WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MAY 2018

Katla - I always know when DH is feeling anxious or unwell because he stops being argumentative. When he is well he can't resist being 'picky' and needing to 'define' things. He has an Oxford degree, which encouraged him to fight his corner intellectually. He isn't criticising me because he doesn't mean it personally , and I give as good as I get, but it can be wearing and occasionally I blow up. I tell him I'm not writing an essay, just having a casual conversation. He gets a bit offended then.
Recently it hasn't happened so much because we both know we have to support each other through this housing nonsense and stress and because I am not drinking.
With your husband I would think it is a sign his energy is returning. But he should not be using it to criticise you. Sounds like he needs an activity or project. And a calm but frank discussion as to how you appreciate his returning vigour, but not his criticism.
Men need to feel "loved", , appreciated for who they are, and, most importantly, needed. I learnt from my last marriage that I must take care to really appreciate him and thank him. Make his head swell a little every day - boost him as I would a best friend. I forgot to do that with my last husband and the magic died. Have you read Gretchen Rubin's 'Happiness at Home' ? It is very good about the need to 'take care' of your relationship. Things like, always getting up from the sofa to greet them when they come home. I try to open the door for him and give him a big smile, ask him how it went. I try to touch him and give him a kiss often. These things can feel weird at first and artificial, but now it is automatic and makes a huge difference.
Your husband may be feeling frustrated and looking for a role to go with his increased energy. Being an invalid is exhausting and annoying. Do you talk about his deepest anxieties and fears? It can be hard to get a man to open up, but DH is getting much better about it. Sometimes we delve around together to find out what it is that is bothering him.

By the way, a solicitor is a normal lawyer who deals with everyday things like divorce, property, wills etc. Some specialise in criminal law. A solicitor will go to a lower court - a magistrate's court- occasionally, but to go to a higher court the solicitor normally employs a barrister to argue your case. They are court specialists. A higher level of barrister is a QC, a Queen's Counsel. My ex and I had barristers for the final financial stage of our divorce when we went to court. It was fun, but expensive!

My friend is a solicitor, but in the past she has taken on high stakes divorce cases involving a great deal of money and she has appeared in court for that. Her job is very stressful with people's futures at stake and she is having grave misgivings as to whether she still wants to do it now at age 69. Unfortunately, through bad decisions and planning, she needs the money. She is very good at what she does.

Must take my man up a nice cup of tea and make him feel wanted.

Love Heather UK xxxxxxx

Hi Sisters, thank you for all kind comments. I need encouragement on this never-ending journey of staying healthy and staying strong, so that I can contribute and help others as well.

Michele, I wish I knew how to deter bees because sometimes (often!) when my husband is feeding, he mixes up the syrup and then spills it, and the bees swarm for days to get every last drop of it. Yesterday before I went for my beach ride, I had to hook the ute up to the horse float, and there were probably a thousand bees covering the ute, his work truck. I was afraid they would sting my horses and cause them to fear getting into the float. I tried to hose them off before I hooked up but our power was off (all day for scheduled maintenance) so the water pump wasn't working. I tried to drive them off, and some of them left, but as soon as I parked at home again, they swarmed in. I made my hubby hook it up, then worked as quickly as I could to load the horses and drive to the beach before anyone got stung. Luckily, the bees don't sting when they are out gathering food. It's only if you squash them accidently or put your hand or foot or arm on them that they sting you as they die. It's not in their best interest to sting you. Even if it hurts you bad, it hurts them worse. It's only the guard bees at the entrance to a hive that will chase you to sting you. If you do get stung, put vinegar on it. Takes the pain away quickly. So, my suggestion to you, is to make up some sugar water, 50/50 mix and put a jar of it at the far end of the property to draw the bees away from where you want to sit or swim outside.

Lanette, I am very curious as to how much Queens are selling for in the states. Can you ask your friend?

Barbara, I am going to look up the introvert book. It sounds interesting. I am introverted by nature although writing is my natural medium and I am very chatty at the computer. LOL. I won't even answer the phone though! I like all my communication to be through email. I hate being held up by long phone conversations. I've got way too much to do.

Rye, was it you who's husband gave the t-shirt "You've read my t-shirt that's all the social interaction I need today"? I had to tell that to my husband this morning as we were driving into the office together. He has retired from the office but went in today as a relief worker as they were short-staffed and had asked him to cover for them. He is a man of few words and he has used them all up at the office, interacting with clients. He never has any left over for me. He's got a quota and uses them sparingly. LOL. I knew he would appreciate that t-shirt saying. He is always saying he'd like to move far away and not see anyone. He told me the other day that he'd like his life to be "empty." That made me laugh so hard!

Wendy