The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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Thank you guys! This is very encouraging.
@JenT304 - Moderation is not for me! I just want to be free.
@joha5603 - Funny! I am 5'-7" In January 2018 I was 226lbs (very overweight mostly in my beer gut). I have been trying to shrink my boobs for the past 10 months! I am currently 188 and my manboobs have been reduced significantly! Thank goodness!
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@Drummer913 ... Paul, well, awesome! Maybe you can avoid having to wear a "bro." Lol...
But on a serious note, in hearing Paul's process and approach to this, I'm reflecting on how we all do this. I will admit that I have not watched a single video suggested here, nor read any of the books. I have very limited time and energy and I feel like I don't want to study how NOT to do something. Instead, I just won't do it. Does that make sense? I have simply... walked away... from alcohol, and my only time investment is on this forum. That's it. I don't want to invest my energy in sobriety because alcohol has already taken enough from me and I don't want to give it anymore of my time/energy/focus. It's just something that kind of doesn't exist in my real life anymore. Thoughts?7 -
it does. the thoughts are you are making a hole in your life when you cut out alcohol and think about all it encompassed. so you have to fill the hole with something. (that sounded dirtier than intended). some people do church, exercise, hobbies, higher power, 12 step stuff, self help.
but if cutting it out works for you. work it
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Welcome Paul! You are doing this! Sometimes things seem come out of nowhere when you have a new lifestyle that you want. Your story sounds familiar.
I tried a number of times to quit for good.Someone told me when I was first sober again to stop going here and there at that point (I wanted to go to a baseball game in NY). I had never been to one there. Well I went with a non-drinking friend, but the amount of beer and liquor there surprised me. It was harder to be there than I thought. I had only been sober for a couple of mo. I didn't fall then, but.... I did end up to fall Christmas Eve. It was a small thing, but just the top of the iceberg really. I went to church late after being warned that I should go early as it would be crowded.. I wanted to shop for a coat for my niece's child and then I got to church and the girl in front of me kept flinging her hair around. That just did it!!!!!!!!! I left to find an open liquor store right away. I was missing my son (deceased about a year and a half at that point and was feeling angry, lonely etc.) That started a serious major chapter to my drinking career. I had been sober for 5 mo. It was the worst chapter ever. 13 mo. later, this year January 23rd I quit. I feel the best. It has been so worth it. Mind you, especially in the beginning, and at other vulnerable times of the year or situations, it is hard. I can't ever drink again. It was unbelievable the way I was. I am trying to be more on guard this year as I am especially vulnerable at Christmas and my birthday in January.9 -
@salleewins - Thanks for sharing. Yes, a familiar fall. I'm sorry about your Son. I'm happy to hear you got past that drinking chapter and you are doing well. I hope I can enjoy the same sober success as you and many others!.4
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@joha5603 That is great if you do not "need" the books, videos etc. I am finding I need them less and less though when I am feeling weak (less often now thank God) I might get a boost from a Craig Beck video or a chapter of "Alcohol Explained." Everyone is different of course and I am happy for you that you were simply able to walk away from booze and not look back. That is awesome! Some people go to AA for 20 years, read the books, have other resources etc. Whatever works is what works!3
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@JenT304 ... of course! I hope you didn't read criticism with my post -- I didn't intend it that way. I am grateful for the support I've received here and would never dog anyone's methods! Nothing but love.
I was just ruminating a bit, kind of thinking out loud. For me, I question if being is sober part of my identity? I don't want to be defined that way, I guess. There are a million things I don't do (triathlons, woodworking, mtn biking and now: drinking), and yet I don't study those things. I was just thinking about how much energy I want to put into something I don't do. I sew and run and play with my kids, and yes, I read about those things and invest energy in tactics, ideas, new approaches, etc. So, I invest energy in doing the things I DO, not the things I DON'T DO.
Now that I think about it, I guess it's semantics. I don't do alcohol, but I do sobriety, so it makes sense to invest energy into that. Oh, my brain.... la la la la... carry on, folks. Nothing to see here.
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Some recent thoughts.
I read this blog post about an AF woman who has made and is making big changes.
She writes:
"Somehow, I made it. The odds were overwhelmingly against me – as I kept reading and being told. Some fanatics declared ‘once an alcoholic always an alcoholic’ and I realised that was why so many people cannot beat the stigmas and are overwhelmed before they even start."
Sure, it can be helpful discussing not drinking, especially considering, "from school, to uni, and at work, at sports and weddings, funerals or even community events – it’s always been a prolific and revered part of any social connections."
But thinking you'll always be fighting a permanent part of your being seems very unhelpful and defeatist.
I choose to think that alcohol is a form of chemistry that can be fun... for a while, but it has side-effects that snowball with consumption, and increased consumption is one of those side-effects.
Once you're free of the alcohol, you're free to be whatever you want to be.
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@Drummer913 Welcome and we are so happy to have you here! I am really grateful you commented. Its not easy facing the facts. For some of us alcohol is not a good fit at all. I dont know exactly when it happened, but I have noticed that one was never enough and one led to a deep craving for more. I feel for you. I can imagine how you felt when he came up to with that beer.
I must admit over the last few months, I have thought “what could one glass of wine hurt.” But like you, I would go back to drink every damn day. Happy you posted. We are all in this together. Xo5 -
@joha5603 Oh no I definitely was not thinking you were critical! I am happy for whatever works for everyone! Truly! Some of us need the boost of other resources and others don't. I am just grateful for this thread where we can all share what works for each of us and where we can share our support.
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Happy Friday! I'll be hosting Thanksgiving this year. I am thankful for this group. This will be my first wine-free Thanksgiving in years. I am looking forward to it. I am looking forward to making memories, not waking next Friday morning wondering who I offended, what I said, feeling like crap etc.5
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I”ll be away scrapbooking this weekend. I’m going with my sober sister and our drinking friends. Usually in years past, I was the bartender arriving with a big bag of bottles, shaker, lime, etc. Not this year! I will get decent sleep instead. I remember having a bottle of liquor under my table and pouring little by little into my glass throughout the weekend scrapbooking at a table with friends. After the weekend, I would be shocked to see how much I drank and how little alcohol I had to take back home. I was just probably numb the whole weekend. Progress not perfection is a great motto.
Wishing you all a peaceful weekend! I look forward to lots of laughter with my friends
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Happy Friday! I'll be hosting Thanksgiving this year. I am thankful for this group. This will be my first wine-free Thanksgiving in years. I am looking forward to it. I am looking forward to making memories, not waking next Friday morning wondering who I offended, what I said, feeling like crap etc.
I am thankful for you! Thanks for this thread. It is a Godsend to read your posts and the others. Yes, you can get up Friday morning rested, fresh faced, no headache, and hit the malls!3 -
Welcome @Drummer913 and others I've missed welcoming!!
Some really FANTASTIC comments being shared here. Hoping y'all have a safe, happy, sober, relaxing, and hopefully FUN weekend!!
My 11 yr old grandson & I are having a night together at my dogsitting digs. I think from here on in I will try to limit my dogsitting to lapdogs because the rather large Lab I'm caring for has WAY too much energy for me...I'm a lazy dogsitter & really don't want to play 24/7 especially when I get back from working all day...SO my grandson will come in handy as a playmate for a day. LOL. I had committed to this gig before I discovered that Kona is dog aggressive so my dog is staying with my daughter while I'm here and I'm really missing him, but what bothers me more is that I think HE misses me more than I miss him. Cause I know the time limit & he doesn't. Anyway, I visit him & walk him as much as I'm able...we had part of the afternoon together yesterday & I took him to our home with me for a bath & cuddle...my bath & our cuddle. Today is half way through my time here. Time flies & I'm not having that much fun LOL I'm also caring for a cat of the couple who are vacationing for the first week with Kona's humans, & that ends on Saturday when they arrive back...YAY!! Just one less place to run to twice daily!!
Blah, blah, blah...I'm done now. PHEW!!!! 3 -
I do not do Black Friday shopping anywhere but from my sofa online but YES, I will feel fresh and rested instead of sick and disgusting. Have fun scrapbooking with your friends! That sounds wonderful.4
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Drummer 13, your post had mentioned that your doctor was concerned about your health, and that you needed to make decisions. That is a Godsend for sure. Alcohol has such an effect on the body, its unreal. Even as far as making decisions while you are under the influence. I didn't really drink much, but if I had 2 glasses of wine, I made some wrong decisions. Not about driving or putting my life or anyones in danger. It was always making bad decisions about eating, once I had 2 glasses of wine. I could finish off a whole pizza if I had wine. So, for me, the biggest problem about drinking was the decision making process. My new Dr mentioned that my ASGOT reading was just a bit elevated.......not high, just elevated. I think normal was 40, mine was 44, just a bit over........well that is my liver enzymes reading and after doing research about the effects of wine or alcohol in the liver, it really was a red flag. Also, there are other problems that alcohol can do to the body.......... I said there is no way I would get to a point that I would need a liver operation , or transplant, or what ever they need to do to repair the damage.....no way........not worth the high of alcohol. So, basically, you now know what your doctor stated and that is another reason not to drink. That along with so many others.............best wishes, and welcome6
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Wishing everyone a happy AF Weekend! 5
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@RubyRed427 - Thanks for the feedback! And happy scrap booking to you this weekend! I'm sure you will have a great time.
@lorrainequiche59 - Thanks for the welcome! Btw...I also have an Extremely playful, healthy 10 year old yellow lab and Oh what a ball of energy he is sometimes! Especially like yesterday when we got our first snow of the season in NJ! That dog just goes bananas in the snow!
@lloydrt - I have a very compassionate and concerned doctor. He is great. Even a couple of years ago when he spelled out every (and I mean EVERY) valid reason for me to stop drinking related to my health, it just wasn't good enough for me. He even offered to put me on a medicine that would make me sick if I drank! I told him no thanks, it would need to be on my terms when I was ready. I was a stubborn SOB! As for decision making, you are 100% correct! It's crazy to me how many decisions seemed good while under the influence of alcohol only to wish that I could change my decision the next day. Too many regrets involve alcohol for Me. And as for eating, well, I transformed into Pac-Man after imbibing a six pack. One last thing, I did watch the video you shared in entirety (44mins) of the unfortunate young man and his alcohol struggles. Thank you. I do not believe I have as strong an addiction to alcohol as that young man did, but.... Any addiction is just that....strong enough to be an addiction. Thanks again.8 -
I hate to scare all of us. But a good, sad article is in USA Today about alcoholism kills more people in a year than opioids . Quote:
"It is poison, and we’re treating it like it's something other than that because there‘s big corporate money behind it," she says. "A lot of people are getting really rich on something that is toxic to us."
Check out this article from USA TODAY:
Alcohol is killing more people, and younger. The biggest increases are among women
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2018/11/16/alcohol-deaths-emergency-room-increase-middle-aged-women-addiction-opioids/1593347002/
Something to think about when I mourn the loss of my friend “alcohol”. It really is awful for the body and mind.7 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »I hate to scare all of us. But a good, sad article is in USA Today about alcoholism kills more people in a year than opioids . Quote:
"It is poison, and we’re treating it like it's something other than that because there‘s big corporate money behind it," she says. "A lot of people are getting really rich on something that is toxic to us."
Check out this article from USA TODAY:
Alcohol is killing more people, and younger. The biggest increases are among women
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2018/11/16/alcohol-deaths-emergency-room-increase-middle-aged-women-addiction-opioids/1593347002/
Something to think about when I mourn the loss of my friend “alcohol”. It really is awful for the body and mind.
Thanku for that artical.
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Thank you for the article, Ruby. I do believe at some point, people will come to think about alcohol the way they now think about tobacco products. Unfortunately, it is going to take a very long time.2
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Yesterday I almost got hit by a car at Wal-Mart. It had been stopped at a stop sign outside the store. I left my car, passed one lane and passed in front of her about 3/4 of the way when she stepped on the gas a bit quickly. I jumped out of the way and I must have looked exasperated. It appeared her daughter was in the car. The woman did not roll the window down on the passenger side where the, maybe 13 year old, kid was sitting,and was almost yelling and had a bad attitude while she was saying that she didn't see me. I asked her how she could not see me??I had to motion for her to calm down after this scenario was repeated a couple of times. I then had to walk away. There was such a lack of apology. All the while I was wondering if she had been drinking.5
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salleewins wrote: »Yesterday I almost got hit by a car at Wal-Mart. It had been stopped at a stop sign outside the store. I left my car, passed one lane and passed in front of her about 3/4 of the way when she stepped on the gas a bit quickly. I jumped out of the way and I must have looked exasperated. It appeared her daughter was in the car. The woman did not roll the window down on the passenger side where the, maybe 13 year old, kid was sitting,and was almost yelling and had a bad attitude while she was saying that she didn't see me. I asked her how she could not see me??I had to motion for her to calm down after this scenario was repeated a couple of times. I then had to walk away. There was such a lack of apology. All the while I was wondering if she had been drinking.
Oh my ! That is such an ordeal you went through. Yes, she could have been on something because the anger and blaming others was so obvious. She didnt take responsibility for her actions. Who wouldnt say to you, “Oh my God, im so sorry, I didnt see you. I apologize. Are you ok?” ?
She Totally lacked in empathy and blamed the victim! I’m happy you are safe. Xo5 -
Last night, the girls at scrapbooking made Rum Chata and Stoli caramel martinis. THey looked sooooo good. But the “new and improved” Julie just kept scrapbooking. Went to bed and had the best sleep in months. Over 8 hours and very peaceful dreams. If I had drank last night, I would have been tossing and turning, had racing heartbeat all night, and woke up puffy and tired. I’m so happy with the choice I made.
Wishing all of you a productive Saturday or peaceful Saturday night for you Aussie friends!9 -
@salleewins EEEEK!! Very scary! What a poor example for that child!! Really glad you are ok!
@RubyRed427 Thank you for that article. Another sad reminder of what we are all realizing, thank goodness!
@JenT304 You are SO positive, but I'm not so much...it would be great if that happened...at the same time, it's interesting to me how many people still smoke and begin to smoke in spite of the reams of evidence of it's obviously harmful side effects. Like the alcohol article pointed out, lots of money is being made at the expense of others' health. I'm a skeptic that things will change LOL!!
BUT, all of us are changing 2 -
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The bit about drinking killing people really resonates with me. I turn 60 next month and will have been alcohol free 18 months. Older problem drinkers are very high risk. A lot of "functional alcoholics" become non functional in retirement.9
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I am glad for you Ruby!!
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We are all dying but You Don't Have To Speed Up The Process
Hello Friend
Bacon
Ham
The Sun
Chimney Sweeping
Arsenic
Smoking
Salted Fish
Alcohol
These are all things that are linked to cancer. Along with many, many chemicals, jobs, etc. We know that technically we’re all going to die, but do we really need to speed the process up?
It has been found that drinking alcohol increases the risk of developing the following types of cancers:
Head and neck Cancers - especially cancers of the mouth (oral cavity) throat (pharynx) voice box (larynx)
Liver Cancer
Esophageal Cancer
Breast Cancer
Bowel Cancer
How does this happen?
First, ethanol, the main component of alcohol, is a known carcinogen, and alcoholic beverages can contain at least fifteen other carcinogenic compounds including formaldehyde, arsenic and lead.
Second, when your body metabolizes and digests alcohol, it produces a toxic chemical called acetaldehyde. Acetaldehyde damages your cells, rendering them incapable of repair and making them more vulnerable to cancer.
Third, alcohol can increase the levels of certain hormones, including estrogen. As messengers in our body, hormones are responsible for giving our cells instructions, such as when to divide. Having high levels of estrogen is linked with breast cancer, which is one of the most common types of cancers. Interestingly, 4% of all breast cancer in the UK has been linked to alcohol consumption.
Fourth, alcohol has other devastating effects on the body - such as weakening its ability to process and absorb nutrients, liver damage, weight gain, and overall body fatigue. All of these lessen our body’s vitality, in turn lessening its ability to fight off illness and cancer.
Many people think that if they drink moderately, they are not at risk. But studies have shown that even light drinking is linked to cancer. This association can not be denied… if you drink, no matter how much, you are increasing your risk for developing cancer.
The good news is that as soon as you cut back or quit, you are decreasing that risk.
The other thing I have noticed is that once you cut back on alcohol or quit, you have a tendency to be more mindful and health conscious in general. In my experience, realizing what was in alcohol and how I had been poisoning myself all that time really forced me to be more aware of everything I was eating and drinking.
I just told a friend the other day that I never realized my 40’s would be made up of so much kale and kombucha. I thought I’d be more exotic than that.
To your health,
xxAnnie7 -
The above was in my inbox this morning as I subscribe to Annie Grace emails. Sobering food for thought. (pun intended).
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