personally I would be happy if people just lurked on my friend list, we all have to start somewhere and it's a great way to find your feet and learn by watching others, i think it's really flattering and I will always take it as such.
I think you make some excellent points and really address my initial posting. Thank you. @wonkywendy I don't think being shy makes you a bad friend. I do think that if one is shy though and people are constantly showing that person encouragement, encouraging words, or addressing them, they should try to occasionally at least "like" a status.
But I respect that not all people are very social on here. So I do appreciate all forms of interaction.0 -
Thank you all for your posts. I truly was mistified. But some of you provided some info that I had not thought of. Now maybe I will be a bit slower to delete my more quiet friends or shoot them a message to just find out what their reasoning is.
For those that are interactive, you definitely are the kind of friend I looked for. Would have sent requests if I didn't already have a group of active and interactive already!
I also hope that those that are looking for friends can find some on this thread.
Thanks again, all!
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I interact with my friends and don't usually take more on. When I'm quiet, it's because "life happens". When they are, I expect its for the same reasons. I clean house and delete anyone in the red for a couple of weeks, about once a month.0
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »I interact with my friends and don't usually take more on. When I'm quiet, it's because "life happens". When they are, I expect its for the same reasons. I clean house and delete anyone in the red for a couple of weeks, about once a month.
Yeah, I don't mind the periods of being quiet. It's those that add me and we never connect. I wondered why they even reached out to me with a message attached about wanting friends just to be absolutely silent on my page.
I give people a year before I delete them for not logging on. That's a really long time. I'm more patient with those that just can't find the will to login than those, that I perceive, just ignore me or don't reciprocate any form of support.
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »I interact with my friends and don't usually take more on. When I'm quiet, it's because "life happens". When they are, I expect its for the same reasons. I clean house and delete anyone in the red for a couple of weeks, about once a month.
This. When I am quiet, there is usually a good reason for it. I usually try to go through and click like on posts at least a few times a week and see what people are up to. However, I also know that many people get something from reading and lurking. Some people take things in without saying anything back....and when they do, I usually listen.
I like the quiet ones. I tend to talk a lot and sometimes I need to have the quiet to balance it out. If I deleted the quiet ones, I'd be creating a world just like me and how boring IMO. I also know the quiet ones don't hurt me. They just do it differently. I like different.
I certainly consider this being an interactive friend.
I also don't mind and like quieter friends. I like them too. It's just the absolutely deafening silent ones that I delete. I also agree that it's nice to have a balance. Also when my more quiet friends do post or comment, I value them a lot, because those posts are so rare. Accordingly, they usually have something really good to say when they do finally posts. I like that.
I post regularly and I respond or like all posts that my friends have. If I had a bunch of crazy talkitive posters I would be exhausted from commenting or liking all of their updates. It's nice that I only have a few friends that are so , dare I say, high maintenance.0 -
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