Was this an out of line question?
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However, OP, looking at your profile, I'm led to ask, perhaps she's put off because you are in very good shape and she is concerned you are worrying overmuch about eating a bit of jam?
I do understand that SAD is a legitimate condition, but it does not have an effect of weight gain. Only eating excess calories does that, and you have the choice in that.0 -
OK first of all for those who mentioned personal responsibility. I'm not blaming anything but I do have a medical condition that is bad and causes these cravings which are a hallmark of the disorder. I don't have this issue - at all - in the summer or when I live farther south. In fact I'm getting a nutrition coach certification, it's not like I don't know how to eat healthy or have a desire to; healthy eating is how all my friends know me as. I'm doing all I can to manage the situation as it stands. And I'm not full out binging but I do want to avoid eating sugary goods as it contributes to the symptoms.
My doctor as well when I discussed it with him said a huge component of health is your environment and if the people around you propel unhealthy foods and eating, it will more likely be a fail.
She does love to make those biscuits, bread etc and yes to the person who said she doesn't like to see me lose weight - you were right. I don't know why she would rather see me overweight (I once was before I knew what this disorder was). I'm sometimes suspicious about why, such as I'm the last unmarried child and if she can keep it that way I'll always be there to keep her company, or something (I'm the only one who spends time with her). But I don't know. My sister lost weight before and she was critical too.
But that's really neither here nor there. Yes if it gets too bad I'll find a way to move before I get my next job. But relocating some jam I'd hope wouldn't be so bad. I do a LOT of work around here as well so it's not one sided.
I agree with the poster that I should ask her about it personally though. We were both tired to be honest (she has SAD too but won't admit or treat it) and it probably wasn't the time.
In fact you guys are right too, she may not have been put off by that it could have been that she was just tired or off about something else.0 -
I really don't see how this could have been turned into a big deal. It's literally just jam. It's not like you asked her to rearrange the entire house. It's 4 jars of jam.0
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Yes it was a bit out of line in my opinion. It is her home. Plus, you will deal with temptation day in and day out. Honestly, when you are staying in the home of another person, you don't ask that sort of thing and you just deal with it.
Typically I would agree, except in this case - the person is OPs mom. Mom should care enough about her daughters health and wellness to make the slight adjustment to her kitchen to help out her own child.0 -
^^^That's what I'm saying Tanisha, didn't think it would be such a thing. I'll ask her about it directly in the morning. But she's also the type who will say, "No, it didn't bother me, " when it did.
But she could also be frustrated with the situation in general. She has said before about me dealing with this that it's sometimes as hard to be a person watching your loved one suffer from something as it is for the person going through it.0 -
Yes it was a bit out of line in my opinion. It is her home. Plus, you will deal with temptation day in and day out. Honestly, when you are staying in the home of another person, you don't ask that sort of thing and you just deal with it.
I agree.
OP, temptations are all around you. While you choose not to have tempting foods in you house, you must allow mom to have the food wherever she chooses in her home. This is a good way to strengthen your willpower.
By the way, I used to do the same things-not have tempting food in my house and expect others to bend to my needs to not have tempting food around me. I strengthened my willpower by learning to just walk by the temptation while realizing it's all just food and I can choose to eat or not, and then I learned to eat all those same foods in moderation. It's been very freeing for me to just allow others to deal with food as they choose.0 -
I most likely would not even asked my mom to alter the way she does things just for me. I have ADD and OCD, but I don't ask people to straighten the rug that is a bit off center because it is literally making my insides churn.0
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Not to mention, My mums home will always be mine and my brother and sisters. Like someone else mentioned, it's a second home. We're not "guests" when we stay there0
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dakotababy wrote: »Yes it was a bit out of line in my opinion. It is her home. Plus, you will deal with temptation day in and day out. Honestly, when you are staying in the home of another person, you don't ask that sort of thing and you just deal with it.
Typically I would agree, except in this case - the person is OPs mom. Mom should care enough about her daughters health and wellness to make the slight adjustment to her kitchen to help out her own child.
But, it's just all food, and its a stretch saying mom not moving the food means she does not care about daughter's health. We are all responsible for the food we put in our mouths, medical issues or not.0 -
I think it was unreasonable of you to ask. I went through this same situation with my husband continuing to buy all kinds of cookies, cakes, chips etc into the house. I realized it was unfair for me to have him alter his life because I want to lose weight. Solution...I learned to ignore the foods. They don't even bother me anymore. I'm guessing you will be able to do the same.0
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RiseHigher wrote: »
I asked her if we could just put the jam somewhere out of sight because if I eat off this is usually what it is. Seriously, if I don't see it, I won't eat it. I know that may not make sense to some but that's just how I am. When I live on my own I just don't bring off-type foods into my house.
She seemed greatly put off by this. Was I out of line in asking? If I can't manage the symptoms well enough I'm going to have to move sooner than later perhaps but I am just trying to get by for now until I can get my certifications completed for my next job.
I don't think it is unreasonable to ask if you can put the jam in the cupboard or something but it depends on the tone and why your mom keeps jam there. I would ask her why she puts the jam out or why 4 kinds every day.
It is her house though and if she prefers all her jam to sit on the counter all day you kind of have to practice some control. Maybe you can agree to put a towel over it so it is on the counter in her accustomed spot but you don't see it? Or get some sugar free jam or something you are okay with munching to put out on the counter too?
Chew some gum and keep walking by.
I like putting food away except fruit so it would kind of bug me to see it too but I'd deal with it in someone else's house.0 -
I probably would put it away and not say anything, but I would think it. My son is an adult and when he visits, he is definitely a guest. A beloved guest, of course.....:)0
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It was a little out of line. You're a guest in her home, so it's not really a good idea to suggest she start changing things for you.
I get why you'd ask and if she's throwing a fit about it, something else is up. Kids tend to think everything is about them and naturally assume that parents exist to do things for the kid, like "This is a problem for me, so of course my mom should change everything around to make it easier for me!" without ever considering that they're making things harder for mom or that mom might like doing things her way. Your mom should know that because she's a mom! Years of practice!
Treat your mom as you'd treat anyone else who took you in and allowed you to live in their house for free. It will get easier!
Do you have problems with your kids?
Seriously. This seems really harsh, and like my parents- like after I had surgery I was being selfish by being in bed like the doctor ordered.0 -
I'm sorry that your parents weren't nice to you when you were recovering, but your issue is with them, not me.It was a little out of line. You're a guest in her home, so it's not really a good idea to suggest she start changing things for you.
I get why you'd ask and if she's throwing a fit about it, something else is up. Kids tend to think everything is about them and naturally assume that parents exist to do things for the kid, like "This is a problem for me, so of course my mom should change everything around to make it easier for me!" without ever considering that they're making things harder for mom or that mom might like doing things her way. Your mom should know that because she's a mom! Years of practice!
Treat your mom as you'd treat anyone else who took you in and allowed you to live in their house for free. It will get easier!
Do you have problems with your kids?
Seriously. This seems really harsh, and like my parents- like after I had surgery I was being selfish by being in bed like the doctor ordered.
No, I don't have any trouble with my son. The only problem I have is getting him to come to Florida in the summer. Not sure what his problem is. Seem to recall something about it being "hellahot", whatever that is, but at least he comes in the winter.
It's not really about me or you, though. It's about the OP and her mom. Some people have warm, welcoming families, where Mom & Dad's house is always home. Other people are different and maintain a distance, especially if there are relationship issues.
We don't know the story or the history. I gave the best advice I have. I encourage you to do the same.
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When my adult daughter stayed with us at one point she asked if we might turn up the thermostat a little? I told her to put on a sweater.
She did not have the background. I'd been watching my husband for several years through our dating period and he obsesses over that thermostat. He's a walking polar bear. I knew from the start that the thermostat would be out of bounds.
@risehigher you might try an index card you can hold up when you pass the kitchen counter. Block the view. It might sound silly but it might be worth a try.0 -
I understand why you don't want to see the jam.0
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Lmao uh no you weren't out of line.
Do you know what my Mom did for me living together to support my journey?
Of course we butted heads at first because its Moms house and Moms ways..
But she supported it no matter what.
I'm the same way with bringing certain foods into my house, and Moms alllllways have and bring the best/ worst foods ever Lol.
Don't think too much about it honey.
I don't think it was out of line Lol.0 -
If it went down like you said it did, then no I don't think that was out of line. My mother would do it for me. I would do it for my son. Hell, I'd do it for my friends and acquaintances too. But I also believe we're not getting the full story here. Much as I'd love to believe everyone is quirky and nuts like me, the reality is that if your mom was upset, there is probably something else at work.......unless she has some sort of unhealthy obsession with the placement of jam, in which case you got bigger problems girl.0
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i get why everyone is on your moms side, because her house and all that... buuuut. My mom is the type of mom who would have no issue accommodating me if i had an issue with something like that. If i were working on my health and my mom had a trigger food on the counter and i asked her to keep it out of my sight she would have no issue. Not sure if i have a special kind of mom but yea i dont get why its rude.0
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CoffeeNCardio wrote: »If it went down like you said it did, then no I don't think that was out of line. My mother would do it for me. I would do it for my son. Hell, I'd do it for my friends and acquaintances too. But I also believe we're not getting the full story here. Much as I'd love to believe everyone is quirky and nuts like me, the reality is that if your mom was upset, there is probably something else at work.......unless she has some sort of unhealthy obsession with the placement of jam, in which case you got bigger problems girl.
Note that when I say something else, I'm leaving that wide open. For all anyone knows, her upsetness could have had nothing to do with you and something to do with a nasty comment from the mailman earlier that day. So I'm not implying it was a "you asked wrong thing" either. It could be anything.0
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