Boyfriends standards of weight?

joeboland · November 2016

RachaelRenk wrote: »

elliebrierleyz wrote: »

(No, I don't want to leave him, sorry)

Well, then you're not going to get any advice because literally the only decent advice in this situation is to dump him and gtfo. Just based on your post, this relationship seems abusive, controlling, and possibly narcissistic. Unfortunately, only you can make the decision to leave. And leaving is the only thing that's going to help you.

I'm with the poster above. You've already gone ahead and said that you don't want to hear what is actually the solution, so I'm really not at all sure what you're looking for in the way of an answer here.

Sued0nim · November 2016

By the way ..when I was 24kg heavier my husband thought I was beautiful then too

That is a partner worth having. Someone who makes you stronger and not weaker

WinoGelato · November 2016

OP, I'm genuinely curious, when you posted this, what sort of advice were you looking for? Because stating up front that you aren't interested in leaving him, you had to have known that was going to be the majority of the advice you would get. And if you knew that was the advice you'd get, then you must have at least considered this already, and decided you weren't willing to do that (whatever your reasons are). So what sort of advice did you hope for? Ways to humiliate him and make him feel as bad as he makes you? Ways to drop the weight quickly so you can achieve the perfect girlfriend body that he is hoping for? Because people aren't going to give you any of that sort of advice - so I'm failing to see what can happen here, other than just validation and sympathy? I not really big on that sort of thing, so I'm just going to suggest that you seek counseling and a backbone.

joeboland · November 2016

Oh, and if your boyfriend is really THAT hung up on weight, maybe he should be the one getting his lanky *kitten* to the gym. Your weight sounds like a perfectly reasonable and average one.

Fuzzipeg · November 2016

Me too, weight does not matter to someone who loves you.

leanjogreen18 · November 2016

Don't lose yourself in the process of loving someone and forget that you are special too.

A controlling, demeaning man who wants you to meet his standards? It's impossible to reach and usually a moving target.

zorander6 · November 2016

Abandon ship. This one's sinking fast.

Chef_Barbell · November 2016

Wow.

chocolate_owl · November 2016

You need to dump him.

But if you're not gonna dump him, and he doesn't want his girlfriend weighing almost as much as he does, he needs to get his butt over to the "Gaining Weight" forum and figure out what he can do about his situation.

malibu927 · November 2016

If he truly loved you he wouldn't care how much you weighed. And losing 10 kg from where you started would put you at the bottom of a healthy BMI. Break up with him, lose the weight you want to/lift to get the body you want, then find someone who values you 100%.

avskk · November 2016

Your boyfriend is a terrible person who's treating you awfully. I hope you find the strength to leave. Good luck to you.

Therealobi1 · November 2016

have you tried defending yourself?
if so what happens
the only person who ever told me to lose weight was my nurse and that was annoying, but to be fair i was obese back then and blood pressure was high.

sydnisd183 · November 2016

elliebrierleyz wrote: »

(No, I don't want to leave him, sorry)

Then you're going to have to find some way to get OK with the verbal abuse because he's not going to stop......You cannot control the thoughts or actions of another, you can only choose how you react, and how you respect yourself.

So getcha mind right, because he ain't stoppin'

Don't worry, when you get in enough pain you'll do something different. And some of us (myself included) have a higher tolerance for pain than others.

Good luck and Happy Holidays

edit: he's 154 lbs....I can deadlift him for a clean set of 15.....lol

LKArgh · November 2016

If you like being abused, no one can help. If you hope he will change, sure, they usually do. For the worse. If you are making excuses about how much he loves and all this comes from a place of love, time for therapy.

Alatariel75 · November 2016

Your boyfriend is a complete POS. If you don't want to leave, you'll have to get used to being abused and torn down. He isn't going to change, he's only going to get worse and once he's undermined you enough that you have no confidence left and think you'll never do any better, leaving will be far far harder.

Have some self respect and self love and kick him to the kerb.

Would you be cool with a friend, sister, loved one being abused like this?

Need2Exerc1se · November 2016

Have you told him how his comments make you feel? Just be honest with him. If he continues to make the remarks even though he knows it makes you feel bad and you don't want to leave him, then I guess there's not much choice but to learn to live with the comments.

zorander6 · November 2016

Sabine_Stroehm · November 2016

I'm sad that you think that 5'8" and 143Lbs is "chubby".
I'm sad that he thinks you should weigh less than some arbitrary number he has in his head.

What do you want to solve? Try to change his perspective on you? Or your own perspective on him, you, the relationship? Or did you just need to vent?

mfp_nicole_2017 · November 2016

This sounds like my brother-whom do not communicate with anymore. I am also 5-8, and am around 160 ( I lost around 110 lbs over the last 1.5 years). I think your weight is a great place to be at for your height. I could never allow someone telling me to lose weight, or calling me names like you said, to be in my life. My brother called me fat and also called me names my whole life. I just won't allow someone to be in my life that is like that. My brother will never change, so I am better off not communicating with him, as unfortunate as it sounds to some. I have actually been much better off without having to deal with him. It is your own life, so it's up to you who you allow in it.

holliebaker90 · November 2016

You remind me of my little brother... he has been dating the same girl for years. She is a few years older than me but has the mental capacity of a 16 year old. She mentally abuses him and yet he still won't leave her. For the past 4 years we knew something was wrong and tried to get him to realize that he is in danger of himself, he is slowly spiraling out of control. This year he ended up hitting a very bad point in his life after she had cheated on him multiple times. Many people offered him a way to get out, he had every means too and he still went back to her. There are some things in life that you won't be able to see unless you look at it from another persons point of view. Like my brother... he will never break out of his verbally abusive relationship unless he realizes he needs to take the plunge. I suggest you NOT end up like my brother, get out of that relationship as soon as possible. Remember that ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. You show your love through your actions. Your boyfriend is not healthy for you, and you could end up in a worse situation if you don't address the situation.

YOU lose weight for YOU, not for him!

Boyfriends standards of weight?

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