I'm mad at myself for getting to where I was and I'm mad at other people...
Options
Replies
-
Verity1111 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »If you didn't notice a gain of 40 lbs due to baggy clothing, how was anyone else supposed to?
I don't have a mirror? I think other people would notice before me - same as if I lose weight. I don't notice unless I step on a scale. I lost 30lbs in about 2-3 months once without trying as a teenager and I did not notice until someone said OMG your legs are so skinny what happened? I looked down and I was like huh...I guess? lol.
Sorry, I don't buy it. You wash you, dress you, see yourself naked. You don't need a mirror to have an awareness of your body. It's completely illogical to be dark on people for not pointing something out to you that you didn't even see yourself. Gradual weight isn't screamingly obvious, clearly if you never noticed it. It's bizarre that you expect people who aren't you to notice it first.
I don't exactly sit around looking at myself naked. and I had an ED and I always think I'm huge but the scale doesn't usually show it. There's a big difference. And don't buy it all you want. I really don't care. That's all I have to say on it. I don't find it bizarre. I notice someone else gaining before they do - as I said. I don't see how they'd notice first unless they wear a lot of tight clothing. 40lbs in 4-5 months isn't that gradual of a weight gain.
Maybe you spend a lot more time worrying about other people's weight than most?3 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »If you didn't notice a gain of 40 lbs due to baggy clothing, how was anyone else supposed to?
I don't have a mirror? I think other people would notice before me - same as if I lose weight. I don't notice unless I step on a scale. I lost 30lbs in about 2-3 months once without trying as a teenager and I did not notice until someone said OMG your legs are so skinny what happened? I looked down and I was like huh...I guess? lol.
Sorry, I don't buy it. You wash you, dress you, see yourself naked. You don't need a mirror to have an awareness of your body. It's completely illogical to be dark on people for not pointing something out to you that you didn't even see yourself. Gradual weight isn't screamingly obvious, clearly if you never noticed it. It's bizarre that you expect people who aren't you to notice it first.
I don't exactly sit around looking at myself naked. and I had an ED and I always think I'm huge but the scale doesn't usually show it. There's a big difference. And don't buy it all you want. I really don't care. That's all I have to say on it. I don't find it bizarre. I notice someone else gaining before they do - as I said. I don't see how they'd notice first unless they wear a lot of tight clothing. 40lbs in 4-5 months isn't that gradual of a weight gain.
Maybe you spend a lot more time worrying about other people's weight than most?
I don't worry about it. It's pretty obvious if someone gains 40lbs if I can see them from a distance lol. But I have an eye for stuff like that. I can tell a lot of people's pants size by looking at them etc because I was so obsessed with it when I was a teen. I don't go looking to know - I just notice instantly that hey that person looks smaller or bigger... I would notice it in myself if I had a mirror, but I hadn't seen my reflection in a long, long, long time. Now I look at the gym everytime I go because I can tell if there has been some progress usually even if I can't tell how much and even if I still feel awful about myself. The only time I can't tell a 40lbs gain is if the person already started over 300-400lbs to be honest because after that I just can't seem to tell the difference.0 -
Tomk652015 wrote: »the anger wont help
For some people it does. motivation comes from wherever it comes from. A break up is usually good motivation to loose weight.1 -
Tomk652015 wrote: »the anger wont help
For some people it does. motivation comes from wherever it comes from. A break up is usually good motivation to loose weight.
That's true too. Also people tend to cut and dye their hair after break ups lol1 -
Aside from having to buy the next size up in clothing, another way I knew I had put on weight was that I wasn't comfortable when I sat.
I was OK if I sat bolt upright in a fairly straight, firm chair ... but I couldn't sit comfortably on the sofa anymore because my tummy rolls all bunched up and were uncomfortable, plus breathing was a bit more difficult.
No need for a mirror ... I just had to sit down to realise that all was not well.1 -
I am way fat and my husband won't ever say that to me because I've been fat forever, lol. I know. My man has been thin his whole life and this is his heaviest and he doesn't like it. He loses is so easy, he is lucky. He is down to 185 from 215lbs. He looks great, but he starts to fall back into bad habits & hes goes back up.
So when he gains weight, I do tell him but he gets upset with me because it hurts his feelings, but I tell him that I'm not telling him because I hate him or anything, I tell him because I love him. Besides that, his family hates me & blames me for anything in his life that isn't perfect, lol, oh well! So I do gotta help him get focused again, for himself, no one else, even tho i gotta be the bad guy at times.
1 -
I am way fat and my husband won't ever say that to me because I've been fat forever, lol. I know. My man has been thin his whole life and this is his heaviest and he doesn't like it. He loses is so easy, he is lucky. He is down to 185 from 215lbs. He looks great, but he starts to fall back into bad habits & hes goes back up.
So when he gains weight, I do tell him but he gets upset with me because it hurts his feelings, but I tell him that I'm not telling him because I hate him or anything, I tell him because I love him. Besides that, his family hates me & blames me for anything in his life that isn't perfect, lol, oh well! So I do gotta help him get focused again, for himself, no one else, even tho i gotta be the bad guy at times.
Right. and you do that out of love which is good in my opinion. I'm sure you love him either way, but you probably know he won't be happy bigger. That's what I mean. That's nowhere near as bad as when people discourage you from becoming healthy - they don't have your best interests at heart them.0 -
OP, I didn't read the comments, but I remember you from another discussion we had on another thread you posted. You were very aggressive in dismissing all opinions that did not match yours. I don't know if that's how you are in your real life too, but changes are you are. People won't tell you *kitten* if you act like you don't want to hear. That might be a reason.......6
-
@Verity1111 A penny just dropped for me. You're generally open about your past experiences with EDs and I've seen you offering support on other threads to people struggling to overcome disordered eating.
Do people in real life know? With this in mind, wouldn't that explain both:
1) why people wouldn't dare mention any weight gain they notice (IF they noticed) in case it was triggering and shoved you back into that mindset and
2) why people comment so much on your weight LOSS? They are perhaps concerned that you are going to slip back into eating disorder territory again. I think visible weight loss in anyone known to have previously struggled with an ED is pretty likely to cause panic in their friends and family.
Just a thought.5 -
HeliumIsNoble wrote: »@Verity1111 A penny just dropped for me. You're generally open about your past experiences with EDs and I've seen you offering support on other threads to people struggling to overcome disordered eating.
Do people in real life know? With this in mind, wouldn't that explain both:
1) why people wouldn't dare mention any weight gain they notice (IF they noticed) in case it was triggering and shoved you back into that mindset and
2) why people comment so much on your weight LOSS? They are perhaps concerned that you are going to slip back into eating disorder territory again. I think visible weight loss in anyone known to have previously struggled with an ED is pretty likely to cause panic in their friends and family.
Just a thought.
No they don't know except for my dr and my boyfriend. But I understand that would make sense. lol. I had an ED but I was never underweight, just an average weight with super bad habits...0 -
Ironandwine69 wrote: »OP, I didn't read the comments, but I remember you from another discussion we had on another thread you posted. You were very aggressive in dismissing all opinions that did not match yours. I don't know if that's how you are in your real life too, but changes are you are. People won't tell you *kitten* if you act like you don't want to hear. That might be a reason.......
There's a difference between me thinking something is ridiculous or not even asking for the opinion and disagreeing with me. I'm honest and blunt. I don't get "angry" but I don't sit around and go "oh ok" either. If I disagree I make it known. But a lot of times people respond to my posts and it literally has nothing to do with the point of the post so it's frustrating. Like part of your comment - somehow this is about what they didn't say rather than what they said and I'm not sure how the point is so easily missed by a lot of people. I keep clarifying - I am being DIScouraged to lose weight. My point was if you're going to comment on someone's lifestyle it should at least be for the right reasons and for their benefit. If that wasn't done, it's just even more irritating that they would come out of the woodwork to complain when I'm being healthier.0 -
i only read to the first page, but you didn't need new clothes after gaining 40lbs?! really?! if i gain more than 5lbs (of actual fat not water weight) most of my trousers stop fitting!1
-
Verity1111 wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »OP, I didn't read the comments, but I remember you from another discussion we had on another thread you posted. You were very aggressive in dismissing all opinions that did not match yours. I don't know if that's how you are in your real life too, but changes are you are. People won't tell you *kitten* if you act like you don't want to hear. That might be a reason.......
There's a difference between me thinking something is ridiculous or not even asking for the opinion and disagreeing with me. I'm honest and blunt. I don't get "angry" but I don't sit around and go "oh ok" either. If I disagree I make it known. But a lot of times people respond to my posts and it literally has nothing to do with the point of the post so it's frustrating. Like part of your comment - somehow this is about what they didn't say rather than what they said and I'm not sure how the point is so easily missed by a lot of people. I keep clarifying - I am being DIScouraged to lose weight. My point was if you're going to comment on someone's lifestyle it should at least be for the right reasons and for their benefit. If that wasn't done, it's just even more irritating that they would come out of the woodwork to complain when I'm being healthier.
Okay...so there's two reasons why someone would discourage you from losing weight:
1. They don't know any better
2. They are trying to sabotage you on purpose.
If it's the first one. You can't be mad at them
If it's the second one, you need to remove them from your life.
Either way, you are the one responsible for making decisions about your body. Others have opinions, and like you said you are not one to just say "okay whatever you say". So if you made the decision to follow their opinion, wasnt that your decision after all?1 -
Ironandwine69 wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »OP, I didn't read the comments, but I remember you from another discussion we had on another thread you posted. You were very aggressive in dismissing all opinions that did not match yours. I don't know if that's how you are in your real life too, but changes are you are. People won't tell you *kitten* if you act like you don't want to hear. That might be a reason.......
There's a difference between me thinking something is ridiculous or not even asking for the opinion and disagreeing with me. I'm honest and blunt. I don't get "angry" but I don't sit around and go "oh ok" either. If I disagree I make it known. But a lot of times people respond to my posts and it literally has nothing to do with the point of the post so it's frustrating. Like part of your comment - somehow this is about what they didn't say rather than what they said and I'm not sure how the point is so easily missed by a lot of people. I keep clarifying - I am being DIScouraged to lose weight. My point was if you're going to comment on someone's lifestyle it should at least be for the right reasons and for their benefit. If that wasn't done, it's just even more irritating that they would come out of the woodwork to complain when I'm being healthier.
Okay...so there's two reasons why someone would discourage you from losing weight:
1. They don't know any better
2. They are trying to sabotage you on purpose.
If it's the first one. You can't be mad at them
If it's the second one, you need to remove them from your life.
Either way, you are the one responsible for making decisions about your body. Others have opinions, and like you said you are not one to just say "okay whatever you say". So if you made the decision to follow their opinion, wasnt that your decision after all?
Of course, I didn't make that decision. Even if I remove them from my life I still need to vent - hence the post. This is a forum for support so the kind of place to get things out of your system to keep you on track, right? Well, I needed to do that. It's not like I could complain at my kids who are pretty much my only other company lol Well I could but theyre 6, 5 and 2 and that would just be weird.0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »i only read to the first page, but you didn't need new clothes after gaining 40lbs?! really?! if i gain more than 5lbs (of actual fat not water weight) most of my trousers stop fitting!
Since you didn't read all the comments you most likely didn't see the explanation but I was in a wheelchair for 5 months and I had multiple casts so I couldn't wear things like jeans. I didn't leave the house at all for months, excluding rare dr visits and they didn't take my weight. I was wearing drawstring/very loose pants or big loose leggings to fit them over my cast. I also was in the house so I was wearing what was comfortable - xl/xxl shirts and I was a size S/M so I really couldn't notice because the shirts were still big even with the weight gain, so they just felt big. I had no mirror either except chest up. If I had, I probably would have noticed. But anyway I dont care so much about that as the fact that these people dont seem to want me to feel good and get healthy, but they instead discourage healthy changes. I find it strange. And yes it does seem to be their own insecurities mostly but its still angering because I personally dont understand that bringing people down with you thought process.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »OP, I didn't read the comments, but I remember you from another discussion we had on another thread you posted. You were very aggressive in dismissing all opinions that did not match yours. I don't know if that's how you are in your real life too, but changes are you are. People won't tell you *kitten* if you act like you don't want to hear. That might be a reason.......
There's a difference between me thinking something is ridiculous or not even asking for the opinion and disagreeing with me. I'm honest and blunt. I don't get "angry" but I don't sit around and go "oh ok" either. If I disagree I make it known. But a lot of times people respond to my posts and it literally has nothing to do with the point of the post so it's frustrating. Like part of your comment - somehow this is about what they didn't say rather than what they said and I'm not sure how the point is so easily missed by a lot of people. I keep clarifying - I am being DIScouraged to lose weight. My point was if you're going to comment on someone's lifestyle it should at least be for the right reasons and for their benefit. If that wasn't done, it's just even more irritating that they would come out of the woodwork to complain when I'm being healthier.
Okay...so there's two reasons why someone would discourage you from losing weight:
1. They don't know any better
2. They are trying to sabotage you on purpose.
If it's the first one. You can't be mad at them
If it's the second one, you need to remove them from your life.
Either way, you are the one responsible for making decisions about your body. Others have opinions, and like you said you are not one to just say "okay whatever you say". So if you made the decision to follow their opinion, wasnt that your decision after all?
Of course, I didn't make that decision. Even if I remove them from my life I still need to vent - hence the post. This is a forum for support so the kind of place to get things out of your system to keep you on track, right? Well, I needed to do that. It's not like I could complain at my kids who are pretty much my only other company lol Well I could but theyre 6, 5 and 2 and that would just be weird.
Agree.
However support is not only " OMG I am so sorry you had to go through that". Support is also telling you that your mindset is not on the point, or "correcting" you.
I myself give more thought to the ones that are trying to "correct me" than the ones that agree with me. You don't change or grow if you are not open to opposite opinions, and not focus on the way they were delivered.2 -
Ironandwine69 wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »OP, I didn't read the comments, but I remember you from another discussion we had on another thread you posted. You were very aggressive in dismissing all opinions that did not match yours. I don't know if that's how you are in your real life too, but changes are you are. People won't tell you *kitten* if you act like you don't want to hear. That might be a reason.......
There's a difference between me thinking something is ridiculous or not even asking for the opinion and disagreeing with me. I'm honest and blunt. I don't get "angry" but I don't sit around and go "oh ok" either. If I disagree I make it known. But a lot of times people respond to my posts and it literally has nothing to do with the point of the post so it's frustrating. Like part of your comment - somehow this is about what they didn't say rather than what they said and I'm not sure how the point is so easily missed by a lot of people. I keep clarifying - I am being DIScouraged to lose weight. My point was if you're going to comment on someone's lifestyle it should at least be for the right reasons and for their benefit. If that wasn't done, it's just even more irritating that they would come out of the woodwork to complain when I'm being healthier.
Okay...so there's two reasons why someone would discourage you from losing weight:
1. They don't know any better
2. They are trying to sabotage you on purpose.
If it's the first one. You can't be mad at them
If it's the second one, you need to remove them from your life.
Either way, you are the one responsible for making decisions about your body. Others have opinions, and like you said you are not one to just say "okay whatever you say". So if you made the decision to follow their opinion, wasnt that your decision after all?
Of course, I didn't make that decision. Even if I remove them from my life I still need to vent - hence the post. This is a forum for support so the kind of place to get things out of your system to keep you on track, right? Well, I needed to do that. It's not like I could complain at my kids who are pretty much my only other company lol Well I could but theyre 6, 5 and 2 and that would just be weird.
Agree.
However support is not only " OMG I am so sorry you had to go through that". Support is also telling you that your mindset is not on the point, or "correcting" you.
I myself give more thought to the ones that are trying to "correct me" than the ones that agree with me. You don't change or grow if you are not open to opposite opinions, and not focus on the way they were delivered.
Except obviously what I said was taken wrong. lol. Ill work on that but Im not very clear when Im upset. All I was trying to say is I'm upset because if you are going to open your mouth about someone's health please make it for a good reason instead of trying to put them down a negative path. It makes me angry that people I considered friends would want to discourage me and not be happy for me. I don't get it. I was big but when I saw friends getting healthier I felt happy for them and thought "hey maybe I will do that too". I love following weight loss journeys and seeing the progress people have made - even if I am left in the dust still struggling. I get so frustrated with humankind in general though and their ability to be so friggin selfish. And I am open to opposite opinions on certain topics, but if I think it is against my best interest I stand my ground harshly mainly because I have been walked on in the past due to being too timid so I've taken to a new approach. I may be rough around the edges, but it's the only way I can protect myself now. After being taken advantage of for a decade it gets exhausting. And youre very kind and polite right now and I have no issues with you see lol so I do have things I will listen to but if I think 100% it's not good for me or I feel somehow the comment/advice might damage my progress if I pay it any attention I might get defensive without realizing. As I said I also have a history of ED so certain things make me panic like if someone suggests "eat less" when I've already admitted I'm eating the minimum, it's a very bad idea. I also eat less when depressed because I can't stomach food. I have been down the last few days and missed my target badly for example and I'm trying but I'm so out of sorts. But just one example of a comment that might bother me because I know what's best for me so if I say please leave this topic alone, I hope people will respect that.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »i only read to the first page, but you didn't need new clothes after gaining 40lbs?! really?! if i gain more than 5lbs (of actual fat not water weight) most of my trousers stop fitting!
Since you didn't read all the comments you most likely didn't see the explanation but I was in a wheelchair for 5 months and I had multiple casts so I couldn't wear things like jeans. I didn't leave the house at all for months, excluding rare dr visits and they didn't take my weight. I was wearing drawstring/very loose pants or big loose leggings to fit them over my cast. I also was in the house so I was wearing what was comfortable - xl/xxl shirts and I was a size S/M so I really couldn't notice because the shirts were still big even with the weight gain, so they just felt big. I had no mirror either except chest up. If I had, I probably would have noticed. But anyway I dont care so much about that as the fact that these people dont seem to want me to feel good and get healthy, but they instead discourage healthy changes. I find it strange. And yes it does seem to be their own insecurities mostly but its still angering because I personally dont understand that bringing people down with you thought process.
that 'bringing people down with you' mentality is pretty much human nature unfortunately! people are mean.
you cant win though when it comes to commenting on weight if you look at MFP forum posts -
comment on someone gaining weight, you're a terrible person who only cares about physical attraction,
comment on someone's weight loss and you're a terrible person for implying they were hugely fat in the first place
comment on someones weight loss and you should have told them they were fat in the first place
don't comment on someones weight loss and you're a terrible person for not being supportive
don't tell someone they're fat and you're a terrible person for not telling them they were fat
:laugh:4 -
Oh. And also posting on forums is like talking to a man. Have you ever tried to get a man to just listen without trying to fix everything?
https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg 2 -
Ironandwine69 wrote: »Oh. And also posting on forums is like talking to a man. Have you ever tried to get a man to just listen without trying to fix everything?https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg
IMO That's pretty sexist/generalizing plus not accurate. I don't believe in that whatsoever. My BF doesn't do that at all. lol. I'm more the type to do that, actually. Yeah, I know, hypocritical. My boyfriend doesn't give any input or advice unless he's directly asked for it. He just listens and says "sorry" or "okay" usually unless you ask for his opinion. Maybe I'm lucky but I also just don't generalize people based on gender (race or anything else)0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.7K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 395 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 960 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions