Was this an out of line question?

RiseHigher wrote: »

I asked her if we could just put the jam somewhere out of sight because if I eat off this is usually what it is. Seriously, if I don't see it, I won't eat it. I know that may not make sense to some but that's just how I am. When I live on my own I just don't bring off-type foods into my house.

She seemed greatly put off by this. Was I out of line in asking? If I can't manage the symptoms well enough I'm going to have to move sooner than later perhaps but I am just trying to get by for now until I can get my certifications completed for my next job.

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask if you can put the jam in the cupboard or something but it depends on the tone and why your mom keeps jam there. I would ask her why she puts the jam out or why 4 kinds every day.
It is her house though and if she prefers all her jam to sit on the counter all day you kind of have to practice some control. Maybe you can agree to put a towel over it so it is on the counter in her accustomed spot but you don't see it? Or get some sugar free jam or something you are okay with munching to put out on the counter too?
Chew some gum and keep walking by.

I like putting food away except fruit so it would kind of bug me to see it too but I'd deal with it in someone else's house.

Kalikel wrote: »

It was a little out of line. You're a guest in her home, so it's not really a good idea to suggest she start changing things for you.

I get why you'd ask and if she's throwing a fit about it, something else is up. Kids tend to think everything is about them and naturally assume that parents exist to do things for the kid, like "This is a problem for me, so of course my mom should change everything around to make it easier for me!" without ever considering that they're making things harder for mom or that mom might like doing things her way. Your mom should know that because she's a mom! Years of practice!

Treat your mom as you'd treat anyone else who took you in and allowed you to live in their house for free. It will get easier!

Do you have problems with your kids?

Seriously. This seems really harsh, and like my parents- like after I had surgery I was being selfish by being in bed like the doctor ordered.

When my adult daughter stayed with us at one point she asked if we might turn up the thermostat a little? I told her to put on a sweater.

She did not have the background. I'd been watching my husband for several years through our dating period and he obsesses over that thermostat. He's a walking polar bear. I knew from the start that the thermostat would be out of bounds.

@risehigher you might try an index card you can hold up when you pass the kitchen counter. Block the view. It might sound silly but it might be worth a try.

Lmao uh no you weren't out of line.
Do you know what my Mom did for me living together to support my journey?
Of course we butted heads at first because its Moms house and Moms ways..
But she supported it no matter what.
I'm the same way with bringing certain foods into my house, and Moms alllllways have and bring the best/ worst foods ever Lol.
Don't think too much about it honey.
I don't think it was out of line Lol.

i get why everyone is on your moms side, because her house and all that... buuuut. My mom is the type of mom who would have no issue accommodating me if i had an issue with something like that. If i were working on my health and my mom had a trigger food on the counter and i asked her to keep it out of my sight she would have no issue. Not sure if i have a special kind of mom but yea i dont get why its rude.

I don't get how anyone can say it was out of line to ask. It is perfectly acceptable to ask someone, even a person whose house you are a guest in (let alone a parent) if they can move something. Asking, however, is different from demanding. It is the original poster's (OP) mom's house. The mom has final say. But there is absolutely nothing wrong for the OP to ask the mom if she can move something. Asking and demanding are not the same.

OP, sit down with your mom and try to work it out. If she is letting you live with her, she will likely be amenable to minor inconveniences. I mean having you in her house is much more of a burden than moving a few things around. If she says no, you will have to figure out how you want to deal with the cravings (i.e. move out or figure out some other way to manage the cravings or putting your weight loss goals on hold). Good luck.

malioumba wrote: »

If I had a child, I would want to do anything to make him/her happy - for me, I never get annoyed if someone asks me to stop doing something...let alone if it was my child.

However, one could ask rudely, or one could ask nicely. Sometimes we get frustrated and ask a bit less nice then we would have liked. Maybe it's just the way my mother raised me, but if someone asked me that question (my child or not my child), I would have replied with a "of course honey"!

I think it also depends on the culture. I think North Americans get very offended very easily and are always worrying about being "politically correct" and being polite; a stepping on egg shells sort of mentality. So you're going to get a lot of varied answers - because it honestly depends on how your own mother is.

That's odd, Europeans accuse us of being overly friendly and unconscious of how impolite we are...

OP is this you in the photo? If yes, I am guessing your mother does not consider it reasonable for you to try to lose more weight?

125goals wrote: »

her

Ninkyou wrote: »

I'd be on your mom's side. It's her house, she's allowed to put food wherever she likes.

It's not like she's leaving it out with a note saying "eat me", is it?
YOU need to control what YOU eat. I understand cravings can be really strong, so I'm going to say, if you know the food is there and there's an open invitation to eat it (I'd hope there is), and you know you will eat it, then pre-log it and fit it into your day. Don't let cravings control you. You control the cravings.

So if your child asked you to put a jar away , out her sight you'd tell her no it's my house? You wouldn't help her out and do that little simple favour for her knowing it's important to her?

I don't see the big deal at all.

And, isn't a parents house suppose to be like a second home, not for you to take over but people are acting like she's staying at a distant cousins house or something.

Unless you gave her attitude about it OP I don't see why she would be taken back.

i kinda agree with this, but we do need to know the full history and story

I think whether or not you were out of line depends on the relationship you have with your mother. My mother tends to be quite melodramatic, but we also have a very good and open relationship. I could very easily ask my mum to put the stuff out of sight if I was really struggling, and she would do it. But, she would make a big production out of it. I'd thank her profusely, tell her she was the best mum in the world, and then she'd beam. We're 42 and 66. It may be a bit messed up, but it works for us.

I am aghast that you need to spend two hours a day under your happy light. I have to spend 45 minutes under mine, first thing in the morning, and it drives me nuts. I know how badly SAD effects me, and I can only assume that the length of time you spend under your light is an indication that your symptoms are much worse than mine. It takes the happy light and high doses of vitamin D to make me even remotely human. Even then, motivation and will power are low.

I start to plummet mid-September here in Calgary. I start to perk up again at the beginning of March.

Doesn't really matter what others think. They don't own the house. As between someone who owns the house and is providing a place to live and someone whose free will is overpowered by a jar of jam, it's not a tough choice for me, though.

The issue really isn't, "Jeez, it's just jam; what mother wouldn't move a jar of jam for her daughter".

It's more about how the OP can't control herself around a few jars of jam. How is she going to function outside her mother's home, where the food temptations are myriad and thrown at you often?

OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds horrible when you have a diagnosed condition with legitimate symptoms and those that are supposed to love you unconditionally don't show that they should. Maybe you could toss a tea towel over the jars just to create the tiniest of mental barriers between you and your craving.

Good luck!

One could also argue that you'll live if you're in the same room with a bowl of candy in front of you.

I love people who think that their parents have to do everything the way THEY want to accommodate THEM.

Grow up, already. You're an adult. Stop acting like a petulant child.

"Daddy! Hide the candy NOW!!! I don't want to see it! It hurts me!!!"