Did you lose your Lover/Spouse/S.O AFTER you loss weight???
Replies
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Brian you will find that special person that respect and supports you and ultimately is madly in love with you. And you know what???? You deserve all of that too! Don't settle.2
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How is everyone feeling/coping? Hope all doing well.0
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bearbugbear wrote: »How is everyone feeling/coping? Hope all doing well.
Ugh I had a bad day yesterday. These last couple weeks have been taking a toll on me. I'm stuck home with kids who don't want to do anything that requires walking, and all I want to do is go outside and walk! I have some friends who went hiking/camping this Summer with family and I saw the pictures and I was just jealous - that's what I want to do... but I'm in a family of complete homebuddies who'd rather stay home and play games (or go to busy places like the beach or the waterpark where I go crazy because of all the people). We tried to take the kids hiking and my daughter just screams and wails the whole time (she's... a bit challenging at times). So we gave up (they're adopted - not sure how much is genes or what).
That's really the main issue here - that was me 3 years ago, but I've changed, and now I'm completely out of touch with my family. I can't breathe. I joined a hiking group a couple weeks ago and the first hike was fantastic.. but it's maybe once a month, weather permitting.... I mean, gosh... all I want to do when my husband gets home is get out of the house (and I'm usually out walking for over an hour in the evening now).
Only a few more days before school starts at least... so I'll be able to go out for walks again during the day.0 -
bearbugbear wrote: »How is everyone feeling/coping? Hope all doing well.
heyyyyyy @bearbugbear I'm doing great today. I actually do not have the problem that I posted. I have the opposite issue. My BF is really fit and goes hard in the gym 5-6 times a week. He is really really supportive, and then he will get in this mood of, telling me I should be further along in my journey than I am. And sometimes I believe he doesn't believe that I will actually hit my goal....and then other times he is super supportive. But I know he wishes I will lose weight so I will not be the "big girl" our of our group of friends we hang out with... Sometimes it pisses me off, but If I am REAL with myself, I really really really want to be my ideal weight and look too!0 -
bearbugbear wrote: »How is everyone feeling/coping? Hope all doing well.
Ugh I had a bad day yesterday. These last couple weeks have been taking a toll on me. I'm stuck home with kids who don't want to do anything that requires walking, and all I want to do is go outside and walk! I have some friends who went hiking/camping this Summer with family and I saw the pictures and I was just jealous - that's what I want to do... but I'm in a family of complete homebuddies who'd rather stay home and play games (or go to busy places like the beach or the waterpark where I go crazy because of all the people). We tried to take the kids hiking and my daughter just screams and wails the whole time (she's... a bit challenging at times). So we gave up (they're adopted - not sure how much is genes or what).
That's really the main issue here - that was me 3 years ago, but I've changed, and now I'm completely out of touch with my family. I can't breathe. I joined a hiking group a couple weeks ago and the first hike was fantastic.. but it's maybe once a month, weather permitting.... I mean, gosh... all I want to do when my husband gets home is get out of the house (and I'm usually out walking for over an hour in the evening now).
Only a few more days before school starts at least... so I'll be able to go out for walks again during the day.
Big hugs to you. How about you all rotate ideas? And tell them when it's your turn you do not want any hissy fits and rants. Each week rotate outings, or pull out of a hat....that way everyone is happy!0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »bearbugbear wrote: »How is everyone feeling/coping? Hope all doing well.
Ugh I had a bad day yesterday. These last couple weeks have been taking a toll on me. I'm stuck home with kids who don't want to do anything that requires walking, and all I want to do is go outside and walk! I have some friends who went hiking/camping this Summer with family and I saw the pictures and I was just jealous - that's what I want to do... but I'm in a family of complete homebuddies who'd rather stay home and play games (or go to busy places like the beach or the waterpark where I go crazy because of all the people). We tried to take the kids hiking and my daughter just screams and wails the whole time (she's... a bit challenging at times). So we gave up (they're adopted - not sure how much is genes or what).
That's really the main issue here - that was me 3 years ago, but I've changed, and now I'm completely out of touch with my family. I can't breathe. I joined a hiking group a couple weeks ago and the first hike was fantastic.. but it's maybe once a month, weather permitting.... I mean, gosh... all I want to do when my husband gets home is get out of the house (and I'm usually out walking for over an hour in the evening now).
Only a few more days before school starts at least... so I'll be able to go out for walks again during the day.
Big hugs to you. How about you all rotate ideas? And tell them when it's your turn you do not want any hissy fits and rants. Each week rotate outings, or pull out of a hat....that way everyone is happy!
We've tried everything. It doesn't matter, every time we want to do something that she doesn't want to do, she reverts back to a 2yo toddler (she's 8). It just ends up being miserable to all of us. I've just given up, seriously. Plus on week ends my husband always sleeps in and has things to do in the house anyway, or just wants to relax... and I'm ready to go at 8am...
Thanks for the suggestion though! I do realize that it doesn't have much to do with my husband though - but he's not emotionally supporting me through all this. He doesn't listen to me. Stupid things like me going to the store yesterday, coming back, then telling him I'm going for a walk... I came back 1.5 hour later and it was dark and when I got home he told me he thought I was at the store and was worried I got into an accident or something. It's like I'm a ghost - he has absolutely no clue how miserable I am because he just doesn't listen to me. We just don't talk anymore, it's awkward when we have lunch without the kids... I'm thinking about what it will be like in 10 years when they're in college and I'm just dreading it.
Probably doesn't help that I don't have anyone in RL to talk to about this stuff though... probably why I'm venting here! But I'd never make enough money to even pay for a babysitter, even less to have my own place, so...0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »bearbugbear wrote: »How is everyone feeling/coping? Hope all doing well.
heyyyyyy @bearbugbear I'm doing great today. I actually do not have the problem that I posted. I have the opposite issue. My BF is really fit and goes hard in the gym 5-6 times a week. He is really really supportive, and then he will get in this mood of, telling me I should be further along in my journey than I am. And sometimes I believe he doesn't believe that I will actually hit my goal....and then other times he is super supportive. But I know he wishes I will lose weight so I will not be the "big girl" our of our group of friends we hang out with... Sometimes it pisses me off, but If I am REAL with myself, I really really really want to be my ideal weight and look too!
Show him that you can do it! But really... do you want to be with someone who wants you to be thin so he's not ashamed to be seen with you? That sounds horrible.2 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »bearbugbear wrote: »How is everyone feeling/coping? Hope all doing well.
heyyyyyy @bearbugbear I'm doing great today. I actually do not have the problem that I posted. I have the opposite issue. My BF is really fit and goes hard in the gym 5-6 times a week. He is really really supportive, and then he will get in this mood of, telling me I should be further along in my journey than I am. And sometimes I believe he doesn't believe that I will actually hit my goal....and then other times he is super supportive. But I know he wishes I will lose weight so I will not be the "big girl" our of our group of friends we hang out with... Sometimes it pisses me off, but If I am REAL with myself, I really really really want to be my ideal weight and look too!
Show him that you can do it! But really... do you want to be with someone who wants you to be thin so he's not ashamed to be seen with you? That sounds horrible.
I thought about this plenty of times. No, I don't want to be with anyone that is ashamed of me. I'm not sure if he is totally ashamed of me, but I think some parts of it is. But I believe a big part of it is that he wants the best for me and is tired of me complaining about it. He feels like if I want it, I should go hard after it. He is a DOER and to him it's all talk. And this is in any area of his life, not just fitness. He feels like if I don't like something, think of a strategy and a goal and make it happen. He is pretty consistent with that philosophy, so I can't really say that he is ashamed of my weight.0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »bearbugbear wrote: »How is everyone feeling/coping? Hope all doing well.
heyyyyyy @bearbugbear I'm doing great today. I actually do not have the problem that I posted. I have the opposite issue. My BF is really fit and goes hard in the gym 5-6 times a week. He is really really supportive, and then he will get in this mood of, telling me I should be further along in my journey than I am. And sometimes I believe he doesn't believe that I will actually hit my goal....and then other times he is super supportive. But I know he wishes I will lose weight so I will not be the "big girl" our of our group of friends we hang out with... Sometimes it pisses me off, but If I am REAL with myself, I really really really want to be my ideal weight and look too!
Show him that you can do it! But really... do you want to be with someone who wants you to be thin so he's not ashamed to be seen with you? That sounds horrible.
I thought about this plenty of times. No, I don't want to be with anyone that is ashamed of me. I'm not sure if he is totally ashamed of me, but I think some parts of it is. But I believe a big part of it is that he wants the best for me and is tired of me complaining about it. He feels like if I want it, I should go hard after it. He is a DOER and to him it's all talk. And this is in any area of his life, not just fitness. He feels like if I don't like something, think of a strategy and a goal and make it happen. He is pretty consistent with that philosophy, so I can't really say that he is ashamed of my weight.
I can see that too!0 -
I hope that losing weight will help us. I know my weight is hurting me so bad. It's causing me to have insecurities. When we have sex and I see him looking at me... I don't know. It hurts me. I don't want him to see me naked. I've found myself crying after sex more than a few times.
I want to feel attractive and I want him to want me. I'm doing this for health and for the career I want. But I want him. I want him to get hard (lol sorry) every time I get naked for him.
Wow that's a lot off my chest. Please don't troll.0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »bearbugbear wrote: »How is everyone feeling/coping? Hope all doing well.
heyyyyyy @bearbugbear I'm doing great today. I actually do not have the problem that I posted. I have the opposite issue. My BF is really fit and goes hard in the gym 5-6 times a week. He is really really supportive, and then he will get in this mood of, telling me I should be further along in my journey than I am. And sometimes I believe he doesn't believe that I will actually hit my goal....and then other times he is super supportive. But I know he wishes I will lose weight so I will not be the "big girl" our of our group of friends we hang out with... Sometimes it pisses me off, but If I am REAL with myself, I really really really want to be my ideal weight and look too!
Show him that you can do it! But really... do you want to be with someone who wants you to be thin so he's not ashamed to be seen with you? That sounds horrible.
I thought about this plenty of times. No, I don't want to be with anyone that is ashamed of me. I'm not sure if he is totally ashamed of me, but I think some parts of it is. But I believe a big part of it is that he wants the best for me and is tired of me complaining about it. He feels like if I want it, I should go hard after it. He is a DOER and to him it's all talk. And this is in any area of his life, not just fitness. He feels like if I don't like something, think of a strategy and a goal and make it happen. He is pretty consistent with that philosophy, so I can't really say that he is ashamed of my weight.
I have become a big fan of Dennis Prager and his program - a good portion of which is dedicated to the pursuit of happiness and male/female communication. While he is very religious he does not push this and bases his arguments on logic, so every belief has a rationale which is evidence based.
My wife and I have both encountered this and realized that we are trying to communicate, but differently and not effectively. Our fitness has long been out of sync and only just coming together now and we are much stronger for it.3 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »bearbugbear wrote: »How is everyone feeling/coping? Hope all doing well.
heyyyyyy @bearbugbear I'm doing great today. I actually do not have the problem that I posted. I have the opposite issue. My BF is really fit and goes hard in the gym 5-6 times a week. He is really really supportive, and then he will get in this mood of, telling me I should be further along in my journey than I am. And sometimes I believe he doesn't believe that I will actually hit my goal....and then other times he is super supportive. But I know he wishes I will lose weight so I will not be the "big girl" our of our group of friends we hang out with... Sometimes it pisses me off, but If I am REAL with myself, I really really really want to be my ideal weight and look too!
Show him that you can do it! But really... do you want to be with someone who wants you to be thin so he's not ashamed to be seen with you? That sounds horrible.
I thought about this plenty of times. No, I don't want to be with anyone that is ashamed of me. I'm not sure if he is totally ashamed of me, but I think some parts of it is. But I believe a big part of it is that he wants the best for me and is tired of me complaining about it. He feels like if I want it, I should go hard after it. He is a DOER and to him it's all talk. And this is in any area of his life, not just fitness. He feels like if I don't like something, think of a strategy and a goal and make it happen. He is pretty consistent with that philosophy, so I can't really say that he is ashamed of my weight.
I have become a big fan of Dennis Prager and his program - a good portion of which is dedicated to the pursuit of happiness and male/female communication. While he is very religious he does not push this and bases his arguments on logic, so every belief has a rationale which is evidence based.
My wife and I have both encountered this and realized that we are trying to communicate, but differently and not effectively. Our fitness has long been out of sync and only just coming together now and we are much stronger for it.
Thank you for your response. I will look it up. I couldn't have worded it better. In a nutshell, this is what we go through at times - communication. I could step on the scale or look in the mirror and could tell I've gained weight, but the moment he notices too and says something about it - I WOULD BE MAD... and accuse him of not being supportive, yada ya, and deflect the real issue. If I am going to the gym with him 5 days a week and not losing, and I complain that I'm not losing weight, he knows that I am not operating to my fullest potential or making the best choices. We both would want the same thing for me, but I would get mad if he said something about it. LOL...us women.1 -
I hope that losing weight will help us. I know my weight is hurting me so bad. It's causing me to have insecurities. When we have sex and I see him looking at me... I don't know. It hurts me. I don't want him to see me naked. I've found myself crying after sex more than a few times.
I want to feel attractive and I want him to want me. I'm doing this for health and for the career I want. But I want him. I want him to get hard (lol sorry) every time I get naked for him.
Wow that's a lot off my chest. Please don't troll.
Well thanks for being honest! Don't let a good man get away b/c of your insecurities. so continue on your path to lose weight. Change your mind, change your actions!!!!1 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »I hope that losing weight will help us. I know my weight is hurting me so bad. It's causing me to have insecurities. When we have sex and I see him looking at me... I don't know. It hurts me. I don't want him to see me naked. I've found myself crying after sex more than a few times.
I want to feel attractive and I want him to want me. I'm doing this for health and for the career I want. But I want him. I want him to get hard (lol sorry) every time I get naked for him.
Wow that's a lot off my chest. Please don't troll.
Well thanks for being honest! Don't let a good man get away b/c of your insecurities. so continue on your path to lose weight. Change your mind, change your actions!!!!
Thank you. I'm working on it!!0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »bearbugbear wrote: »How is everyone feeling/coping? Hope all doing well.
heyyyyyy @bearbugbear I'm doing great today. I actually do not have the problem that I posted. I have the opposite issue. My BF is really fit and goes hard in the gym 5-6 times a week. He is really really supportive, and then he will get in this mood of, telling me I should be further along in my journey than I am. And sometimes I believe he doesn't believe that I will actually hit my goal....and then other times he is super supportive. But I know he wishes I will lose weight so I will not be the "big girl" our of our group of friends we hang out with... Sometimes it pisses me off, but If I am REAL with myself, I really really really want to be my ideal weight and look too!
Show him that you can do it! But really... do you want to be with someone who wants you to be thin so he's not ashamed to be seen with you? That sounds horrible.
I thought about this plenty of times. No, I don't want to be with anyone that is ashamed of me. I'm not sure if he is totally ashamed of me, but I think some parts of it is. But I believe a big part of it is that he wants the best for me and is tired of me complaining about it. He feels like if I want it, I should go hard after it. He is a DOER and to him it's all talk. And this is in any area of his life, not just fitness. He feels like if I don't like something, think of a strategy and a goal and make it happen. He is pretty consistent with that philosophy, so I can't really say that he is ashamed of my weight.
I have become a big fan of Dennis Prager and his program - a good portion of which is dedicated to the pursuit of happiness and male/female communication. While he is very religious he does not push this and bases his arguments on logic, so every belief has a rationale which is evidence based.
My wife and I have both encountered this and realized that we are trying to communicate, but differently and not effectively. Our fitness has long been out of sync and only just coming together now and we are much stronger for it.
Thank you for your response. I will look it up. I couldn't have worded it better. In a nutshell, this is what we go through at times - communication. I could step on the scale or look in the mirror and could tell I've gained weight, but the moment he notices too and says something about it - I WOULD BE MAD... and accuse him of not being supportive, yada ya, and deflect the real issue. If I am going to the gym with him 5 days a week and not losing, and I complain that I'm not losing weight, he knows that I am not operating to my fullest potential or making the best choices. We both would want the same thing for me, but I would get mad if he said something about it. LOL...us women.
Yeah that's rough to be a woman sometimes, lol. I don't know if you read that thread about woman and man communication issues last week? I think a lot of men end up tuning us out or not really be supportive because, for them, we overcomplicate things and whatever they do or say, they just can't win. Which is not entirely wrong, honestly.I hope that losing weight will help us. I know my weight is hurting me so bad. It's causing me to have insecurities. When we have sex and I see him looking at me... I don't know. It hurts me. I don't want him to see me naked. I've found myself crying after sex more than a few times.
I want to feel attractive and I want him to want me. I'm doing this for health and for the career I want. But I want him. I want him to get hard (lol sorry) every time I get naked for him.
Wow that's a lot off my chest. Please don't troll.
I totally get it. Although I honestly never cared about how I look naked for him, I guess because I wasn't that overweight when I met him, and I gained weight progressively, so it's not like he suddenly saw me obese... but he was always overweight too, so it's not like I would feel bad about that... I'd be super self conscious now if the relationship was new though, but because of that pouch of loose skin on my stomach... so I suppose it's one of those 'can't win' situation for me too.1 -
I have been in a relationship now for 7yrs. I let myself go around 2013 and gained a ton of weight because we got too comfortable etc. and that affected the entire relationship horribly this past 3 yrs. we fought bad all the time and acted like we hated each other. He is also overweight and not happy with himself so that too plays a part in it. We were basically roomates with no intimacy for 3yrs. it hurt me and put me in a deep depression. Now I've recently lost over 100lbs. and am hoping as I lose more our relationship will improve. We have been thru so much and I don't wanna give up. I feel for everyone on here with relationship troubles and wish y'all the best of luck!0
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Well I can't afford to move and I'm not completely sure that I would if I did because we have kids but... my relationship has changed a lot and we really don't seem to have much in common anymore (we used to play online games together all the time... now I can't stand sitting on my butt more than one hour anymore). I think the worst part is that it gives us basically nothing to talk about except tv shows sometimes and the kids. And we don't do much together either except watch TV... Every week end I want to get out of the house and do something as a family and I just end up disappointed.
But to be fair, I started losing weight over 3.5 years ago now and I don't know where we would be if I hadn't lost the weight either.
Sounds exactly like my life.
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Well I can't afford to move and I'm not completely sure that I would if I did because we have kids but... my relationship has changed a lot and we really don't seem to have much in common anymore (we used to play online games together all the time... now I can't stand sitting on my butt more than one hour anymore). I think the worst part is that it gives us basically nothing to talk about except tv shows sometimes and the kids. And we don't do much together either except watch TV... Every week end I want to get out of the house and do something as a family and I just end up disappointed.
But to be fair, I started losing weight over 3.5 years ago now and I don't know where we would be if I hadn't lost the weight either.
Sounds exactly like my life.
This is a tough place to be. So instead of being unhappy, maybe make real effort to rediscover your relationship. It's going to be a pretty long life with someone that you no longer enjoy, might as well make the best out of it!1 -
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Also there seem to be some terrible misinformation about SAHM's and divorce on here. Often a SAHM ends up richer after divorce (especially if she qualifies for alimony for a few years). If you really hate your marriage/spouse then go and see a lawyer and find out where you truly stand rather than complaining that you have to stay married for money...0
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Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »Also there seem to be some terrible misinformation about SAHM's and divorce on here. Often a SAHM ends up richer after divorce (especially if she qualifies for alimony for a few years). If you really hate your marriage/spouse then go and see a lawyer and find out where you truly stand rather than complaining that you have to stay married for money...
Good point!0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »Also there seem to be some terrible misinformation about SAHM's and divorce on here. Often a SAHM ends up richer after divorce (especially if she qualifies for alimony for a few years). If you really hate your marriage/spouse then go and see a lawyer and find out where you truly stand rather than complaining that you have to stay married for money...
Good point!
Sure. With what money? 'oh sorry I'm going to take money out of our account to go see a divorce lawyer'. My degree's worth nothing here. I don't work because I can't even get a call back from the supermarket when I apply for a job (and I've tried... but I don't have much experience at all). I could never find a job that would cover the cost of Summer camps or after school care/baby sitter for 2 kids... and it's nearly impossible to rent a 2 bedroom place for less than 1000/month here. Somehow I don't think that the small alimony I would get would help cover all that.
I wish I lived in your world where money grows on tree though.STLBADGIRL wrote: »Well I can't afford to move and I'm not completely sure that I would if I did because we have kids but... my relationship has changed a lot and we really don't seem to have much in common anymore (we used to play online games together all the time... now I can't stand sitting on my butt more than one hour anymore). I think the worst part is that it gives us basically nothing to talk about except tv shows sometimes and the kids. And we don't do much together either except watch TV... Every week end I want to get out of the house and do something as a family and I just end up disappointed.
But to be fair, I started losing weight over 3.5 years ago now and I don't know where we would be if I hadn't lost the weight either.
Sounds exactly like my life.
This is a tough place to be. So instead of being unhappy, maybe make real effort to rediscover your relationship. It's going to be a pretty long life with someone that you no longer enjoy, might as well make the best out of it!
It's a good point and I've been trying for 3 years but you know... it doesn't help when you have a history of depression (and he does too, which I'm telling you is just fantastic for a relationship... /scarscam off).
I was just thinking about this thread title today again... the main thing that's changed a lot with me losing weight (and watching what I eat) is that eating out as a family totally sucks now. First, having to find a place... Hubby doesn't dare picking a place because I turn it down (I don't want to waste a lot of calories on mediocre food), I'm so tired of spending an hour looking for a place that will have something that I can eat, then when we finally pick a place... Nobody's talking. Hubby's on his phone, we spend our time basically telling the kids to sit and eat.
So lately I've just been eating at home more, then they can go and have fast food or whatever. Just not worth the argument. I suppose that part was much easier before I lost weight, as I was just eating anything.1 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »Also there seem to be some terrible misinformation about SAHM's and divorce on here. Often a SAHM ends up richer after divorce (especially if she qualifies for alimony for a few years). If you really hate your marriage/spouse then go and see a lawyer and find out where you truly stand rather than complaining that you have to stay married for money...
Good point!
Sure. With what money? 'oh sorry I'm going to take money out of our account to go see a divorce lawyer'. My degree's worth nothing here. I don't work because I can't even get a call back from the supermarket when I apply for a job (and I've tried... but I don't have much experience at all). I could never find a job that would cover the cost of Summer camps or after school care/baby sitter for 2 kids... and it's nearly impossible to rent a 2 bedroom place for less than 1000/month here. Somehow I don't think that the small alimony I would get would help cover all that.
I wish I lived in your world where money grows on tree though.STLBADGIRL wrote: »Well I can't afford to move and I'm not completely sure that I would if I did because we have kids but... my relationship has changed a lot and we really don't seem to have much in common anymore (we used to play online games together all the time... now I can't stand sitting on my butt more than one hour anymore). I think the worst part is that it gives us basically nothing to talk about except tv shows sometimes and the kids. And we don't do much together either except watch TV... Every week end I want to get out of the house and do something as a family and I just end up disappointed.
But to be fair, I started losing weight over 3.5 years ago now and I don't know where we would be if I hadn't lost the weight either.
Sounds exactly like my life.
This is a tough place to be. So instead of being unhappy, maybe make real effort to rediscover your relationship. It's going to be a pretty long life with someone that you no longer enjoy, might as well make the best out of it!
It's a good point and I've been trying for 3 years but you know... it doesn't help when you have a history of depression (and he does too, which I'm telling you is just fantastic for a relationship... /scarscam off).
I was just thinking about this thread title today again... the main thing that's changed a lot with me losing weight (and watching what I eat) is that eating out as a family totally sucks now. First, having to find a place... Hubby doesn't dare picking a place because I turn it down (I don't want to waste a lot of calories on mediocre food), I'm so tired of spending an hour looking for a place that will have something that I can eat, then when we finally pick a place... Nobody's talking. Hubby's on his phone, we spend our time basically telling the kids to sit and eat.
So lately I've just been eating at home more, then they can go and have fast food or whatever. Just not worth the argument. I suppose that part was much easier before I lost weight, as I was just eating anything.
You talk as if you have no options. That's what is sad to me. I USED to live life like that. Like I have no input or no say so about MY life. The way I think now is totally different. I believe I can do anything and will anything my way. I have crazy faith and I don't let my situation or circumstance define me or the future. You are built and manufactured the same way. You just believe in your current situation. Tap into that same POWER you tapped into to lose weight and you will start to see things manifest in your life. I started to strengthen my relationship with God and I started reading the book The Secret and I listen to a lot of Tony Robbins on YouTube and changed the way I thought. So now you know the 'real world' I live in
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »Also there seem to be some terrible misinformation about SAHM's and divorce on here. Often a SAHM ends up richer after divorce (especially if she qualifies for alimony for a few years). If you really hate your marriage/spouse then go and see a lawyer and find out where you truly stand rather than complaining that you have to stay married for money...
Good point!
Sure. With what money? 'oh sorry I'm going to take money out of our account to go see a divorce lawyer'. My degree's worth nothing here. I don't work because I can't even get a call back from the supermarket when I apply for a job (and I've tried... but I don't have much experience at all). I could never find a job that would cover the cost of Summer camps or after school care/baby sitter for 2 kids... and it's nearly impossible to rent a 2 bedroom place for less than 1000/month here. Somehow I don't think that the small alimony I would get would help cover all that.
I wish I lived in your world where money grows on tree though.STLBADGIRL wrote: »Well I can't afford to move and I'm not completely sure that I would if I did because we have kids but... my relationship has changed a lot and we really don't seem to have much in common anymore (we used to play online games together all the time... now I can't stand sitting on my butt more than one hour anymore). I think the worst part is that it gives us basically nothing to talk about except tv shows sometimes and the kids. And we don't do much together either except watch TV... Every week end I want to get out of the house and do something as a family and I just end up disappointed.
But to be fair, I started losing weight over 3.5 years ago now and I don't know where we would be if I hadn't lost the weight either.
Sounds exactly like my life.
This is a tough place to be. So instead of being unhappy, maybe make real effort to rediscover your relationship. It's going to be a pretty long life with someone that you no longer enjoy, might as well make the best out of it!
It's a good point and I've been trying for 3 years but you know... it doesn't help when you have a history of depression (and he does too, which I'm telling you is just fantastic for a relationship... /scarscam off).
I was just thinking about this thread title today again... the main thing that's changed a lot with me losing weight (and watching what I eat) is that eating out as a family totally sucks now. First, having to find a place... Hubby doesn't dare picking a place because I turn it down (I don't want to waste a lot of calories on mediocre food), I'm so tired of spending an hour looking for a place that will have something that I can eat, then when we finally pick a place... Nobody's talking. Hubby's on his phone, we spend our time basically telling the kids to sit and eat.
So lately I've just been eating at home more, then they can go and have fast food or whatever. Just not worth the argument. I suppose that part was much easier before I lost weight, as I was just eating anything.
You talk as if you have no options. That's what is sad to me. I USED to live life like that. Like I have no input or no say so about MY life. The way I think now is totally different. I believe I can do anything and will anything my way. I have crazy faith and I don't let my situation or circumstance define me or the future. You are built and manufactured the same way. You just believe in your current situation. Tap into that same POWER you tapped into to lose weight and you will start to see things manifest in your life. I started to strengthen my relationship with God and I started reading the book The Secret and I listen to a lot of Tony Robbins on YouTube and changed the way I thought. So now you know the 'real world' I live in
But I don't have any option. It's probably going to be a surprise, but I wouldn't be complaining about it on message boards if I could actually do something about it.
Losing weight was in my power.. it was up to me only. I did it because at least it's something I could do. That's vastly different than having to rely on others to give you a job, for example (and not a minimum wage one). I'm a 38yo SAHM who moved to the US 14 years ago with a 3 year French degree with English as foreign language as major, and haven't had a stable job since (just a couple short term jobs that I apparently sucked at)... So yeah, not exactly the ideal situation to find a place to live and afford to care for 2 kids on my own... in NJ to boot.
Also, I'm an atheist, so...
Anyway. Thanks to the people who actually related to me and supported me here... I should probably bow out of this thread before all my stalkers come to try and bring me down again.2 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »Also there seem to be some terrible misinformation about SAHM's and divorce on here. Often a SAHM ends up richer after divorce (especially if she qualifies for alimony for a few years). If you really hate your marriage/spouse then go and see a lawyer and find out where you truly stand rather than complaining that you have to stay married for money...
Good point!
Sure. With what money? 'oh sorry I'm going to take money out of our account to go see a divorce lawyer'. My degree's worth nothing here. I don't work because I can't even get a call back from the supermarket when I apply for a job (and I've tried... but I don't have much experience at all). I could never find a job that would cover the cost of Summer camps or after school care/baby sitter for 2 kids... and it's nearly impossible to rent a 2 bedroom place for less than 1000/month here. Somehow I don't think that the small alimony I would get would help cover all that.
I wish I lived in your world where money grows on tree though.STLBADGIRL wrote: »Well I can't afford to move and I'm not completely sure that I would if I did because we have kids but... my relationship has changed a lot and we really don't seem to have much in common anymore (we used to play online games together all the time... now I can't stand sitting on my butt more than one hour anymore). I think the worst part is that it gives us basically nothing to talk about except tv shows sometimes and the kids. And we don't do much together either except watch TV... Every week end I want to get out of the house and do something as a family and I just end up disappointed.
But to be fair, I started losing weight over 3.5 years ago now and I don't know where we would be if I hadn't lost the weight either.
Sounds exactly like my life.
This is a tough place to be. So instead of being unhappy, maybe make real effort to rediscover your relationship. It's going to be a pretty long life with someone that you no longer enjoy, might as well make the best out of it!
It's a good point and I've been trying for 3 years but you know... it doesn't help when you have a history of depression (and he does too, which I'm telling you is just fantastic for a relationship... /scarscam off).
I was just thinking about this thread title today again... the main thing that's changed a lot with me losing weight (and watching what I eat) is that eating out as a family totally sucks now. First, having to find a place... Hubby doesn't dare picking a place because I turn it down (I don't want to waste a lot of calories on mediocre food), I'm so tired of spending an hour looking for a place that will have something that I can eat, then when we finally pick a place... Nobody's talking. Hubby's on his phone, we spend our time basically telling the kids to sit and eat.
So lately I've just been eating at home more, then they can go and have fast food or whatever. Just not worth the argument. I suppose that part was much easier before I lost weight, as I was just eating anything.
The only reason I mentioned this is because I don't want anyone in a difficult marriage taking the bs you spout as gospel. I have been in the same situation myself and everything you say is self-pitying rubbish. As anyone with half a brain knows, when you divorce you get child support and half of all assets (sometimes more) but as usual you are spouting off about having to pay rent and for after care (which your spouse would have to pay anyway). But you wouldn't know that because apparently your 'worthless degree' makes you an expert in the law and divorce settlements.
I generally ignore you because I find you oppressively negative and self-pitying but in this case I don't want anyone else thinking what you say is anywhere close to the truth. A consultation with a lawyer isn't that expensive and you could pay in cash if you didn't want your husband knowing (although he has probably seen all the crap you say about him on here anyway so it's a moot point).
3 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »Also there seem to be some terrible misinformation about SAHM's and divorce on here. Often a SAHM ends up richer after divorce (especially if she qualifies for alimony for a few years). If you really hate your marriage/spouse then go and see a lawyer and find out where you truly stand rather than complaining that you have to stay married for money...
Good point!
Sure. With what money? 'oh sorry I'm going to take money out of our account to go see a divorce lawyer'. My degree's worth nothing here. I don't work because I can't even get a call back from the supermarket when I apply for a job (and I've tried... but I don't have much experience at all). I could never find a job that would cover the cost of Summer camps or after school care/baby sitter for 2 kids... and it's nearly impossible to rent a 2 bedroom place for less than 1000/month here. Somehow I don't think that the small alimony I would get would help cover all that.
I wish I lived in your world where money grows on tree though.STLBADGIRL wrote: »Well I can't afford to move and I'm not completely sure that I would if I did because we have kids but... my relationship has changed a lot and we really don't seem to have much in common anymore (we used to play online games together all the time... now I can't stand sitting on my butt more than one hour anymore). I think the worst part is that it gives us basically nothing to talk about except tv shows sometimes and the kids. And we don't do much together either except watch TV... Every week end I want to get out of the house and do something as a family and I just end up disappointed.
But to be fair, I started losing weight over 3.5 years ago now and I don't know where we would be if I hadn't lost the weight either.
Sounds exactly like my life.
This is a tough place to be. So instead of being unhappy, maybe make real effort to rediscover your relationship. It's going to be a pretty long life with someone that you no longer enjoy, might as well make the best out of it!
It's a good point and I've been trying for 3 years but you know... it doesn't help when you have a history of depression (and he does too, which I'm telling you is just fantastic for a relationship... /scarscam off).
I was just thinking about this thread title today again... the main thing that's changed a lot with me losing weight (and watching what I eat) is that eating out as a family totally sucks now. First, having to find a place... Hubby doesn't dare picking a place because I turn it down (I don't want to waste a lot of calories on mediocre food), I'm so tired of spending an hour looking for a place that will have something that I can eat, then when we finally pick a place... Nobody's talking. Hubby's on his phone, we spend our time basically telling the kids to sit and eat.
So lately I've just been eating at home more, then they can go and have fast food or whatever. Just not worth the argument. I suppose that part was much easier before I lost weight, as I was just eating anything.
You talk as if you have no options. That's what is sad to me. I USED to live life like that. Like I have no input or no say so about MY life. The way I think now is totally different. I believe I can do anything and will anything my way. I have crazy faith and I don't let my situation or circumstance define me or the future. You are built and manufactured the same way. You just believe in your current situation. Tap into that same POWER you tapped into to lose weight and you will start to see things manifest in your life. I started to strengthen my relationship with God and I started reading the book The Secret and I listen to a lot of Tony Robbins on YouTube and changed the way I thought. So now you know the 'real world' I live in
But I don't have any option. It's probably going to be a surprise, but I wouldn't be complaining about it on message boards if I could actually do something about it.
Losing weight was in my power.. it was up to me only. I did it because at least it's something I could do. That's vastly different than having to rely on others to give you a job, for example (and not a minimum wage one). I'm a 38yo SAHM who moved to the US 14 years ago with a 3 year French degree with English as foreign language as major, and haven't had a stable job since (just a couple short term jobs that I apparently sucked at)... So yeah, not exactly the ideal situation to find a place to live and afford to care for 2 kids on my own... in NJ to boot.
Also, I'm an atheist, so...
Anyway. Thanks to the people who actually related to me and supported me here... I should probably bow out of this thread before all my stalkers come to try and bring me down again.
You don't have to bow out....it's good to vent. The Secret and Tony Robbins aren't religious people. They talk about the law of attraction. Ultimately, it would be great if you could experience a little bit of joy and happiness! <<<<<<<<<<<Big hugs to you and your situation!!!!>>>>>>>>>>>>>2 -
8BallWiseMan wrote: »I'm not religious so im biased but i don't think religion would help in her situation. There isn't always a "will yourself better" solution to these issues.
That situation to me reads like stagnation, boredom, no shared interests or common goals, no aim just floating through life to raise kids and die.
Life is plentiful for those that look. The amount of new experiences one can have in just a month is phenomenal. I would encourage some relationship building in that situation, find the spark, want to share with each other and listen to each others stories and opinions on all the new things you've tried.
I once decided to take a trip across Europe, i wanted to see all the major sights but i stopped myself because I wanted to share my awe, my excitement and passion with someone else. If they had none of that, if they didn't feel the same way i wouldn't take them. That in my opinion is what i think a relationship should be.
I don't like the word religious....but for the sake of this post I will go with it. I suggested what you suggested. But for me, I think differently. I don't believe I have to accept my situation if I don't like it. I believe I have the power to change or seek help to better myself. I went through life feeling defeated and as if I didn't play a part in my life. I don't believe that anymore...and because I don't my circumstances are different.1 -
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8BallWiseMan wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »8BallWiseMan wrote: »I'm not religious so im biased but i don't think religion would help in her situation. There isn't always a "will yourself better" solution to these issues.
That situation to me reads like stagnation, boredom, no shared interests or common goals, no aim just floating through life to raise kids and die.
Life is plentiful for those that look. The amount of new experiences one can have in just a month is phenomenal. I would encourage some relationship building in that situation, find the spark, want to share with each other and listen to each others stories and opinions on all the new things you've tried.
I once decided to take a trip across Europe, i wanted to see all the major sights but i stopped myself because I wanted to share my awe, my excitement and passion with someone else. If they had none of that, if they didn't feel the same way i wouldn't take them. That in my opinion is what i think a relationship should be.
I don't like the word religious....but for the sake of this post I will go with it. I suggested what you suggested. But for me, I think differently. I don't believe I have to accept my situation if I don't like it. I believe I have the power to change or seek help to better myself. I went through life feeling defeated and as if I didn't play a part in my life. I don't believe that anymore...and because I don't my circumstances are different.
Out of curiosity, whats wrong with the word religious?
IMO accepting your situation is key, accepting does not equal settling. If you never accept there is a problem then you cannot solve it.
Positive thinking is great, its a mindset that allows you to change what you need to change. I may be wrong but i had the impression that you were suggesting that you gained that from some religious influence and that she should too.
Religious to me are a lot of man made rules made to control you and other BS for a lack of a better word.
of course I love God and I love my relationship, but would never push that off on someone else. The books that and YOUTUBE videos that I watched are not based on God or religion or are by religious leaders. They talk about the very thing that you just described - changing your mindset. Creating your happy, positive thinking, etc. I believe if you don't have any money, then you don't have any money and therefore you are going to live according to that. When I believed I was depressed, I acted like I was depressed. When I believed I was fat and couldn't lose weight, I ate and did the things that where in line with what I thought. It was really freeing when I changed how I viewed things.5
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