my husband thinks that I am ungrateful

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  • trigden1991
    trigden1991 Posts: 4,658 Member
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    Why couldn't you have eaten them in moderation. 1 or 2 per day is not going to make too much impact to your calories. But eating a whole box in one sitting is not going to help you to re-learn your eating habits.
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
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    My hubby buys chocolate bars, cakes, ice cream, knowing I can't say no to them. But it's on me. I've lost 80 lbs so far, and it's been a huge struggle, but whether I eat those yummies when they come into my house is up to me. Can I say I may have lost the weight faster if he hadn't brought home chocolate and cakes so often? Probably. But buying them for me made him feel good, it was him thinking about making me happy. The worst I say on these days is "You didn't!!" Instead of burning him at the stake, I enjoy them, try to moderate my intake, and move on. Thank your hubby for being so sweet, for thinking about you, he tried to make you happy in the way he knows how; eat one or two, not TWELVE, and move on..xo
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited October 2016
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    My question is did you eat that many in spite cause you were angry with him for to putting those in your face, or was there a true power at will that occurred?

    I did see that you were considering baiting mice with them.. curious how your husband would have reacted to that? LOL :):)

  • gillie80
    gillie80 Posts: 214 Member
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    My husband bought me a box of Milk Tray as part of my birthday. I was like, really, chocolates, are you trying to kill me haha. i've since lost them. i have no idea what i did with that box of chocolates, and i want them. i may have blocked out the memory of moving them as we had a huge argument that night (also made up that same night). if i get something like that i just say thanks, i wont eat them just now, but i'll have a nibble later. he usually ends up eating most of my chocolate anyhow, as he's a greedy piggy who cant keep his hands off my chocolatey goodies!
  • smotheredincheese
    smotheredincheese Posts: 559 Member
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    I can't moderate either, but I still love being given chocolates. I put them away somewhere I can't easily reach them (for a while I had a stash of chocolate oranges in the loft) and get my boyfriend to retrieve them for me when I want them and have budgeted for the calories.
  • Pathmonkey
    Pathmonkey Posts: 108 Member
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    My ex husband used to do the same thing to me! (note his status is EX). He was overweight as well.....I just have to conclude he was sabotaging my efforts. Nip this in the bud now....it borders on cruelty.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,014 Member
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    nicholasedwards5477 wrote: »
    You don't have to eat them. If you don't have the willpower to resist then you're not ready to lose weight!

    That seems a really silly POV to me

    Some people are ready to resist everything and others need to make baby steps getting toward that - or they have some foods which are always triggers to them and they are better off not having them in the house at all ( and nicely asking spouses to buy alternative gifts next time)

    having great will power is not a goal in itself - finding a way to manage your lack of will power (eg by not having boxes of chocolates in the house) is the better approach for some people.

  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,014 Member
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    CattOfTheGarage wrote: »
    Communication. It's not a foregone conclusion that a dieting wife doesn't want chocolates as a present. I love getting chocolates. I hoard them up and make them last.

    Anyway, anyone saying anything but "thank you" for a birthday present sets my teeth on edge. Yes, I might have got you the wrong thing, but I don't want to KNOW that. The point of the present wasn't the actual thing, it was the gesture, and I would prefer the person takes it in that spirit, is thankful for the thought behind it, and quietly disposes of it however they see fit. I do my best to pick appropriate gifts that people will like, but I'm not perfect at it, and if I give you a hat, I'm not obliging you to wear it - feel free to give it away or return it but don't come and tell me it was the wrong thing to give you, I feel that as rejection. Similarly if I give you a box of chocolates, I'm not obliging you to eat them. Give them away or whatever, and take the gesture as it was intended.

    You see, it's a minefield. Presents mean different things to different people, and there are lots of opportunities for hurt feelings here. Communication is key, and I also advise you to come up with a strategy to deal with edible gifts, whether it's giving them away, portioning then out or eating them all at once and accepting the effect on your goals. Even if you can persuade your husband to avoid them in future, do you really want to have this conversation with every relative or friend who decides to give you a treat? That WILL lead to hurt feelings.

    I would also add that if you start calorie counting 2 weeks before your birthday, you can't expect perfect adherence in those first 2 weeks. Most people overeat on birthdays and that's OK. Accept it and move on.

    Hmmm - You say communication is the key but you dont want to know (ie be communicated to) if presents are unsuitable.

    I agree if a work colleague or similar gave me something i dont really want, i would just accept it with good grace and not say anything.

    But if one cant have an honest conversation with ones own spouse about buying alternative presents without it causing feelings of rejection- there is a bigger problem than chocolates.

  • DebSozo
    DebSozo Posts: 2,578 Member
    edited October 2016
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    dn0pes wrote: »
    I'm a sober alcoholic. Every year people buy me bottles of wine. The problem is mine not theirs. My weight is my problem not theirs. They are trying to be nice, kind, or loving. I sincerely say "Thank you" and re-gift as soon as possible...

    I agree ^. Sometimes it is good to stay away from triggers. Boxed chocolates are one of mine, unfortunately. Regifting solves the problem. Last year, for instance, I got a box of chocolates during the Christmas holidays from a well-meaning relative. I struggled over whether to moderate the chocolates and open the cellophane or leave it sealed. I decided to give it away. I did not regret that. If items stay closed or wrapped I'm not tempted.

    If i started I would have eaten two or three at a time, experienced the sugar high, the crash, and then the carb crave for more cycle if I had started up. Then in a couple hours I would have had a couple more chocolates and experienced the endorphins and then the crash/crave/more cycle. It isn't all about "no self control/lack of discipline" as some other posters are implying.
  • CattOfTheGarage
    CattOfTheGarage Posts: 2,750 Member
    edited October 2016
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    paperpudding wrote: »
    CattOfTheGarage wrote: »
    Communication. It's not a foregone conclusion that a dieting wife doesn't want chocolates as a present. I love getting chocolates. I hoard them up and make them last.

    Anyway, anyone saying anything but "thank you" for a birthday present sets my teeth on edge. Yes, I might have got you the wrong thing, but I don't want to KNOW that. The point of the present wasn't the actual thing, it was the gesture, and I would prefer the person takes it in that spirit, is thankful for the thought behind it, and quietly disposes of it however they see fit. I do my best to pick appropriate gifts that people will like, but I'm not perfect at it, and if I give you a hat, I'm not obliging you to wear it - feel free to give it away or return it but don't come and tell me it was the wrong thing to give you, I feel that as rejection. Similarly if I give you a box of chocolates, I'm not obliging you to eat them. Give them away or whatever, and take the gesture as it was intended.

    You see, it's a minefield. Presents mean different things to different people, and there are lots of opportunities for hurt feelings here. Communication is key, and I also advise you to come up with a strategy to deal with edible gifts, whether it's giving them away, portioning then out or eating them all at once and accepting the effect on your goals. Even if you can persuade your husband to avoid them in future, do you really want to have this conversation with every relative or friend who decides to give you a treat? That WILL lead to hurt feelings.

    I would also add that if you start calorie counting 2 weeks before your birthday, you can't expect perfect adherence in those first 2 weeks. Most people overeat on birthdays and that's OK. Accept it and move on.

    Hmmm - You say communication is the key but you dont want to know (ie be communicated to) if presents are unsuitable.

    I agree if a work colleague or similar gave me something i dont really want, i would just accept it with good grace and not say anything.

    But if one cant have an honest conversation with ones own spouse about buying alternative presents without it causing feelings of rejection- there is a bigger problem than chocolates.

    This is a good point. I'm not saying OP should not talk to hubby, I'm using my own hypersensitivity as an example of why this is a fraught subject and should be handled with care - don't assume the other person attaches the same meaning to a gift as you do, they may see it in a different way. Also it's better to talk about gift expectations beforehand rather than react badly afterwards, which can feel like rejection.

    @kommedavaran we all control the environment in our own homes to help our goals - I suppose the question is how far you go with that (a) when someone else shares that home and has different goals, and (b) when you're talking about the world outside the home. People giving you presents is essentially out of your control, so how do you cope with that? My argument is you need to have a strategy for dealing with edible presents, other than trying to stop people giving them to you. Even if that strategy is as simple as saying "thank you" and giving them away.
  • akern1987
    akern1987 Posts: 288 Member
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    Don't stress on this too much. It was one day...a birthday for that matter, so have your chocolates and your cake. Your husband is not being evil because he bought you something that he knows you love. Accept the gift, log the calories and leave it alone.

    If he continues to buy treats for you, or for the house and it bothers you, maybe make mention that you'd prefer if he stopped, at least until you have your eating a little more under control. But this sounds like something blown a little out of proportion.

    Good luck.

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