Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

Beka3695 wrote: »

Crafty_camper123 wrote: »

Fine then. I confess I have never tried chocolate covered grasshoppers.

I have never eaten any insect on purpose.

I think I would try one if dipped in chocolate

Same, and I plan on keeping it that way. All the chocolate in the world would not change my mind.....

Lois_1989 wrote: »

Confession: I’m starting to wonder if kids are really worth the effort.

The last 6 months all I’ve heard is how horrible I was as a child, how much my friend is struggling, how miserable my work colleagues daughter is having 2 sons and expecting twin girls in May, how expensive child care is, and I’m 99% sure DH won’t be as helpful as he says he will be if the time comes.

I’m convincing myself out of children. I don’t really like babies, I spent an entire evening successfully avoiding holding my friends baby. And children don’t like me. I actually had a 4-5 year old boy tell me that he didn’t like me. So I told him I don’t like him either. And I didn’t even care that he got upset.

Looks like Hubby’s family name is dying with him.

Better to decide that before, rather than after!

Lois_1989 wrote: »

Confession: I’m starting to wonder if kids are really worth the effort.

The last 6 months all I’ve heard is how horrible I was as a child, how much my friend is struggling, how miserable my work colleagues daughter is having 2 sons and expecting twin girls in May, how expensive child care is, and I’m 99% sure DH won’t be as helpful as he says he will be if the time comes.

I’m convincing myself out of children. I don’t really like babies, I spent an entire evening successfully avoiding holding my friends baby. And children don’t like me. I actually had a 4-5 year old boy tell me that he didn’t like me. So I told him I don’t like him either. And I didn’t even care that he got upset.

Looks like Hubby’s family name is dying with him.

echo here -- It is OK not to want children.

I have two daughters - one born in my early 20s one in mid 20s. If I had waited till 30 - I would not have kids. I have NO patients now. My BF had her 3rd child at 41. I am still not sure what she was thinking. I like when pumpkin visits (will be 4 in april) but I LOVE when she goes home.

I am looking forward to grandkids - but happy that they will live in Florida.

Lois_1989 wrote: »

But seriously, what are the best bits about having kids? As far as I can tell, they cause you pain, stress and money. I just had a bath and as I’m lying there all I can hear are the 2 boys next door arguing and the mum shouting at them. I’ve been laying in bed before listening to the kid in the flat above have a full blown tantrum in the middle of the night. I listen to stories in the office about someone’s kid has done something, someone spent their whole weekend running her kids and grandkids around. My dad has endless stories (some that he told at my wedding) about how horrible I was as a child. I don’t get it. Why put yourself through it?

This is why I don't have any yet myself at 31. Everytime I think of it, reeeaaally think of it, my mind goes to stuff like this. And yet somehow, I have this inexplicible urge to still have kids someday. I want scraped knees, and baby kisses, and to pass on family traditions. Unfortunatly that comes with diaper blow outs, the terrible two's and the terrible teen's. Not to mention the current polarizing cultural and political climate we live in right now.

It makes no sense to me. And I can't decide if my urge to have kids is due to social expectations, biological urges to reproduce, or something else. It's a really strange feeling. I have no idea if it will ever happen for me as I sit here on the fence. I suppose I will welcome either outcome however life turns out.

ETA: And actually, I love little kids. It's the pre-teens and teenagers that scare the hell out of me. I have seen so many turn 13 and turn into a whole different person! Just in my own family. One family member hit his teens and despite his parent's best efforts to raise him properly is now a convicted felon & sex offender. Another turned 13 and despite her parent's best efforts to reign her in on her bad behavior by setting rules and boundaries went straight into sex, drugs and alcohol and has become a narcissistic manipulator with an alcohol problem by her 20's. The other has her own set of mental problems despite being raised in a stable household has BPD (borderline personality disorder) and is struggling to decide if she's male or female. Not that I have a problem with that, but the prospect of having to have that conversation with my own future potential spawn stresses me out.

Crafty_camper123 wrote: »

Lois_1989 wrote: »

But seriously, what are the best bits about having kids? As far as I can tell, they cause you pain, stress and money. I just had a bath and as I’m lying there all I can hear are the 2 boys next door arguing and the mum shouting at them. I’ve been laying in bed before listening to the kid in the flat above have a full blown tantrum in the middle of the night. I listen to stories in the office about someone’s kid has done something, someone spent their whole weekend running her kids and grandkids around. My dad has endless stories (some that he told at my wedding) about how horrible I was as a child. I don’t get it. Why put yourself through it?

This is why I don't have any yet myself at 31. Everytime I think of it, reeeaaally think of it, my mind goes to stuff like this. And yet somehow, I have this inexplicible urge to still have kids someday. I want scraped knees, and baby kisses, and to pass on family traditions. Unfortunatly that comes with diaper blow outs, the terrible two's and the terrible teen's. Not to mention the current polarizing cultural and political climate we live in right now.

It makes no sense to me. And I can't decide if my urge to have kids is due to social expectations, biological urges to reproduce, or something else. It's a really strange feeling. I have no idea if it will ever happen for me as I sit here on the fence. I suppose I will welcome either outcome however life turns out.

All of this, and I have the added situation that out of both of my husbands parents families, they were the only ones to have kids. They haven’t got any cousins. If we don’t have kids and his sister doesn’t, that’s the end of the family tree. And his sister is my age (turning 30 this year) and single, so. Yup.

FYI don’t google “perks of being a parent”. They are pretty crap perks, like ‘you have a reason to watch cartoons’. I already do, that’s not a perk. Or, “it’s an ego boost having someone depend on you”, nope, my husband depends on me and it’s not ego boosting, it’s annoying.

Lois_1989 wrote: »

Confession: I’m starting to wonder if kids are really worth the effort.

The last 6 months all I’ve heard is how horrible I was as a child, how much my friend is struggling, how miserable my work colleagues daughter is having 2 sons and expecting twin girls in May, how expensive child care is, and I’m 99% sure DH won’t be as helpful as he says he will be if the time comes.

I’m convincing myself out of children. I don’t really like babies, I spent an entire evening successfully avoiding holding my friends baby. And children don’t like me. I actually had a 4-5 year old boy tell me that he didn’t like me. So I told him I don’t like him either. And I didn’t even care that he got upset.

Looks like Hubby’s family name is dying with him.

I also came to the same conclusion a few weeks ago. I get stressed out way too easily as it is, I'm terrified of pregnancy and post-partum complications, I am very sensitive to loud noises, I have no experience with kids and no "maternal instincts," whenever I'm around kids in public I usually want to leave, and on top of that I grew up in a violent and dysfunctional family and have some disabilities as a result of it.

Problem is my husband definitely wants to have kids. I'm not sure whether he fully realizes how much work kids are, as he's never babysat or spent significant time around young children, so I have told him to go visit one of his relatives with young kids for a week and see how it really is...knowing his personality I think there's a good chance he might change his mind after that.

He is fine with adoption or surrogacy. But I don't want to be involved in raising the kid either. I'm fine with helping with the logistical things like cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. which I already do but not with discipline, taking off work if the kid is sick, dealing with the tantrums, getting blamed and shamed if the kid does something bad, etc. We might end up with some sort of non-traditional relationship or we might end up breaking up...either way we will probably have to get legally divorced if/when the time comes.

Lois_1989 wrote: »

But seriously, what are the best bits about having kids? As far as I can tell, they cause you pain, stress and money. I just had a bath and as I’m lying there all I can hear are the 2 boys next door arguing and the mum shouting at them. I’ve been laying in bed before listening to the kid in the flat above have a full blown tantrum in the middle of the night. I listen to stories in the office about someone’s kid has done something, someone spent their whole weekend running her kids and grandkids around. My dad has endless stories (some that he told at my wedding) about how horrible I was as a child. I don’t get it. Why put yourself through it?

Some people like that for some reason. But there's also a lot of societal pressure to pretend parenthood (especially motherhood) is beautiful and perfect and all worth it, even if the person feels deep down that it isn't. Mothers are called monsters for admitting that they regret having kids, even though that's a valid feeling (of course you shouldn't tell your kids if you feel that way). I think a large percentage of people regret having kids but aren't allowed to say anything about it. And it would make things a lot better for the young people who are still deciding if people were more open about it.

I have felt a lot better about my future since deciding to not have kids. I don't have to worry about whether I'm a good enough cook or worry about saving enough money for a larger residence and childcare or living in a good school district or any of that crap. I don't have to worry about messing up someone else's life due to being less than perfect or having to give 100% every day or setting a good or bad example for someone else. All I have to worry about is me and maximizing my own enjoyment of my life. It's very freeing!

Crafty_camper123 wrote: »

Lois_1989 wrote: »

Crafty_camper123 wrote: »

Lois_1989 wrote: »

But seriously, what are the best bits about having kids? As far as I can tell, they cause you pain, stress and money. I just had a bath and as I’m lying there all I can hear are the 2 boys next door arguing and the mum shouting at them. I’ve been laying in bed before listening to the kid in the flat above have a full blown tantrum in the middle of the night. I listen to stories in the office about someone’s kid has done something, someone spent their whole weekend running her kids and grandkids around. My dad has endless stories (some that he told at my wedding) about how horrible I was as a child. I don’t get it. Why put yourself through it?

This is why I don't have any yet myself at 31. Everytime I think of it, reeeaaally think of it, my mind goes to stuff like this. And yet somehow, I have this inexplicible urge to still have kids someday. I want scraped knees, and baby kisses, and to pass on family traditions. Unfortunatly that comes with diaper blow outs, the terrible two's and the terrible teen's. Not to mention the current polarizing cultural and political climate we live in right now.

It makes no sense to me. And I can't decide if my urge to have kids is due to social expectations, biological urges to reproduce, or something else. It's a really strange feeling. I have no idea if it will ever happen for me as I sit here on the fence. I suppose I will welcome either outcome however life turns out.

All of this, and I have the added situation that out of both of my husbands parents families, they were the only ones to have kids. They haven’t got any cousins. If we don’t have kids and his sister doesn’t, that’s the end of the family tree. And his sister is my age (turning 30 this year) and single, so. Yup.

FYI don’t google “perks of being a parent”. They are pretty crap perks, like ‘you have a reason to watch cartoons’. I already do, that’s not a perk. Or, “it’s an ego boost having someone depend on you”, nope, my husband depends on me and it’s not ego boosting, it’s annoying.

For real!! Also see my edit. Little kids don't scare me. I can handle sleepless nights and crazy messes and such. But teenagers? I have seen so many go from this sweet innocent little kid, to at the stroke of midnight on thier 13th year turn into something else entirely. And at any rate cartoons is both a pro AND a con depending on the cartoon, lol! I think the only pro is the ability to raise someone else into the world to pass on your core beliefs and values. and being able to create the "magic" of childhood for them. Still undecided though.

None of the siblings of either side has kids yet either... They are either single, not old enough, or not planning on it. I'm the last of lineage on my dad's side, and on my husband's side he is the last in line to pass on his last name..

Oh snap! We could be twins! I know what you mean about your edit. I’m not sure if I could live with myself in case no.1. Danny has step-2nd cousin who have kids and they just stay away from me. I don’t know if I give off a “stay away from me” vibe.

Lois_1989 wrote: »

Crafty_camper123 wrote: »

Lois_1989 wrote: »

Crafty_camper123 wrote: »

Lois_1989 wrote: »

But seriously, what are the best bits about having kids? As far as I can tell, they cause you pain, stress and money. I just had a bath and as I’m lying there all I can hear are the 2 boys next door arguing and the mum shouting at them. I’ve been laying in bed before listening to the kid in the flat above have a full blown tantrum in the middle of the night. I listen to stories in the office about someone’s kid has done something, someone spent their whole weekend running her kids and grandkids around. My dad has endless stories (some that he told at my wedding) about how horrible I was as a child. I don’t get it. Why put yourself through it?

This is why I don't have any yet myself at 31. Everytime I think of it, reeeaaally think of it, my mind goes to stuff like this. And yet somehow, I have this inexplicible urge to still have kids someday. I want scraped knees, and baby kisses, and to pass on family traditions. Unfortunatly that comes with diaper blow outs, the terrible two's and the terrible teen's. Not to mention the current polarizing cultural and political climate we live in right now.

It makes no sense to me. And I can't decide if my urge to have kids is due to social expectations, biological urges to reproduce, or something else. It's a really strange feeling. I have no idea if it will ever happen for me as I sit here on the fence. I suppose I will welcome either outcome however life turns out.

All of this, and I have the added situation that out of both of my husbands parents families, they were the only ones to have kids. They haven’t got any cousins. If we don’t have kids and his sister doesn’t, that’s the end of the family tree. And his sister is my age (turning 30 this year) and single, so. Yup.

FYI don’t google “perks of being a parent”. They are pretty crap perks, like ‘you have a reason to watch cartoons’. I already do, that’s not a perk. Or, “it’s an ego boost having someone depend on you”, nope, my husband depends on me and it’s not ego boosting, it’s annoying.

For real!! Also see my edit. Little kids don't scare me. I can handle sleepless nights and crazy messes and such. But teenagers? I have seen so many go from this sweet innocent little kid, to at the stroke of midnight on thier 13th year turn into something else entirely. And at any rate cartoons is both a pro AND a con depending on the cartoon, lol! I think the only pro is the ability to raise someone else into the world to pass on your core beliefs and values. and being able to create the "magic" of childhood for them. Still undecided though.

None of the siblings of either side has kids yet either... They are either single, not old enough, or not planning on it. I'm the last of lineage on my dad's side, and on my husband's side he is the last in line to pass on his last name..

Oh snap! We could be twins! I know what you mean about your edit. I’m not sure if I could live with myself in case no.1. Danny has step-2nd cousin who have kids and they just stay away from me. I don’t know if I give off a “stay away from me” vibe.

Here's the crazy thing. Since this is a confessional thread after all. I get struck with these mad urges to proclaim to my husband (who definatly doesn't want kids) that I want kids with him and that's final! But the reason I haven't is I'm not even sure that's what I really want. I think I just get that way because of the what if factor. Like since he said he doesn't want them, now I dont have the option, and what if I regret that decision? What if I turn 41 and wish I decided sooner? But when I quit playing the what if game (and I'm not in the 3rd week of my BC pack, stupid hormones.) that crazy urge subsides, I think rationally, and am back to being okay with whatever fate decides. And honestly I was totally fine with my decision to leave the potential of my future prodigy to fate. If it happens, great. If not, that's fine too. Until my BFF told me about the story of a woman who woke up one day at the age of 40, and left her husband right then because she never had kids with him. That story got my mind running for a short while. But she has 1 and another on the way. So I'm willing to bet her perception of my situation is different. I'm not willing to throw away the perfect marraige (as perfect as a mairrage can be) on the off chance that I'll maybe find someone to have kids with me. It's just foolish IMO.

Crafty_camper123 wrote: »

Lois_1989 wrote: »

Crafty_camper123 wrote: »

Lois_1989 wrote: »

Crafty_camper123 wrote: »

Lois_1989 wrote: »

But seriously, what are the best bits about having kids? As far as I can tell, they cause you pain, stress and money. I just had a bath and as I’m lying there all I can hear are the 2 boys next door arguing and the mum shouting at them. I’ve been laying in bed before listening to the kid in the flat above have a full blown tantrum in the middle of the night. I listen to stories in the office about someone’s kid has done something, someone spent their whole weekend running her kids and grandkids around. My dad has endless stories (some that he told at my wedding) about how horrible I was as a child. I don’t get it. Why put yourself through it?

This is why I don't have any yet myself at 31. Everytime I think of it, reeeaaally think of it, my mind goes to stuff like this. And yet somehow, I have this inexplicible urge to still have kids someday. I want scraped knees, and baby kisses, and to pass on family traditions. Unfortunatly that comes with diaper blow outs, the terrible two's and the terrible teen's. Not to mention the current polarizing cultural and political climate we live in right now.

It makes no sense to me. And I can't decide if my urge to have kids is due to social expectations, biological urges to reproduce, or something else. It's a really strange feeling. I have no idea if it will ever happen for me as I sit here on the fence. I suppose I will welcome either outcome however life turns out.

All of this, and I have the added situation that out of both of my husbands parents families, they were the only ones to have kids. They haven’t got any cousins. If we don’t have kids and his sister doesn’t, that’s the end of the family tree. And his sister is my age (turning 30 this year) and single, so. Yup.

FYI don’t google “perks of being a parent”. They are pretty crap perks, like ‘you have a reason to watch cartoons’. I already do, that’s not a perk. Or, “it’s an ego boost having someone depend on you”, nope, my husband depends on me and it’s not ego boosting, it’s annoying.

For real!! Also see my edit. Little kids don't scare me. I can handle sleepless nights and crazy messes and such. But teenagers? I have seen so many go from this sweet innocent little kid, to at the stroke of midnight on thier 13th year turn into something else entirely. And at any rate cartoons is both a pro AND a con depending on the cartoon, lol! I think the only pro is the ability to raise someone else into the world to pass on your core beliefs and values. and being able to create the "magic" of childhood for them. Still undecided though.

None of the siblings of either side has kids yet either... They are either single, not old enough, or not planning on it. I'm the last of lineage on my dad's side, and on my husband's side he is the last in line to pass on his last name..

Oh snap! We could be twins! I know what you mean about your edit. I’m not sure if I could live with myself in case no.1. Danny has step-2nd cousin who have kids and they just stay away from me. I don’t know if I give off a “stay away from me” vibe.

Here's the crazy thing. Since this is a confessional thread after all. I get struck with these mad urges to proclaim to my husband (who definatly doesn't want kids) that I want kids with him and that's final! But the reason I haven't is I'm not even sure that's what I really want. I think I just get that way because of the what if factor. Like since he said he doesn't want them, now I dont have the option, and what if I regret that decision? What if I turn 41 and wish I decided sooner? But when I quit playing the what if game (and I'm not in the 3rd week of my BC pack, stupid hormones.) that crazy urge subsides, I think rationally, and am back to being okay with whatever fate decides. And honestly I was totally fine with my decision to leave the potential of my future prodigy to fate. If it happens, great. If not, that's fine too. Until my BFF told me about the story of a woman who woke up one day at the age of 40, and left her husband right then because she never had kids with him. That story got my mind running for a short while. But she has 1 and another on the way. So I'm willing to bet her perception of my situation is different. I'm not willing to throw away the perfect marraige (as perfect as a mairrage can be) on the off chance that I'll maybe find someone to have kids with me. It's just foolish IMO.

I get that completely. I already think I messed up leaving it this long. I should have thought about kids sooner. I spent 4 years in university doing a pointless degree and instead I should have just got a job and maybe I would be in this position 4-6 years earlier and I wouldn’t have felt the pressure I do now. It’s like BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS TICKING, MAKE A CHOICE!