I'm trying to eat healthy but my Spouse isn't??
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goofyrick24 wrote: »I'm trying to have a healthy lifestyle and diet and it is hard when my Wife isn't. She continues to buy sodas, donuts, fast food, etc and the temptation is killing me.... I don't know what to do!!
There are some foods that I will make myself crazy over. I have asked my husband not to bring those foods in the house. While I won't die trying not to eat Wicked Whoopie Pies, no one will die either if they aren't in my house. He is using my new way of eating as an excuse to bring home things like seeded Italian cookies. Compromise!
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MommyMeggo wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.
Well the OP never came back to grace us with his presence again so I'm guessing OP probably really doesn't care.
I'm sure he does care. He posted because he cared. Your post seems to be chip bearing. Grace us with his presence? Did op do something wrong?
Chip bearing. hehe good one. Gonna have to steal it.
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I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.[/quote]
Well the OP never came back to grace us with his presence again so I'm guessing OP probably really doesn't care.[/quote]
Actually I am just amazed that my little rant generated such a response... I was also after a day where my wife had asked me to take her thru a drive thru so she could order breakfast... And the Krispy Kreme Drive Thru to me is like putting a pound of Heroin on the table at a drug detox center...
I do really care and I do find this completely interesting...0 -
goofyrick24 wrote: »
Actually I am just amazed that my little rant generated such a response... I was also after a day where my wife had asked me to take her thru a drive thru so she could order breakfast... And the Krispy Kreme Drive Thru to me is like putting a pound of Heroin on the table at a drug detox center...
I do really care and I do find this completely interesting...
The good thing about that is if you go with the original glazed, Krispy Kremes are pretty easy to fit into your diet. 200 calories is low compared to a lot of other donuts.0 -
I_Will_End_You wrote: »goofyrick24 wrote: »
Actually I am just amazed that my little rant generated such a response... I was also after a day where my wife had asked me to take her thru a drive thru so she could order breakfast... And the Krispy Kreme Drive Thru to me is like putting a pound of Heroin on the table at a drug detox center...
I do really care and I do find this completely interesting...
The good thing about that is if you go with the original glazed, Krispy Kremes are pretty easy to fit into your diet. 200 calories is low compared to a lot of other donuts.
Agreed.
And at least going through the drive thru, it's pretty easy to limit yourself to just one. Tell the person taking your order what you want, pay for your donut, and drive away.
I don't know why it's so hard to convince people they don't *have* to give up the occasional donut to lose weight/be healthy.0 -
Most of us who share a home with others probably do not eat exactly the same as those other people. They have a right to make different choices for themselves.
My dh, dd and I have very different calorie needs and food preferences. They have foods all the time that I don't eat or don't eat much of any more. I have asked my dh to eat/store just one type of snack food outside the house. It isn't a hardship for him to do so.
I have to be responsible for myself though. That means talking about a solution with my family when something is hard to deal with or asking them nicely to change a behavior. They aren't mind readers. I would never throw their food away or demand they eat exactly the same as me.0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »
So does he have a TV outside to watch sports while he snacks on what he likes?cushman5279 wrote: »I simply stated to my husband that if he wanted that kind of stuff he would have to have it outside of the house, and if he did bring it home, he needed to hide it LOL!
The control issue is yours, not his. Imposing restriction on him because there's no self control on your part is pretty selfish. How about when he wants to eat some "junk", you go up to your bedroom till he's done? That's just as fair right?
I am one of those people who hates to have foods in the house that are delicious/high calorie/low nutritional value. I exercise self control most effectively by not buying these things at all. Luckily, my husband is completely on board with this.
When I have these foods in the house, I can and do resist eating them (usually), but I think about them CONSTANTLY. It's torture. There's a perpetual inner dialogue running.
"You can eat just two Oreos."
"Technically, that's true, but if I have one Oreo, I will eat 8 Oreos. I know this from experience. Even if I do eat just 2 Oreos, that will put me over for the day."
5 minutes later.
"If you eat all the Oreos while nobody is looking and replace them before anyone knows you ate them, it's like it never happened."
"Shut up."
5 minutes later.
"If you eat the Oreos now, you can just make the calorie deficit up over the course of the week."
"Are you on freaking crack? I get 1300 calories per day; where exactly are these calories going to be cut from? (/eats another goddamn carrot)"
Nonstop, the entire time I'm awake.
Why would I do that to myself? I wish that people who can keep things like Oreos and Doritos in the house without thinking about them constantly understood how lucky they are.
Yup, I don't have foods that call to me like this in the house. That's not to say I don't have treats - I have plenty of treats, but I've learned what I can moderate and what I cannot. There's no need to master moderation of every food on earth. Plenty to chose from.
This. I have no problems moderating Oreos or tortilla chips, but brownies have to be kept in the freezer and a bag jalapeño kettle chips must be eaten in one sitting, so I only buy individual sized bags.0 -
My husband buys junk food too and I have no willpower. I have learned since I do the meal planning, I plan healthy meals and then he can have all the snacks he wants. He will eat the dinner I cook and then eat the Little Debbie's, ice cream, and the chips. While he eats a little of everything, I decide if I want something and pick one then move on. As long as you are burning more than you are taking in, you are doing good. I have also heard if you deprive yourself from what you want you will wear yourself out just stressing over it. Just take what you want in moderation and move on with your life. No quilt!
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So does he have a TV outside to watch sports while he snacks on what he likes?cushman5279 wrote: »I simply stated to my husband that if he wanted that kind of stuff he would have to have it outside of the house, and if he did bring it home, he needed to hide it LOL!
The control issue is yours, not his. Imposing restriction on him because there's no self control on your part is pretty selfish. How about when he wants to eat some "junk", you go up to your bedroom till he's done? That's just as fair right?
I am one of those people who hates to have foods in the house that are delicious/high calorie/low nutritional value. I exercise self control most effectively by not buying these things at all. Luckily, my husband is completely on board with this.
When I have these foods in the house, I can and do resist eating them (usually), but I think about them CONSTANTLY. It's torture. There's a perpetual inner dialogue running.
"You can eat just two Oreos."
"Technically, that's true, but if I have one Oreo, I will eat 8 Oreos. I know this from experience. Even if I do eat just 2 Oreos, that will put me over for the day."
5 minutes later.
"If you eat all the Oreos while nobody is looking and replace them before anyone knows you ate them, it's like it never happened."
"Shut up."
5 minutes later.
"If you eat the Oreos now, you can just make the calorie deficit up over the course of the week."
"Are you on freaking crack? I get 1300 calories per day; where exactly are these calories going to be cut from? (/eats another goddamn carrot)"
Nonstop, the entire time I'm awake.
Why would I do that to myself? I wish that people who can keep things like Oreos and Doritos in the house without thinking about them constantly understood how lucky they are.
I wish people would realize that it takes time and effort to learn self-control. It took me two years. It wasn't some magical, mystical skill I was born with. I wanted to learn, so I put in the effort. Some days are harder than others.0 -
Talk to her. Only she can decide when it's right for her. Until then...stay motivated. Post a pic of yourself on the fridge. You'll begin to find it easier to ignore temptation.
You're wife doesn't think you're serious. Prove her wrong, but COMMUNICATE!!!
Good luck!0 -
I'm a little surprised by how many people are telling the OP that it's not anyone else's problem, and to basically get over it. I totally understand what you're saying, and that in the end, we are solely responsible for what we eat during the day... not anyone else. And I personally would NEVER expect anyone to eat only the things I can eat. But as a person who personally suffers from food addiction, it is HARD to make healthier choices when others in the household have tempting treats laying around. If the others in the house truly care for you, they will make a small effort to not keep those temptations around. If you lived with and cared about someone who is recovering from an alcohol or drug addiction, would you drink or do drugs around them? Would you leave alcohol or drugs laying around for them to see? I would hope not.
I live with my mom who is currently not eating healthy. She brings home delicious treats that I would LOVE to eat. (And I am the person that can NOT work them into my calories, because even one bite can send me into that realm where I do not stop and eat the whole darn thing!) I don't ever ask her not to bring them home. But, she also respects me enough not to eat them in front of me, or leave them around to tempt me. Now, with that being said, I DO agree that we have to learn to deal with temptations. It's all a part of the process. This whole journey is about learning and changing our bad habits. But try to remember, that for some of us, it's not as easy as "Just don't eat it.".2 -
goofyrick24 wrote: »I'm trying to have a healthy lifestyle and diet and it is hard when my Wife isn't. She continues to buy sodas, donuts, fast food, etc and the temptation is killing me.... I don't know what to do!!
There are some foods that I will make myself crazy over. I have asked my husband not to bring those foods in the house. While I won't die trying not to eat Wicked Whoopie Pies, no one will die either if they aren't in my house. He is using my new way of eating as an excuse to bring home things like seeded Italian cookies. Compromise!
You had me at the Wicked Whoopie Pies! My car wants to go on autopilot and turn into their parking lot on my way to work on the morning!0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »cushman5279 wrote: »I have also been known to throw entire bags of baked goods out in the back yard for the birds haha!
If I bought baked goods and my spouse threw them into the backyard, I would follow by throwing him into the backyard as well and locking the door.
I think everyone in the house should support its not like everyone in my house is healthy so a little Kale is0 -
Perhaps you could offer to do the grocery shopping!0
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I'm a little surprised by how many people are telling the OP that it's not anyone else's problem, and to basically get over it. I totally understand what you're saying, and that in the end, we are solely responsible for what we eat during the day... not anyone else. And I personally would NEVER expect anyone to eat only the things I can eat. But as a person who personally suffers from food addiction, it is HARD to make healthier choices when others in the household have tempting treats laying around. If the others in the house truly care for you, they will make a small effort to not keep those temptations around. If you lived with and cared about someone who is recovering from an alcohol or drug addiction, would you drink or do drugs around them? Would you leave alcohol or drugs laying around for them to see? I would hope not.
I live with my mom who is currently not eating healthy. She brings home delicious treats that I would LOVE to eat. (And I am the person that can NOT work them into my calories, because even one bite can send me into that realm where I do not stop and eat the whole darn thing!) I don't ever ask her not to bring them home. But, she also respects me enough not to eat them in front of me, or leave them around to tempt me. Now, with that being said, I DO agree that we have to learn to deal with temptations. It's all a part of the process. This whole journey is about learning and changing our bad habits. But try to remember, that for some of us, it's not as easy as "Just don't eat it.".
i really disagree with comparing leaving drugs and alcohol in the house with leaving treats in the house. It really is not the same thing at all.
And it is not easy to to stop eating it, but that actually is the simple fix to the issue.0 -
Been there, done that. You can't expect her to flip the switch to want to be healthy just because you did - I know, "Oh, but if you could!!" LOL. She's just not quite ready to give up all the crap yet.
I started up a "snack box" that has 100 calorie-ish snacks in it so that I don't have to see all the crap the husband and kids want. Pretzels, protein bars, little "Jif-to-go" cups....the box is right next to the dorm fridge in the laundry room with the Greek yogurt, light string cheese, bottled water, diet soda. WHat's funny is my kids have started raiding "my stuff". Hard to get mad when they're following what I'm doing! LOL
It took about 6 months for my husband to get on board with the getting healthier and losing weight gig. Now he has his own snack box too. He said he couldn't believe that the stuff he was having that he thought was "reasonably healthy" was actually worse for him than he thought. Duh!
Keep your focus on the MFP site - whether it's on the community boards or trying to check the blogs for recipe ideas or exercise ideas or checking your nutrition numbers/macros.0 -
frankiesgirlie wrote: »Your situation is so common it's almost laughable.
I've been married to a guy for 35 years that eats everything that I can't or won't eat.
I'm so accustomed to cooking 2 different meals that it's normal for me.
My mom now lives with us too.
These are the things they currently have in our kitchen that I can't or won't touch:
Krispy cream donuts, White Castle frozen burgers, Marie Callender's pot pies (something like 700 calories each) Lays potato chips ,sour cream onion dip. Klondike bars.
These are the things I have in the kitchen that I tell them they are free too eat whenever they want them, but they wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole.: air popped pop corn, healthy choice fudge pops, pb2 peanut butter, triple zero Greek yogurt, freshly washed salad greens, tuna steak, frozen tropical fruit, halo tangerines.
I try and influence them only as much as one adult can to another adult without being a nag.
I insist my husband eats a green salad before dinner and at least one piece of fruit a day.
Other than that, I am responsible for my own health. It is totally up to me. No excuses.
Can I come over? Haven't found triple zero yogurt here yet and I'm sad over it.
@zyxst Oikos makes it and its AMAZE-BALLS! Theoe regular is awesome, too. Banana Cream is my dessert! Ralph's and Albertson's carry it here, though not every one. And the one Ralph's has Halo Top ice cream!0 -
I'm happily married for 36 years. If eating healthy is what I've decided to do, then that's my grown up decision.
I don't need my husband to hold hands with me while I do it, and if he shows interest in eating healthier I'll be all over it, but it's my decision and its up to me.
I also gave up wine after 30 something years, but I don't expect my husband to pass on his beer if he is enjoying it.
And by the way, when it comes to marriage, I'm very old fashioned.2 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »i really disagree with comparing leaving drugs and alcohol in the house with leaving treats in the house. It really is not the same thing at all.
And it is not easy to to stop eating it, but that actually is the simple fix to the issue.
Actually it is the same thing, and stopping drugs and alcohol are also a simple fix of just stoping. The hard part is doing it, and that goes for many different kinds of addiction, including food.
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Sometimes the best or only way to avoid eating something is to not be around it in the first place. "Will power" includes making choices that minimize risk and temptation. Your home should be a sanctuary where you don't have to work so hard. Partners should respect one another to not have things in the house at all that are a problem. Your partner is free to eat whatever she wants elsewhere. I don't allow my family to have soda and other crap in the house and I think that's perfectly reasonable.0
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you can have a donut after dinner and still lose weight ^-^0
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Just to help folks who may now reply to the OP, he hasn't logged into MFP since May 2nd. This thread was bumped from March 19th by somebody this morning, so the OP probably won't be reading your replies.0
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Therealobi1 wrote: »i really disagree with comparing leaving drugs and alcohol in the house with leaving treats in the house. It really is not the same thing at all.
And it is not easy to to stop eating it, but that actually is the simple fix to the issue.
Actually it is the same thing, and stopping drugs and alcohol are also a simple fix of just stoping. The hard part is doing it, and that goes for many different kinds of addiction, including food.
I don't agree that food is addictive like drugs and alcohol0 -
LaceyBirds wrote: »Just to help folks who may now reply to the OP, he hasn't logged into MFP since May 2nd. This thread was bumped from March 19th by somebody this morning, so the OP probably won't be reading your replies.
Whenever I see a necro thread like this, I often wonder what the OP chose to do. I hope he comes back to tell us what happened in the end!
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King_Spicy wrote: »haha. It's not even like I'm throwing it out because I don't like it. I just throw it out if its taking up space from putting actual healthy food into the fridge, or if it makes it difficult to grab other stuff out. Like if I don't have enough space to put the Soy milk or orange juice in the fridge? You bet I"m making space. If the bottle is resting on top of other food, so it falls out when I try to grab something? Bye Bye
Lol... I'd be tossing out the soy milk... Barf...
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I was in the same situation but the roles reversed.
My wife was eating healthy and exercising while I was not. I saw her results and that woke me up.
I liked that she never nagged me about anything, and now we're doing it together.0 -
I'm fairly certain this has already been said, but I'll go ahead with my 2 cents. I understand that your marriage is a partnership, and I completely understand you wanting support from your spouse while you are attempting to get healthy. That said, you said nothing about her pressuring you to eat these foods, nor have you said that she has discouraged your weight loss journey.
What you eat, how much you exercise and what you do with your allotted calories is solely on you. It's not your wife's responsibility to keep from eating junky foods or from going over your calories, it's your responsibility; because this was your choice.
I don't know what you wife's goals are in terms of her own weight, and perhaps your frustration is also coming from a point of concern, but even so, just because she is cheating doesn't mean you have to.
My BF is svelt in comparison to me, and he likes to snack, I don't begrudge him those snacks, or chicken nuggets or sour patch kids because my weight issues are not his burden to bare, they're mine.
When he brings those things in and offers them, I'll decline if I don't have the calories (if I do have the calories, I'll have a little).
This lifestyle change is about balance. Talk to your lady, be honest and tell her how your feeling, but understand that your doing that in the spirit of partnership and honesty, not out of anger or in judgement. You are married, and that means that she loves you; she'll understand and maybe with that knowledge she can try to keep some of those things out of the house for you.0 -
goofyrick24 wrote: »
Actually I am just amazed that my little rant generated such a response... I was also after a day where my wife had asked me to take her thru a drive thru so she could order breakfast... And the Krispy Kreme Drive Thru to me is like putting a pound of Heroin on the table at a drug detox center...
I do really care and I do find this completely interesting...I_Will_End_You wrote: »The good thing about that is if you go with the original glazed, Krispy Kremes are pretty easy to fit into your diet. 200 calories is low compared to a lot of other donuts.Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »Agreed.
And at least going through the drive thru, it's pretty easy to limit yourself to just one. Tell the person taking your order what you want, pay for your donut, and drive away.
I don't know why it's so hard to convince people they don't *have* to give up the occasional donut to lose weight/be healthy.
Not sure if this is true for @goofyrick24 or not, but there are some foods for which I have no interest in eating just 200 calories. Like pizza. Unless I can have at least 500 calories, I'm not interested. When my OH wants us to have pizza, he knows to give me enough notice that I can make it fit, or he gets it for himself. (We're not living together yet.)
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valente347 wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »
So does he have a TV outside to watch sports while he snacks on what he likes?cushman5279 wrote: »I simply stated to my husband that if he wanted that kind of stuff he would have to have it outside of the house, and if he did bring it home, he needed to hide it LOL!
The control issue is yours, not his. Imposing restriction on him because there's no self control on your part is pretty selfish. How about when he wants to eat some "junk", you go up to your bedroom till he's done? That's just as fair right?
I am one of those people who hates to have foods in the house that are delicious/high calorie/low nutritional value. I exercise self control most effectively by not buying these things at all. Luckily, my husband is completely on board with this.
When I have these foods in the house, I can and do resist eating them (usually), but I think about them CONSTANTLY. It's torture. There's a perpetual inner dialogue running.
"You can eat just two Oreos."
"Technically, that's true, but if I have one Oreo, I will eat 8 Oreos. I know this from experience. Even if I do eat just 2 Oreos, that will put me over for the day."
5 minutes later.
"If you eat all the Oreos while nobody is looking and replace them before anyone knows you ate them, it's like it never happened."
"Shut up."
5 minutes later.
"If you eat the Oreos now, you can just make the calorie deficit up over the course of the week."
"Are you on freaking crack? I get 1300 calories per day; where exactly are these calories going to be cut from? (/eats another goddamn carrot)"
Nonstop, the entire time I'm awake.
Why would I do that to myself? I wish that people who can keep things like Oreos and Doritos in the house without thinking about them constantly understood how lucky they are.
Yup, I don't have foods that call to me like this in the house. That's not to say I don't have treats - I have plenty of treats, but I've learned what I can moderate and what I cannot. There's no need to master moderation of every food on earth. Plenty to chose from.
This. I have no problems moderating Oreos or tortilla chips, but brownies have to be kept in the freezer and a bag jalapeño kettle chips must be eaten in one sitting, so I only buy individual sized bags.
Ya, I do the freezer thing for raw batter of the best chocolate cookies in the world and buy individual servings of chips as well.0 -
I am amazed at the number of people who seem to think that putting food (i.e. doughnuts) in the cupboard is some sort of huge imposition on a partner. Food goes in cupboards; otherwise, there's no counter space left to cook on.
My husband is not trying to lose weight or watch what he eats. He can buy (and eat - even in front of me) anything junky he wants. But it lives in the "snacks" cupboard - which is a perfectly valid location and easily accessible within our kitchen.
Marriage is a partnership. We help each other out. We plan and eat meals together. And, yes, we will be using less bacon in the carbonara because otherwise I couldn't eat it anymore (and since I'm the one who cooks it, that would mean nobody got to eat it anymore).2
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