Did you lose your Lover/Spouse/S.O AFTER you loss weight???

STLBADGIRL
STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
edited November 13 in Chit-Chat
I see a lot of major body and attitude transformations and tons of success stories and wanted to know if you ever lost a lover, significant other or spouse due to your new and improved you? If so, why do you think it didn't work out?
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Replies

  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    But I'm irreplaceable ;)

    LOL - That's right!!!!
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »
    I haven't personally had this happen but I have read quite a few stories about this being common. I think it can be a few reasons really, but one of the one I hear most often is that it is common for those who are overweight to "settle" for the best they feel they can get. Maybe they weren't actually in love in the first place, and just settled for the only thing they thought they could find. Now that they are thinner and have more options, they start getting curious about finding someone they actually connect with.

    Another reason could be that the couple was really in love, but the one who lost weight now has a different lifestyle. Maybe before the weight loss they enjoyed eating bad foods and bonded over eating and not being active. Now that one part of the couple is living differently it could cause issues...
    I know of a few people that broke up or got a divorce because their partner was jealous and insecure of their success and new look. Wanted to know if anyone else experienced that.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    actualbettycrocker wrote: »
    The complete opposite actually happened with my parents. My dad got fit years ago and my mom was always a little overweight and then over a year ago she decided to start working out. So he gave her advice and now she's super in shape. They're so supportive of each other and their individual goals.
    That's good team work! And I'm glad you shared this story.
  • ncahill77
    ncahill77 Posts: 501 Member
    I'm starting to wonder if I'm headed that way, I just turned 40 and my wife pretty much ignored it, the kids asked if we were having a cake so she went to walmart and got one the plain cakes and stuck a candle in it. Not sure if it is the weight loss or what.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    ncahill77 wrote: »
    I'm starting to wonder if I'm headed that way, I just turned 40 and my wife pretty much ignored it, the kids asked if we were having a cake so she went to walmart and got one the plain cakes and stuck a candle in it. Not sure if it is the weight loss or what.
    I know that this shouldn't be funny, but the way you worded this had me chuckling. But Happy Birthday and that's something that should be celebrated. Maybe she could have saved some calories for your big day!
  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
    I think I might be losing my marriage during the weight loss but it's unrelated except that as I'm taking control of one area of my life I want the other areas to be good too. I'm desperately sad about it, not sleeping and because of that, I'm too tired to exercise properly.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I think I might be losing my marriage during the weight loss but it's unrelated except that as I'm taking control of one area of my life I want the other areas to be good too. I'm desperately sad about it, not sleeping and because of that, I'm too tired to exercise properly.

    I HATE to hear this. But it's not over yet, so I believe that you still have chance! Someone once told me that God is up 24/7, so why do we lose sleep??? Pray from the heart, trust God, let go, and get some sleep! You need to be healthy, and you need to hit your goals that you set for yourself. Good luck and keep me updated. Praying for your family.
  • upoffthemat
    upoffthemat Posts: 679 Member
    I did, both of us were very overweight and unhealthy and I started working on it. She went the other way, started smoking more, eating more. I would make a healthy meal, she would go to the fridge and scoop on sour cream, cheese, corn chips, etc to the plate and then have cake and ice cream for dessert. I think now she wanted me to prove I loved her no matter what and I could have been a lot better about things, but there was plenty of blame to go around there. Not my best shining moment, but I wasn't a total jerk either. I wanted to get healthy so we could actually enjoy things in life.
    Who knew trying to get healthy could cause so many issues in a relationship. I was blindsided and just distanced myself emotionally and eventually physically.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    brianbgboy wrote: »
    I did. I went from 472lbs to 239 and now im seperated after 19 years of marriage. not really sure what all happened but im living life and enjoying it!
    Its a shame that "some" can't have both. A healthier and better version of YOU ANNNNNNNNNNNND a happy relationship/marriage!!!

  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    makingmark wrote: »
    I did, both of us were very overweight and unhealthy and I started working on it. She went the other way, started smoking more, eating more. I would make a healthy meal, she would go to the fridge and scoop on sour cream, cheese, corn chips, etc to the plate and then have cake and ice cream for dessert. I think now she wanted me to prove I loved her no matter what and I could have been a lot better about things, but there was plenty of blame to go around there. Not my best shining moment, but I wasn't a total jerk either. I wanted to get healthy so we could actually enjoy things in life.
    Who knew trying to get healthy could cause so many issues in a relationship. I was blindsided and just distanced myself emotionally and eventually physically.
    Sorry to hear this. My cousin went through a similar situation. Her husband wanted her to be more healthy. She would buy cakes and cookies, and non healthy foods and he would throw it away...It caused so many arguments between them and they went through the same thing that you described in your relationship. PS, weren't you proving you loved her by wanting to change your lifestyle for the better?

  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    Thanks everyone for being so open and honest about a personal experience in your life that, I'm sure, was difficult.
  • upoffthemat
    upoffthemat Posts: 679 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    makingmark wrote: »
    I did, both of us were very overweight and unhealthy and I started working on it. She went the other way, started smoking more, eating more. I would make a healthy meal, she would go to the fridge and scoop on sour cream, cheese, corn chips, etc to the plate and then have cake and ice cream for dessert. I think now she wanted me to prove I loved her no matter what and I could have been a lot better about things, but there was plenty of blame to go around there. Not my best shining moment, but I wasn't a total jerk either. I wanted to get healthy so we could actually enjoy things in life.
    Who knew trying to get healthy could cause so many issues in a relationship. I was blindsided and just distanced myself emotionally and eventually physically.
    Sorry to hear this. My cousin went through a similar situation. Her husband wanted her to be more healthy. She would buy cakes and cookies, and non healthy foods and he would throw it away...It caused so many arguments between them and they went through the same thing that you described in your relationship. PS, weren't you proving you loved her by wanting to change your lifestyle for the better?

    I thought I was proving to her I loved her, but I wasn't meeting her where she wanted to be met. I didn't realize it at the time. I don't know if I could have done differently, but I do think I wasn't as aware as I could have been. I don't know if there is any way it could have worked, but I do think I could have tried harder.
  • brianbgboy
    brianbgboy Posts: 393 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    brianbgboy wrote: »
    I did. I went from 472lbs to 239 and now im seperated after 19 years of marriage. not really sure what all happened but im living life and enjoying it!
    Its a shame that "some" can't have both. A healthier and better version of YOU ANNNNNNNNNNNND a happy relationship/marriage!!!
    I agree with you. the thing is with me was I was getting a lot of attention from ladies at my work, her work and at the gym. I never reacted or flirted at all from any of them! she hated it and said it was just a matter of time I would cheat and threw away 19 years of marriage for nothing.

  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    brianbgboy wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    brianbgboy wrote: »
    I did. I went from 472lbs to 239 and now im seperated after 19 years of marriage. not really sure what all happened but im living life and enjoying it!
    Its a shame that "some" can't have both. A healthier and better version of YOU ANNNNNNNNNNNND a happy relationship/marriage!!!
    I agree with you. the thing is with me was I was getting a lot of attention from ladies at my work, her work and at the gym. I never reacted or flirted at all from any of them! she hated it and said it was just a matter of time I would cheat and threw away 19 years of marriage for nothing.

    So sad. She gave up on a marriage based on an even that didn't occur. Well I am praying that you meet someone else that will be supportive and join you on your weight loss journey and other mission and goals that you have!!!!
  • brianbgboy
    brianbgboy Posts: 393 Member
    Shells918 wrote: »
    When I married my first husband I weighed over 200 lbs. I was 27 and never thought I'd meet someone. I lost some weight for the wedding, but it wasn't till the next year after a vacation where there were no pictures of me, a former camera hog, that I knew I needed to make changes. He and I started on Weight Watchers together. He lost 25 pounds so fast, I was totally jealous, but kept going. After 6 months, I'd lost close to 50 lbs, and he quit. I started exercising with my company sponsored gym membership. He quit his job and sat around all day doing nothing. Supposedly looking for a job but I found out later he was day trading our savings. I was getting a lot of attention at my job for losing so much weight. I had energy, I felt happy, and I'd go home to my lazy husband who was now out of work for 6 months and "forgot" how to attach his resume to an email. I started realizing I was stagnating with him, so I left.
    Sad part, when I told him I was leaving, he said ok. That was it. No begging me to stay, no nothing.

    Would I have left if I didn't lose the weight? Maybe. It was easy to stay when I was heavy and settling. I realized I could do more with myself and for myself.
    Lesson learned: never settle.
    I totally understand where you are coming from! im the general manager of a car dealership here in new Orleans and have always worked really hard and long hours to provide for my family. my wife was happy all throughout when I was settling for who I had become even though she feared me having a heart attack or other health issue. she was always small at 140 lbs and I thought my losing weight would be the answer. I was wrong! I really don't get it at all but it is what it is. she made her choice and its done.. good luck to you! I say we deserve someone to support us the way we should/need to be anyway!


  • brianbgboy
    brianbgboy Posts: 393 Member
    mntnwmn477 wrote: »
    I'm going through this right now. After 10 years of marriage and a couple kids things got a little too cushy with us and we packed on the pounds. Well, I didn't want to live like that, it made me deeply depressed to see how I was going downhill and so I decided to do something about it. I started exercising daily, eating better and I've seen awesome results. I've gotten in touch with who I am and who I've always wanted to be. However, my relationship has taken a downward spiral because of it. He refuses to get on board with me and doesn't even recognize my weight loss. It feels like we're living two completely different lives....like we're just roommates taking care of a couple kids. Our goals and our needs/wants are not on the same level at all. Not sure where we're going, but I've distanced myself emotionally already and it's not looking good.

    its hard when the kids are little. we had some issues in the first couple of years of marriage long before I gained all my weight but we worked it out to not break our sons home. I was depressed for years due to work stuff and my family issues I gained all my weight. as I started losing weight she was happy. then some of the ladies at her work started telling her I was getting "hot" and she better keep me on a leash so she started over thinking things. it got ugly a many times over not a damn thing! I never ever cheated! she said it was a matter of time before I would so she wouldn't wait around for it to happen. I don't get it and never will! im just living my life my way now. sad part is we split 4 months ago and I haven't been with another woman yet!!!!
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