The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

lorrainequiche59 · May 2019

YAY @donimfp on 43 days. I love that most days I don't think about alcohol...at least in a craving way...the only times I've really had any difficulty with cravings in the recent past is when I've been gifted wine or gone & bought it for guests and let it sit here for days/weeks on end and stare me in the face...but no more of that nonsense cause I've adopted @RubyRed's no alcohol in my new space rule unless others bring it, drink it and leave with the remainder!!!

@FeelinFooFoo I'm not sure what you personally mean by moderation, but if you mean "true" moderation of one drink a day for women...then there will be no buzz OR just enough of a buzz to want a bigger buzz. For me, the buzz was always the sole reason to drink. I don't know much, but this one thing I do know is that if I had one drink it would be just enough to weaken my resolve to be moderate and we how that story ends & I'd rather be at this end of my story than the other end. If I remember correctly it is Annie Grace that says for some people moderation IS possible BUT it's still a lot of work, a lot of thinking about alcohol like others above have said. Yet, we all have to do what we have to do to get to where we want to be...only you can decide what that is....you are doing so well and I hope only good things for you.

SunnyDays930 · May 2019

The comments under this article are really sad. So so so many lives cut short by alcohol abuse.

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/halt-and-catch-fire-actress-lisa-sheridans-cause-of-death-revealed-212202898.html

donimfp · May 2019

@kevinrfletcher, March 30 was my first day of being a non-drinker “for reals” as my students say.

I’m having 6 people over for dinner tonight and we are offering alcohol as usual. Hey, it’s my mom and it’s Mother’s Day. My husband is even having his Jim Beam although in general he’s not drinking to support me. He can really take it or leave it. I don’t think this is going to bother me. I hope I’m right. Definitely no one would be inclined to care one way or the other whether I drink or not.

Sunshinelinzee · May 2019

Wow. What a day - I honestly feel great. Day 6 AF is coming to a close and it’s my first weekend. I got so much done...I was up for my workout at 6am, had a nice healthy breakfast with DH, celebrated our old lady cats 16th birthday, got the grocery shopping done and did all of the meal prep for the week. House is clean, laundry is done and a nice dinner was had. The sun was shining and we finally made it and held at 60* and I even had time for an afternoon nap. The fact that it is finally starting to feel like spring is certainly helping my motivation and drive.

My regular pattern has been to grab wine on the grocery trip and have weekend drinks. I treated the wine aisle like all of the other ones....I just didn’t go down it (I mostly shop the edges). While I’m always doing things and getting a ton done there is a big difference not having drinks while it’s all in process. Everything went faster, I was done earlier and didn’t find myself getting frustrated at all and I feel good and accomplished at the end of the day... not wiped out. I’m now cruising into some evening couch time at 12,000 steps ready for a hot tea and some well planned popcorn to close out the day.

I hope you are all having a fabulous evening!

lorrainequiche59 · May 2019

GOOD MORN:

I want to share a wee blurb from Letting Go and It is entitled Perfection, but there is a section I want to highlight as I think it likely applies to all of us here in our AF journey, so I'm beginning mid-blurb"

"...Even if we slip back to our old, codependent ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving, we do not need to be ashamed. We all regress from time to time. That's how we learn and grow. Relapse, or recycling, is an important and necessary part of recovery. And the way out of recycling is not shaming ourselves. That leads us deeper into codependency. Much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfection is impossible unless we think of it in a new way: Perfection is being who and where we are today; it's accepting and loving ourselves just as we are. We are each right where we need to be in our recovery...Today, I will love and accept myself for who I am and where I am in my recovery process, I am right where I need to be to get to where I'm going tomorrow"

I always used to think of myself as codependent and my ex as the alcoholic, but now I've come to learn that, for many, substance abuse is part of codependency. Many addicts ARE codependent! And I am of that sort, and the thing is it isn't ONLY alcohol. So it's interesting to me that many of us on this forum have multiple dependency issues re: food etc...not exactly a "lightbulb moment", but I think it is good to continually remind ourselves that this is a process that isn't done perfectly from start to .....finish?? I don't think there ever is a finish, it is just a continual process...

Much success & hugs to all here who are continuing no matter where we are in the process

SunnyDays930 · May 2019

Happy Mother's Day to the moms out there. And for those that have lost their mothers or a child, this is surely a bittersweet day. Sending hugs to all.

lorrainequiche59 · May 2019

@JenT304 I hate reading articles like that because it makes me so sad at the waste of a life and the torment she likely suffered daily in her addiction. At the same time, I appreciate those kind of reminders because it does hit home that this is not a harmless substance. Thank you for passing articles like this & videos along to us.

donimfp · May 2019

Happy Mother’s Day and I echo @JenT304’s hugs to all whether today is pure joy or tinged with bittersweetness.

The universe had a good laugh at my expense last night. I posted about my dinner party and plans to go ahead and offer alcohol. Well, for the past 12 years my mom (87-year-old Jane Fonda-ish gorgeous freak of nature) was blessed with a very sweet companion. Same age, Vietnam hero, serious cyclist up until two years ago. They lived separately but did everything together including travel the world. Long story short last Thursday was his military funeral. We will miss that precious man so much.

So anyway the dinner last night was my mom and his adult “kids” who came to Texas from NY and DC for the funeral and to sell his house, etc etc. I don’t know them well but we all really like each other. Obviously I haven’t shared my sobriety journey with them. They held a reception at their dad’s house Thursday night. SO last night they arrived not with a bottle of wine but with one of those cardboard “six packs” containing 6 bottles of various wines folks had brought Thursday and which they needed to pass on before traveling home. 6 bottles!! That threw even little Ms. Smugness Me for a loop! Anyway, all is well in Day 44 but I seriously need to find a new home for all this “bounty.”

Sunshinelinzee · May 2019

Good morning all!

@donimfp I’ve got a decent amount of friends in the non profit world that are always soliciting for donations. In the past I’ve donated unopened bottles of wine for their gala events. Just a thought.

Well here it is, Day 7. I’m in the home stretch to completing my first full week AF. While there were a few moments of craving I found that just by being conscious of my actions and having my head in the game it wasn’t very hard for me (so thankful for that). This was how it was when I quit smoking too years ago... one day I just decided I didn’t like it anymore and stopped... that was it. Today we are heading up north for a bit to visit my parents and will be going out to lunch. It’s no place fancy and alcohol isn’t even on the menu so I’ve got no worries. It just won’t be present in the day which is nice, all I will need to focus on is not overeating.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the wonderful moms out there.

RubyRed427 · May 2019

Try finding a 21st birthday card that doesn't mention alcohol. They don't exist. My daughter was looking for one for her brother and stated the obvious.

I'm staying strong and motivated. Was the DD for my drinking friends- I woke up so happy I didn't ruin this holiday with a hangover. Happy Mothers Day ! My son is turning 21 today as well. So it's double fun!

I have been so busy packing that I haven't read 28 posts. I'll catch up soon!

donimfp · May 2019

Congratulations on your double celebration @RubyRed427! Enjoy your day.

That’s a shame about the birthday cards! It reminds me of a few years ago when my husband claimed it was all but impossible to find a “for my wife” Valentines card that didn’t just assume all men are self-centered jerks (Honey, I know I never show it and basically treat you like dirt all year but on this special day I want you to know I really care). I thought that was funny and sad at the same time.

whitpauly · May 2019

Happy Mother's day to all the mom's here

hope everyone has a fabulous AF weekend!

Yellowstone1983 · May 2019

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms! JennT, thanks for posting the article. I read through many of the comments, which helps to strengthen my resolve. I have found myself thinking about wanting to drink after my 90 day experiment. My husband asked me to find my favorite pics of my son for a Mother's day gift. In scrolling through my gallery I came across a photo of a wine I loved. The waitress showed us the bottle so we could screenshot it. Well of course this winery happens to be where we vacation, so I thought about treating myself after my 90 day challenge. Since then, I went out for a really nice Mother's Day dinner last night and felt mildly disappointed that I couldn't indulge in a fancy cocktail; however, videos and articles like the ones you share are very helpful during those times. 8 weeks and 2 days for me today.. While I am not losing weight as rapidly as I feel I should be, and I always feel fatigued, I definitely notice a huge difference in my mood- much less depressed.. And when I'm really angry about something, which happens with some regularity, I return to baseline much more quickly since I deal with it via intense exercise instead of alcohol. I also don't feel as disgusted with myself or ashamed with my procrastination.. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I'm kinder to myself in thinking, it will get done eventually.. While drinking, I would just wake up feeling guilty for one more night wasted, in which there was no productive activity. I am trying my hardest to hang onto those positive changes when I think of drinking. And interestingly, I don't have the compulsion to drink 'now' so much.. It's thinking about it after the 90 day challenge. My husband suggested one of our favorite restaurants this week, which is about an hr and a half away and it's a microbrewery.. Even though I'm not generally a beer drinker, I occasionally enjoy a fancy craft beer, which is always the case at this place.. So one more small victory letting him know I would be too tempted if we went there.. Always back and forth with the forever part in my head, but doing a darn good job for the past 8 plus weeks and today.. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

VeggieGirlforLife · May 2019

Hi friends! What a rough day. Another get-together with family and difficult extended family. EVERYONE was drinking except me. High pressure from my brother to have "just one shot." No respect from him, he said one wouldn't hurt me and then thought I was no fun. I was tempted, not because of peer pressure or because everyone else was drinking, but because he was pouring shots of flavored moonshine (which I admit, I used to enjoy) and drinking was kind of the only thing we had in common anymore. He always has a stocked bar and enjoys making drinks for everyone and loved that I was up to try anything he made. I feel like I've alienated myself even more from him since I'm AF, but obviously I'm not going to drink to "fit in" as I'm way past that sort of thing. It's just a bit sad because we had fun drinking together and now there's just not much to say. I never hear anyone talk about this sort of thing - people stop hanging out with friends who drink, but what can you do when it's family? I don't know.

But on the positive side, I've made it thru two tough events where there were drinks flowing all around and I nursed my water bottle and a cup of coffee instead. In January, I couldn't fathom still being AF in May, so this is real progress and growth for me.

Yellowstone1983 · May 2019

@VeggieGirlforLife You're doing a wonderful job! You should be so proud of yourself!

RubyRed427 · May 2019

@VeggieGirlforLife I’m proud of you too!

SunnyDays930 · May 2019

It can be very difficult to be with family that pressure us into drinking "just one". As I've said a zillion times here, I am not one of those that can drink only one. It took years for me to finally admit it. At this point I would no more have just one drink than just one drag off a cigarette. I don't ever want to feel that hungover, ashamed, down in the dumps feeling again. I had everyone here for Mother's Day and my daughter from London is here in town and the wine was flowing but I stuck to my seltzer. It is feeling more natural at this point though I do occasionally feel the twinge of desire for it. When that happens I immediately watch a negative video or read a negative article about the effects of alcohol.

lorrainequiche59 · May 2019

@VeggieGirlforLife Very inspiring & hugs to you

!! That is a tough one when you are surrounded AND being pressured with the resulting feeling of alienation. It's really difficult to be different, but it does get easier with each situation as you get stronger in your resolve to stay AF. At some point, they'll likely stop pressuring you when the tactics don't work, but even if they do not YOU are doing awesome through it all.

One thing in your post particularly resonated with me and that is when you wrote, "no respect from him." I think that is the issue here, not whether you have "one" or none! When we cloud our vision with alcohol we cannot see clearly the fundamentals of our relationships and like you said you now realize that your relationship with your brother was based on booze and now that is taken away, there isn't much left. Sad, but that is real. Better to have a real relationship even if it isn't what you want, (at least you can now work on your end of that in how you allow it to affect you) than a fake-phony, booze-fueled facade of a relationship that will never amount to more! I feel for you because it's family which makes it more difficult.

lorrainequiche59 · May 2019

I went to a friend's for dinner last eve and had strawberry flavored sparkling water with some fruit floating in it in a wine glass. Everyone else had a pre-dinner drink & wine with dinner, but it didn't even fizz on me. I was fine with my drink and had water with dinner. I'm also doing low carb and the dinner had all the fixings which left me with turkey & the salad & dressing I had brought. I had already decided that if anyone said anything about my choices I was prepared to say, "this is what I like" without justifying etc....and guess what?? No one commented or seemed to care!! YAY!

SunnyDays930 · May 2019

Hopefully as more and more people go AF (and it seems to be a trend) we will not have to justify not drinking anymore than justifying not smoking. My standard answer lately has been to make a sort of puzzled face and say, "I used to like it a lot but I somehow lost my taste for it. I don't know why or how." Who is going to argue with that? Or Ill say, "it gives me an immediate hot flash and you don't want to see that" This is especially effective with men. They won't ask me twice. lol

heatheramoure · May 2019

Hey everyone! I’m 2.5 months alcohol free and while I haven’t lost any weight (I blame birth control) my skin has cleared and I feel more at ease in my life. I’m so glad this community is here!

Sunshinelinzee · May 2019

Good Morning All

I meant to check in earlier but my Monday is flying already.

Week 1 AF is officially in the books and day 8 is now half way over. I was really nervous about going in to the weekend. My weight is also down a bit - but I'm still in the 5lb range that I've been fluctuating in for the past 6 or so weeks so I'm not actually going to jump for joy until I break through that barrier.

Reading all of your stories about your difficulties with family and drinking just makes my heart go out to all of you. I suppose I'm lucky that I don't really have that problem. I cant imagine the emotional pressure that causes for you and how difficult it makes it. You are all doing a wonderful job!

DCRunnerGirl78 · May 2019

Hi all, giving this another try. The last three months have been ROUGH, and my drinking is getting the better of me. I won't go into details, but if anyone has any thoughts, prayers, or good vibes to spare for my family and our situation, it would be much appreciated. Making today Day 1...hopefully for the last time. Reading your posts makes me think there's still hope. Just have to get through the next month or so.

Sunshinelinzee · May 2019

DCRunnerGirl78 wrote: »

Hi all, giving this another try. The last three months have been ROUGH, and my drinking is getting the better of me. I won't go into details, but if anyone has any thoughts, prayers, or good vibes to spare for my family and our situation, it would be much appreciated. Making today Day 1...hopefully for the last time. Reading your posts makes me think there's still hope. Just have to get through the next month or so.

I've always got good vibes to spare and share - ALWAYS - So I'm sending all of mine your way for whatever your situation is. There is always hope, never lose hope. You can do it - if you go one day at a time you will be through the month before you know it.

kevinrfletcher · May 2019

@DCRunnerGirl78 Happy AF Day 1!!! Prayers, thoughts, and good vibes going out for you and your family.

@heatheramoure Congrats on the 2.5!

I think today is day 65 for me... Mother's Day went well. My dad brought his bottle of scotch over, brother-in-law brought beer, I stuck with water. Apparently I'm not the conversationalist that I am when I'm drunk. People didn't hang out as long as normal....

Oh well.

Day 65(?) Good day. Y'all hang tough!

MountainLaurel787 · May 2019

Hello Friends and welcome to all of the newcomers on this journey. @JenT304 I have appreciated your articles and videos. So many of you have jumped through major hurdles and should be so proud! I thought I'd throw out an experience of my own. As all of you know, yesterday was Mother's Day. - For the last 21 years, it's always been a difficult day for me. Without going into a long story, I will simply say I lost my mother when I was young. I was in college at the time and it took the light out of my eyes.

Yesterday, I was blessed to hear comradery and the laughter of children in my home. I ate delicious food and didn't feel the need to wrap things up so I could start drinking. I felt good, healthy and I had a smile on my face. At the end of the evening, when all was quiet, I realized I had just given my mom the best mother's day present EVER! I've stopped slowly killing myself...and started living again. I know she'd be proud. I can't begin to find the words to express how good that feels.

For all of you struggling with the beginning, we've all been there. I've had a gazillion day ones. So far, this one has been sticking. I'm three days away from hitting my 4 month anniversary. At month 3, things shifted for me. All of us are different, so unfortunately, there isn't an exact science to this process. All I can do is share my experience. I no longer plan my days around alcohol or a hangover. I don't automatically think of a drink when I leave work. Alcohol will always cross my mind from time to time, but the strangle hold it had on me has lifted. My anxiety is SO much better and the guilt trips are pretty much non-existent. Life is still life...there have been ups and downs...but challenges are much easier to face when I'm sober. I wouldn't have believed that several months ago. The journey isn't over. I appreciate your words and experiences. Most of all, I appreciate the opportunity to sit down for a second and take a breather with folks who understand. Many hugs, positive vibes, blessings and understanding going out to all of you!!

Ed_Zilla · May 2019

Hi all - just checking in after taking about 10 days off from MFP. I lost a little more weight even though I quit logging (Happy Dance!) It's day 108 for me. I actually have to calculate the days as I don't really count anymore...I just don't drink anymore.

I went to a wedding the Saturday before last and the reception was at a microbrewery...ahem...my favorite micro-brewery. Beer was free, cash bar otherwise, water iced tea and lemonade available for the kids and non-drinkers. Lemonade and iced tea???!!! Arnold Palmer time!!! Since everyone was drinking "free awesome beer" my Arnold Palmer's looked like an exotic drink (lots of ice, lemonade on the bottom, iced tea on the top). The 20-somethings were all asking my about my "drink"...What is that? Where did you get that?, etc. Followed by why aren't you having a beer? When I answered sober chauffeur, I got a lot of high-fives. I was surprised and encouraged by this.

Glad to see everyone is keeping on track.
@FeelinFooFoo - congrats on day 15!
@DCRunnerGirl78 - There is always hope and you have come to the right place for support.
@heatheramoure - Wow - first post on MFP! Glad you found this thread! Congrats on 2.5 months!

VeggieGirlforLife · May 2019

Thank you @yellowstone1983, @RubyRed427, @lorrainequiche59 and @JenT304 for your kind words and understanding. It's encouraging just to hear that someone is rooting for you when you're trying to do something good for yourself and it's helpful when someone connects with what you're going through. It's pretty rough being the only non-drinker and I should be used to being different because I've been a vegetarian for many, many years plus I have this whole digestive thing that eliminates a lot of foods so I always bring my own. The alcohol allowed me to still be part of the group and now that I'm AF, I don't have that buffer. It's just something I'll have to get used to.

SweatsOnSunday · May 2019

JenT304 wrote: »

Hopefully as more and more people go AF (and it seems to be a trend) we will not have to justify not drinking anymore than justifying not smoking. My standard answer lately has been to make a sort of puzzled face and say, "I used to like it a lot but I somehow lost my taste for it. I don't know why or how." Who is going to argue with that? Or Ill say, "it gives me an immediate hot flash and you don't want to see that" This is especially effective with men. They won't ask me twice. lol

The "somehow I lost my taste for it" is pretty much an honest statement for me lately. No one questions it, either. And I am definitely not missing the paranoia and anxiety for the few days after a binge.

Also, I have things I want to do, events I want to enjoy, and being in that hungover state really prevents me from being present. I guess I have finally started to realize that cause/effect relationship.

SunnyDays930 · May 2019

@mountainlaurel787 That was beautiful and made me emotional. God bless you. You are right about so many of us having a gazillion day 1's. I being one of them. I am looking at my AF journey like my quitting smoking journey which I managed to do several years ago. The farther it gets in the rear view mirror, the less I think about it. I do think about a smoke very rarely nowadays and I never thought I wouldn't be obsessed with it. I go longer and longer stretches without thinking about a drink and when I do, I now tend to immediately think about the aftermath. Like I said before, alcohol is a loan shark. You will have to pay back so much more than you get from it.

The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

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