Friends with benefits

AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »

@rps67 's inbox is about to get flooded with roosters right now....

No such luck! Maybe I'm too old and hideous.

Shells918 wrote: »

denversillygoose wrote: »

There's nothing at all wrong with consenting adults having a FWB. Enjoy it til it gets complicated. There is absolutely no reason you should ever question your self worth over it. The only time it's wrong is if you are doing something you don't want.

I agree with this.
As long as you KNOW that it's fwb only and keep your expectations at that level. He isn't and will not become your boyfriend. He may be doing this with other women. Only call/text him when you need some, get in, do it and get out. I hope I don't need to but I will mention PROTECTION not just for birth control but for diseases. And when you meet the right person, end it immediately.
And, in reference to @Cutaway_Collar, it isn't necessary to disclose this in a dating situation. Your business only.
Women have needs too.

I want to comment on these two things. Second one first.

If you're ok with that, great. If not, the two of you need to talk about it. I'm taking it as a given that you trust this person; you're willing to take off your clothes in front of them and share great intimacy. A lot of FWB relationships are monogamous; clearly not all. I knew a lady who wasn't into casual sex (defined as: with strangers) and wanted a single person to sleep with. She was in sales and worked far too much overtime to have a deep and meaningful (outside the bedroom) relationship. She thought having a single lover was "the responsible thing to do."

I've become somebody's boyfriend after being FWB. It lasted about a year. We were attracted to each other and genuinely friends, we enjoyed our time together, after a while it grew. Then she got a compelling job offer in another state.

Now I'm in a committed relationship and posting here just to pass the time and chat with people. But my advice is that the OP should entertain the idea if it appeals to her, but she should be cautious about it and clear about what she wants and expects.

Since being single recently, I had a friend proposition this to me. For me personally, no, I couldn't do it. Even with someone like my friend who I was very comfortable with. Emotions are being risked and that includes my own.

Verchild wrote: »

@rps67 , I'm sure your inboxx is going to blow up any moment. To help sooth the transition period, here ya go.

Aw, thank you! He's beautiful! Roosters are so awesome.

VanishingNachos wrote: »

I could never be a FWB dude. Hell - women fall in love with me while im in the line at the bank forchristsake~

Facepalm*

And to address the initial question from the OP, my advice is to determine how valuable the friendship is to you. If it is a friendship you would be crushed to see disappear, you might not want to. Fooling around with a friend is a risk - no matter what, the dynamics of the relationship will change - for better or worse can be found only after. Further, while you may start with the same goal, one of you may want to change the end goal (want a deeper relationship). This can be awkward.

If you think the friendship is too valuable to risk then I would not do it. But, if it is a casual friendship you could see yourself living without, and you both have the same goals, it might be a way to scratch that sexual itch with someone you trust. And who knows? It could be great.

And, personally, though I have never had a long-term FWB arrangement, I have gotten intimate with two men who were straight up friends at first. The first? Our sexual chemistry was awkward and it did end up damaging a great friendship. The second? It was fantastic and made the friendship stronger.

I only skimmed the replies while rolling my eyes often. All I will say in terms of that is you will have people that are against casual sex, and some that are for it. So asking this isn't going to really yield you any answers aside from picking out what confirms your pre-existing feelings on the matter.

But as anecdotal evidence from my experience, I did it after breaking up with my high school sweetheart of 6 years, and we were also engaged. I had a guy that I knew from a ceramics class that we decided to play video games and have happy fun time. The only problem was that there were no ground rules set, but it didn't bother either of us really. Once I became interested in someone, I called it off. But the fact that he probably was with other women didn't bother me because we both knew we were in it for the fun and nothing beyond that. It must've been good, because every time I was single, he'd show right back up in attempt to restart it back up haha. It didn't work beyond the first time, but that was more because he was not great in bed.. Which wouldn't have mattered if he hadn't bragged all the time about it. But I digress..

If you both agree to it, there shouldn't be any shame. But if you feel like you will catch emtions for him or are relying on him for emotional stability, don't do it. That's a recipe for disaster.

Btw, neither of us ended up with low self-esteem or destroyed the idea of a monogamous relationship because of casual sex. I'm now married and he's in a long term relationship. As long as you're mature and communicate, it can work out.

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

I always thought the benefits part involved other things too - such as chanel earrings, tickets to NYC ballet etc.

Damn, I was finding the wrong men.

Then again.. That borders into sugar baby territory.

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

vespiquenn wrote: »

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

I always thought the benefits part involved other things too - such as chanel earrings, tickets to NYC ballet etc.

Damn, I was finding the wrong men.

Then again.. That borders into sugar baby territory.

There are rules for sugar babies.

They must involve rent and paying off credit card bills. Gifts fall into the benefits category.

I need a Sugar Daddy. Screw the NYC ballet, I need my bills paid this month. I was doing this all wrong.

LeGaCyGiAnT91 wrote: »

vespiquenn wrote: »

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

vespiquenn wrote: »

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

I always thought the benefits part involved other things too - such as chanel earrings, tickets to NYC ballet etc.

Damn, I was finding the wrong men.

Then again.. That borders into sugar baby territory.

There are rules for sugar babies.

They must involve rent and paying off credit card bills. Gifts fall into the benefits category.

I need a Sugar Daddy. Screw the NYC ballet, I need my bills paid this month. I was doing this all wrong.

Shut Up and take ALL of my money.

I'm writing in the contract that I also need 4 vacations per year of my choosing..

Wait, do these things have contracts?

vespiquenn wrote: »

LeGaCyGiAnT91 wrote: »

vespiquenn wrote: »

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

vespiquenn wrote: »

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

I always thought the benefits part involved other things too - such as chanel earrings, tickets to NYC ballet etc.

Damn, I was finding the wrong men.

Then again.. That borders into sugar baby territory.

There are rules for sugar babies.

They must involve rent and paying off credit card bills. Gifts fall into the benefits category.

I need a Sugar Daddy. Screw the NYC ballet, I need my bills paid this month. I was doing this all wrong.

Shut Up and take ALL of my money.

I'm writing in the contract that I also need 4 vacations per year of my choosing..

Wait, do these things have contracts?

I just require a few things.

Sammiches, Lot's and lots of PB and J SAMMICHES!

musclegood_fatbad wrote: »

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

vespiquenn wrote: »

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

I always thought the benefits part involved other things too - such as chanel earrings, tickets to NYC ballet etc.

Damn, I was finding the wrong men.

Then again.. That borders into sugar baby territory.

There are rules for sugar babies.

They must involve rent and paying off credit card bills. Gifts fall into the benefits category.

Where do I find a sugar baby then. I will bring all my bills.

There is a website for that called Sugarbabies. I knew someone who found her man there. She gave him sex and he took care of her financially. He paid her rent, car etc...

friendships change when you see each other nikked. IF you value the friendship find someone else to git yer ya ya's with...

Kvm11628 wrote: »

RavenLibra wrote: »

friendships change when you see each other nikked. IF you value the friendship find someone else to git yer ya ya's with...

Because in the history of relationships, no relationship has ever been built after friends saw each other naked.

Naked is a requirement in my opinion.

What's a friend without a reacharound?

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with this kind of relationship, for me I couldn't do it. For me, sex is a very personal thing and I attach emotions to it. I was wilder when I was younger and I had lots of fun. But now that I am a little older I wouldn't want to have sex with someone without that emotional attachment. Not saying that I would have to be in love.....but it would have to be with someone who I at least wanted a relationship with.

I am married so it's a bit of a mute point, but that's how I feel about it. Whatever you decide, I hope things work out great for you x