Other people's reactions to your weight loss or diet
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I wish people would just go away. More negativity than I ever expected.
"You look beautiful, you don't need to lose anymore weight!" The goal isn't to be beautiful, I was beautiful when I was fat thank you very much....my goal is to be strong as *kitten*.
"Do you even eat?" Ummm...I eat like 8 times a day.... 2000cals, over 200g carbs.... trust me I got this.
"You spend too much time in the gym... you're obsessed, its not healthy" I'm disciplined... not obsessed.
"What's your secret? It's so easy for you! I can't lose weight now matter how hard I try!" Ummmm...... no secrets. It wasn't easy. It's hard, but I'm driven to work. You "can't" lose weight because you don't work hard enough. Simple as that.
Any of you post about the gym on facebook and watch your friends list decline like crazy? This makes me giggle. One day I lost 10 friends after posting a gym selfie....... HAHA. Bye felicia.18 -
I've been asked "my secret" several times. Most people are not happy when they find out the secret is counting calories. I had one guy ask me over and over what I gave up. I told him I eat whatever I want as long as I stay under my calorie goal. "No, really. What did you give up? Sweets, fats?" I don't think he ever believed me. Others have just said "oh" and looked so disappointed. I had one friend who signed up for mfp and after about a week decided that logging food was too much so she just got a fitbit. Maybe that will work for her, but if she doesn't get her eating under control I don't think she'll get any where. I have another friend who wanted me to give her some sample meal plans and tell her which foods to eat. I have enough trouble figuring out what I'm going to have for dinner, I don't want to meal plan for others. Especially when I already told her she could eat whatever she wanted just fit it into her calorie goal.
The worst thing anyone has said was "Don't lose anymore weight. You looked better with your weight on. You know some people just look better heavier." Most of the comments I get have been positive, but that one really hurt my feelings. I do get a few "don't lose any more weight" comments, and they annoy me. But for the most part I really think they are just saying that I look good now and don't need to lose any more. It mostly frustrates me because I am an adult and I know how much I weigh and how much I should weigh so I don't need them telling me what to do. I have dropped below my original goal, but I have not been trying to. It has just been harder for me to figure out my maintenance calories than I thought it would be. So it frustrates me even more now when people tell me not to lose anymore when I am trying not to lose. Especially since I was already told once that I look worse now than I did before. Most people tell me I look great. It is kind of funny how one negative comment can cancel out several positive comments.10 -
A lot of people have written the "don't lose any more weight" response.
It's amazing (and unfortunate), isn't it, what has become normal now in our culture regarding weight?
I couldn't help but notice this on my commute home yesterday (through several train stations through a major east coast city). Hardly anyone was thin. I'm 5' 1/2" and about 120 and could probably lose 10-15 more lbs. I bet people would tell me not to lose any more. I mentioned working on losing weight to a friend recently, and she said "From where?" in all seriousness. I have a little belly. It's little, but it's still there. And it's not really supposed to be there ... It's not good for you ...4 -
I found this whole dynamic interesting. My family and closest friends, those who I thought would support me the most, were the ones who made little to no comments. In the beginning it was understandable because it was only a slight change, but as it became obvious, the people who would comment would be those who I see on a week- to- week basis. My baristas, people at church, etc. My grandmother was the only one who really encouraged me. My aunt showed concern, continuously making sure I was losing weight right- but never commenting that I look good. It was disappointing. It was nice gaining encouragement from others, but I would have liked to receive compliments and encouragement from those closest to me.6
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My body transformation has been quite important and unless you're blind, you would totally notice.
As a matter of fact, people barely recognise me if they haven't seen me in more than six months. Although my weight loss has been gradual, it became very visible after 6 / 7 months as I don't have any cheek left, and I do look like a "thin man". It is quite weird when people fail to recognise you and I mean people you've known for years and that's what is making them a bit uncomfortable for most of them.
I've heard many times:
" If it wasn't for your eyes, I wouldn't know it's you".
" If it wasn't for you voice, I wouldn't know it's you'.
Overhearing: "It's funny, he looks like kitkatlp" (That's me!)
Like that colleague of mine who's very skinny and keeps commenting "you can definitely take that slice of pizza" "you have to stop losing weight", "you can have some cake", etc.
What is a bit annoying is people that for some reason feel the right to say "that's enough now, you should stop". Well, that's interesting that they didn't say anything when I was so much overweight for years...which was far unhealthier.
But the most annoying one is people trying to "scare" me: "have you had a blood test?" "are you sure everything's fine" "aren't you concerned about you health".
That is so irrational. Even my wife is asking me "you should see your doctor just to make sure everything's fine".
Why on earth would I go to the doctor when I'm feeling so much better now with 50kg / 110lbs down?
But the worst part, why do they care NOW when I'm so much healthier and they actually didn't say a word when I had reached a BMI of 40 (morbidly obese).
Btw, now I run 15K like it's a normal run for me, I swim / run / cycle / lift weights everyday. No sleep apnea, no asthma, no stomach pains, no heartburns, no sickness, no flu, etc. (knock on wood) which were all daily inconveniences for me before.
So, now they care about me going to the doctor because they cannot deal with my weight loss? I'm sorry but I'm not going to repeat again that I've embarked upon this journey to make it a change of lifestyle, in the healthiest manner possible, etc.
And yes, let's face it. It's quite hypocritical from them to feel free to speak up about me going to the doctor and they kept their mouth shut so many years whereas I was definitely putting my life at risk.
They may do it out of kindness. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. But at some point, they'll have to understand that it is a bit annoying.21 -
My body transformation has been quite important and unless you're blind, you would totally notice.
As a matter of fact, people barely recognise me if they haven't seen me in more than six months. Although my weight loss has been gradual, it became very visible after 6 / 7 months as I don't have any cheek left, and I do look like a "thin man". It is quite weird when people fail to recognise you and I mean people you've known for years and that's what is making them a bit uncomfortable for most of them.
I've heard many times:
" If it wasn't for your eyes, I wouldn't know it's you".
" If it wasn't for you voice, I wouldn't know it's you'.
Overhearing: "It's funny, he looks like kitkatlp" (That's me!)
Like that colleague of mine who's very skinny and keeps commenting "you can definitely take that slice of pizza" "you have to stop losing weight", "you can have some cake", etc.
What is a bit annoying is people that for some reason feel the right to say "that's enough now, you should stop". Well, that's interesting that they didn't say anything when I was so much overweight for years...which was far unhealthier.
But the most annoying one is people trying to "scare" me: "have you had a blood test?" "are you sure everything's fine" "aren't you concerned about you health".
That is so irrational. Even my wife is asking me "you should see your doctor just to make sure everything's fine".
Why on earth would I go to the doctor when I'm feeling so much better now with 50kg / 110lbs down?
But the worst part, why do they care NOW when I'm so much healthier and they actually didn't say a word when I had reached a BMI of 40 (morbidly obese).
Btw, now I run 15K like it's a normal run for me, I swim / run / cycle / lift weights everyday. No sleep apnea, no asthma, no stomach pains, no heartburns, no sickness, no flu, etc. (knock on wood) which were all daily inconveniences for me before.
So, now they care about me going to the doctor because they cannot deal with my weight loss? I'm sorry but I'm not going to repeat again that I've embarked upon this journey to make it a change of lifestyle, in the healthiest manner possible, etc.
And yes, let's face it. It's quite hypocritical from them to feel free to speak up about me going to the doctor and they kept their mouth shut so many years whereas I was definitely putting my life at risk.
They may do it out of kindness. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. But at some point, they'll have to understand that it is a bit annoying.
The bolded is what annoys me the most. Most people won't tell you you are getting too heavy because it is rude. I don't know why they don't realize that telling you you are losing too much is just as rude.3 -
My body transformation has been quite important and unless you're blind, you would totally notice.
As a matter of fact, people barely recognise me if they haven't seen me in more than six months. Although my weight loss has been gradual, it became very visible after 6 / 7 months as I don't have any cheek left, and I do look like a "thin man". It is quite weird when people fail to recognise you and I mean people you've known for years and that's what is making them a bit uncomfortable for most of them.
I've heard many times:
" If it wasn't for your eyes, I wouldn't know it's you".
" If it wasn't for you voice, I wouldn't know it's you'.
Overhearing: "It's funny, he looks like kitkatlp" (That's me!)
Like that colleague of mine who's very skinny and keeps commenting "you can definitely take that slice of pizza" "you have to stop losing weight", "you can have some cake", etc.
What is a bit annoying is people that for some reason feel the right to say "that's enough now, you should stop". Well, that's interesting that they didn't say anything when I was so much overweight for years...which was far unhealthier.
But the most annoying one is people trying to "scare" me: "have you had a blood test?" "are you sure everything's fine" "aren't you concerned about you health".
That is so irrational. Even my wife is asking me "you should see your doctor just to make sure everything's fine".
Why on earth would I go to the doctor when I'm feeling so much better now with 50kg / 110lbs down?
But the worst part, why do they care NOW when I'm so much healthier and they actually didn't say a word when I had reached a BMI of 40 (morbidly obese).
Btw, now I run 15K like it's a normal run for me, I swim / run / cycle / lift weights everyday. No sleep apnea, no asthma, no stomach pains, no heartburns, no sickness, no flu, etc. (knock on wood) which were all daily inconveniences for me before.
So, now they care about me going to the doctor because they cannot deal with my weight loss? I'm sorry but I'm not going to repeat again that I've embarked upon this journey to make it a change of lifestyle, in the healthiest manner possible, etc.
And yes, let's face it. It's quite hypocritical from them to feel free to speak up about me going to the doctor and they kept their mouth shut so many years whereas I was definitely putting my life at risk.
They may do it out of kindness. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. But at some point, they'll have to understand that it is a bit annoying.
The bolded is what annoys me the most. Most people won't tell you you are getting too heavy because it is rude. I don't know why they don't realize that telling you you are losing too much is just as rude.
I've been thinking about this for a while, and it relates to these posts. I'm 5' 1/2" and was in the 230s; I gained over 100 lbs quickly, and no one said anything. I went from running everyday to doing nothing over a few months in my early 30's. And I stayed that weight for over 10 yrs. I can now say that instead of being an alcoholic, I used food. I mean ... now, looking at it, it was classic symptoms of depression. Even my doctor never said anything about it let alone asked me what I now realize are obvious sorts of questions you could ask to assess my mental health. I'm not sure what happened that had me try to lose weight, and the more I lost the better I felt and then the more I'd try to lose. But, at some point I could tell something was off and got an appt with a psychologist and psychiatrist for meds. I should have been on meds years ago! I was sick for over a decade with something that is treatable -- and now I think: how on earth could anyone else not see? Not care enough to ask? No one thought anything was off and offered to go to a dr appt with me? These thoughts sort of stop my in my tracks ... And, btw, now that I've lost over 100 lbs, no one says anything either. I seriously need new people!
I17 -
I'm 5'8". I started at 200-205 pounds and am currently down to 158. Goal weight is 155; 150 is a 'would like to get there' goal.
Immediate family and friends was and are pretty supportive.
Folks at work, however, thought 170 was a good stopping point and I got the "You don't need to lose anymore weight comments." Told them I had too much belly fat to lose.
On the other hand, yesterday I was asked if I'm close to my goal weight. Actually, what she said was, "You HAVE to be close to your goal weight by now." And then she scritched my back.
The buff guy who just got back from a deployment and is carrying about 20-30 extra pounds is jealous and keeps calling me "Mr. Skinny." I just come back with, "Getting there!"
But on the gripping hand there's two folks at work who've joined MFP and started their own diets and cited me an inspiration.
So, overall, the experience has been positive.8 -
I found this whole dynamic interesting. My family and closest friends, those who I thought would support me the most, were the ones who made little to no comments. In the beginning it was understandable because it was only a slight change, but as it became obvious, the people who would comment would be those who I see on a week- to- week basis. My baristas, people at church, etc. My grandmother was the only one who really encouraged me. My aunt showed concern, continuously making sure I was losing weight right- but never commenting that I look good. It was disappointing. It was nice gaining encouragement from others, but I would have liked to receive compliments and encouragement from those closest to me.
Exactly. Glad for this reason MFP community exists. I remember a while ago my mom asked how much weight I wanted to lose. I said probably 20 lbs. She said that sounds like too much. I said I was 20 lbs less than that before and nobody noticed! She just looked at me befuddled. The kudos always comes from people I least expect and am not that close with.2 -
I've been asked "my secret" several times. Most people are not happy when they find out the secret is counting calories. I had one guy ask me over and over what I gave up. I told him I eat whatever I want as long as I stay under my calorie goal. "No, really. What did you give up? Sweets, fats?" I don't think he ever believed me.
I think I've only been asked the "what did you give up?" question once. I said "large portions".
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I've been asked "my secret" several times. Most people are not happy when they find out the secret is counting calories. I had one guy ask me over and over what I gave up. I told him I eat whatever I want as long as I stay under my calorie goal. "No, really. What did you give up? Sweets, fats?" I don't think he ever believed me.
I think I've only been asked the "what did you give up?" question once. I said "large portions".
That has to be the best answer I have heard , I am going to use that15 -
I've been thinking about the whole, "You need to stop losing weight" comment or those along that line that people get and I have an idea about it. With a lot of weight loss usually comes a lot of excess skin which can make people look gaunt and unhealthy at least until their body catches up to their weight loss. I think people are reacting to this...5
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My immediate family (husband and children) didn't really say anything - they still don't really - but they say that it's because the change has been too gradual for them to notice. They are more impressed when they see side by side photos though. The children have said that they are proud of me. My husband occasionally remarks that I'm getting "curvy" or "skinny" but that's about it. His defence is that he doesn't mind how I look as he loves me for being me
not what I look like. Fair enough.
Other family and friends whom I don't see on a day to day basis are much more forthcoming - one of my friends who I hadn't seen for about six months was completely overwhelmed by it and ran around telling all of her family (it may have been the fact that I'm now thinner than she is) and my mother is always making comments, usually positive though. My dad hasn't said a word but that doesn't surprise me as he's never said anything encouraging or positive, not even when I got my degree.
What has really surprised me was a total stranger coming up to me and saying that I looked great, she could see how much weight I'd lost and it was great to see me out walking with my children. I had no idea who this woman was - she then explained that I go past her house several times a day and she's seen me shrinking. Bless her, that made my day.
My named doctor (who I try to avoid as I prefer others in the practice) also commented last time I was forced to see her. I won't repeat here what I thought about her comments!17 -
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I've been thinking about the whole, "You need to stop losing weight" comment or those along that line that people get and I have an idea about it. With a lot of weight loss usually comes a lot of excess skin which can make people look gaunt and unhealthy at least until their body catches up to their weight loss. I think people are reacting to this...
Maybe they are. But it is still just as rude to tell someone they are too thin as it is to tell them they are too heavy. And lots of people get the "too thin" comments while they are technically overweight. I personally don't think I look gaunt and unhealthy. And if someone else thinks I do they can just keep their opinion to themselves. I would never tell someone I thought they looked too heavy even if they were obviously overweight.6 -
I've been asked "my secret" several times. Most people are not happy when they find out the secret is counting calories. I had one guy ask me over and over what I gave up. I told him I eat whatever I want as long as I stay under my calorie goal. "No, really. What did you give up? Sweets, fats?" I don't think he ever believed me.
I think I've only been asked the "what did you give up?" question once. I said "large portions".
That's good. I may use that too.1 -
On the topic of commenting on weight gain vs. loss:
My sister once said, "I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but you're OBESE!" Am I? You don't say! Thank you SO MUCH for telling me! I had no idea, even though I live in this body every freakin' day.
"And I'm worried about your kids. You couldn't possibly be feeding them right." Ah. So I'm fat AND a bad parent. Thanks again.
Then she tried to make nice the next time I saw her by saying about my 3 kids, right in front of them, "Why are they all so skinny? Aren't you feeding them?" Smile. Wink. Yes! Let's tease the children about their bodies when they are in fact at a perfectly healthy size. Wouldn't want them to just go along feeling all comfortable in their own skins, would we? Excellent! Wink right back atcha!
Infuriating.16 -
One thing in the back of my mind when people don't comment, is it may be hard to get excited about someone losing weight if they fear I will gain it back once I'm done. I see my dad weekly and, while he had commented in the past when I was obese, not a word from him about the weight I've lost. I don't need to bring it up with him, but I think he's just worried to say something and then a year from now I've gained it back.
Might be more my fears coming through. Not sure.9 -
JessicaMcB wrote: »I have had several random people (cashier at the pharmacy, etc.) tell me I'm "too thin now" or look "sick". I get a lot of snark for being low carb as well. Obesity being so normalized makes being a normal weight person frustrating sometimes -_-
I used to get this A LOT when I was skinny. I'd be like "um, do you see my JLo *kitten*? Nothing "too skinny" about me!"
My question is, why do TOTAL STRANGERS feel like they have any right to comment on your figure?1 -
itislizard146 wrote: »One of my friends kept telling me and everyone else that I was anorexic. Which is/was not true. It made me feel awful, I'm not sure why. And then it sabotaged my progress and I wound up gaining weight back and I still can't get it out of my head.
I don't think you need me or anyone else to tell you but, that's NOT a friend. That's jealousy!4
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