The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

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  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,234 Member
    edited November 2018
    so true @joha5603 they say drinking and using is but a symptom.
    before my husband relapsed he was so irritable and discontent and dry, you'd be afraid to have a smoke near him lest he go up in flames.
    he became obsessive over exercise, computer or other games, inappropriate anger, victimhood, and chronic uniqueness.

    the people i know who have most successfully recovered fill their lives with other fulfilling things. exercise, volunteering, adventuring, friends and family etc
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,890 Member
    @CarvedTones It’s sad to hear about your marriage. Sorry. Xo
  • lorrainequiche59
    lorrainequiche59 Posts: 898 Member
    @CarvedTones That is very sad. :'( I'm glad that you've been successfully AF through it all. Otherwise, it would just add to your unhappiness I'm thinking. Thank you for having the courage to share honestly & openly!!

    @RubyRed427 That is a nice gesture that your hubby expressed his pride in your taking control of your life. I can understand how you feel a lack of support though especially right after pouring your heart out about your own drinking & he orders wine. My impression of that is he just doesn't get it. Like you said he has no problem controlling his intake so he can't relate.

    @californiahombre So far so good...no kidding! Welcome to our group.
  • htimpaired
    htimpaired Posts: 1,404 Member
    Hi all, I posted in the less alcohol group but have been reading through your posts on this thread and so much of it range true with me too. The hiding, the tricks to drink more and think you're hiding it from people, the internal rationalization to justify it, the planning and isolation is all me. I am currently doing a less restrictive version of Whole30 (who really wants to give up cheese?), and alcohol is included in the list of no-nos. I have put on so much weight from my unhealthy habits I've developed around drinking and I need to get this under control. I want to be a person who can have one glass of wine and call it a night. Or ONE cider, not the whole six-pack. So I'm hoping that continuing to read and post here will help me get my thinking back in order. Congrats to everyone on your various lengths of sobriety-it's such an accomplishment!
  • ElC_76
    ElC_76 Posts: 3,054 Member
    joha5603 wrote: »
    I've recently become unable to run due to increased time with my kids. It's an odd thing to admit to: I of course adore them and they are my EVERYTHING! -- but I used the 50-50 custody schedule for self-care (exercise, solitude, getting the house back in order, etc) and I don't have that now.

    Anyhow.... long story short: The only time I have to exercise is 6 AM and I've somehow lost my motivation for it. I used to swim at 530 AM, but recently gave that up, and was excited about my 3-mile runs and how easy and routine they had become. My kids are too young to leave alone so now I can only do my 6 AM living room workouts. Any tips for getting my motivation back? I do a 15-minute popsugar workout on YouTube followed by an 20-minute Tabata routine. Don't laugh! It's a good workout for me. (Side note: I call them my "Jane Fondas" and only ppl of a certain age find that as funny as me.)

    Yeah,... :)

    Your story sounds a little like mine only im futher on, older kids. But yeah my motivation, selfesteem and the every thing i used to do in fitness was dying until i came across an personal trainer from another country thats keeping me on my toes.
    I can say its working,... ;)
  • CarvedTones
    CarvedTones Posts: 2,340 Member
    RubyRed427 wrote: »
    @CarvedTones It’s sad to hear about your marriage. Sorry. Xo

    Thanks, and thanks to @lorrainequiche59 also.

    There is a saying in BED treatment that in order to stop stuffing your face, you have to start facing your stuff. I can't think of a way to say that for drinking that is phrased so cleverly, but it is definitely true. I need to deal with the situation at home and move on. I can just about guarantee that my wife will say, and probably believe, that I want to separate so I can drink instead of doing it so I won't.
  • Orphia
    Orphia Posts: 7,097 Member
    Orphia wrote: »
    RubyRed427 wrote: »
    I have a spouse who drank in front of me the night I told him I had to quit drinking, while I was teary eyed expressing my anguish. The waiter then came up to the table after I told my spouse about my alcohol issue, and he ordered a glass of wine for himself.

    I dont want him to quit drinking in front of me, because he doesnt have an issue stopping drinking once he starts like I clearly do..... but sometimes, I would feel more supported if he didn’t ALWAYS order a glass of wine with his dinner or have a beer while we eat dinner at the kitchen table. It’s during those times, I feel less supported. Because I am looking at him drinking that wine and thinking how good it smells and how much I used to like wine, etc.

    I dont have the answer. I am the one with the problem with alcohol, but I would think that the spouse should try to support someone who has an addiction.

    He does say to me that he is proud of me because I quit. That’s a nice gesture.

    I kept drinking after mine quit.

    I think he understood how hard it is to quit, so he didn't complain very much or blame me. Like @mbaker566 I was cider and white / bubbly, he was red wine.

    Earlier, I quit smoking cold turkey while he switched to vaping. A couple of times I complained about the smell of a flavour vapour he was using, but we sort of played tag with each other on our quitting. Since I've lost all the weight, he's started eating less and losing too.

    Now we're both cigarette and alcohol free. We each got there on our own terms, but setting examples for each other.

    I can't stand the smell of beer and wine any more. They remind me of sticky pub floors, depression, and anxiety.
    RubyRed427 wrote: »
    @CarvedTones It’s sad to hear about your marriage. Sorry. Xo

    Thanks, and thanks to @lorrainequiche59 also.

    There is a saying in BED treatment that in order to stop stuffing your face, you have to start facing your stuff. I can't think of a way to say that for drinking that is phrased so cleverly, but it is definitely true. I need to deal with the situation at home and move on. I can just about guarantee that my wife will say, and probably believe, that I want to separate so I can drink instead of doing it so I won't.

    Before all this, I thought I might have to leave my husband. We quit cigarettes together when we just couldn't afford it anymore. That first month we went AF.

    He was a grumpy drinker, and I was anxious. His grumpiness was affecting our family quite badly, and one day (when he hadn't had a drink yet) I managed to explain that him, sobbing uncontrollably.

    He went back on the Zyban which helped him go AF for short periods before, and has now been good for 3 years. I'm up to 10 months.

    My anxiety had meant I would criticise his grumpy complaints. A vicious circle, repeated every evening.

    Tldr, We both made incremental changes, and as we overcame our own issues, we has less issues with each other.

    There is something to be said for the MFP saying, "You do you", and for also knowing when it's time to speak up.
  • lorrainequiche59
    lorrainequiche59 Posts: 898 Member
    @salleewins I have no words. :'( But My heart aches for you <3
  • joha5603
    joha5603 Posts: 102 Member
    @salleewins ... thank you for sharing that. I can't imagine, and I don't want to imagine... and yet, your darkness sheds a light. I hope it's okay to say that. I bet he was a great kid. I believe we are together in spirit with those we love, and I hope you feel him with you sometimes. My best to you. <3