Mfp crushes...
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CoffeeAndContour wrote: »Cutemesoon wrote: »Avocado_AS5 wrote: »I get casual crushes and intense crushes. I've made it a practice to not do the intense crush thing anymore because ultimately people get hurt feelings. No one is really going to move across the country or the world for that matter, to get truly involved. It's just not realistic.
It's easier to give zero fvcks.
ALL 👏OF 👏 THIS👏! I think some people give too much attention to those on social media. Love connections might happen, but no one should expect them. An, "It's not that serious" approach to everything works best for me. I used to have a crush on someone here, but it quickly dissapeared after noticing their "online personality." I also, think there are alot of lonely and/or low self esteem having people out there who seek validation from strangers online.
Wise woman!
Many people aren’t their authentic selves around here. When you talk to them outside mfp and then see what they act like here, it’s gross.
Far too true. Most people suffer from multiple personality disorders when it comes to online vs IRL1 -
Another question...how many crushes is too many? Do you inform your crush that there are others?0
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Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.1 -
Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »Caporegiem wrote: »Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »
It's like the old saying of "You can't have friends of the opposite sex". This was the belief of my ex-wife, and she forbid me from having female friends. Driving those I did have away. For some reason, people have this stupid notion in their head that if you have friends of the opposite sex, all you'd want to do is get in their pants.
This is a bunch of BS, because it's nice to have close friends of the opposite sex for different views, and bounce things off when you have questions of something related to a spouse or SO. But, some don't see this as being a good thing for various reasons. My experience has shown that if a SO has issues with someone having friends of the opposite sex, watch out. They're usually the ones who are most likely to cheat. Or, are extremely jealous, which is unhealthy for any relationship.
Edited for typos.
I wish you were right but my experience has been the opposite. I would love to have male friends but have yet to meet a man that doesnt try to take things beyond friendship. Many guys have told me that they don't believe men and women can be friends either.
We're both right, in that they both do occur. Just, our experiences have been different. I have had some female friends take advantage of me as well. I'm usually very open to meeting people, and being cordial with. But, I'm also very guarded in regards to letting someone in whether it be good friends and especially any potential romantic interest with.
True. I have to disagree with you about the people who dont want their SO having a bunch of opposite sex friends being jealous or controlling.
I have always been that girl that just trusts her man, is not jealous, and super chill. Female friends inevitably cause a problem somehow. I feel that for the most part there is some ulterior motive there on the man's part.....or sometimes on the woman's part if the guy is really fine.
I lol at this because I get messages from a few females on my list telling me that <insert male user name here> is mad that im commenting on their status and that only he really cares about her. really?
apparently on MFP some men are very possessive of who they are trying to get with
Look, just stay away from @CaptainFantastic01 and we wont have a problem. He's mine.
I think the captain will need to tell us who he wants himself!
SWORD FIGHT0 -
Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??0 -
Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships0 -
caco_ethes wrote: »Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »Caporegiem wrote: »Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »
It's like the old saying of "You can't have friends of the opposite sex". This was the belief of my ex-wife, and she forbid me from having female friends. Driving those I did have away. For some reason, people have this stupid notion in their head that if you have friends of the opposite sex, all you'd want to do is get in their pants.
This is a bunch of BS, because it's nice to have close friends of the opposite sex for different views, and bounce things off when you have questions of something related to a spouse or SO. But, some don't see this as being a good thing for various reasons. My experience has shown that if a SO has issues with someone having friends of the opposite sex, watch out. They're usually the ones who are most likely to cheat. Or, are extremely jealous, which is unhealthy for any relationship.
Edited for typos.
I wish you were right but my experience has been the opposite. I would love to have male friends but have yet to meet a man that doesnt try to take things beyond friendship. Many guys have told me that they don't believe men and women can be friends either.
We're both right, in that they both do occur. Just, our experiences have been different. I have had some female friends take advantage of me as well. I'm usually very open to meeting people, and being cordial with. But, I'm also very guarded in regards to letting someone in whether it be good friends and especially any potential romantic interest with.
True. I have to disagree with you about the people who dont want their SO having a bunch of opposite sex friends being jealous or controlling.
I have always been that girl that just trusts her man, is not jealous, and super chill. Female friends inevitably cause a problem somehow. I feel that for the most part there is some ulterior motive there on the man's part.....or sometimes on the woman's part if the guy is really fine.
I lol at this because I get messages from a few females on my list telling me that <insert male user name here> is mad that im commenting on their status and that only he really cares about her. really?
apparently on MFP some men are very possessive of who they are trying to get with
Look, just stay away from @CaptainFantastic01 and we wont have a problem. He's mine.
I think the captain will need to tell us who he wants himself!
SWORD FIGHT
I feel like we need a "Who would you sword fight with?" thread.4 -
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Avocado_AS5 wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »Caporegiem wrote: »Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »
It's like the old saying of "You can't have friends of the opposite sex". This was the belief of my ex-wife, and she forbid me from having female friends. Driving those I did have away. For some reason, people have this stupid notion in their head that if you have friends of the opposite sex, all you'd want to do is get in their pants.
This is a bunch of BS, because it's nice to have close friends of the opposite sex for different views, and bounce things off when you have questions of something related to a spouse or SO. But, some don't see this as being a good thing for various reasons. My experience has shown that if a SO has issues with someone having friends of the opposite sex, watch out. They're usually the ones who are most likely to cheat. Or, are extremely jealous, which is unhealthy for any relationship.
Edited for typos.
I wish you were right but my experience has been the opposite. I would love to have male friends but have yet to meet a man that doesnt try to take things beyond friendship. Many guys have told me that they don't believe men and women can be friends either.
We're both right, in that they both do occur. Just, our experiences have been different. I have had some female friends take advantage of me as well. I'm usually very open to meeting people, and being cordial with. But, I'm also very guarded in regards to letting someone in whether it be good friends and especially any potential romantic interest with.
True. I have to disagree with you about the people who dont want their SO having a bunch of opposite sex friends being jealous or controlling.
I have always been that girl that just trusts her man, is not jealous, and super chill. Female friends inevitably cause a problem somehow. I feel that for the most part there is some ulterior motive there on the man's part.....or sometimes on the woman's part if the guy is really fine.
I lol at this because I get messages from a few females on my list telling me that <insert male user name here> is mad that im commenting on their status and that only he really cares about her. really?
apparently on MFP some men are very possessive of who they are trying to get with
Look, just stay away from @CaptainFantastic01 and we wont have a problem. He's mine.
I think the captain will need to tell us who he wants himself!
SWORD FIGHT
I feel like we need a "Who would you sword fight with?" thread.
ut oh...1 -
Avocado_AS5 wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »Caporegiem wrote: »Will_Workout_for_food wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »
It's like the old saying of "You can't have friends of the opposite sex". This was the belief of my ex-wife, and she forbid me from having female friends. Driving those I did have away. For some reason, people have this stupid notion in their head that if you have friends of the opposite sex, all you'd want to do is get in their pants.
This is a bunch of BS, because it's nice to have close friends of the opposite sex for different views, and bounce things off when you have questions of something related to a spouse or SO. But, some don't see this as being a good thing for various reasons. My experience has shown that if a SO has issues with someone having friends of the opposite sex, watch out. They're usually the ones who are most likely to cheat. Or, are extremely jealous, which is unhealthy for any relationship.
Edited for typos.
I wish you were right but my experience has been the opposite. I would love to have male friends but have yet to meet a man that doesnt try to take things beyond friendship. Many guys have told me that they don't believe men and women can be friends either.
We're both right, in that they both do occur. Just, our experiences have been different. I have had some female friends take advantage of me as well. I'm usually very open to meeting people, and being cordial with. But, I'm also very guarded in regards to letting someone in whether it be good friends and especially any potential romantic interest with.
True. I have to disagree with you about the people who dont want their SO having a bunch of opposite sex friends being jealous or controlling.
I have always been that girl that just trusts her man, is not jealous, and super chill. Female friends inevitably cause a problem somehow. I feel that for the most part there is some ulterior motive there on the man's part.....or sometimes on the woman's part if the guy is really fine.
I lol at this because I get messages from a few females on my list telling me that <insert male user name here> is mad that im commenting on their status and that only he really cares about her. really?
apparently on MFP some men are very possessive of who they are trying to get with
Look, just stay away from @CaptainFantastic01 and we wont have a problem. He's mine.
I think the captain will need to tell us who he wants himself!
SWORD FIGHT
I feel like we need a "Who would you sword fight with?" thread.
😆0 -
Why can't guys and girls be friends if one of them is already happy in their relationship then it should never go past being friends anyways. I know a lot of people on here that happen to be females and I am friends with and would be friends with if they were my neighbors. I've also met some crazyAss People on here LOL3
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caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?3 -
Not here But from other forums . I have had mad crush by just reading what someone says . Weather they made me laugh . Felt a connection . Other whatever made me fall over heals for them . But would I drop everything and fly to see them ? No . I like the distance . I think that is what makes it exciting .1
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xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
Lol, a bit extreme. This is not discrimination towards a group of people.2 -
xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
It maybe didn’t read like I intended it but I generally view married people as one unit so it’s weird to think of only being friends with one of them. Even with my girlfriends.. I consider their husbands to be my friends as well.
If my guy has close girlfriends, I’m probably going to like them too. I mean in theory doesn’t that make sense? If someone I like likes another person, I feel like they’ve essentially vouched for that person.
This weekend we’re going camping with three other couples. I consider all of them to be my close friends. I would find it odd if I went camping with three other people who all left their spouses at home. It’s not wrong, just..
Am I remotely clear?
Edit: in re-reading your comment I think you thought I meant from a trust perspective? I didn’t mean it that way at all. More like if your best friend and spouse have nothing in common.. are you being true to yourself in both of those relationships? Or are you forcing something to work somewhere?0 -
mustacheU2Lift wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
Lol, a bit extreme. This is not discrimination towards a group of people.
I'm saying it's closed-minded such as those people would have. My point is that everyone talks about being tolerant towards a people of <insert demographic> group. Yet, when it comes to relationships, NIMBY rears it's ugly head and said tolerances don't apply.
Perhaps I should add "Innocent until proven guilty" to my previous post. Because the way many talk, they've already hung their SO and opposite sex friend.caco_ethes wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
It maybe didn’t read like I intended it but I generally view married people as one unit so it’s weird to think of only being friends with one of them. Even with my girlfriends.. I consider their husbands to be my friends as well.
If my guy has close girlfriends, I’m probably going to like them too. I mean in theory doesn’t that make sense? If someone I like likes another person, I feel like they’ve essentially vouched for that person.
This weekend we’re going camping with three other couples. I consider all of them to be my close friends. I would find it odd if I went camping with three other people who all left their spouses at home. It’s not wrong, just..
Am I remotely clear?
Edit: in re-reading your comment I think you thought I meant from a trust perspective? I didn’t mean it that way at all. More like if your best friend and spouse have nothing in common.. are you being true to yourself in both of those relationships? Or are you forcing something to work somewhere?
While married people are a "unit". It's still comprised of two people who will have some interests or personality differences than their spouse. So, it's still two individual people. Does this mean that spouses wouldn't be welcome? Of course not. But, my point was that if one spouse doesn't hold interest in something, why should they feel bound to go?
Using your camping example, what if your husband and the three other husbands go on a week long hunting trip? If you, and the other wives have no interest in going to backwoods cabins with no running water, or camping on the open plains in a tent, why should you feel obligated to go if you're going to be miserable? Guys hunting week, which most women have zero problems with.
Now, let's say one husband doesn't like hunting because he's against it or never had the opportunity to do so and has no interest. Yet, his wife grew up in the country and enjoys it. Would it be an issue if she went instead of him? What if said woman was single, and was a lifelong friend of one of the husbands and they've gone hunting together for years? Now, what if it was a co-ed hunting party of all single people, and it was all platonic friendship? Issues there?
My point is that people seem to have more of a hangup about married and single people being friends. Yet, it's okay if married hang out, or generally that they're all single. Seems kind of archaic/ignorant to think that just because one person is single that's the temptation to cheat. I know more married people who have cheated with other married people, than single/married.
As to liking/not liking an SO's friend, that's a personality issue and it can happen whether dating, married or just friends. To me, somewhat related to the topic. But, also different.0 -
xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
Whoa, so we get it... you have lots of friends of the opposite sex. Or maybe your partner does. That's OK ya know? (Or maybe you don't have either of those, hey who am I to assume?)
I don't think anyone was attacking you or your views. Each persons opinion on this can be different since it will usually come from personal experiences.
So, for me personally... I would not spend alone time with or become extremely close to a man without his wife being involved. Basically- I would be close friends with both of them.
Same for my man, if he began a friendship with a woman then I would expect to meet her and become friends with her as well. Its really out of respect more than anything, for me anyway.
Different strokes for different folks though. Its allll gooooood.
1 -
xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
Whoa, so we get it... you have lots of friends of the opposite sex. Or maybe your partner does. That's OK ya know? (Or maybe you don't have either of those, hey who am I to assume?)
I don't think anyone was attacking you or your views. Each persons opinion on this can be different since it will usually come from personal experiences.
So, for me personally... I would not spend alone time with or become extremely close to a man without his wife being involved. Basically- I would be close friends with both of them.
Same for my man, if he began a friendship with a woman then I would expect to meet her and become friends with her as well. Its really out of respect more than anything, for me anyway.
Different strokes for different folks though. Its allll gooooood.
Whoa... You misread what I wrote. Or, perhaps didn't read it at all.
But, hey, like you said. Different strokes for different folks. Opinions are like *kitten*. Everyone's got one and you shouldn't assume.
1 -
xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »mustacheU2Lift wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
Lol, a bit extreme. This is not discrimination towards a group of people.
I'm saying it's closed-minded such as those people would have. My point is that everyone talks about being tolerant towards a people of <insert demographic> group. Yet, when it comes to relationships, NIMBY rears it's ugly head and said tolerances don't apply.
Perhaps I should add "Innocent until proven guilty" to my previous post. Because the way many talk, they've already hung their SO and opposite sex friend.caco_ethes wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
It maybe didn’t read like I intended it but I generally view married people as one unit so it’s weird to think of only being friends with one of them. Even with my girlfriends.. I consider their husbands to be my friends as well.
If my guy has close girlfriends, I’m probably going to like them too. I mean in theory doesn’t that make sense? If someone I like likes another person, I feel like they’ve essentially vouched for that person.
This weekend we’re going camping with three other couples. I consider all of them to be my close friends. I would find it odd if I went camping with three other people who all left their spouses at home. It’s not wrong, just..
Am I remotely clear?
Edit: in re-reading your comment I think you thought I meant from a trust perspective? I didn’t mean it that way at all. More like if your best friend and spouse have nothing in common.. are you being true to yourself in both of those relationships? Or are you forcing something to work somewhere?
While married people are a "unit". It's still comprised of two people who will have some interests or personality differences than their spouse. So, it's still two individual people. Does this mean that spouses wouldn't be welcome? Of course not. But, my point was that if one spouse doesn't hold interest in something, why should they feel bound to go?
Using your camping example, what if your husband and the three other husbands go on a week long hunting trip? If you, and the other wives have no interest in going to backwoods cabins with no running water, or camping on the open plains in a tent, why should you feel obligated to go if you're going to be miserable? Guys hunting week, which most women have zero problems with.
Now, let's say one husband doesn't like hunting because he's against it or never had the opportunity to do so and has no interest. Yet, his wife grew up in the country and enjoys it. Would it be an issue if she went instead of him? What if said woman was single, and was a lifelong friend of one of the husbands and they've gone hunting together for years? Now, what if it was a co-ed hunting party of all single people, and it was all platonic friendship? Issues there?
My point is that people seem to have more of a hangup about married and single people being friends. Yet, it's okay if married hang out, or generally that they're all single. Seems kind of archaic/ignorant to think that just because one person is single that's the temptation to cheat. I know more married people who have cheated with other married people, than single/married.
As to liking/not liking an SO's friend, that's a personality issue and it can happen whether dating, married or just friends. To me, somewhat related to the topic. But, also different.
I was in the marine Corp. There were women marines that were married that were deployed with us. They hung out with the guys.....we were all marines, we were in a close proximity to each other often without the spouses around. Lots of infidelity occured. Its like your best friend turned into a girl that shared all the same interest as you. Most of the time it was just flings and everyone went home to their spouse and tried to resume a normal relationship. Sometimes it ruined relationships. I think it's more naive to think that it won't happen more so than it will. Sure there are those it will not happen to, but there is a high enough percentage that it will that it cannot be discounted. I have no idea if those marines would have eventually cheated in their relationships down the road.....but what I do know is, they did cheat because good friends with similar interests and compatible body parts were spending lots of time together.7 -
xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »mustacheU2Lift wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
Lol, a bit extreme. This is not discrimination towards a group of people.
I'm saying it's closed-minded such as those people would have. My point is that everyone talks about being tolerant towards a people of <insert demographic> group. Yet, when it comes to relationships, NIMBY rears it's ugly head and said tolerances don't apply.
Perhaps I should add "Innocent until proven guilty" to my previous post. Because the way many talk, they've already hung their SO and opposite sex friend.caco_ethes wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
It maybe didn’t read like I intended it but I generally view married people as one unit so it’s weird to think of only being friends with one of them. Even with my girlfriends.. I consider their husbands to be my friends as well.
If my guy has close girlfriends, I’m probably going to like them too. I mean in theory doesn’t that make sense? If someone I like likes another person, I feel like they’ve essentially vouched for that person.
This weekend we’re going camping with three other couples. I consider all of them to be my close friends. I would find it odd if I went camping with three other people who all left their spouses at home. It’s not wrong, just..
Am I remotely clear?
Edit: in re-reading your comment I think you thought I meant from a trust perspective? I didn’t mean it that way at all. More like if your best friend and spouse have nothing in common.. are you being true to yourself in both of those relationships? Or are you forcing something to work somewhere?
While married people are a "unit". It's still comprised of two people who will have some interests or personality differences than their spouse. So, it's still two individual people. Does this mean that spouses wouldn't be welcome? Of course not. But, my point was that if one spouse doesn't hold interest in something, why should they feel bound to go?
Using your camping example, what if your husband and the three other husbands go on a week long hunting trip? If you, and the other wives have no interest in going to backwoods cabins with no running water, or camping on the open plains in a tent, why should you feel obligated to go if you're going to be miserable? Guys hunting week, which most women have zero problems with.
Now, let's say one husband doesn't like hunting because he's against it or never had the opportunity to do so and has no interest. Yet, his wife grew up in the country and enjoys it. Would it be an issue if she went instead of him? What if said woman was single, and was a lifelong friend of one of the husbands and they've gone hunting together for years? Now, what if it was a co-ed hunting party of all single people, and it was all platonic friendship? Issues there?
My point is that people seem to have more of a hangup about married and single people being friends. Yet, it's okay if married hang out, or generally that they're all single. Seems kind of archaic/ignorant to think that just because one person is single that's the temptation to cheat. I know more married people who have cheated with other married people, than single/married.
As to liking/not liking an SO's friend, that's a personality issue and it can happen whether dating, married or just friends. To me, somewhat related to the topic. But, also different.
I was in marine Corp.
Semper Fidelis!
1 -
SpartanRunner1978 wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »mustacheU2Lift wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
Lol, a bit extreme. This is not discrimination towards a group of people.
I'm saying it's closed-minded such as those people would have. My point is that everyone talks about being tolerant towards a people of <insert demographic> group. Yet, when it comes to relationships, NIMBY rears it's ugly head and said tolerances don't apply.
Perhaps I should add "Innocent until proven guilty" to my previous post. Because the way many talk, they've already hung their SO and opposite sex friend.caco_ethes wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
It maybe didn’t read like I intended it but I generally view married people as one unit so it’s weird to think of only being friends with one of them. Even with my girlfriends.. I consider their husbands to be my friends as well.
If my guy has close girlfriends, I’m probably going to like them too. I mean in theory doesn’t that make sense? If someone I like likes another person, I feel like they’ve essentially vouched for that person.
This weekend we’re going camping with three other couples. I consider all of them to be my close friends. I would find it odd if I went camping with three other people who all left their spouses at home. It’s not wrong, just..
Am I remotely clear?
Edit: in re-reading your comment I think you thought I meant from a trust perspective? I didn’t mean it that way at all. More like if your best friend and spouse have nothing in common.. are you being true to yourself in both of those relationships? Or are you forcing something to work somewhere?
While married people are a "unit". It's still comprised of two people who will have some interests or personality differences than their spouse. So, it's still two individual people. Does this mean that spouses wouldn't be welcome? Of course not. But, my point was that if one spouse doesn't hold interest in something, why should they feel bound to go?
Using your camping example, what if your husband and the three other husbands go on a week long hunting trip? If you, and the other wives have no interest in going to backwoods cabins with no running water, or camping on the open plains in a tent, why should you feel obligated to go if you're going to be miserable? Guys hunting week, which most women have zero problems with.
Now, let's say one husband doesn't like hunting because he's against it or never had the opportunity to do so and has no interest. Yet, his wife grew up in the country and enjoys it. Would it be an issue if she went instead of him? What if said woman was single, and was a lifelong friend of one of the husbands and they've gone hunting together for years? Now, what if it was a co-ed hunting party of all single people, and it was all platonic friendship? Issues there?
My point is that people seem to have more of a hangup about married and single people being friends. Yet, it's okay if married hang out, or generally that they're all single. Seems kind of archaic/ignorant to think that just because one person is single that's the temptation to cheat. I know more married people who have cheated with other married people, than single/married.
As to liking/not liking an SO's friend, that's a personality issue and it can happen whether dating, married or just friends. To me, somewhat related to the topic. But, also different.
I was in marine Corp.
Semper Fidelis!
Ooh rah!2 -
xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »mustacheU2Lift wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
Lol, a bit extreme. This is not discrimination towards a group of people.
I'm saying it's closed-minded such as those people would have. My point is that everyone talks about being tolerant towards a people of <insert demographic> group. Yet, when it comes to relationships, NIMBY rears it's ugly head and said tolerances don't apply.
Perhaps I should add "Innocent until proven guilty" to my previous post. Because the way many talk, they've already hung their SO and opposite sex friend.caco_ethes wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
It maybe didn’t read like I intended it but I generally view married people as one unit so it’s weird to think of only being friends with one of them. Even with my girlfriends.. I consider their husbands to be my friends as well.
If my guy has close girlfriends, I’m probably going to like them too. I mean in theory doesn’t that make sense? If someone I like likes another person, I feel like they’ve essentially vouched for that person.
This weekend we’re going camping with three other couples. I consider all of them to be my close friends. I would find it odd if I went camping with three other people who all left their spouses at home. It’s not wrong, just..
Am I remotely clear?
Edit: in re-reading your comment I think you thought I meant from a trust perspective? I didn’t mean it that way at all. More like if your best friend and spouse have nothing in common.. are you being true to yourself in both of those relationships? Or are you forcing something to work somewhere?
While married people are a "unit". It's still comprised of two people who will have some interests or personality differences than their spouse. So, it's still two individual people. Does this mean that spouses wouldn't be welcome? Of course not. But, my point was that if one spouse doesn't hold interest in something, why should they feel bound to go?
Using your camping example, what if your husband and the three other husbands go on a week long hunting trip? If you, and the other wives have no interest in going to backwoods cabins with no running water, or camping on the open plains in a tent, why should you feel obligated to go if you're going to be miserable? Guys hunting week, which most women have zero problems with.
Now, let's say one husband doesn't like hunting because he's against it or never had the opportunity to do so and has no interest. Yet, his wife grew up in the country and enjoys it. Would it be an issue if she went instead of him? What if said woman was single, and was a lifelong friend of one of the husbands and they've gone hunting together for years? Now, what if it was a co-ed hunting party of all single people, and it was all platonic friendship? Issues there?
My point is that people seem to have more of a hangup about married and single people being friends. Yet, it's okay if married hang out, or generally that they're all single. Seems kind of archaic/ignorant to think that just because one person is single that's the temptation to cheat. I know more married people who have cheated with other married people, than single/married.
As to liking/not liking an SO's friend, that's a personality issue and it can happen whether dating, married or just friends. To me, somewhat related to the topic. But, also different.
I was in the marine Corp. There were women marines that were married that were deployed with us. They hung out with the guys.....we were all marines, we were in a close proximity to each other often without the spouses around. Lots of infidelity occured. Its like your best friend turned into a girl that shared all the same interest as you. Most of the time it was just flings and everyone went home to their spouse and tried to resume a normal relationship. Sometimes it ruined relationships. I think it's more naive to think that it won't happen more so than it will. Sure there are those it will not happen to, but there is a high enough percentage that it will that it cannot be discounted. I have no idea if those marines would have eventually cheated in their relationships down the road.....but what I do know is, they did cheat because good friends with similar interests and compatible body parts were spending lots of time together.
Yep, I was in the Corps as well and I'm all too familiar with the extramarital affairs that happened. It's almost commonplace, and the military has the highest percentage of divorces than other demographics. I'm not being naïve, nor ignorant, of the fact that they do happen. I've said before that if someone's going to cheat, they're going to cheat.
However, not everyone does. And, that is what my beef is about. The way most people are talking, they are crucifying their SO for a crime that was most likely never committed. Most people in this thread would say "Don't hold someone accountable for the actions of your ex". Yet, here they are saying "I don't trust my SO enough to have friends of the opposite sex" because...
Really? So, there's really only two possible scenarios that can play out of this:
1) You're holding the actions of a previous relationship against your SO. Seems a bit hypocritical, doesn't it?
2) You don't trust them. So, if you don't trust them, then why the *kitten* did you marry them or get into a serious relationship with them? Or, you're the jealous type that thinks everyone's a cheater.
Actually, come to think of it, there's a third scenario that happened to me:
3) (ex)wife was against me having female friends. Yet, was okay for her to. She accused me of cheating, or would cheat, because of said friends. Turns out, she was the one cheating. So, deflection of blame to hide one's own guilt.
Even with being cheated on, I still have zero issues with having opposite sex friends. Whether one, or both, are single or married.
Again, not everyone cheats. Nor do I think cheating is so common that people should fear it happening. If that's the case, then why do people get married when the divorce rate is well over 50%? One would think that given those odds, they should hold the same belief.
4 -
Cutemesoon wrote: »
I’ve had this happen , not on here but people on fb see tagged in a bar and show up, they act like they know me through my daughter ?0 -
So is anyone gonna crush me or nah?1
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Most of us here have started from a similar place - we've felt undesirable and now we're doing something about it. You get to a point where you get more confident and others start to notice you - if you haven't been noticed in a long time it's a great feeling to suddenly be desired and most flirting is reciprocated. As long as intentions are clear then nobody gets hurt.
I'm not going to travel the world for anyone, I'm happily married, but when I see someone that's working hard and they look amazing (and my type) I'm definately going to point out they got it going on! It's an internet version of a wink or a knowing smile.
Keep enjoying yourselves and the attention you're getting/giving. Stay safe and strong 💪🏻3
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