All of my friends are getting bigger............
Replies
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ijsantos2005 wrote: »I make everyone's business my business.
Sounds exhausting.16 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »ijsantos2005 wrote: »I make everyone's business my business.
Sounds exhausting.
I don't even have the energy for all my own business. I can't be taking on anyone else's.28 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
Or what? Grounds for divorce?
"Hey, we are locked into a marriage contract so I don't give AF if I am in shape anymore" is probably indicative of many other troubling concepts on marriage.10 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
Or what? Grounds for divorce?
"Hey, we are locked into a marriage contract so I don't give AF if I am in shape anymore" is probably indicative of many other troubling concepts on marriage.
Yeah, because that happens all the time.
It's more often something like this.
Her: "Gosh, my pants are getting tight, I guess I need to cut back."
Him: "What are you talking about you look awesome."
Him: "Let's get pizza."
Her: "I'd rather fix something at home. I've put on a few lbs."
Him: "Don't be silly, you look great. I love the new curves."
Her: "I'm so tired from caring for the baby. Why don't you take care of dinner tonight?"
Him: Calls and orders pizza or Chinese.69 -
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I have a close friend who has gained a lot of weight in the recent years. She was skinny in high school and actually made fun of me once when I was gaining weight (I am very sensitive - there is a chance she thought she could make that type of joke because of how close we are but it stung!). I was never obese, just not the skeleton she was used to seeing. Anyways, now I'm at a healthy range and she is borderline obese. When she was gaining and made comments about herself I never replied negatively and often told her how that she looked great and as long as she is healthy, that all is good. Recently though, she said again that she had gained much weight and I didn't deny it. That was so hard! because I didn't want her feelings to be hurt but if I'm going to call myself her friend then I can't lie to her. She was surprised with what I said as if I was the first person to not reply in the way that she is used to.
For the most part, we all know when we are gaining a little extra weight. I don't really know how much in denial we really are though when we are facing obesity, since that was never the case for me.2 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
Or what? Grounds for divorce?
"Hey, we are locked into a marriage contract so I don't give AF if I am in shape anymore" is probably indicative of many other troubling concepts on marriage.
Yeah, because that happens all the time.
It's more often something like this.
Her: "Gosh, my pants are getting tight, I guess I need to cut back."
Him: "What are you talking about you look awesome."
Him: "Let's get pizza."
Her: "I'd rather fix something at home. I've put on a few lbs."
Him: "Don't be silly, you look great. I love the new curves."
Her: "I'm so tired from caring for the baby. Why don't you take care of dinner tonight?"
Him: Calls and orders pizza or Chinese.
If both people don't care then no one really has a cause to complain, right? (Regarding the baby scenario, I mentioned above that aging, babies, and medical conditions need to be considered)3 -
RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »That's their business.
Yeah, because friendship is silently witnessing the people you care about decline into an unhealthy state and pretending it isn't happening...
What from the opening post makes you think the OP cares about the people she is describing?
These are people she hasn't seen in months that she is saying have gotten "HUGE", and thinks they "Don't care"
This isn't her sitting down with a loved one and saying "Honey, I'm getting concerned for your health"
She was just creating a bragging post that she has lost weight since getting married whilst others gain weight. Not a nice character trait imho.
So much this +10000007 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
Or what? Grounds for divorce?
"Hey, we are locked into a marriage contract so I don't give AF if I am in shape anymore" is probably indicative of many other troubling concepts on marriage.
Yeah, because that happens all the time.
It's more often something like this.
Her: "Gosh, my pants are getting tight, I guess I need to cut back."
Him: "What are you talking about you look awesome."
Him: "Let's get pizza."
Her: "I'd rather fix something at home. I've put on a few lbs."
Him: "Don't be silly, you look great. I love the new curves."
Her: "I'm so tired from caring for the baby. Why don't you take care of dinner tonight?"
Him: Calls and orders pizza or Chinese.
If both people don't care then no one really has a cause to complain, right?
Agree, but that's not what your post above said. Though often I think the woman does care, just not as much as she cares about other things.3 -
I have the same problem and i need to control my self1
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Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)"
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
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I am 31, 5'1, CW 115, GW 112 (keeps bouncing back up bc I am not maintaining properly). I have been married a year and most of my friends are married, with or without kids, or in a long term committed relationship. EVERYONE is getting HUGE. Seeing friends from college or somewhere after a year or so, and they have gained 50 pounds. What is going on? Do they not care? Also, I would never FORCE diet advice on them, but if they ask or it come up, I say "MFP" and they say im pyscho etc and have no interest blah blah, takes too long, excuse. WHAT GIVES???
I have several overweight friends and I never dig into that aspect of their lives. They know, they really do. But they are grown adults and they don't need me lecturing them.
For my close family, I have gifted my Mom a FitBit and taught her how to use MFP, but the rest is up to her. She doesn't need me nagging her to do it. No one can spark the inspiration to truly lose the weight but ourselves.1 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
Or what? Grounds for divorce?
"Hey, we are locked into a marriage contract so I don't give AF if I am in shape anymore" is probably indicative of many other troubling concepts on marriage.
I would agree. One of the big things that attracted my wife and I to each other was our love of doing things active. Of course if one of us had an illness/injury it would be different, but if one of us just decided to say *kitten* it I'm going to eat and sit around instead of taking reasonable care of myself so we can be active as a family and a couple there would likely be some other issue.5 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
Or what? Grounds for divorce?
"Hey, we are locked into a marriage contract so I don't give AF if I am in shape anymore" is probably indicative of many other troubling concepts on marriage.
Yeah, because that happens all the time.
It's more often something like this.
Her: "Gosh, my pants are getting tight, I guess I need to cut back."
Him: "What are you talking about you look awesome."
Him: "Let's get pizza."
Her: "I'd rather fix something at home. I've put on a few lbs."
Him: "Don't be silly, you look great. I love the new curves."
Her: "I'm so tired from caring for the baby. Why don't you take care of dinner tonight?"
Him: Calls and orders pizza or Chinese.
Before I married my ex-husband I was in fantastic shape. I worked out regularly and watched what I ate. After we got married I continued to cook (relatively) healthy meals, but he tended to work very late, so I would often snack while I waited for him to get home so we could have dinner together. Also, he didn't want me going to the gym without him, so either I waited until he got home and ate dinner (which meant working out around 10:00 at night when I had to be up early the next morning) or I was limited to taking the dogs for a walk. Not surprisingly, I started putting on weight. Then he complained that I had "let myself go."4 -
Mom used to say "fat and happy, skinny and sad". That has been true my entire life. Why? Comfort eating and confident in the love no matter the shape or size. It is easier than you think to gain a few pounds here and there and shrug it off. At the end of the day it comes down to wanting a better body for yourself and making the changes to get there.
I've had (former) friends who dropped me when I got fit. As long as we were all struggling it was fine, but get thinner and fit and you're somehow a threat, even if you're absolutely not. You realize those aren't real friends after all. These days I make better choices all around - food, fitness AND friends.
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MommaGem2017 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)" is actually a huge part of it."
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
Exactly! It's a little disheartening, although not surprising, to see that even on a freaking weight loss forum, there are people whose primary idea of an overweight person is someone who just got lazy. Not everyone has babies (although many people do), or get injured (although anyone can and many do), but everyone ages. Major mental health crises happen. People move. Pets die. Parents die. Life happens. I find it much nicer to assume that people have their own lives going on rather than get grumpy about those worthless couch potatoes.20 -
MommaGem2017 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)" is actually a huge part of it."
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
I lived with someone in my 20s, and about 6 months into it, we both had gained a fair amount of weight. While it wasn't "intentional", the lack of pressure to stay fit was the primary cause. We didn't care to impress each other with our healthy eating habits like when we first met, there was a lot of fast food. We both skipped the gym because having a decent physique to attract the opposite sex wasn't a priority anymore. There was more laying around the house and eating comfort food While this is all evident in hindsight, I was not even aware of the reality of any of this until we were no longer together and I had to reverse what had happened to me.2 -
MegaMooseEsq wrote: »MommaGem2017 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)" is actually a huge part of it."
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
Exactly! It's a little disheartening, although not surprising, to see that even on a freaking weight loss forum, there are people whose primary idea of an overweight person is someone who just got lazy. Not everyone has babies (although many people do), or get injured (although anyone can and many do), but everyone ages. Major mental health crises happen. People move. Pets die. Parents die. Life happens. I find it much nicer to assume that people have their own lives going on rather than get grumpy about those worthless couch potatoes.
And wouldn't most mental health experts say medicating with food for these issues isn't the best strategy?1 -
Packerjohn wrote: »MegaMooseEsq wrote: »MommaGem2017 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)" is actually a huge part of it."
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
Exactly! It's a little disheartening, although not surprising, to see that even on a freaking weight loss forum, there are people whose primary idea of an overweight person is someone who just got lazy. Not everyone has babies (although many people do), or get injured (although anyone can and many do), but everyone ages. Major mental health crises happen. People move. Pets die. Parents die. Life happens. I find it much nicer to assume that people have their own lives going on rather than get grumpy about those worthless couch potatoes.
And wouldn't most mental health experts say medicating with food for these issues isn't the best strategy?
I am not a mental health expert, so I don't see why my opinion would be helpful to my hypothetical friend going through a mental health crisis.15 -
HeliumIsNoble wrote: »I'm not sure if I should confess this, but I'm married to a sedentary vegetarian bloke who has a natural off-switch. He's one of those people who will never become anything over slightly overweight, however much cake you put in front of him. This isn't anything to do with a naturally high metabolism; it's his habits. He will only have cake after dinner, "because it wouldn't be enjoyable if you ate it all the time" and he always just stops after one slice because "he's full".
Any way, the upshot of all this is that since I raised my activity level to be two levels higher than his, and shrank my portion sizes to about his, I don't put on weight. Don't lose either, but I don't gain.
So that's what you need to do. Find a sedentary man with a small appetite, and exercise more than him.
Lol yes, this is exactly what I did (minus the vegetarian part) my husband seems to be incapable of eating more than he strictly needs to maintain. Even if he wants too he can't, he'll end up so sick he can't eat anything else until he's burned off any extra he ate. He's been told in the past that he could stand to put on weight and he Can. Not. Do. It. It's so weird!
He exercises about 20 minutes 2-3 times a week, but only when he has his annual PT test for work coming up. Otherwise he doesn't exercise at all.
I spend 1-1.5 hours 6 days a week working up a sweat. He weighs 20lbs more than I do and is 7 inches taller, when I'm in maintenance we can eat about the same amount.0 -
Packerjohn wrote: »MegaMooseEsq wrote: »MommaGem2017 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)" is actually a huge part of it."
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
Exactly! It's a little disheartening, although not surprising, to see that even on a freaking weight loss forum, there are people whose primary idea of an overweight person is someone who just got lazy. Not everyone has babies (although many people do), or get injured (although anyone can and many do), but everyone ages. Major mental health crises happen. People move. Pets die. Parents die. Life happens. I find it much nicer to assume that people have their own lives going on rather than get grumpy about those worthless couch potatoes.
And wouldn't most mental health experts say medicating with food for these issues isn't the best strategy?
Oh, how I wish everyone actually followed "the best strategy" for everything in life, but alas.... We're just saying that people can get overwhelmed or caught up in life - not necessarily just letting themselves go because they've "hooked a mate."13 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »MommaGem2017 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)" is actually a huge part of it."
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
I lived with someone in my 20s, and about 6 months into it, we both had gained a fair amount of weight. While it wasn't "intentional", the lack of pressure to stay fit was the primary cause. We didn't care to impress each other with our healthy eating habits like when we first met, there was a lot of fast food. We both skipped the gym because having a decent physique to attract the opposite sex wasn't a priority anymore. There was more laying around the house and eating comfort food While this is all evident in hindsight, I was not even aware of the reality of any of this until we were no longer together and I had to reverse what had happened to me.
Exactly, and you didn't realize it at the time. It wasn't like you thought, "Thank goodness I'm with some one. Now I can get FAT." That's kind of how your initial post in this sounded. Hindsight is a wonderful tool!15 -
Packerjohn wrote: »MegaMooseEsq wrote: »MommaGem2017 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)" is actually a huge part of it."
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
Exactly! It's a little disheartening, although not surprising, to see that even on a freaking weight loss forum, there are people whose primary idea of an overweight person is someone who just got lazy. Not everyone has babies (although many people do), or get injured (although anyone can and many do), but everyone ages. Major mental health crises happen. People move. Pets die. Parents die. Life happens. I find it much nicer to assume that people have their own lives going on rather than get grumpy about those worthless couch potatoes.
And wouldn't most mental health experts say medicating with food for these issues isn't the best strategy?
Gaining weight due to a "mental health crisis" does not necessarily mean medicating with food.
Being in crisis and using best strategies do not often go hand in hand. For many, myself included, dealing with mental health issues means going into survival mode. I would think a mental health professional would concern them self with larger issues than your eating habits in a crisis.1 -
Seems like an attempt at a "humble brag"...but to answer the question...
I graduated college when I was 30 and was married that same year. I put on about 50 Lb over the course of the next 8 years or so. Why? When I was in college I didn't own a car for much of that time and walked or road my bike everywhere. I also spent my free time hiking with my friends or playing ultimate frisbee or frisbee golf and stuff like that. I went through on and off again phases of hitting the weight room. During the summers I worked landscape construction and during the school year I worked in a liquor store so spent quite a bit of my time doing manual labor of some kind. In summary, I was up and active most of the time.
When I graduated I took a job as an auditor at a CPA firm working anywhere from 60-80 hours per week and traveling about 25 weeks out of the year for business...I also bought a car. I went from being a very active person to being rather sedentary and working long hours pretty much overnight. I'd hit the gym here and there like I used to, but I was just way less active in general and eating pretty much the same as I always had which for my new professional lifestyle, was too much.
I knew I was gaining weight, but no...I didn't really care...at least not until I crossed the 200 Lb mark and then I kept thinking to myself that I should do something...but really, it wasn't a huge priority at that time. My priorities were climbing the corporate ladder and starting a family with my wife. When I hit around 215/220, my wife started making comments and was worried so that made me at least try to do some things differently...but really, it wasn't until my 38 birthday checkup and some nasty blood work that showed I was 1 element away from metabolic syndrome that really got me going.
I think it's pretty typical for people to gain weight when they get out of college and start a profession...particularly a sedentary profession. I think it's also fairly common when couples are together for a long time and married couples as they get comfortable in life...10 -
I don't mention other people's weight. They know if their gaining, they don't need me to point it out.
As I have been losing I have had a few people ask how I'm doing it. I find the best response especially if the person who asked is overweight, is to say "counting calories and running, ugh isn't running the WORST!" and then sigh like I hate it all. I always thank them for the compliment too. It's the best way I know to validate their own feelings, while proving that it works.
I've been overweight and overwhelmed with life in the past. It wasn't always a priority and regardless of what anyone else said there wasn't always anything I could do about it. I had other more important things that required my attention, like depression, colicky infants and just trying to make it to the end of the day. I know it isn't a priority for everyone all the time and I think thats okay.
So even though I actually no longer hate running, and calorie counting has become habitual, not everyone wants or needs to know that. I don't need people I love and care about thinking I'm judging them along with everything else they likely have going on.
Weight loss isn't easy. It's a long term commitment. I believe it's achievable, but not everyone does, and who am I to tell them different.3 -
Chances are if I haven't seen you in a year and you're talking smack about me on the internet we aren't friends.33
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This turned out about as expected...21
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Packerjohn wrote: »MegaMooseEsq wrote: »MommaGem2017 wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.
"(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)" is actually a huge part of it."
But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.
Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.
Exactly! It's a little disheartening, although not surprising, to see that even on a freaking weight loss forum, there are people whose primary idea of an overweight person is someone who just got lazy. Not everyone has babies (although many people do), or get injured (although anyone can and many do), but everyone ages. Major mental health crises happen. People move. Pets die. Parents die. Life happens. I find it much nicer to assume that people have their own lives going on rather than get grumpy about those worthless couch potatoes.
And wouldn't most mental health experts say medicating with food for these issues isn't the best strategy?
Because humans are wired to make logical, thoughtful decisions? Hint: we're not; our decision making heuristics are abysmal. They work "well enough" for most situations but they aren't actually logical or well thought out.
If you want to talk about people self-medicating, then go to the root of the problem: the stigma against mental health, the lack of education about it, and the difficulty in accessing good help. Once you solve those issues, then you can solve self-medicating.11 -
I've found adults gain weight when they finally gain full financial control of their diet, which fits the false "slow metabolism in adulthood (25+yrs)" theory most attach themselves to. These adults can finally have that cake for dinner every night after dreaming of it as a kid and no one can stop them.9
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Bry_Lander wrote: »While this is all evident in hindsight, I was not even aware of the reality of any of this until we were no longer together and I had to reverse what had happened to me.
In light of your comments, this is a really interesting choice of words.
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