The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

Hello to all my Sober Squad friends...I'm hoping everyone is on vacation and having a wonderful time and that is why the thread is SO quiet once again. I realize that everyone who reads doesn't necessarily comment, but what would be lovely is if those who read could once in awhile just say, "Hi" to let us know you're there.

Anyhoo, all is well in my part of the "hood" and what I have been wondering lately is about the 3 month challenge started by @NormInv . If you are somewhere out there lurking @NormInv , please remind me when that started...I was thinking May? which would mean it is completed or almost completed. I know I could go back a million & one pages, but I won't...so if anyone can remember please remind moi.

I truly hope that everyone is well.

Hello to all. I am one of those that read the posts daily, but seldom comments. Have been AF for about 9 months. All is good in my world.

I'm not staying the course. I am drinking here and there. I just don't know if I want sobriety bad enough to just quit totally. I want it both ways. A Sober life and an occasional drink - don't we all? I need to give myself a break though and not be too hard on myself. Right now, I am going through a mild depression. For the last few months, I have been working hard setting up my apartment, buying things, that the activity was masking the loneliness and fear that is starting to creep into my mind. Next month, the divorce will be finalized. Next week, My family is going on their annual vacation without me of course, and I know next week I will be crying lots of tears; I do not regret my decision to divorce but it is getting harder to be happy as the days pass and not easier.

I just turned 50 and although I am grateful to be healthy and alive, I think this was a hard birthday for me. I have had so many life changes these last few months, my brain is starting to suffer. So, that's where I am. Mostly not drinking but sometime having a few glasses of wine to numb my brain. I know it's not a good way to live but for now, I am just going to do the best that I can, one day at a time. I am writing all this not for sympathy but just to check in and let you know how I'm doing. This thread can only help and work if we participate and keep it going. Because it truly is a lifeline for many of us, and I would hate to see it fade away due to inactivity.

Thank you for all the love from my Sober Squad Fam It is SO tough to believe still. The pain comes in waves...it seems to be like that for everyone of us. One of my Fam expressed it best, "It's like we're waiting for him to walk around the corner"

There was a huge temptation to drink yesterday and as I was sitting there among the cigarette smoke and those who were drinking and buzzing from other substances, I thought, "I wish I could have a cigarette, a joint and a bottle of wine" I "want" to do none of those things, but I'd like to kill the pain for a sec, to numb it away for a moment. BUT none of those things will fix ANY thing...it will only prolong my grief and add more pain to my grief.

This may be a long blurb cause I'm just needing to write right now...One of my protections was sharing with my now deceased Brother Gord (my fave) that I had stopped drinking and he asked me if something had happened to "make me" give it up and I said, "No, I just got sick of myself" and became too dependent and wanted to stop before I couldn't, before it wasn't my choice and he said, "Good for you" so I think I made him proud of me cause I definitely think he knew I had a problem....but he never actually thought of it like that...if that makes any sense. He liked his drink too, but I cannot remember ever seeing him loaded just buzzed, but I know that it took the edge off of his emotional pain cause we were raised in the same home and he didn't like to talk about the past...so I know he medicated it away on some level.

I have more Fam arriving at Gord's today and will be meeting them there and being tempted one more time. I am very thankful that I have been open about my problem with some in my Fam because they have shared it with others in my Fam so I've had several commenting on my sober status and asking me how long and why etc so it's opening up some dialogue that I hope will help them one day to address their own issue and it will protect me from giving in...HOW can I give in ?? They would TOTALLY understand if I did and there would be absolutely NO judgement from any of them, but I do believe on some level some of them would be disappointed but at the same time happy to see me get some relief like they are getting some relief...in fact I think it will get harder temptation-wise in the next few days because right now most are too numb from the grief to need numbness from alcohol, but once the reality really begins to sink in that Gord is not going to walk around the corner anymore, that's when the REAL drinking will kick in. But my plan of action is to take my leave if it becomes too difficult...one the other hand, I will likely see some behaviors that will reinforce my gratitude for being sober.

I didn't think I'd be back on the thread for at least a week, but this is my support...how can I stay away!! So I thank you all for putting up with my blurbs and letting me wear my on my sleeve and I hope you guys realize how much I actually care for you all even though I've never met any of you personally...we share a common struggle and desire to be sober or none of us would be here.

I also have a firm hope in how the Bible describes the future here on Earth when I WILL see my brother Gord walk around that corner, young again, healthy again with a second chance at the Real Life, when "the enemy death" will never ever take our loved ones again...the life that the Bible describes...Life in this current system is NOT that life...too much pain...this is not God's will...this was never his purpose grow old, get sick and die but he will fix it through his heavenly Kingdom (or government) that most of us have likely prayed for at some point in our life..."no more sickness, pain or death...the former things will pass away" For any Bible readers that is a blurb from Revelation 21:3,4...and THAT folks is the end of my preaching...I just want to share that because I truly believe this!!

So while I am heart broken right now, I have a real hope that will help me cope...that is what I need to crave rather than ethanol. The time when all this crap that we experience in this system will be a distant memory...

Thank you for listening...I WILL be back

BIG HUGS to all my Sober Squad Peeps

https://americanaddictioncenters.org/alcoholism-treatment/anxiety

While doing research this week, I stumbled upon the link between people who have anxiety and are alcoholics. About 60% person of people with anxiety will become alcoholics. I remember taking my daughter to her psychiatrist because she was having panic attacks and severe anxiety; the doctor asked her is there anyone in your family who has anxiety? She replied, "Yes my mom does.". I looked at her shocked, because I never thought I did. But obviously she thinks I do, so it is possible that I have anxiety and never saw the writing on the wall.

It also has me thinking that maybe I do have anxiety. I reflect back to my life and see now that alcohol could have been a coping skill dealing with anxiety.

Last night, I went to an AA meeting. It was the best decision. I would equate a meeting with fellow alcoholics to be like this.... You know when you are so thirsty and parched, and you get a cold glass of water and chug it down. You are so happy you drank the water and instantly feel better? Well that's how I felt going and leaving the meeting. Ahhhhh there was a calmness in my heart. I will probably go to another meeting today as well. As many meetings as I feel like going to. It may not be for everyone, but alcoholism is such an isolating disease and sometimes being with other people who are going through the exact same thing as you is comforting.

RubyRed427 wrote: »

@lorrainequiche59 You are so loving and strong. And it's ok to be weak too and cry hard. I am so relieved you didn't turn to alcohol. I'm very proud of you. I am happy you wrote your piece to give you some outlet. We are here for you, hugs, prayers and love.

Hey I am certainly weak at present and I've been bawling my face off ... on & off for days now...I am a huge proponent of tears...I prefer to think of it as poison leaking out of my eyes, because if we hold it all in and put on a brave front that poison will rot us from the inside out...Thank you for allowing me to be weak and to bare my heart

I haven't checked in for awhile and I apologize, but sometimes it makes things easier for me to distance myself from all of the talk about alcohol. I don't mean that disrespectfully at all to anyone who needs to talk it out, but most days I don't even think about alcohol and when I check in here, I start thinking about it some again. But I was one of those who needed to talk it out a lot at the beginning, so I do want to lend support to all those struggling.

I do notice drinking on TV shows and even in books I read and I always think to myself, I am so glad that isn't me anymore. I don't miss hangovers or that general feeling of ugh after drinking. I met some people today at a restaurant for someone's birthday and everyone ordered alcohol except me and I was just happy about it instead of feeling left out. I knew I'd have plenty of energy for an afternoon workout and I would enjoy the rest of my day off instead of feeling tired or rundown from the alcohol. That's motivation for me to stay AF.

I am 201 days AF today and I love it!