Just for Today ..... Daily Commitment Thread- Start of a new year!

azulvioleta6 wrote: »

I find that extraordinarily sad.

There are thousands of mommy groups and threads on MFP. I don't mind people talking about things outside of diet and fitness in this space, but if you want to post photos of the inside of your uterus (yuck!) and talk incessantly about reproductive issues WITHOUT POSTING ANY JUST FOR TODAY GOALS, then maybe you should go somewhere else. The topic is completely taking over this very useful tool. It's just way too much.

Joys and sorrows my *kitten*. Nobody wants to see photos of my hysterectomy and tumor removal splashed across the page while they are eating breakfast. Nobody cares about the sorrows.

There are a plethora of groups and threads in these forums which specialize on daily or weekly goals. Equally, there are a plethora of groups which specialize on just talking amongst friends. Many of them started with a specific topic in mind but developed. There are "former Weight Watchers users" that welcome people who never tried WW now. I am in a weekly goal group where people share holiday pictures.
Amazingly, over the general "goal" of those groups and threads, people become friends, start to care about each other and talk. Most of my friends I met in some context that was not "looking for friends". My favourite coworker sits on the desk opposite of me all day. Sometimes we talk about work. Sometimes we talk about our boyfriends. I was there when she split up, I was there when she met her now husband, I was there at their wedding as a translator. All because we met as coworkers one day.

I cannot relate to all of the problems and dramas people have in this thread. I would love to have a child, but I am not sure if that is possible with my current career and partner. I am younger than many here. I work a lot, so often I get jealous at the things other people have time for. I get jealous at how often some of you eat out, at them spending time with their pets and families (I live alone and in a long distance relationship). I would like to volunteer, pick vegetables and cook big batches of food out of it, cuddle with my dog and husband, visit great new food places in town. I can't. Sometimes it makes me sad, but I am still happy for those who can.

I also have struggles deep inside me, things I cannot find the courage to talk about. Sometimes it bursts out of me, often it does not. I don't blame anyone to not know about my struggles that I don't share. Sometimes people here come with so many problems and I am already having a bad day. I want to yell "I am horrible too, just because my problem is different, it does not hurt me less." But I realize nobody here ever said "that is not a problem" or "stop whining, my life is worse". Even though I guess my problems are actually smaller compared to other, even though they probably cannot relate well to what I go through because it is so far away from their life, they are here to comfort me, motivate me, cheer me on. I am super thankful for this.

Maybe this thread has developed far from what it used to be. But that is how life goes. I don't think splitting the "just for today" goals from the talking would be better, as we often do refer to the goals, do explain why we did not reach one or how we manage to do so incredibly good on another. This is what gets us talking.

This is probably the place in my life right now where I am faced with the most drama, and still, it is some kind of safe haven for me. Because we handle each other's drama well. We don't make it our drama, but we are there for them if they need it. I would be very sad if there is any drama coming up between the people here. This is not what this thread is for.

I am sorry about your hysterectomy. I am sorry that it happened before you had the chance to have the child you seem to want. I would have been listening if you had chosen to talk about it. I would have let you whine if you needed to or discussed options of adoption if that was making you feel better. I would have asked how you feel when you get silent during a specific time that is hard for you. But you decided to not share that with me. That is totally fine. But please do not blame people for triggering you, when they had no idea they would. That really is not fair. I know that Bex lost a child. I take care not to trigger her, especially when I get the feeling she is feeling down already. I know that some people here regularly put up goals that they regularly do not meet. Some of these goals sound "easy" to me and I cannot relate how you cannot meet them when you are aware of the problem. But I also know that I never meet my protein goal, which is easy for others. I don't even put this up as a plan because I currently have no idea how to do it. You can criticise me for "hiding" a goal. But I could also criticise people for "never meeting a goal". But because we are here to motivate each other we do not. Sometimes I read things here where I think "How on earth could you do/not do/agree to that?" or only "What did you just write?!? I can't believe it". I choose not to comment usually unless I feel personally involved. Other peoples lives are other peoples choices. And I think a lot of people here do exactly the same. A lot of the times when we do not agree, we do so in a way that will not hurt the others. So we can keep our friends. Because nobody is perfect.
I will always be there for my friends. Many have children now. I envy them. They whine about not getting enough sleep. I remember how they cried in my arms when one miscarried and the other had a stillborn. I think "Why are you not just thankful you have a husband and two children now. I was there for you in the bad times, now you are making what you wanted back then into a bad thing. I have neither a husband nor a child. What do you think I feel?" But they are my friends. I wipe ice cream of their children's mouths when we go out for a walk. I spend hours in children's clothing stores when we go shopping. I invite them over, kids and all, just so we can spend time with each other. I have rarely spent five minutes alone with some of them since they had kids. I keep my sorrows away from them to not stress them out more. But I do not blame them for their life having different ups and downs than mine. If I stop sharing with them what is their life I will lose them as friends. Their friendship is more important to me than the little pangs of hurt some topics give me. The community in this thread is also important enough to me that I obviously wrote a novel nobody should have to read, just because I really do not want this to go down silently.