Other people's reactions to your weight loss or diet
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I've been asked "my secret" several times. Most people are not happy when they find out the secret is counting calories. I had one guy ask me over and over what I gave up. I told him I eat whatever I want as long as I stay under my calorie goal. "No, really. What did you give up? Sweets, fats?" I don't think he ever believed me.
I think I've only been asked the "what did you give up?" question once. I said "large portions".
That has to be the best answer I have heard , I am going to use that15 -
I've been thinking about the whole, "You need to stop losing weight" comment or those along that line that people get and I have an idea about it. With a lot of weight loss usually comes a lot of excess skin which can make people look gaunt and unhealthy at least until their body catches up to their weight loss. I think people are reacting to this...5
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My immediate family (husband and children) didn't really say anything - they still don't really - but they say that it's because the change has been too gradual for them to notice. They are more impressed when they see side by side photos though. The children have said that they are proud of me. My husband occasionally remarks that I'm getting "curvy" or "skinny" but that's about it. His defence is that he doesn't mind how I look as he loves me for being me
not what I look like. Fair enough.
Other family and friends whom I don't see on a day to day basis are much more forthcoming - one of my friends who I hadn't seen for about six months was completely overwhelmed by it and ran around telling all of her family (it may have been the fact that I'm now thinner than she is) and my mother is always making comments, usually positive though. My dad hasn't said a word but that doesn't surprise me as he's never said anything encouraging or positive, not even when I got my degree.
What has really surprised me was a total stranger coming up to me and saying that I looked great, she could see how much weight I'd lost and it was great to see me out walking with my children. I had no idea who this woman was - she then explained that I go past her house several times a day and she's seen me shrinking. Bless her, that made my day.
My named doctor (who I try to avoid as I prefer others in the practice) also commented last time I was forced to see her. I won't repeat here what I thought about her comments!17 -
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I've been thinking about the whole, "You need to stop losing weight" comment or those along that line that people get and I have an idea about it. With a lot of weight loss usually comes a lot of excess skin which can make people look gaunt and unhealthy at least until their body catches up to their weight loss. I think people are reacting to this...
Maybe they are. But it is still just as rude to tell someone they are too thin as it is to tell them they are too heavy. And lots of people get the "too thin" comments while they are technically overweight. I personally don't think I look gaunt and unhealthy. And if someone else thinks I do they can just keep their opinion to themselves. I would never tell someone I thought they looked too heavy even if they were obviously overweight.6 -
I've been asked "my secret" several times. Most people are not happy when they find out the secret is counting calories. I had one guy ask me over and over what I gave up. I told him I eat whatever I want as long as I stay under my calorie goal. "No, really. What did you give up? Sweets, fats?" I don't think he ever believed me.
I think I've only been asked the "what did you give up?" question once. I said "large portions".
That's good. I may use that too.1 -
On the topic of commenting on weight gain vs. loss:
My sister once said, "I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but you're OBESE!" Am I? You don't say! Thank you SO MUCH for telling me! I had no idea, even though I live in this body every freakin' day.
"And I'm worried about your kids. You couldn't possibly be feeding them right." Ah. So I'm fat AND a bad parent. Thanks again.
Then she tried to make nice the next time I saw her by saying about my 3 kids, right in front of them, "Why are they all so skinny? Aren't you feeding them?" Smile. Wink. Yes! Let's tease the children about their bodies when they are in fact at a perfectly healthy size. Wouldn't want them to just go along feeling all comfortable in their own skins, would we? Excellent! Wink right back atcha!
Infuriating.16 -
One thing in the back of my mind when people don't comment, is it may be hard to get excited about someone losing weight if they fear I will gain it back once I'm done. I see my dad weekly and, while he had commented in the past when I was obese, not a word from him about the weight I've lost. I don't need to bring it up with him, but I think he's just worried to say something and then a year from now I've gained it back.
Might be more my fears coming through. Not sure.9 -
JessicaMcB wrote: »I have had several random people (cashier at the pharmacy, etc.) tell me I'm "too thin now" or look "sick". I get a lot of snark for being low carb as well. Obesity being so normalized makes being a normal weight person frustrating sometimes -_-
I used to get this A LOT when I was skinny. I'd be like "um, do you see my JLo *kitten*? Nothing "too skinny" about me!"
My question is, why do TOTAL STRANGERS feel like they have any right to comment on your figure?1 -
itislizard146 wrote: »One of my friends kept telling me and everyone else that I was anorexic. Which is/was not true. It made me feel awful, I'm not sure why. And then it sabotaged my progress and I wound up gaining weight back and I still can't get it out of my head.
I don't think you need me or anyone else to tell you but, that's NOT a friend. That's jealousy!4 -
My trick is to find a new job after ever 40lbs lost to avoid the whole "your getting too skinny" comments. Luckily, during my loss of 100lbs, I just so happened to switch jobs at just the right time to avoid the comments.
The most annoying experience I had was having the same idiot commenting on my "diet" every day. He would ask "oh so are you still on your diet?" and I mean...its been 4 years! So I would often throw back a "depends what your definition of a diet is." and things would typically go down hill from there. It was just annoying constantly being asked the same thing and people calling it a "diet", when really I eat the exact same way as I always did, just a lot less (and I work out from time to time)4 -
ericatoday wrote: »My family tells me to stop losing weight because im going to start looking sick im 5'7" and 135lbs i still have lots of jiggle because im not toned and i still have thick thighs. But my whole family is obese so idk of theyre jealous or just use to fat family. Or i hate when people ask how i did it then they say thats too much work.
I realized some time ago that most people do not really want to hear the truth. So now when someone asks how I did it I just smile and normally they will just keep talking. I get the skinny comment from family and friends, which always makes me giggle. I am a size18/20, 22/24 so I am nowhere nears skinny, but like someone else said coming from the size I am I guess I would be considered skinny.3 -
A person that I know and like and have known for many years told me that he liked my body before but he likes it even more now. I told him that was a very good answer.9
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birgitkwood wrote: »I've had relatively few comments on my 100 lb weight loss over the past year. But I simply believe that the people in my life are polite! I also had, thankfully, very few comments on my rather precipitous weight GAIN the year before! (My husband had a bad stroke and the anxiety took its toll.) Either way, it's MY journey and MY body - I'm grateful that most people in my life keep their opinions about my physical shape to themselves.
I think people can tell whether you are comfortable discussing your weight or weight loss. I think it is great that your friends and family respect your boundaries. It does not bother me either way if people comment or not. For instance I know two sisters that I have known for years. One sister comments all the time about how good I look and the other sister never comments at all. I have lost over 180 lbs so there is no way that it is not noticeable. It is just interesting how others react to the weight loss. I have had people also ask if I am trying to lose weight. How much more do I want to lose? A few people say oh you must have a man now, as if I could not have had one when I was bigger...4 -
I had a neighbour state 'so you had the baby then'
I've only lived here a year and I've gone from obese to teetering on healthy weight in 9 months. I suppose I can see where she was coming from because it did look like I lost it pretty quickly when I stopped wearing my too big clothes but it was still a bit awkward. 5 -
OMG you use to be huge, You've lost a ton of weight. How much weight have you lost ? Did you lose like 200 pounds ? (when I lost 40) Are you doing drugs ? I've heard many rude comments. Although, not for a few years now. I lost most of my weight in 2011. I'm still trying to get rid of this last 20 ish pounds. I'm never shocked at the insensitive stuff people say.
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Tacklewasher wrote: »One thing in the back of my mind when people don't comment, is it may be hard to get excited about someone losing weight if they fear I will gain it back once I'm done. I see my dad weekly and, while he had commented in the past when I was obese, not a word from him about the weight I've lost. I don't need to bring it up with him, but I think he's just worried to say something and then a year from now I've gained it back.
Might be more my fears coming through. Not sure.
YES - I agree. I know my Mom was all in a lather when I went to her house to visit in October. I was lighter than I had been 30 years ago, and significantly smaller than I think she expected me to be... she was happy, she was impressed - but she was all over me about not making our visit a "food fest" as she didn't want me to lose ground on all the work I had done.
I had to reassure her that I was still doing my thing - even while I was at her house...
She calmed down a little, when she saw that we were going to the gym every day for an hour. I could have eaten any darned thing I wanted on that trip... lol.3 -
From people at work, I get the sense they want me to fail. It's a socially competitive work environment and I'm in management, so people already don't like me lol.
From family, I get nothing but support and cheering on.
From friends, it's a mixture of the two!4 -
Mostly really positive. Just yesterday I had someone ask me if I had lost weight and couldn't stop telling me how amazing I looked and how much younger I looked. I get a lot of 'you look amazing' comments. I also have been called 'skinny minny' and told 'you are wasting away'... all by a very lovely lady at work who I believe means well.
People get funny when I tell them I count calories (after they ask)! It seems that many people see it as extreme. I see it in the face when I tell people, the face changes and they often follow up with 'I could never do that'. They seem to want a difference answer. Or sometimes I get people questioning what I eat, I count calories so I can eat it! They think I should only eat 'whole/health' foods if I am trying t lose weight (often larger themselves). Mostly really positive though!
Had the the same experience as far as telling people how I lost the weight. They can't believe it's as simple as counting calories. What you have to remember is that people have been conditioned by media so much that there's a magic pill or you gotta buy a machine to lose the weight that they don't understand simple calories in calories out. When I tell him I still have beers on the beach pizza and Wendy's hamburgers they don't believe me. We know it's the secret as long as you're in your calorie limit you're fine.2 -
JulieSHelms wrote: »My two favorite comments came while at church from older women. One said to me as I walked in the door..."Where's your other half?" I said, "He's parking the car. He'll be right in." She said, "No, I mean the other half of you!" Last week a woman who I know by sight only said I looked amazing and a 'shadow of my former self'. Lol.
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word. Once a woman started raving about my changes, then kind of elbowed her husband and said, "doesn't she look great?" Poor guy--he was looking at the ceiling, at the floor, everywhere but me. That really got me thinking about the phenomenon. I think it must be cultural and that men (I'm talking the 40+ married crowd) have been well trained either to not notice or not comment on women's weight--which is probably a good thing because I wouldn't have wanted them saying anything while I got heavy!
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
Edited to add: This is a 'real-time' phenomenon only. On Facebook, I have posted progress pictures twice and the men responded there--either hit the Like button or with a "Congrats" in the comments.
56 year old male. Unless you really know the woman really well most men won't say anything.
4 guys it's part of what we are taught, you never talk to a woman about her age or her weight unless she brings it up.
A better option for a guy would just to take a crowbar and whack himself in the head a couple times the consequences would be less painful than bringing up a woman's age or weight. Believe me we do notice it though
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I gained 30lbs before I started my job a year ago due to stress (ie major stress eating) and it has taken me a year to get myself settled in and in a place mentally to get the weight off. I am pretty obese and I have a coworker who is also pretty obese but just a little less than I am and she is a very competitive person. I have lost about 12lbs since late Dec and some of my good friends at work have told me they can already tell and I'm looking great etc. They are very supportive of my efforts and understand when I want to eat my prepared meal instead of eating out at a restaurant. However, my competitive coworker is constantly trying to get me to eat desserts or eat restaurant food. Including yesterday when I had a very stressful issue going on at work that I had not told her about but she heard about through others. She gets me on IM and tells me that since I am going through something very stressful I need a cookie and she has one at her desk for me. At the time I was way too busy to think about her motivations and just turned her down flat (which she was SUPER surprised by), but in hindsight I can't help but wonder if she is trying to sabotage my efforts :-(5
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Apparently you have to be heavier to log calories/macros and watch what you eat or else you're selfobessed and vain...at least to my family and friends. I get unhealthy food pushed on me all the time. And forbid I want to workout instead of last minute plans...I'm expected to cancel since I don't really need to workout. "Why do you diet/workout so much/limit yourself when you're already thin" " you don't need to ____" "youre crazy to want to lose weight" "you're already good enough stop obessing/being vain". Then there's going out to eat...ugh ok yes I eat healthy stop bothering me and recommending fried food. No I'm not wanting 4 drinks alcohol has calories. And since progress is slow during recomps I don't get the congrats you're doing so well compliments. Or any compliments on progress ever. People just question me when it comes to diet and fitness. It crushes motivation
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STEVE142142 wrote: »JulieSHelms wrote: »My two favorite comments came while at church from older women. One said to me as I walked in the door..."Where's your other half?" I said, "He's parking the car. He'll be right in." She said, "No, I mean the other half of you!" Last week a woman who I know by sight only said I looked amazing and a 'shadow of my former self'. Lol.
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word. Once a woman started raving about my changes, then kind of elbowed her husband and said, "doesn't she look great?" Poor guy--he was looking at the ceiling, at the floor, everywhere but me. That really got me thinking about the phenomenon. I think it must be cultural and that men (I'm talking the 40+ married crowd) have been well trained either to not notice or not comment on women's weight--which is probably a good thing because I wouldn't have wanted them saying anything while I got heavy!
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
Edited to add: This is a 'real-time' phenomenon only. On Facebook, I have posted progress pictures twice and the men responded there--either hit the Like button or with a "Congrats" in the comments.
56 year old male. Unless you really know the woman really well most men won't say anything.
4 guys it's part of what we are taught, you never talk to a woman about her age or her weight unless she brings it up.
A better option for a guy would just to take a crowbar and whack himself in the head a couple times the consequences would be less painful than bringing up a woman's age or weight. Believe me we do notice it though
^^This. You don't mention weight to a woman. Don't care the circumstances. And ESPECIALLY don't say they look nice if they are a coworker or similar. That's taking the crowbar to the nuts.
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"You don't look good/healthy." I I had a nickel for every time I hear this, I would have a lot of nickels.2
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JessicaMcB wrote: »I have had several random people (cashier at the pharmacy, etc.) tell me I'm "too thin now" or look "sick". I get a lot of snark for being low carb as well. Obesity being so normalized makes being a normal weight person frustrating sometimes -_-
wow. insecure people trying to sabotage you. you look great!1 -
louann_jude wrote: »I have had several different reactions:
The good
I had the principle at my kids school jaw drop. She was like wow you have lost weight. Then asked how I done it. I have had the you look good. You are doing awesome. I had one lady said I was and inspiration and motivator.
The bad.
My sister in law told people I was on drugs. I had one friend who was older go from complementary to creepy in like five seconds. He did that up and down long look that freaks you out. It was very uncomfortable. I haven't been back over there since.
Ugh, the up and down look. I know the one.0 -
For the most part everyone was great. Either they were just like, damn you look great, or they were just happy I was leaving more donuts for them.
The few who asked how were hoping I'd tell them I found a pill on a late night infomercial, or I rubbed a magic lamp at Antique Roadshow and got a wish. Sadly no, so they lost interest in causation after that.
The only negative reaction I got was from my mom and she was a real PITA. Since I was obviously losing weight, she had to know how. I told her. Paleo, keeping an eye on total calories, and MMA. Then she had to wield her Google Fu to find every negative article she could dig up about "crash dieting" and email them to me, then call to "discuss" which meant an hour of her yarping at me about how unhealthy I was being because I wasn't living on Lean Cuisines and rice cakes. She'd also call my brothers to discuss my "weight issues" and "unhealthy eating habits" and tell them about how I had diabetes (I do not) and high blood pressure (115/75) and how I'd die of a heart attack before long. That'd get one of them to calling me to try to sell me Isagenix. Seriously, if I wanted to drink my dinner it'd come in a bourbon bottle. She'd go to Whole Foods and buy some uber $$$ whole wheat bread she liked and mail it to me. And of course, get mad because I wouldn't eat it. I'm gluten intolerant and when I eat bread my allergies and asthma think it's time to come for an extended visit, but never mind that. Also I needed to stop MMA because I was too old and would get hurt. Plus it's unladylike. What I needed was a treadmill so I could walk at home. THEN she'd go buy me really ugly, unflattering clothes 2 to 3 sizes larger than I'd ever worn in my life and mail them to me. Crazy train full steam ahead.
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serafinelaveaux wrote: »Seriously, if I wanted to drink my dinner it'd come in a bourbon bottle.
Truth.
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Everyone has been super supportive and kind. I really appreciate it. I never know when to comment on someone's weight, though. For example, there's a woman in my office who was never heavy but who has clearly lost quite a bit over the last few months. She looks fantastic. I always mean to tell her so, but it never feels like the right time. So I think that probably more people notice than will ever comment.4
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serafinelaveaux wrote: »For the most part everyone was great. Either they were just like, damn you look great, or they were just happy I was leaving more donuts for them. The few who asked how were hoping I'd tell them I found a pill on a late night infomercial, or I rubbed a magic lamp at Antique Roadshow and got a wish. Sadly no, so they lost interest in causation after that.
The only negative reaction I got was from my mom and she was a real PITA. Since I was obviously losing weight, she had to know how. I told her. Paleo, keeping an eye on total calories, and MMA. Then she had to wield her Google Fu to find every negative article she could dig up about "crash dieting" and email them to me, then call to "discuss" which meant an hour of her yarping at me about how unhealthy I was being because I wasn't living on Lean Cuisines and rice cakes. She'd also call my brothers to discuss my "weight issues" and "unhealthy eating habits" and tell them about how I had diabetes (I do not) and high blood pressure (115/75) and how I'd die of a heart attack before long. That'd get one of them to calling me to try to sell me Isagenix. Seriously, if I wanted to drink my dinner it'd come in a bourbon bottle. She'd go to Whole Foods and buy some uber $$$ whole wheat bread she liked and mail it to me. And of course, get mad because I wouldn't eat it. I'm gluten intolerant and when I eat bread my allergies and asthma think it's time to come for an extended visit, but never mind that. Also I needed to stop MMA because I was too old and would get hurt. Plus it's unladylike. What I needed was a treadmill so I could walk at home. THEN she'd go buy me really ugly, unflattering clothes 2 to 3 sizes larger than I'd ever worn in my life and mail them to me. Crazy train full steam ahead.
This is seriously crazy town. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this nonsense - from your immediately family, no less. I feel for you!0
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