Boyfriends standards of weight?
Options
Replies
-
Well I think almost every preceding post has suggested what you should do and they are correct. All I will add is this:
He is behaving this way about your weight, which is healthy and it sounds like his driver is more about how you compare to him than whether or not you are healthy. However, and a few people have touched on this, the warning signs for the future are all there.
From what you say, if real and if you're genuinely looking for help, this guy will always criticize you. It may be about your weight now, or about how he perceives you as being stupid, but they are just aspects of the same problem (him).
You need to understand right now, down to the very bottom of your soul, that this guy will always treat you like *kitten*. There will always be something he picks on you about, and not because it is true but because the only way he can feel better about himself is by putting you down - and I suspect probably other people. Even if you lost weight to some silly number like 120lbs he will just pick another issue or aspect to criticize you on.
You can choose to stay with him as you wish, that is very much the wrong choice, but understand that there is absolutely nothing you can do that will stop him behaving like this, what you describe is symptomatic of someone who gets off on abusing other people. The issue is with him and not you, and I echo everyone else in saying that you need to leave him and GTFO because he will make your life miserable, there is no fix.1 -
Why? I left home at 15 due to an untenable situation with my parents, and I was the most naive person on the planet at that time. I also made a few bad partner choices out of desperation as much as innocence and inexperience.
Having walked her walk (I'm now in my 60's) her situation rings true to me.3 -
WinoGelato wrote: »OP, I'm genuinely curious, when you posted this, what sort of advice were you looking for? Because stating up front that you aren't interested in leaving him, you had to have known that was going to be the majority of the advice you would get. And if you knew that was the advice you'd get, then you must have at least considered this already, and decided you weren't willing to do that (whatever your reasons are). So what sort of advice did you hope for? Ways to humiliate him and make him feel as bad as he makes you? Ways to drop the weight quickly so you can achieve the perfect girlfriend body that he is hoping for? Because people aren't going to give you any of that sort of advice - so I'm failing to see what can happen here, other than just validation and sympathy? I not really big on that sort of thing, so I'm just going to suggest that you seek counseling and a backbone.
I am not exact sure what I'm looking for if I'm completely honest with you, I realise what the real solution is yet I am still not capable of coming to terms with it, I agree with you about growing a backbone, it is something I used to have but now I have become weak I guess. I'm not looking for sympathy, I am being desperate and trying to look for a solution that I'm beginning to think doesn't exist just to keep my relationship afloat, I don't want to give up on a person that I love so dearly. I'm sorry for annoying you all so much.
The only person you shouldn't be giving up on is yourself. Please get out of there before the abuse becomes physical.1 -
Yes, I was 15, officially I didn't live on my own, I supposedly lived with my mother but I moved out because she was verbally abusive and it became physical. I lived at a friends house for a couple of weeks and then managed to move country soon after.0 -
Just from what you have said I can tell you this person does not love you, I think he doesn't even like you very much. So you love him dearly, so what? What does that mean? Does that mean you have to spend your precious love on someone who can so easily disregard your feelings? Btw the fact that you put up with it sends a signal, not only to him, but to everyone that you accept to be disrespected and abused. Stop this now. Stop this before you can not get out relatively free.
2 -
My dear, if you want to solve this, you must leave him. If you want to stay, resign yourself to the fact you're involved with a controlling, abusive jerk.0
-
If you are in the Uk, can I offer my '*kitten*-kicking' services? It is a bit of a konundrum as you should blatently get rid of him but you say you won't. In which case - get him under the thumb stat and don't be taking *kitten* from him
I am actually currently in the UK haha, thank you. I'm going to try and approach the matter the next time I see him in person as he is currently on a business trip. Wish me luck
4 -
Sounds like a total tool to me. Can't even imagine what it would be like if you married him. Ugghhh, run away NOW.
0 -
Yes, I was 15, officially I didn't live on my own, I supposedly lived with my mother but I moved out because she was verbally abusive and it became physical. I lived at a friends house for a couple of weeks and then managed to move country soon after.
Don't you see the connection between your Mother & your Boyfriend? Both abusive, you left 1; so leave the other & since you chose to be with a male version of your Mother, possibly take some time away from dating & get counselling, so that you cease continuing to allow toxic people; in your life! Otherwise you'll just continue the cycle, of leaving 1 abuser for another; until 1 of them ensures that you're unable to leave them alive!15 -
If you are in the Uk, can I offer my '*kitten*-kicking' services? It is a bit of a konundrum as you should blatently get rid of him but you say you won't. In which case - get him under the thumb stat and don't be taking *kitten* from him
I am actually currently in the UK haha, thank you. I'm going to try and approach the matter the next time I see him in person as he is currently on a business trip. Wish me luck
I DO hope you are able to get some peace, however that may be. I just wanted to say that it's ok if you don't understand his mental illness and it's ok to not want to deal with them for the rest of YOUR life. Even if you love someone you can't give up your life, yourself, and your happiness for them. Sometimes it's best just to let go instead of rationalizing that he has issues. It's up to HIM to fix himself. I do wish you good luck!3 -
Dump him until he's perfect weight and shape. And yes, if he really loved you, it wouldn't matter if you were chubby.0
-
OP if you won't listen to women here that have been in similar situations, listen to the men. There are real men who don't belittle and control out there and these men are telling you this behavior from your bf is not right.6
-
ummm sine when is 5'8" and 145lbs chubby? compared to high fashion models? and that was your start weight right? this has to be a spoof thread - please tell me.....1
-
Yeah, there's really no excuse for this kind of treatment. If you're not willing to leave, you're going to suffer. He WON'T change, and you shouldn't HAVE to.0
-
If someone treats you like that before you are even married (not that it is OK after you are married either), you really need to take a long hard look at the relationship. If he can't love you unconditionally for who you are now - inside and outside - you shouldn't be with him - period. I am not a believer in trying to change who someone is. It generally doesn't work out in either person's favor. You take someone as they are or move on.5
-
It's not you who needs to get over this problem. It's him. The best way for him to get over this is to find himself devoted to solitude and reflection. Leave now.2
-
It is very sad that so many who grow up in abusive homes then turn around and end up in abusive relationships. But, it is a common pattern.
OP, stop trying to make it work. Abusers don't stop because those they abuse want them to. You can't fix it, and he won't get better as long as you're sitting there and taking it and won't if you argue with him about it either.
If it helps, you leaving is the only way he might see the light and get himself some help, though I wouldn't hold my breath on that one.4 -
If you are in the Uk, can I offer my '*kitten*-kicking' services? It is a bit of a konundrum as you should blatently get rid of him but you say you won't. In which case - get him under the thumb stat and don't be taking *kitten* from him
I am actually currently in the UK haha, thank you. I'm going to try and approach the matter the next time I see him in person as he is currently on a business trip. Wish me luck
even if you talk to him chances are he will put all the blame on you because he will think what he is doing is "helping" you and not bashing you,he will probably try and get you to see things his way and he may cry,beg and plead or he may get offensive and name call and he abusive(this usually paves the way for physical abuse).people like this dont often change, for him most likely your feelings dont matter its what he wants and what he thinks is best for you that matters, its all about control0 -
Have you told him how much his remarks impact you? Perhaps start there and if he does not apologize and change his tune, then he is not worthy of your time.0
-
Your BF is an idiot.4
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.6K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 387 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.2K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 913 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions