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What nobody tells you about losing weight

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  • RelCanonicalRelCanonical Posts: 2,809Member Member Posts: 2,809Member Member
    kenyonhaff wrote: »
    ceiswyn wrote: »
    harzicn wrote: »
    tess5036 wrote: »
    Piqueaboo wrote: »
    ceiswyn wrote: »
    I have not yet gotten over the fact that you suddenly become visible. People hold the doors open, sropat crossings and talk to me a lot more often. I thought that I had lost this with age. Nope, I was just fat...

    I confess to a certain amount of Schadenfreude there - as someone who has been fat and ignored for my entire life, now that I'm normal weight and the some of the pretty ones among my friends have gone the other way, I am taking an entirely mean-spirited satisfaction from their shock and confusion at the way the world has suddenly stopped being friendly towards them.

    I try not to, but it has been painful experiencing how much better I am treated now and therefore how much our different lives have been defined by our different appearances. And I'm only human.

    "People will treat you better, and you’ll think less of them for it" - one of my biggest takeaways from all this

    It's very true. A few months ago I had a puncture and was changing a tyre. As a driver this had happened many times before, and only once did anyone ever stop to help. This time 5 people all stopped to ask if I needed help. I now have people open doors for me, I don't have to work as hard to get service in shops or a bar, and even the treatment I get from the medical establishment is much better. It's been a real eye opener.

    I didn't notice this difference with weight loss, but I notice it if I dress nicely. If I put makeup on and do my hair, I am treated COMPLETELY differently than if I go out with my hair up, no makeup and in a frumpy outfit. Complete night and day difference with how I am treated.

    I was discussing this with.a really good, and always slim, friend. And she remarked that I seemed much more outgoing, confident and positive these days. While she did not deny people do treat you better if you're not obese, there's also the confidence factor. Having said that, l know people, especially men, are more courteous and helpful.

    I think that for a lot of people, myself included, this might have more to do with our attitudes toward ourselves than it does others.

    When I was overweight, I was constantly judging myself and comparing myself to others. I thought less of myself. I was usually cranky, unapproachable, and downright miserable. Always had a scowl on my face.

    This journey of losing weight? It has been so much more than that. I lost many pounds, yes. But I have gained so much, too. I gained confidence, I have learned what I am capable of, I have come to appreciate my body and yes, even love myself. As a result I am a happier person, not just on the inside, but on the outside. I am more pleasant to be around. I am empathetic, bubbly, and talkative, and I smile a lot and greet strangers. Positive energy is contagious. If you greet the world with a kind and happy heart, you'll typically see a similar response in other people. Negative energy is the same way. If you're sour all the time, people are going to avoid you.

    To be honest, I think that people treated me differently when I was fatter because I was a different person then. I have changed, and so has my perspective. Perhaps nobody even treated me differently, I only saw it that way because I was so negative. My overall attitude and energy is better now and it shows.

    That may be true for you.

    I, however, was just as friendly and approachable as a fat person as I am now.

    Actually, I was nicer as a fat person. I felt I owed it to people to be helpful and agreeable as a sort of apology for being fat. I am a lot less nice now as I feel I have the 'right' to complain or to ask for things. And yet, people are still nicer to me...

    I think people are nicer because they realize they can't push you around. You're probably still nice, but you have firmly set boundaries, and people actually appreciate that more, and therefore are nicer. I used to be too agreeable as well, but as I've been gaining more confidence, I've come to realize that people who are like that can actually be tiring to be around. It almost feels like you have to manage them, whereas with a person with more boundaries, you feel like you can be yourself more without worrying about it affecting them.

    Oh I wish that it wasn't just because people are mean to overweight people - but honestly people often just are. It's just awful.

    I agree, but I think it's a little of both rather than one or the other. Appearing more authoritative will often make people treat you nicer, and they'll treat you noticeably nicer if you're authoritative and have lost weight. That combo deal.
  • RelCanonicalRelCanonical Posts: 2,809Member Member Posts: 2,809Member Member
    ceiswyn wrote: »
    kenyonhaff wrote: »
    ceiswyn wrote: »
    harzicn wrote: »
    tess5036 wrote: »
    Piqueaboo wrote: »
    ceiswyn wrote: »
    I have not yet gotten over the fact that you suddenly become visible. People hold the doors open, sropat crossings and talk to me a lot more often. I thought that I had lost this with age. Nope, I was just fat...

    I confess to a certain amount of Schadenfreude there - as someone who has been fat and ignored for my entire life, now that I'm normal weight and the some of the pretty ones among my friends have gone the other way, I am taking an entirely mean-spirited satisfaction from their shock and confusion at the way the world has suddenly stopped being friendly towards them.

    I try not to, but it has been painful experiencing how much better I am treated now and therefore how much our different lives have been defined by our different appearances. And I'm only human.

    "People will treat you better, and you’ll think less of them for it" - one of my biggest takeaways from all this

    It's very true. A few months ago I had a puncture and was changing a tyre. As a driver this had happened many times before, and only once did anyone ever stop to help. This time 5 people all stopped to ask if I needed help. I now have people open doors for me, I don't have to work as hard to get service in shops or a bar, and even the treatment I get from the medical establishment is much better. It's been a real eye opener.

    I didn't notice this difference with weight loss, but I notice it if I dress nicely. If I put makeup on and do my hair, I am treated COMPLETELY differently than if I go out with my hair up, no makeup and in a frumpy outfit. Complete night and day difference with how I am treated.

    I was discussing this with.a really good, and always slim, friend. And she remarked that I seemed much more outgoing, confident and positive these days. While she did not deny people do treat you better if you're not obese, there's also the confidence factor. Having said that, l know people, especially men, are more courteous and helpful.

    I think that for a lot of people, myself included, this might have more to do with our attitudes toward ourselves than it does others.

    When I was overweight, I was constantly judging myself and comparing myself to others. I thought less of myself. I was usually cranky, unapproachable, and downright miserable. Always had a scowl on my face.

    This journey of losing weight? It has been so much more than that. I lost many pounds, yes. But I have gained so much, too. I gained confidence, I have learned what I am capable of, I have come to appreciate my body and yes, even love myself. As a result I am a happier person, not just on the inside, but on the outside. I am more pleasant to be around. I am empathetic, bubbly, and talkative, and I smile a lot and greet strangers. Positive energy is contagious. If you greet the world with a kind and happy heart, you'll typically see a similar response in other people. Negative energy is the same way. If you're sour all the time, people are going to avoid you.

    To be honest, I think that people treated me differently when I was fatter because I was a different person then. I have changed, and so has my perspective. Perhaps nobody even treated me differently, I only saw it that way because I was so negative. My overall attitude and energy is better now and it shows.

    That may be true for you.

    I, however, was just as friendly and approachable as a fat person as I am now.

    Actually, I was nicer as a fat person. I felt I owed it to people to be helpful and agreeable as a sort of apology for being fat. I am a lot less nice now as I feel I have the 'right' to complain or to ask for things. And yet, people are still nicer to me...

    I think people are nicer because they realize they can't push you around. You're probably still nice, but you have firmly set boundaries, and people actually appreciate that more, and therefore are nicer. I used to be too agreeable as well, but as I've been gaining more confidence, I've come to realize that people who are like that can actually be tiring to be around. It almost feels like you have to manage them, whereas with a person with more boundaries, you feel like you can be yourself more without worrying about it affecting them.

    Oh I wish that it wasn't just because people are mean to overweight people - but honestly people often just are. It's just awful.

    I agree, but I think it's a little of both rather than one or the other. Appearing more authoritative will often make people treat you nicer, and they'll treat you noticeably nicer if you're authoritative and have lost weight. That combo deal.

    It really is amazing that all these complex social interactions can be conducted in the two seconds it takes to pass a stranger in the street or decide whether to take their coffee order just past closing.

    I really don't think I'm conveying much about my authoritativeness and boundaries when I spill my drink all over myself and ask apologetically for napkins. And yet my perpetual clumsiness now draws indulgent laughter and often a free replacement, rather than impatience and withering looks. I really don't think that's down to a personality change in me.

    It is definitely complex. There is something very unsettling about the way we judge overweight people, even when we're overweight ourselves, and it leads to complexes within ourselves.
  • RelCanonicalRelCanonical Posts: 2,809Member Member Posts: 2,809Member Member
    palwithme wrote: »
    + That it can be an emotional roller-coaster. Some days you are happy with yourself and other days you get upset because you ate too much or you don't look right or you haven't lost any weight this week, etc. Learn to ride the roller-coaster and don't get off.


    apparently written 4 yeras ago but absolutely hitting the spot for me today. i love this. Wish i could engrave it on a plaque! lol

    I can very much relate to it too, and a lot of times I feel that way even when I'm doing well with my eating and weight loss. About a month or two ago I was having a serious existential crisis about what-the-hell-am-i-doing because I was losing weight but hadn't worked out my body images issues and it just kind of came all at once. Making it through that without getting off-track was a huge win. I wouldn't say I'm "better", but I'm coping much better.
  • vim_n_vigorvim_n_vigor Posts: 4,194Member Member Posts: 4,194Member Member
    That the simple act of tying ones shoes becomes so much easier! That your bum will start hurting when sitting too long on a hard chair without the extra 'padding'. That several pairs of my shoes are now too loose. That actually seeing and feeling your wrist or ankle bones is pretty cool. :)

    I bought a seat cushion for at home and one for at work!
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