All of my friends are getting bigger............
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HeliumIsNoble wrote: »I once read that statistically, women are very likely to put on weight after the start of a long-term relationship. Wherever it was claimed it was because it comes naturally to someone dishing up food to give both adults exactly the same size of portion.
No idea if this is true, but it's interesting.
I put on weight when I first got married. It wasn't so much portion sizes for me as just having a big 'dinner' every night. When I was single if I wasn't particularly hungry I'd just have a snack for dinner which meant a couple of days a week I was eating at a fairly large deficit, which kept me at maintenance even though we were dating and eating out a lot.
Once we married and moved in together I started cooking, and of course eating, dinner every night. That put me at a calorie surplus and I started gaining weight. That's when I gave up breakfast, which I never really cared for anyway but always thought I should eat. I liked the dinners together so I kept that but skipping breakfast put me back at maintenance, more or less. Still over the years I'd occasionally gain 5-10 lbs and have to cut back.7 -
HeliumIsNoble wrote: »I once read that statistically, women are very likely to put on weight after the start of a long-term relationship. Wherever it was claimed it was because it comes naturally to someone dishing up food to give both adults exactly the same size of portion.
No idea if this is true, but it's interesting.
This is totally what happened to me. Well this, and the general "nesting" where you cook comfort food and spend time at home because we were so exhausted after the wedding. (Also my maid of honour was in the throws of end stage cancer and died two months after the wedding - So comfort eating was a thing ). It's only been in the last year and a half that I've been viewing my eating habits as separate from hubby but in that first year I easily put on 50 lbs! Seems to just be a cycle that happens. Now I'm losing again and setting myself up with sustainable habits.2 -
I am 31, 5'1, CW 115, GW 112 (keeps bouncing back up bc I am not maintaining properly). I have been married a year and most of my friends are married, with or without kids, or in a long term committed relationship. EVERYONE is getting HUGE. Seeing friends from college or somewhere after a year or so, and they have gained 50 pounds. What is going on? Do they not care? Also, I would never FORCE diet advice on them, but if they ask or it come up, I say "MFP" and they say im pyscho etc and have no interest blah blah, takes too long, excuse. WHAT GIVES???
Sometimes as you get older your lifestyle changes. You may start a new job, relationship or have kids. Your eating habits do not always change with your lifestyle and there is a lot of confusing advice out there.
Your friends probably care since they are asking questions but haven't prioritized weight loss yet over other things or figured out what is right for them.
You can tell them that MFP or similar apps/sites are useful tools that help you. If they don't want to try it then so be it. It isn't required to use an app to lose weight.
I gained weight with pregnancy and becoming more sedentary. I resisted counting calories and logging food for 15 years. I tried different diets and stuff during that time and lost and regained more than once.
Probably a lot of people here on MFP have struggled with their weight for years before coming to MFP. Doesn't mean they didn't care or weren't trying to lose weight.
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WHAT GIVES???
Eating out more when in a relationship
Increasingly sedentary activities when in a relationship (Netflix & chill...and falling face first into a bowl of ice cream)
Generally eating bigger portion sizes (especially for women who match their OH's volume of food)
General laziness
It's official. Love makes you fat.
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I understand the frustration. People ask for advice, then when you explain what it is that works and how it works, they say "oh I could never do that. What about this one week juice fast, that's easier" and then keep complaining about being fat. I think some folks are missing the point about how these people come to *us* asking what to do, it's not like we're going out of our way to point out how fat they are. No one likes being asked for advice and then having people say "oh but how about this snake oil instead."20
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It's funny. I gained weight when I was single but since I've been married, I've lost weight and I'm healthier than ever. I actually want to look FABULOUS for my husband even though he thinks I look good no matter what.10
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Many people have different reasons for this...it happened to me and it was my thyroid that didn't starting effecting me until college. Don't judge other people on their bodies or weight struggles. You don't walk In their shoes and unless you're still BFF and talk with them everyday and know their struggles, you shouldn't say anything. You're clearly on here to become a healthier YOU. not a healthier THEM. good luck.18
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I understand what you mean OP. I also know a lot of people who are getting huge and having major health issues. At the same time they said nothing to me and accepted me when I was 80+ pounds heavier while most of them weighed less.
When people ask me how I lost weight/maintain my weight almost all of the time I hear I don't have time to workout or I could never do this or that. They are looking for a specific diet, plan or pill it seems.
I stay out of it and just continue working hard on myself.
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rainbowbow wrote: »HeliumIsNoble wrote: »I'm not sure if I should confess this, but I'm married to a sedentary vegetarian bloke who has a natural off-switch. He's one of those people who will never become anything over slightly overweight, however much cake you put in front of him. This isn't anything to do with a naturally high metabolism; it's his habits. He will only have cake after dinner, "because it wouldn't be enjoyable if you ate it all the time" and he always just stops after one slice because "he's full".
Any way, the upshot of all this is that since I raised my activity level to be two levels higher than his, and shrank my portion sizes to about his, I don't put on weight. Don't lose either, but I don't gain.
So that's what you need to do. Find a sedentary man with a small appetite, and exercise more than him.
funny you mention this, this is exactly what i've done.
Same! It's almost like a sideshow sometimes because I'll watch my OH eat a boxed lunch of a sandwich, bag of chips, and a cookie (total creeper, I know)... and he'll leave half of the sandwich and the whole cookie, and my mind is just blown! I can't seem to grasp how he can leave food behind, as my first instinct would be to try to finish everything off. I ask him why he stopped eating, why can't he finish off the rest of the meal, and he simply states, "I'm full". What a concept!6 -
You are psyching yourself out worrying what they will ask you, how you will respond, and how they will respond to that. Just focus yourself and the here and now!5
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HeliumIsNoble wrote: »I once read that statistically, women are very likely to put on weight after the start of a long-term relationship. Wherever it was claimed it was because it comes naturally to someone dishing up food to give both adults exactly the same size of portion.
No idea if this is true, but it's interesting.
I'll over another bit of anecdata to the pile - my only significant weight gain came after I met my spouse seven years ago. He's got many excellent qualities, but good food and exercise choices are not among them, and I just fell right in with the eating out and driving places instead of walking or public transit. To make things worse, we met right at the time when he was starting that late twenties transition some men have where they go from effortlessly skinny to obese in the course of a few years without conscious change in diet or exercise.0 -
After you get comfortable in a relationship and settle into a routine.. it can be hard to focus on fitness... Late night snacks after making love.. or cuddling and eating something yummy.. or a night out with some good IPA's.. all take a toll5
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I think the best thing to do is just give advice if asked directly, and even then - keep it simple. "Thanks for asking! I count my calories using My Fitness Pal!"
If they're just complaining about their weight for the sake of complaining - just nod your head and smile. Let them vent, don't jump in with all your helpful weight loss tips no matter how much you want to.
Why they are overweight doesn't matter and you shouldn't let it effect you - it's their business only. It could be simply getting "comfy" in a relationship, or maybe they're battling depression or a binge-eating disorder. Either way - they're your friends, and you should always treat them with kindness and support regardless of their size.
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I see or get this sort of reaction from people all the time. I was at a lunch meeting with a vendor rep and she asked a coworker and I what we each do to stay fit (my coworker had lost a noticeable amount of weight since our last face-to-face meeting, while this individual is significantly overweight). We both replied with similar answers that boiled down to "exercise and reasonable nutrition". Her response was "that sounds like a lot of work, I don't have time for that" as she sipped her diet coke...
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I see or get this sort of reaction from people all the time. I was at a lunch meeting with a vendor rep and she asked a coworker and I what we each do to stay fit (my coworker had lost a noticeable amount of weight since our last face-to-face meeting, while this individual is significantly overweight). We both replied with similar answers that boiled down to "exercise and reasonable nutrition". Her response was "that sounds like a lot of work, I don't have time for that" as she sipped her diet coke...
Well, you could have pointed out that the diet coke is a good start!9 -
That used to be me. I was "pleasantly plump" through my teen years, then once adulthood struck, I imagine it was like seeing a parade balloon being inflated. I could drive myself around to fast food places all I wanted. When mom had me do the grocery shopping, she'd let me get "a little something for myself" and it was always b&j's, chocolate or soda. I was in a bad relationship and ate my feelings. I was in a good relationship and constantly celebrated with food. I was single and didn't care. I worked in an office with a steady flow of shared snacks. My job also had a free cafeteria and I always had to have a "sampling" of many items, even though they were actually full servings and I'd need multiple plates.
I was the "fat one" of the group. Almost always the heaviest whenever we'd go places. They never stopped inviting me out even though I was a homebody and never had the energy for "fun."
Now it's the other way around. I weigh less than I did as a teenager and everyone else around me is growing. And I can see the whys and hows because I've been there. They always loved me when I was fatter than f-word. If they'd like pointers etc. I'd like to help, but generally, they don't. And I don't offer. They get the same respect and consideration as I always got. The end.46 -
I hate it when women make excuses for their weight gain, such as kids, or older age. I am 40 with 3 kids and I'm in the best shape I've ever been! It just takes effort.29
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I hate it when women make excuses for their weight gain, such as kids, or older age. I am 40 with 3 kids and I'm in the best shape I've ever been! It just takes effort.
Congrats on being in the best shape of your life with 3 kids in tow, but hate is a bit of a strong word, not everyone has the same circumstances, so whilst it may have just taken a bit of effort for you, it might take a lot more for others. Ask yourself why it bothers you so much? What difference does it possibly make to you, if someone else hasn't got to that point where they feel they need to lose weight/get fitter.38 -
Hate?I hate it when women make excuses for their weight gain, such as kids, or older age. I am 40 with 3 kids and I'm in the best shape I've ever been! It just takes effort.
So, how do you feel about people who talk in the theatre, drivers who drive without insurance, and serial killers?
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RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »That's their business.
Yeah, because friendship is silently witnessing the people you care about decline into an unhealthy state and pretending it isn't happening...17
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