The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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@RubyRed427 So sorry to hear your sad news. Very difficult decision to come to no matter what the circumstances that led up to it. It's just sad
I remember my break over 27 years ago. It's always hardest on the kids no matter how we try to make it up to them, it just is. So, my heart goes out to you & your family as you make this transition. Hoping the best for you going forward and YES, being sober is very important right now. It will help you to be there for your children in the days ahead. They're going to need a sober Mom to help them transition through this. Hugs 
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@RubyRed427 You really are an inspiration, sharing such a difficult life experience and going through it in a clear headed and emotionally in touch way!
Also, I very much appreciated your support this past Sunday (I replied to your comment, but didn't say thank you for your words, so I am now). Your strength helps me recognize how much better it is to go through tough situations AF and motivates me to do the same..6 -
Yellowstone1983 wrote: »And FYI to anyone with Federal student loans, or family members with them- income based repayment is an evil trap, don't ever do it!
If you're comfortable, please explain? I am in an IBR repayment plan.
In a nutshell 2 main things: If you no longer qualify at any point in time or if you go into forebearance for any reason (I did for 60 days bc they didn't process my annual renewal app on time) the rapidly accruing interest capitalizes, which means all outstanding interest gets rolled into principle balance. Thus, if your payments at any time are less than the monthly interest you accrue, your balance continues to go up, and quickly, despite the payments. The problem with this is, the 'forgiven balance' at the end of the 20-25 yrs is considered taxable income for that yr. Feel free to add me as a friend and I can explain further so I don't hijack this thread2 -
I've been avoiding sharing this cause it is a difficult share, but I think it's an important story. My former brother-in-law died on Monday, early 60s. He had a quadruple by-pass 3 weeks ago. He had fallen asleep in his chair in the living-room after a night of heavy drinking. He woke up in the wee hours of the morning, & fell backwards into their glass coffee table shattering it & a very large piece of glass entered his back & pierced his lung....at first glance his wife thought he was just cut up a bit & bandaged the cuts not realizing the extent of the damage because it was all internal. 2 hours later he was having trouble breathing and she called an ambulance. They rushed him into surgery & removed all the glass only to have him go into cardiac arrest and die. Apparently, the cause of his fall into the table was a heart attack. The docs said that the fall actually revived him but he went on to have his heart stop a couple more times prior to his surgery and then the fatal one after his surgery.
This is such a sad, typical story of someone who abused alcohol for many decades and died as a result of that abuse. YES, it was a heart attack listed as his cause of death, but really, it was alcohol abuse that resulted in his death. Because he was wreaking of alcohol when he was admitted to hospital, they had to send an investigator to their home after his death to have his wife explain & show exactly what happened to rule out foul play.
When he came home from his by-pass surgery, he continued to drink, smoke & eat as usual. No lifestyle changes for him. The result from his autopsy was that his heart was enlarged to twice it's normal size and all his arteries were 100% blocked...3 weeks after surgery. The docs told his wife that if it hadn't happened on Monday, it would have definitely happened within a couple of weeks because of the damage to his heart.
His brother, my ex-husband, is in jail due to his 2nd DUI and was told by a priest that his closest brother had died and he will be allowed compassionate leave, be driven to the funeral home by armed guards, chained & handcuffed as he is escorted into the empty funeral home to pay his respects to his brother. He will not be allowed to attend the service, and no family will be able to be with him when he walks into the funeral home. The powers that be at the jail told my daughter that it isn't a family reunion and he will be driven back to the jail, put in his cell and likely fall apart. He is a mess of a man...many decades of drinking though his pain, through the loss of 7 siblings, parents, friends, a couple of wives, many girlfriends, his daughter who only puts up with him if she absolutely has to, all of the jobs lost through drinking and on & on!!
Of all my ex-husband's family, this brother who died was the one who I cared for most to the extent I was able to, if that makes any sense. Alcohol has robbed this family of every member. All before 65 yrs old. My daughter is very concerned for her Dad because she fears for his mental health and I agree with her. I do believe this may be the straw that broke the camel's back. He is a broken man and I think this will break him further. He has attempted suicide a few times in his life and one of his brother's succeeded. All because of alcohol. Alcohol the symptom. The cause of the alcohol was childhood abuse. Severe childhood abuse. They were never able to rise above it. And they've all been slowly killing themselves ever since. With alcohol! Very sad!!!! 15 -
laurenq1991 wrote: »As for alcohol, I guess it's 135 days for me now, if I did the math right. I didn't even have a substance abuse problem but still have zero regrets.
I just Google "days since 6/25/2017" and there are a few sites that compute it. 583 for me!4 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »I've been avoiding sharing this cause it is a difficult share, but I think it's an important story. My former brother-in-law died on Monday, early 60s. He had a quadruple by-pass 3 weeks ago. He had fallen asleep in his chair in the living-room after a night of heavy drinking. He woke up in the wee hours of the morning, & fell backwards into their glass coffee table shattering it & a very large piece of glass entered his back & pierced his lung....at first glance his wife thought he was just cut up a bit & bandaged the cuts not realizing the extent of the damage because it was all internal. 2 hours later he was having trouble breathing and she called an ambulance. They rushed him into surgery & removed all the glass only to have him go into cardiac arrest and die. Apparently, the cause of his fall into the table was a heart attack. The docs said that the fall actually revived him but he went on to have his heart stop a couple more times prior to his surgery and then the fatal one after his surgery.
This is such a sad, typical story of someone who abused alcohol for many decades and died as a result of that abuse. YES, it was a heart attack listed as his cause of death, but really, it was alcohol abuse that resulted in his death. Because he was wreaking of alcohol when he was admitted to hospital, they had to send an investigator to their home after his death to have his wife explain & show exactly what happened to rule out foul play.
When he came home from his by-pass surgery, he continued to drink, smoke & eat as usual. No lifestyle changes for him. The result from his autopsy was that his heart was enlarged to twice it's normal size and all his arteries were 100% blocked...3 weeks after surgery. The docs told his wife that if it hadn't happened on Monday, it would have definitely happened within a couple of weeks because of the damage to his heart.
His brother, my ex-husband, is in jail due to his 2nd DUI and was told by a priest that his closest brother had died and he will be allowed compassionate leave, be driven to the funeral home by armed guards, chained & handcuffed as he is escorted into the empty funeral home to pay his respects to his brother. He will not be allowed to attend the service, and no family will be able to be with him when he walks into the funeral home. The powers that be at the jail told my daughter that it isn't a family reunion and he will be driven back to the jail, put in his cell and likely fall apart. He is a mess of a man...many decades of drinking though his pain, through the loss of 7 siblings, parents, friends, a couple of wives, many girlfriends, his daughter who only puts up with him if she absolutely has to, all of the jobs lost through drinking and on & on!!
Of all my ex-husband's family, this brother who died was the one who I cared for most to the extent I was able to, if that makes any sense. Alcohol has robbed this family of every member. All before 65 yrs old. My daughter is very concerned for her Dad because she fears for his mental health and I agree with her. I do believe this may be the straw that broke the camel's back. He is a broken man and I think this will break him further. He has attempted suicide a few times in his life and one of his brother's succeeded. All because of alcohol. Alcohol the symptom. The cause of the alcohol was childhood abuse. Severe childhood abuse. They were never able to rise above it. And they've all been slowly killing themselves ever since. With alcohol! Very sad!!!!
So sorry for your loss 5 -
@lorrainequiche59 I am so sorry for the loss of your former brother in law. An option for your daughter (you too) if she hasn't thought about it might be to try Al-Annon or Al-Ateen. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. Alcholisim is so cunning baffeling and powerful.
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@lorrainequiche59 sorry about your loss2
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Tomorrow is Day 31 of Dry Jan....so whats next...I want to keep going but I have not made any new resolutions. I am going in for my annual physical at the end of Feb and I want my numbers to be perfect.
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@lorrainequiche59 That is such a sad, tragic story. That family has never known peace even during childhood. I am sorry for your pain, too. You cared for him. Xo4
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RubyRed427 wrote: »RubyRed,I hope everything is OK,is this an ongoing thing or something that started when you went AF? Or is it unrelated? Sorry I'm not trying to be nosy,just want to offer support and wish I could give you a huge hug everyone sounds like they're doing great,I'm doing OK just get a little bored in the evening but that's my own fault cuz I just wanna watch TV,hopefully when the weather warms up I won't be such an evening couch potato
One of the reasons for getting sober last January and then again this past July was that I knew my marriage was going to end. It was my decision to end it. It was a long time coming. So, having a clear mind and strong sober spirit helped give me the courage i needed to make this life change. It is a roller coaster of emotions I am on. It’s heartbreaking when a relationship of over two decades is over. But being sober was a necessary stepping stone to gaining strength and courage.
I decided it was like training for a marathon. You have to make plans months in advance, fine tune your thinking, believe in yourself. ..... and then get unbelievable courage for five minutes to say what you’ve been wanting to say for awhile.
I am very sorry. I understand this completely. It is hard. I planned for a year. Was married 24 years total. I am sorry someone else has to go through this. I never did get completely sober to do it. I honestly don't think I was heavily drinking though until a year or two later, to be fair to myself. Still wasn't my brightest decision to drink like that. Keep up the good work with being sober no matter what! Hugs and Love.7 -
@lorrainequiche59 I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. How brave you have been to tell us. How sad this is. Hugs and Love.
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Thank you for all your kind words
@tifano Thanks for your reference to Al-anon. I tried that route years ago when I was with my ex, but chose therapy instead and learned that I am co-dependent and now I believe I am also dependant on alcohol and was then in a limited way, I also used other things to distract myself.
Hope everyone has a wonderful day!
It is another snow day here. All highways & county roads surrounding me are closed and they even pulled the plows off the roads. Supposed to clear overnight and I will be glad to get back to work. The days off are nice, I'm considering this my snow-cation, but I will be paying for this time I'm off by having to make up the work I've missed. BUT for today I am having a vacation at home with my puppy!!
Where ever you are, Stay safe
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So sorry for your loss Lorraine
alcohol sure does effect every cell in the body,I hate it! Ruby,thank you for sharing your story,I'm sorry you're going thru this but I'm happy you're doing what's right for you! Well tomorrow is February and even tho I know I'll stay AF a dirty little demon keeps whispering in my ear,,go away! I hate that even though I don't want to drink,have no reason or desire part of me wants to be "bad" at least in my thoughts anyways haha,have a great day all 6 -
Congrats to all who made the effort this month. For me it was a less damp January rather than dry but a welcome change. I also saved approximately ONE BILLION CALORIES. I'm probably the only one in the group to have calculated the number of calories in a half keg of stella vs. half keg of coors light. It's been tough getting the missus on board but she at least agrees to a dry campus during the week. It's odd to feel "peer pressure" at this stage in my life. But as I sit here and write this I feel physically good in the morning and that is worth a lot. I've discovered that I can watch netflix without my friend Mr. Jameson (who knew?). I may continue to explore the fascinating world of sobriety. It's weird but the phrase "one day at a time" is more meaningful to me now.9
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I'm just checking in. I lurk here most of the time and think that there are a lot of strong, strong people on this thread. I'm up to 125 days sober and have lost 10lbs without changing my exercise or eating habits. Well, I've always exercised but leaving the wine behind is what made a HUGE difference.13
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My Dry January started with fear and worry about changing my relationship... and ended with peace and pride in myself. I dont know if I can state that correctly, but by staying sober, I was able to listen to my heart without filters. And sobriety gave me focus and strength to do what I thought I could not do.
A huge personal success for me. I was dry 30 out of 31 days. I am ready for a dry February with maybe one night of a few drinks.
@shortchange1 Something tells me you are strong, too!! Awesome weight loss too!
@bigmanatee Congrats on all those calories saved. Sounds like you made good strides this month!
@whitpauly Hey I have that same little demon. Let’s kick him to the curb!
@salleewins Me, too. I’ve been married 23.5 years. It’s empowering to go against the grain, be uncomfortable enough to change your life. Each morning I wake up, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that through pain will come peace. Xo10 -
Tomorrow is Day 31 of Dry Jan....so whats next...I want to keep going but I have not made any new resolutions. I am going in for my annual physical at the end of Feb and I want my numbers to be perfect.
You’ve been going strong for a few months Normin! I think your doctor will be amazed at the end of the month. You have worked so hard to improve your life. I’m happy for you.
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All, wonderful job in Jan! I am looking forward to a “mostly” dry February. I know my weakness and will not get back into bad habits again. Great workout today at Barre today! I did the Jan challenge at our studio, which started Jan 7th. Since then I have done 15 classes (15 hours of sweat 💦 Yea!). I have lost four and half pounds and happy!
Today one of my friends who loves 🧶 knitting offered to give me a lesson! I am heading out soon for my first lesson.5 -
@Fitness327wk I hope you enjoy knitting as much as I do! It's very relaxing and naturally it's something you can't do while eating and drinking so it helps us not to snack.7
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@lorrainequiche59 ... my heart goes out to you and your daughter. May you all find peace in this difficult time.3
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We did it motherlovers and mothers and dads!!!! O man....came close a few times but wanting to impress you guys kept me going....like Maximus said.....are you not entertained!!!
February starts and I am a little lost...11 -
We did it motherlovers and mothers and dads!!!! O man....came close a few times but wanting to impress you guys kept me going....like Maximus said.....are you not entertained!!!
February starts and I am a little lost...
NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep it up! Feelings can trick us. They are unreliable at times. You aren't lost even if you feel it! We look forward to more success and you build on this success.6 -
salleewins wrote: »We did it motherlovers and mothers and dads!!!! O man....came close a few times but wanting to impress you guys kept me going....like Maximus said.....are you not entertained!!!
February starts and I am a little lost...
NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep it up! Feelings can trick us. They are unreliable at times. You aren't lost even if you feel it! We look forward to more success and you build on this success.
The issue is one of Super Bowl....i have so little confidence in my ability to moderate that i suspect if i decide to drink on SB, i will be back to drinking in no time through the summer7 -
Everyone who did dry January--BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!9
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Knitting is super duper fun!!!!!!!!!!
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salleewins wrote: »We did it motherlovers and mothers and dads!!!! O man....came close a few times but wanting to impress you guys kept me going....like Maximus said.....are you not entertained!!!
February starts and I am a little lost...
NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep it up! Feelings can trick us. They are unreliable at times. You aren't lost even if you feel it! We look forward to more success and you build on this success.
The issue is one of Super Bowl....i have so little confidence in my ability to moderate that i suspect if i decide to drink on SB, i will be back to drinking in no time through the summer
Well think it over . Can you go and not drink? Will everyone else be drinking? If yes, can someone go with you that doesn't? Just some ideas. If you honestly think you can stop at one/two buckle my shoe and not keep going and going, that may be your answer? If you drink two drinks that day, will you be able to forget about drinking the following day or will you be thinking about it more? Can you go for just part of the game and watch the rest elsewhere, in a less tempting environment? What ever you do, we will support you. We aren't going to be disappointed whatever you decide. Just let us know how it is going/how it went/your plans...if that helps...
A story....I went to a professional baseball game and it was way harder than I thought to stay AF, but I did do it , two or three summers ago. The friend that I was with did not drink. I was sober a couple of months when I went. A few months later, I started drinking again on Christmas Eve. I was drinking even heavier than before then. It was like I took off from where I was before I quit and I had to make up for lost time with a vengeance. It took 13 more months to quit again. That is because I definitely have a problem that I am convinced NOW that I have it 100%. Sometimes I start to waiver, even now, and think that it may not be 100% and then I am reminded that I know I have a problem and that I am sure it's 100%. I don't need to prove it again. That is me, however. Someone told me before I was going to that game, to not be traipsing off to do places and things and be around people to tempt me. I don't know if she meant early on in sobriety or forever. I laugh now, but then she made me mad, kind of. I took a risk. I thought about beer a lot. Honestly I might have fallen, if my friend had ordered a drink. I made a plan before I went. I got some stuff I really wanted and brought it with me. I definitely had sweets with me and brought stuff I wanted to eat. I would have done something else--like shop around more--if I couldn't handle it. I have found an escape route plan (like in case of a fire) is always in order. I certainly wasn't following a healthy eating plan that day, if I didn't want to. I ate whatever I wanted. No one drank beer right next to me or I would have moved HOPEFULLY. I went for other reasons than drinking and did have a great time.8 -
Good morning, Friends! We are now in February. I am happy January is over for a few reasons. Now, it seems like I can start fresh once again. I have this quote on my ipad screen. I read it every time I open my eye pad.
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@NormInv Go with your gut. You think you may spiral out of control, so you may want to say just for today (Super Bowl) I will drink ginger beer or your fav non-alcoholic beverage. I spiraled out of control from March-July after being sober from Jan.-March. Our Brains are screwed but there must be a good reason for it. Also, just think how absolutely wonderful your body is feeling. I won’t tell you what to do because I drank once in Jan. But I do know that for many of us the moderation train has passed the station.
@salleewins Good story! I am 100 percent sure too. I hate crawling out of the depression that alcohol brings me. It’s just easier to be a non-drinker. Period. Love you!5 -
Now that January is behind us I am going to start kicking this sugar craving's behind. I might give in to the dessert I am bringing to a Super Bowl party (Brownie triffle, Lord, help me) but will not drink alcohol. I'm proud of everyone that made it completely through January....alas I did have some wine in Austin so I didn't go the ENTIRE month BUT I am back on track now. Norm, you do whatever feels right to you for the SB. Salleewins has thoughtful reflections as usual. You really have come so far and we are proud of you!5
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