Less Alcohol- May 2018- One Day at a Time
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The last week has been filled with major family stress (my daughter relapsed on heroin) that could easily translate into an evening drink to "calm my nerves". I have had nothing and remain AF, for 33 days now. Certainly it makes it easier to deal with all that's going on to be sober and clear-headed so why, in my mind, does the alcohol = calm?
I hope your daughter gets helps soon. That has to be tough on you and your entire family.
Alcohol = calm. It makes me think of Bewitched which was (is) considered a family show. How often did Darren grab a drink before getting bad new or Samantha fix him one before delivering it? The concept of calming down with a drink is certainly nothing new and has been a part of our culture for a long time.7 -
The last week has been filled with major family stress (my daughter relapsed on heroin) that could easily translate into an evening drink to "calm my nerves". I have had nothing and remain AF, for 33 days now. Certainly it makes it easier to deal with all that's going on to be sober and clear-headed so why, in my mind, does the alcohol = calm?
I hope your daughter gets helps soon. That has to be tough on you and your entire family.
Alcohol = calm. It makes me think of Bewitched which was (is) considered a family show. How often did Darren grab a drink before getting bad new or Samantha fix him one before delivering it? The concept of calming down with a drink is certainly nothing new and has been a part of our culture for a long time.
If I'm upset or agitated, having a drink does calm me . . . in the moment. The issue is that it does nothing to address why I'm actually feeling upset or agitated. It's like addressing your engine check light by putting a piece of duct tape over it.
All your problems are still there when the effect wears off. And if you have trouble moderating your consumption, it's possible you're even adding new problems to your regular ones.9 -
That makes sense. Almost all of my drinking has been habit induced so I don't relate to this as well. If anything I would be more anxious to drink after a good day.3
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I have often struggled with this concept too- in the past, I certainly have found alcohol to be relaxing. A few months ago, I came across the following page in Alan Carr's book 'The Illustrated Easy Way to Stop Drinking' and it really resonated with me. I took a pic of it so I could go back to it for reminders....6
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I have often struggled with this concept too- in the past, I certainly have found alcohol to be relaxing. A few months ago, I came across the following page in Alan Carr's book 'The Illustrated Easy Way to Stop Drinking' and it really resonated with me. I took a pic of it so I could go back to it for reminders....
Good thinking!1 -
@jecky74 So sorry to hear that about your daughter. Sending you big hugs. Yes, life's traumas are easier to understand when you're sober. You have crystal clear thinking. You are inspiring.3
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Reward is the cornerstone of all addictions. We want a reward, to calm down perhaps, to let go, to celebrate etc.
I've been sober and clean 28 years. Food took over as the reward. Struggled for a long time with that one. Over 4 years now of not returning to obesity but struggle with eating processed foods - they set up my cravings for sugar and crap. I return to them without even giving it a thought sometimes. Snap of the fingers and there I am eating garbage food and my body feels like crap.8 -
janejellyroll wrote: »Feel like last night was a real success. Summer is finally here in my area and I met my husband after work yesterday at a new brewery. We each had one beer while enjoying the sunshine. We walked home and we wound up stopping by the liquor store because I needed a quarter cup of white wine for a recipe I was planning to make. Went home, opened the wine to cook, and put the rest back in the fridge. At no point in the evening did I feel it "calling" me.
It was the type of evening that defines what moderation really means to me, the kind of thing I'm striving for.
This is what I am also striving for! Good for you!!!2 -
Roaringgael wrote: »Reward is the cornerstone of all addictions. We want a reward, to calm down perhaps, to let go, to celebrate etc.
I've been sober and clean 28 years. Food took over as the reward. Struggled for a long time with that one. Over 4 years now of not returning to obesity but struggle with eating processed foods - they set up my cravings for sugar and crap. I return to them without even giving it a thought sometimes. Snap of the fingers and there I am eating garbage food and my body feels like crap.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Xo0 -
Last night, I had two glasses of wine. The effect of one hour of fun was a sleepless night. Tossing , turning, racing heartbeat, worrying about things, sweating, it was a horrible. No headache this morning but I would like a re-do. Skipping the wine and going back to my deep sleep. It wasn't worth it. Just sayin'12
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I feel like that a lot when I drink . I do not enjoy the next morning or day after the night of drinking. I try to remind myself that before I start drinking ; “ is this something I really wanna do ?”7
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Went out last night with my mom and sister and treated them to dinner. They are not big drinkers at all, but wanted a beer with dinner. I ordered 1 beer, and I actually stopped there! Normally my tally is at least 3 drinks. I had my 1, and went home and drank water the rest of the night. I even had beer at the house (in the past I would have gone home and opened another bottle), but I didn't drink any. And I feel great today. Need to keep reminding myself how much better I feel when I make these good choices.
Happy Thursday to all!12 -
I have not dated or really socialized while I have abstained from alcohol. I had a guy I went out with a while back text me and we are getting together Sunday. We always drank when we went out. I will hit my 30 days on Saturday but not sure I am ready to drink again. I feel like a different person since not drinking. So much less stressed and anxious. Ugh I want to see him but I don’t want to drink.
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@jecky74 So sorry about your daughter. I admire your strength!3
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trishfit2014 wrote: »I have not dated or really socialized while I have abstained from alcohol. I had a guy I went out with a while back text me and we are getting together Sunday. We always drank when we went out. I will hit my 30 days on Saturday but not sure I am ready to drink again. I feel like a different person since not drinking. So much less stressed and anxious. Ugh I want to see him but I don’t want to drink.
Can I suggest that you make a list of every single way you can think of to handle this situation? It might help with the battle that is in front of you, it might not.2 -
@janejellyroll - "It's like addressing your engine check light by putting a piece of duct tape over it." Well said. Sometimes when that wine is calling my name I try to imagine how it's going to change anything and, more particularly, how I'm going to feel after I drink. There's a little bit of visualization involved, not to be too woo, when I imagine myself washing the wine glass and kind of feeling annoyed with myself, realizing there was just no need for me to drink at all.4
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JulieAL1969 wrote: »Last night, I had two glasses of wine. The effect of one hour of fun was a sleepless night. Tossing , turning, racing heartbeat, worrying about things, sweating, it was a horrible. No headache this morning but I would like a re-do. Skipping the wine and going back to my deep sleep. It wasn't worth it. Just sayin'
I feel for ya, but thanks for sharing that. A great reminder for all of us.2 -
@jecky74 My thoughts and prayers go to you and your family.
@trishfit2014 If it were me, I would not drink unless I wanted to drink. I would also offer no explanations. I would just say, no thank you, I don't have a taste for it tonight. I would not get into the reasoning behind it because, although you know him, it's also a new relationship and new relationships are rather 'judgey'. You might also want to find out if you like him without the fog of alcohol. Have fun!3 -
Went out last night with my mom and sister and treated them to dinner. They are not big drinkers at all, but wanted a beer with dinner. I ordered 1 beer, and I actually stopped there! Normally my tally is at least 3 drinks. I had my 1, and went home and drank water the rest of the night. I even had beer at the house (in the past I would have gone home and opened another bottle), but I didn't drink any. And I feel great today. Need to keep reminding myself how much better I feel when I make these good choices.
Happy Thursday to all!
Great job! I know that same path - I would always grab another beer from the fridge when I got home if I had drinks while I was out. It really does feel great the next day when you switch to waters.2 -
mommyoftwo0731 wrote: »I feel like that a lot when I drink . I do not enjoy the next morning or day after the night of drinking. I try to remind myself that before I start drinking ; “ is this something I really wanna do ?”
Yes, that's true. After work today, I was "excited" that I wont be drinking tonight. It is so much better not to drink - you feel clear, energetic and calm. I don't know why but wine has a very negative effect on me over the last year. Maybe with hormonal changes or my liver is not working to optimal capacity. It's brutal what even two glasses can do.
Tonight, I'm back to Perrier and look forward to a good night sleep.4 -
The only thing keeping me sober now is that there is no alcohol in the house. Have cravings but it is bearable. Just distracting myself. thank you8
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Me too, @erikNJ -I would always come home and drink more. I think most of us have come a long way since January.
Yes, we have all come a long way. I think some of us have broken that "drinking at home" desire. I think that by not keeping alcohol at home, I have broken that craving. Also, many of us have substituted our alcohol with tea or the like. Small victories do add up.6 -
https://thisnakedmind.com/6-reasons-i-dont-drink-alcohol/
I was just researching why as I age my body cannot handle the alcohol like it used to. Of course, it has to do with aging organs do not work as well as they did when young. Anyway, this was one of the first search links that popped up. Yet another subtle reminder how good that book This Naked Mind is and how many lives the author Annie Grace has changed.2 -
Still on my streak since the end of January. Haven't really told many people, not wanting to make a big deal about it.
I went to lunch with Mum last week and she went to the restaurant bar and ordered me a wine, then came back and told me. I nearly freaked out and made her go back and get her money back.
Didn't want to end my streak!
She was glad to hear I hadn't been drinking. She said my other siblings (sisters) haven't drunk alcohol in ages either. I should tell them too.JulieAL1969 wrote: »Last night, I had two glasses of wine. The effect of one hour of fun was a sleepless night. Tossing , turning, racing heartbeat, worrying about things, sweating, it was a horrible. No headache this morning but I would like a re-do. Skipping the wine and going back to my deep sleep. It wasn't worth it. Just sayin'I feel for ya, but thanks for sharing that. A great reminder for all of us.
Ditto!
We get to learn so much from each other in here.
I really appreciate everyone's posts.8 -
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This M-Th went by and I didn't even want to drink at night ... wait I did have one weak moment when I had a stressful hour and all I could think about was getting home and knocking one back. But then I thought, Why? I've been feeling so good during the day. Waking up feeling like I have energy. My productivity at work has gone up 100%. My memory is so much better. My sleep is a little better - I still need some work in that area, but I think it's stress related not booze related. The weak moment passed very quickly and I realized that I didn't want to go home and knock anything back.
My husband commented that I was a strong woman for moderating as well as I've been. My normal self deprecating self didn't have anything to say. All I could think was, "well yes I am! Thanks!"
Happy Memorial Weekend Everyone! Any good plans for the weekend? I have none. Just kicking back with the hubs. Unfortunately, it will be raining all weekend, so we won't even be spending it by the pool. Whatever you do, please be safe!8 -
Is this something that will be started in june?
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starryk02 there will be a new thread in June.
So I ended up texting the guy as he wanted to go for drinks. i told him I was taking a break from alcohol and he has gone silent. I am fine with that. I figured he went quiet before and there is a probably a reason we did not continue seeing each other. I need to continue not drinking right now. Tomorrow is 30 days and I commit to not drinking in June as well.11
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