Did you lose your Lover/Spouse/S.O AFTER you loss weight???
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STLBADGIRL
Posts: 1,693 Member
in Chit-Chat
I see a lot of major body and attitude transformations and tons of success stories and wanted to know if you ever lost a lover, significant other or spouse due to your new and improved you? If so, why do you think it didn't work out?
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Replies
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I haven't personally had this happen but I have read quite a few stories about this being common. I think it can be a few reasons really, but one of the one I hear most often is that it is common for those who are overweight to "settle" for the best they feel they can get. Maybe they weren't actually in love in the first place, and just settled for the only thing they thought they could find. Now that they are thinner and have more options, they start getting curious about finding someone they actually connect with.
Another reason could be that the couple was really in love, but the one who lost weight now has a different lifestyle. Maybe before the weight loss they enjoyed eating bad foods and bonded over eating and not being active. Now that one part of the couple is living differently it could cause issues...15 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »But I'm irreplaceable
LOL - That's right!!!!0 -
bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »I haven't personally had this happen but I have read quite a few stories about this being common. I think it can be a few reasons really, but one of the one I hear most often is that it is common for those who are overweight to "settle" for the best they feel they can get. Maybe they weren't actually in love in the first place, and just settled for the only thing they thought they could find. Now that they are thinner and have more options, they start getting curious about finding someone they actually connect with.
Another reason could be that the couple was really in love, but the one who lost weight now has a different lifestyle. Maybe before the weight loss they enjoyed eating bad foods and bonded over eating and not being active. Now that one part of the couple is living differently it could cause issues...
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Well I can't afford to move and I'm not completely sure that I would if I did because we have kids but... my relationship has changed a lot and we really don't seem to have much in common anymore (we used to play online games together all the time... now I can't stand sitting on my butt more than one hour anymore). I think the worst part is that it gives us basically nothing to talk about except tv shows sometimes and the kids. And we don't do much together either except watch TV... Every week end I want to get out of the house and do something as a family and I just end up disappointed.
But to be fair, I started losing weight over 3.5 years ago now and I don't know where we would be if I hadn't lost the weight either.18 -
The complete opposite actually happened with my parents. My dad got fit years ago and my mom was always a little overweight and then over a year ago she decided to start working out. So he gave her advice and now she's super in shape. They're so supportive of each other and their individual goals.54
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I'm kind of going through this now myself. I lost upwards of 70lbs, kicked all meds (BP, cholesterol etc) and my wife won't do anything. She says she wants to, but then doesn't and then makes me feel like crap for wanting to walk, run, exercise, whatever. I ask her all the time to go for a walk with me and she won't. I gave up trying to get her to go the gym. Even gave up on my gym membership because of the grief she gave me it wasn't worth paying for with the little times I went.
Divorce? Yeah I get pissed here and there but I don't think I would for these reasons. However it does add aggregation to the whole relationship so I totally understand how it would interfere and cause it. I'm still grasping at hope she will just decide to join me one day. There is jealousy involved, she thinks I'm cheating all the time now. It gets really, really old after a while.
But I haven't given up hope yet and honestly I hope that I never do. If it happens though at least I know I tried.25 -
EricNewark wrote: »I'm kind of going through this now myself. I lost upwards of 70lbs, kicked all meds (BP, cholesterol etc) and my wife won't do anything. She says she wants to, but then doesn't and then makes me feel like crap for wanting to walk, run, exercise, whatever. I ask her all the time to go for a walk with me and she won't. I gave up trying to get her to go the gym. Even gave up on my gym membership because of the grief she gave me it wasn't worth paying for with the little times I went.
Divorce? Yeah I get pissed here and there but I don't think I would for these reasons. However it does add aggregation to the whole relationship so I totally understand how it would interfere and cause it. I'm still grasping at hope she will just decide to join me one day. There is jealousy involved, she thinks I'm cheating all the time now. It gets really, really old after a while.
But I haven't given up hope yet and honestly I hope that I never do. If it happens though at least I know I tried.
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actualbettycrocker wrote: »The complete opposite actually happened with my parents. My dad got fit years ago and my mom was always a little overweight and then over a year ago she decided to start working out. So he gave her advice and now she's super in shape. They're so supportive of each other and their individual goals.1
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I'm starting to wonder if I'm headed that way, I just turned 40 and my wife pretty much ignored it, the kids asked if we were having a cake so she went to walmart and got one the plain cakes and stuck a candle in it. Not sure if it is the weight loss or what.3
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I'm starting to wonder if I'm headed that way, I just turned 40 and my wife pretty much ignored it, the kids asked if we were having a cake so she went to walmart and got one the plain cakes and stuck a candle in it. Not sure if it is the weight loss or what.
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I think I might be losing my marriage during the weight loss but it's unrelated except that as I'm taking control of one area of my life I want the other areas to be good too. I'm desperately sad about it, not sleeping and because of that, I'm too tired to exercise properly.2
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I watched my aunt lose reltionships left and right after losing literally 100s of lbs. but it was due to her attitude change. She had the attitude and outlook on life that everyone was jealous they didnt have. And then after being between 300-600lbs her whole life she got gastric bypass surgery, after that she was never the same person. Piss poor attitude and a total *kitten* to everyone. The 'im too good for everyone " attitude. Shes lost 3 relationships since the surgery. She WAS married before as well.6
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bearbugbear wrote: »I think I might be losing my marriage during the weight loss but it's unrelated except that as I'm taking control of one area of my life I want the other areas to be good too. I'm desperately sad about it, not sleeping and because of that, I'm too tired to exercise properly.
I HATE to hear this. But it's not over yet, so I believe that you still have chance! Someone once told me that God is up 24/7, so why do we lose sleep??? Pray from the heart, trust God, let go, and get some sleep! You need to be healthy, and you need to hit your goals that you set for yourself. Good luck and keep me updated. Praying for your family.3 -
sabrinasmith7 wrote: »I watched my aunt lose reltionships left and right after losing literally 100s of lbs. but it was due to her attitude change. She had the attitude and outlook on life that everyone was jealous they didnt have. And then after being between 300-600lbs her whole life she got gastric bypass surgery, after that she was never the same person. Piss poor attitude and a total *kitten* to everyone. The 'im too good for everyone " attitude. Shes lost 3 relationships since the surgery. She WAS married before as well.
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I did. I went from 472lbs to 239 and now im seperated after 19 years of marriage. not really sure what all happened but im living life and enjoying it!11
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I did, both of us were very overweight and unhealthy and I started working on it. She went the other way, started smoking more, eating more. I would make a healthy meal, she would go to the fridge and scoop on sour cream, cheese, corn chips, etc to the plate and then have cake and ice cream for dessert. I think now she wanted me to prove I loved her no matter what and I could have been a lot better about things, but there was plenty of blame to go around there. Not my best shining moment, but I wasn't a total jerk either. I wanted to get healthy so we could actually enjoy things in life.
Who knew trying to get healthy could cause so many issues in a relationship. I was blindsided and just distanced myself emotionally and eventually physically.2 -
brianbgboy wrote: »I did. I went from 472lbs to 239 and now im seperated after 19 years of marriage. not really sure what all happened but im living life and enjoying it!
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makingmark wrote: »I did, both of us were very overweight and unhealthy and I started working on it. She went the other way, started smoking more, eating more. I would make a healthy meal, she would go to the fridge and scoop on sour cream, cheese, corn chips, etc to the plate and then have cake and ice cream for dessert. I think now she wanted me to prove I loved her no matter what and I could have been a lot better about things, but there was plenty of blame to go around there. Not my best shining moment, but I wasn't a total jerk either. I wanted to get healthy so we could actually enjoy things in life.
Who knew trying to get healthy could cause so many issues in a relationship. I was blindsided and just distanced myself emotionally and eventually physically.
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Thanks everyone for being so open and honest about a personal experience in your life that, I'm sure, was difficult.0
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »makingmark wrote: »I did, both of us were very overweight and unhealthy and I started working on it. She went the other way, started smoking more, eating more. I would make a healthy meal, she would go to the fridge and scoop on sour cream, cheese, corn chips, etc to the plate and then have cake and ice cream for dessert. I think now she wanted me to prove I loved her no matter what and I could have been a lot better about things, but there was plenty of blame to go around there. Not my best shining moment, but I wasn't a total jerk either. I wanted to get healthy so we could actually enjoy things in life.
Who knew trying to get healthy could cause so many issues in a relationship. I was blindsided and just distanced myself emotionally and eventually physically.
I thought I was proving to her I loved her, but I wasn't meeting her where she wanted to be met. I didn't realize it at the time. I don't know if I could have done differently, but I do think I wasn't as aware as I could have been. I don't know if there is any way it could have worked, but I do think I could have tried harder.1
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