I'm mad at myself for getting to where I was and I'm mad at other people...
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TavistockToad wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »i only read to the first page, but you didn't need new clothes after gaining 40lbs?! really?! if i gain more than 5lbs (of actual fat not water weight) most of my trousers stop fitting!
Since you didn't read all the comments you most likely didn't see the explanation but I was in a wheelchair for 5 months and I had multiple casts so I couldn't wear things like jeans. I didn't leave the house at all for months, excluding rare dr visits and they didn't take my weight. I was wearing drawstring/very loose pants or big loose leggings to fit them over my cast. I also was in the house so I was wearing what was comfortable - xl/xxl shirts and I was a size S/M so I really couldn't notice because the shirts were still big even with the weight gain, so they just felt big. I had no mirror either except chest up. If I had, I probably would have noticed. But anyway I dont care so much about that as the fact that these people dont seem to want me to feel good and get healthy, but they instead discourage healthy changes. I find it strange. And yes it does seem to be their own insecurities mostly but its still angering because I personally dont understand that bringing people down with you thought process.
that 'bringing people down with you' mentality is pretty much human nature unfortunately! people are mean.
you cant win though when it comes to commenting on weight if you look at MFP forum posts -
comment on someone gaining weight, you're a terrible person who only cares about physical attraction,
comment on someone's weight loss and you're a terrible person for implying they were hugely fat in the first place
comment on someones weight loss and you should have told them they were fat in the first place
don't comment on someones weight loss and you're a terrible person for not being supportive
don't tell someone they're fat and you're a terrible person for not telling them they were fat
:laugh:
Lol. So strange. I don't think all of those are true (for me although yes maybe for MFP I see weird stuff on here). I think there are certain ways you need to say things though. I would never think or say "Wow, baby. You're starting to look like a beached whale - better put down that sandwich!" But I would ask "Have you gained a little bit?" or "I wish you'd eat healthier sometimes. I want to have a long life with you."0 -
I am way fat and my husband won't ever say that to me because I've been fat forever, lol. I know. My man has been thin his whole life and this is his heaviest and he doesn't like it. He loses is so easy, he is lucky. He is down to 185 from 215lbs. He looks great, but he starts to fall back into bad habits & hes goes back up.
So when he gains weight, I do tell him but he gets upset with me because it hurts his feelings, but I tell him that I'm not telling him because I hate him or anything, I tell him because I love him. Besides that, his family hates me & blames me for anything in his life that isn't perfect, lol, oh well! So I do gotta help him get focused again, for himself, no one else, even tho i gotta be the bad guy at times.
You say you're overweight and he doesn't point that out. Probably because its not necessary to, and for some people who have self esteem issues, it doesn't help, further more the man loves you, he's not going to break you down like that and the comment about everyone blaming you why things don't go right in his life, he chosen you, he chooses you, f what everyone else thinks.0 -
I just can't understand you being mad at other people for you gaining weight. It seems you have made every excuse but taken zero personal responsibility.
I don't blame anyone else for my weight gain. I also don't give anyone else credit for when I lose it.1 -
I go the other way... I would be pretty offended and hurt if someone said something to me about my weight. When I was growing up my Dad would make comments about what I ate and make a big deal about things like that... it didn't stop me from overeating- it just made me dislike my Dad.
Comments about weight loss are much appreciated, comments about getting fat- not so much.
Although, I have never had anyone tell me that I am too thin, or that I don't need to lose weight... I'm not sure how I would react to that if I were in your place.0 -
Butts_Boys_and_Burgers_ohmy wrote: »I just can't understand you being mad at other people for you gaining weight. It seems you have made every excuse but taken zero personal responsibility.
I don't blame anyone else for my weight gain. I also don't give anyone else credit for when I lose it.
You obviously didnt get the post at all. I didnt blame anyone for my weight. Im not sure what you read but it wasnt this post.0 -
Domomallow wrote: »I go the other way... I would be pretty offended and hurt if someone said something to me about my weight. When I was growing up my Dad would make comments about what I ate and make a big deal about things like that... it didn't stop me from overeating- it just made me dislike my Dad.
Comments about weight loss are much appreciated, comments about getting fat- not so much.
Although, I have never had anyone tell me that I am too thin, or that I don't need to lose weight... I'm not sure how I would react to that if I were in your place.
It's less kind than that. It's hard to convey online but it's with disgust. Like they're upset that I'm losing weight. But anyway I understand if someone was mean about your weight. If it was conveyed properly with love maybe it wouldn't be so bad? It shouldn't be made a big deal.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »Domomallow wrote: »I go the other way... I would be pretty offended and hurt if someone said something to me about my weight. When I was growing up my Dad would make comments about what I ate and make a big deal about things like that... it didn't stop me from overeating- it just made me dislike my Dad.
Comments about weight loss are much appreciated, comments about getting fat- not so much.
Although, I have never had anyone tell me that I am too thin, or that I don't need to lose weight... I'm not sure how I would react to that if I were in your place.
It's less kind than that. It's hard to convey online but it's with disgust. Like they're upset that I'm losing weight. But anyway I understand if someone was mean about your weight. If it was conveyed properly with love maybe it wouldn't be so bad? It shouldn't be made a big deal.
I suppose it depends how well you take criticism from others. I've never been fond of the practice.
It sounds like you're getting enough criticism anyway, and for the wrong reasons.
Keep your chin up- Only you know if you are eating and exercising the right ways and doing what your body needs to be healthy.1 -
Verity1111 wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »Oh. And also posting on forums is like talking to a man. Have you ever tried to get a man to just listen without trying to fix everything?
https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg
IMO That's pretty sexist/generalizing plus not accurate. I don't believe in that whatsoever. My BF doesn't do that at all. lol. I'm more the type to do that, actually. Yeah, I know, hypocritical. My boyfriend doesn't give any input or advice unless he's directly asked for it. He just listens and says "sorry" or "okay" usually unless you ask for his opinion. Maybe I'm lucky but I also just don't generalize people based on gender (race or anything else)
He is well trained0 -
Ironandwine69 wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »Oh. And also posting on forums is like talking to a man. Have you ever tried to get a man to just listen without trying to fix everything?https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg
IMO That's pretty sexist/generalizing plus not accurate. I don't believe in that whatsoever. My BF doesn't do that at all. lol. I'm more the type to do that, actually. Yeah, I know, hypocritical. My boyfriend doesn't give any input or advice unless he's directly asked for it. He just listens and says "sorry" or "okay" usually unless you ask for his opinion. Maybe I'm lucky but I also just don't generalize people based on gender (race or anything else)
He is well trained
I doubt it. It's just his personality in general. He's very quiet/introverted. I like it. lol. I'm all over the place (not really introverted or extroverted...it depends on the situation). It's nice to have someone around who is closer to stable lmso or I guess predictable.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »Butts_Boys_and_Burgers_ohmy wrote: »I just can't understand you being mad at other people for you gaining weight. It seems you have made every excuse but taken zero personal responsibility.
I don't blame anyone else for my weight gain. I also don't give anyone else credit for when I lose it.
You obviously didnt get the post at all. I didnt blame anyone for my weight. Im not sure what you read but it wasnt this post.
The title of your post: "im-mad-at-myself-for-getting-to-where-i-was-and-im-mad-at-other-people"
You outright blame other people for not telling you that you gained weight. What am I not getting?0 -
Butts_Boys_and_Burgers_ohmy wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »Butts_Boys_and_Burgers_ohmy wrote: »I just can't understand you being mad at other people for you gaining weight. It seems you have made every excuse but taken zero personal responsibility.
I don't blame anyone else for my weight gain. I also don't give anyone else credit for when I lose it.
You obviously didnt get the post at all. I didnt blame anyone for my weight. Im not sure what you read but it wasnt this post.
The title of your post: "im-mad-at-myself-for-getting-to-where-i-was-and-im-mad-at-other-people"
You outright blame other people for not telling you that you gained weight. What am I not getting?
I get that from just the title, but you left out more than half of the post. I used "..." at the end of the title as in the rest didn't fit. "for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight. It wouldn't matter if it weren't for the fact that people won't hesitate to tell you that you're getting thin (even if you're healthy) or comment that you're not eating enough"
The "It wouldn't matter if..." is the part a lot of people don't understand.
I am mad at other people for something different - for discouraging my weight loss (and in an irrate manner). If they wanted to comment on my weight or tell me what to do it would have been nice if they'd said "hey, you're getting unhealthy" vs their choice to roll their eyes and complain that I am dieting and won't order out often etc. Meaning IF you are going to be commenting and being pushy at least do it for the right reasons. Hey it would have been helpful even! But to discourage progress is horrible and stressful.
Anyway it's done and over I just needed to vent... 0 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »1) Maybe they didn't think you were fat?
2) Maybe they didn't notice anything worth commenting on?
3) Maybe they felt it was none of their business?
4) Maybe they don't care?
5) Maybe you should just do you?
And (6) Maybe they saw you overeating and thought that was your normal.
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Verity1111 wrote: »I think the only people that I would talk to about their unhealthy weight gain is family. I routinely see a very obese person and shake my head because I know that they can reverse it. I also think about all pain suffering and expense it will cause. I realize that in most cases I can not change the world but I can set a good example.
I am talking about family and people I know pretty well. They seem to want me (and other people as well) to gain weight because they had no issue with that but I can be overweight and I'm told I don't need to lose weight and discouraged from it.
How old are you? All those who have commented got the point - so what's your point? Just do what you know you need to do and get one with it. Are you in the mood to be angry with someone? That's okay - as long as you don't dwell in a dark place.0 -
jwcanfield wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »1) Maybe they didn't think you were fat?
2) Maybe they didn't notice anything worth commenting on?
3) Maybe they felt it was none of their business?
4) Maybe they don't care?
5) Maybe you should just do you?
And (6) Maybe they saw you overeating and thought that was your normal.
Again it's more so that if they wanted to tell me what to do that would have been the time to say stop not now when I'm doing positive things. Telling me to stop or being angry that I am not eating tons of junk is frustrating.0 -
All of these posts turn into train wrecks...3
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laurenebargar wrote: »All of these posts turn into train wrecks...
Meh. Doesn't matter to me. I needed to get it out of my system and I did. lol. Even if it was misunderstood.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »
If no one is getting your point, it's usually because you're not communicating it clearly. Maybe it just needs to be rephrased?
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People don't say something for a lot of reasons. One, I assume that if someone has gained weight, they realized it long before I did, much like as I've been losing weight, few people have noticed or commented on it. I also don't want to body shame anyone. You don't know what someone is going through - they could have an illness, or be on medication that causes weight gain. People with bipolar disorder can gain weight due to medication, as can people trying to get pregnant. I don't want to make them feel like crap about how they look and cause emotional injury in reminding them of the side effects of an already trying time.
When I was stressed out with grad school, I was eating whatever was fast and easy (mostly burgers and fries), and trips to the gym were the first thing I cut from my schedule. I gained weight. I knew it, but until my loosest pants started to get tight, I didn't quite realize how bad it was. I was disgusted with myself because it took me a year to lose 18 pounds, and I had just undone all of that. But you know what? When I told my husband how I was feeling, he smiled at me, told me he supported me, and said that I was beautiful. As I started losing weight and toning my muscles, he proudly told me that he could see my body was changing and that I am beautiful. The people who care about you care about your health - but that's not just about physical health. It's about wanting you to feel good about yourself and know that their love is unconditional.1 -
People don't say something for a lot of reasons. One, I assume that if someone has gained weight, they realized it long before I did, much like as I've been losing weight, few people have noticed or commented on it. I also don't want to body shame anyone. You don't know what someone is going through - they could have an illness, or be on medication that causes weight gain. People with bipolar disorder can gain weight due to medication, as can people trying to get pregnant. I don't want to make them feel like crap about how they look and cause emotional injury in reminding them of the side effects of an already trying time.
When I was stressed out with grad school, I was eating whatever was fast and easy (mostly burgers and fries), and trips to the gym were the first thing I cut from my schedule. I gained weight. I knew it, but until my loosest pants started to get tight, I didn't quite realize how bad it was. I was disgusted with myself because it took me a year to lose 18 pounds, and I had just undone all of that. But you know what? When I told my husband how I was feeling, he smiled at me, told me he supported me, and said that I was beautiful. As I started losing weight and toning my muscles, he proudly told me that he could see my body was changing and that I am beautiful. The people who care about you care about your health - but that's not just about physical health. It's about wanting you to feel good about yourself and know that their love is unconditional.
Yes but your husband sounds sweet. He supported you when you also did good things for your health - which is not the case here with the people I was referring too. And obviously, I had the wrong people around me.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »
If no one is getting your point, it's usually because you're not communicating it clearly. Maybe it just needs to be rephrased?
Yes probably. I was mad as I said. People aren't usually very clear when mad. I thought it was clear when I said "It wouldn't matter if" meaning I wouldn't expect people to say anything when I was gaining, except for the fact that they instead speak up when I'm getting healthier and complain about it. That's the point lol0
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