The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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AS a dear friend who I don't see often would say when he was about to reveal something "Buckle UP!!" So my revelation today is that I AM going to the town far, far away (sounds like a fairy tale doesn't it?) Actually only 33 mins from my house once I googled it...to my first AA meeting in decades. I vaguely remember going to my very first decades ago with my Xhubby...NEVER ever thought I would again. As I was thinking about going, and different times that others have shared that they go, I wondered WHY is it SO hard to go through the doors at an AA meeting and the word shame popped into my brain...BUT since then I disagree that it is shame because there is NOTHING SHAMEFUL about saying "I need help" and then taking the steps to get the help...THAT is COURAGE...
So if it isn't shame then what is it? After listening to Kitten Van Kitten (LOL Thx Doni for the AKA for D VanD aka DICK Van *kitten*) I think it is the STIGMA that people attach to AA...and to alcoholism aka alcohol use disorder or whatever other label someone may attach to a drinking problem. The stigma is that somehow we are defective, not mature, weak etc. But there is a physical/genetic component of alcoholism...our bodies process alcohol differently, but as Dick VanD brought out in his interview there are many people who are not alcoholics but they may still be heavy drinkers or irresponsible drinkers (drive over the limit) The consequences are still the same...an alcoholic may be more extreme and may die younger or tragically, but maybe not. I know alcoholics who are still kicking whose non-alcoholic spouses died way long ago. BUT it is our "quality of life" right now that matters. It doesn't really matter as much what specific day we are going to die but how we live our life up to that point.
SO, y'all KNOW that later today I'm going to fill you in on my first EVER AA meeting in decades, so I will tell you in advance to "Buckle UP!!!" One of my friends who has been one of my rocks this past week asked me why I felt the need to go to this particular meeting...I dodged the bullet and why not wait till next Tuesday eve for the local woman's meeting? Because, this IS what I need to do for ME right now today...will I be ok till next Tuesday? Maybe/Maybe not, but it is a resource that I am going to reach out to TODAY, and it will ease me into going to the other meeting on Tuesday PLUS it IS a beautiful day in the hood and I love to drive...it relaxes me
So I'm going on an abbreviated road trip...no dogs either!!!!!! Just Moi!!!
May everyone PLEASE take care of yourself this day
and IF there is anyone you've been thinking about lately or pops into your brain today please call/text them to let them know how much you love them. 
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@lorrainequiche59 awesome! I think you will
Find such nice people and the stories are so relevant to what we’ve been through. I like how you’re following your instincts. It surely can’t hurt to go; you may find some good nuggets of wisdom too.
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Morning all,well it's taken me about a week off the booze to start feeling human again 😣 I dunno if it's cuz I had been off for so long or cuz I just drank TOO much but it hit me like a freight train! The madness has to remain stopped,I scared my husband,my daughter called him to come home cuz she caught me throwing up in the kitchen sink! How's that for sinking low?!?! I'm still very ashamed of myself and tbh a bit stunned by my behavior I was just so out of control yet couldn't stop,I'm glad I finally got some sense back but omg that's it! Wishes for a happy and healthy AF day 💗4
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Lorraine, I just wanted to say I'm sooooo happy that the wine stayed sealed and you didn't give in! Alcohol is a liar and a thief,it's not a friend it's out to kill me!3
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@whitpauly, you are so right. Alcohol, like depression, is a liar. I am far too quick to forget that about both of them. I hope you can let the shame go because I believe "it" is yet another liar that tells us we aren't worthy and precious people made in God's image.
@lorrainequiche59, I hope you have a wonderful experience. I am also driving to a city about 31 miles away today to see my awesome therapist. It's also a beautiful and pleasant (as opposed to sweltering) morning in my neck of the woods, so I will think of you on our parallel adventures today.
I had some wine last night while sitting on the back porch with my husband playing with Alexa, our new toy. I'm not hungover at all today, but I know if I continue to indulge the couple of glasses will inevitably increase to hangover and anxiety land. It really is a liar, and my almost 100 days of AF living this spring/summer were SO pleasant once I just did it. Pellegrino and the occasional AF beer had me feeling and looking my best. Sigh.
Have a great day, everyone. It seems almost everyone in North America needs some kind of break as far as weather goes. We're getting our break today, so I hope that translates to wherever you live.5 -
@whitpauly dont beat yourself up.
Its a guarantee we've all been there..
Keep going today and dont look back and feel shamed. You got this5 -
One word sums up my first AA experience OVERWHELMING!!! It is a small group of 10 or so where I went and they were very friendly and welcoming as I bawled through most of the meeting. I listened & could agree with lots said and I even decided to say a bit...don't ask me what...just a mishmash of stuff and as I passed the piece of paper with the "theme" for our sharing, I realized I didn't stick to the theme, but no one cared. There are a TON of meetings in our area....I do want to check out the other woman's meeting in town Tuesday eve and at some point will join a mixed group...but for now this is good. I don't know how long I'll attend, perhaps I'll become a "lifer" but time will tell. For now I made it to a meeting today...YAY me!!7
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Im glad things are working out for you @lorrainquiche59. Credit to all of you that can go to those. Id be terrified.
I have a kids slash adult bday party Saturday. Theres plenty of drinking and drinking games once the kids part of it is wrapped up. Im coming up on 5 months and it would be 7 if I didnt find that beer receipt. So thats it. Im just going to drop my daughter to play and have cake and pick her back up. I am positive that I would drink if I stay. Id come up with a thousand reasons why I deserve a drink at this point and they would help me find one more.
Coming up on the weekend I hope you all sail through with ease.
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@whitpauly dont beat yourself up.
Its a guarantee we've all been there..
Keep going today and dont look back and feel shamed. You got this
DittoLorraine, I just wanted to say I'm sooooo happy that the wine stayed sealed and you didn't give in! Alcohol is a liar and a thief,it's not a friend it's out to kill me!
YES IT IS...the lying, robbing, enemy alcohol and it is also a murderer not just of literal lives but of good intentions, hopes and dreams!!!3 -
Wishing everyone a happy and healthy AF day 💗3
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Good morning friends! Wishing you a happy AF day just like @whitpauly says.
@lorrainequiche59 Sounds like a therapeutic experience for you when you went to AA. I cried too at the beginning when I first started going last year; it's very emotional and raw but it gets quite easy to go after awhile.
@donimfp Time to renew and reset your goals. Even for a small amount of time like a weekend... Happy you touched base with us. I think of you and many others often and wonder how you are. Sending hugs!3 -
JuliBiGoolee wrote: »Thank you for starting this thread. I am on day 2,733 lol. I quit drinking and smoking, and any mind-altering substances over 7 years ago. My life has improved immensely. Food is still a struggle and source of temporary comfort for me. I'm heavier than ever and wish desperately to get myself under control. I try to combat my food issues the same way I combated my drinking but it hasn't worked for me. But I'm stubborn and refuse to give up. People change their lives for the better everyday...I can too.
Awesome!! Happy to hear your life is so much better!! You'll tackle the food issues slowly but surely.
@aroze0928 Sometimes, it's a good idea to skip an event which might not fit your goals. Smart thinking.2 -
@whitpauly I recently read a blog about the sober curious movement but the blogger was saying that being curious isn't what she's all about. She is quitting drinking before it kills her! So for those who are just sober curious and don't have a drinking problem, that's one side of the story.
For many others including me, I am trying to save my life, my organs, my brain from this addiction.
I guess for me I want to quit before I hit rock bottom or something devastating happens. My sober friend had a term for it , but I can't remember what it is. I think he called it "high bottom".4 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »@whitpauly I recently read a blog about the sober curious movement but the blogger was saying that being curious isn't what she's all about. She is quitting drinking before it kills her! So for those who are just sober curious and don't have a drinking problem, that's one side of the story.
For many others including me, I am trying to save my life, my organs, my brain from this addiction.
I guess for me I want to quit before I hit rock bottom or something devastating happens. My sober friend had a term for it , but I can't remember what it is. I think he called it "high bottom".
HIGH BOTTOM...that perfectly describes quitting alcohol before the really serious side effects kick in. The opposite of that is when a person hits such a low and has done it over & over & over and you think, "This HAS TO BE his/her bottom!!" But, the "bottom" always has a basement and for some it is like an abyss because they continue to free fall & sooner rather than later die actively in their disease. And to think this is all legal and promoted making a gizzillion dollars for a few really wealthy families who have way more money than they could EVER spend in a gizzillion lifetimes!! Rr-r-r-r-r-r--r!!! They are actually profitting from others' sickness & eventual death...they could AT LEAST contribute $1.00 for every $10 spent on their toxic poison toward the funeral of any who succumb to death or injury that can be directly linked to alcohol....SO wrong on SO many levels...I'm still mad as a hornet off & on btw and it is going to trickle into my writing so I am forewarning y'all that the "Wrath of Lorraine" may rear it's ugly head on occassion BUT may I never EVER trickle it on any of you and if by chance I do, PLEASE set me straight asap...Thank you 
I am heading into town to watch my brother's granddaughter in a play to which she was SO disappointed that he would not be there to see her in action...breaks my heart 6 -
@lorrainequiche59, such raw emotion in that post. You know that you have support and love here. Hold on to that.3
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Wow, so many posts, so little time. I pop in when I can for encouragement from my fellow sobriety seeking warriors, you really do lift me up. I hope my thoughts and prayers work for everyone in lieu of my words. I too dream about drinking again and when I wake up (at a reasonable time, not 2AM like before I quit) I’m so relieved! The other night it was a Yeungling on ice! I wouldn’t have even done that when I was drinking! It did make me recall that when I was trying to moderate, I used to buy a warm 12 pack, or case, and then put a set number of beers in the fridge before I left for work with the intent of limiting myself to those four beers later that evening. Most of the time, I started putting a couple more warm beers in the freezer around the end of beer two. Sheesh! When I was questioning whether or not I was drinking too much (it’s true…if you’re asking yourself the question, you already have your answer) I came across an article written by Donovan Webster in AARP Magazine (insert your own joke here) titled “Burned to the Waterline”. It scared the kitten (I won’t even try) out of me. It was one of the (3) “tuning fork” event in my life, the others being the death of one of the kindest and sweetest people I ever met due to alcohol, and the arrival of my granddaughter. Drunk and passed out Papa? No thanks. Peace be with you all and thanks for being here.8
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@no44s4me I had a grandfather in law who I loved. He was the sweetest man. He was a Canadian and he only drank his bud warm. 😫 he drank lots of it. Never knew when he was drunk or not. He was always the same maybe a smidge happier.
But hed put em in the fridge for me if he knew I was coming. Mine were never cold enough. Haha. Good luck I hope the dreams pass.1 -
Popped in to the grocery this week and the guy in front of me had one of the 6 pack wine cellar boxes which allows you to get a discount when you purchase 6 bottles of wine. He also had a liquor bottle. He had a couple of food items, his total was $160. The guy behind me put his things on the belt after my food and he also had a 6 pack wine box. I remember doing the same so many times and I started thinking about how much I have been saving lately by not drinking. Also don't have to lug out a big heavy box of alcohol and feel judged by the cashier. Although by the looks of it, it's quite common for people to purchase a lot of alcohol. The total of my bill? $20 and some change. My self-respect and lack of hangovers? Priceless.7
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@FeelinFooFoo, I always love it when you check in. I’m quite sure you are decades younger than me but I so relate to your thinking and struggles. You/we can do this. You have wonderful tenacity. Go, girl.5
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Here is the link to the article that @no44s4me mentions. It is very powerful.
https://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2018/donovan-webster-crash-prison.html
My husband and I are having lunch today with a friend whose partner died of a heart attack recently but we KNOW this was influenced by his heavy and drinking and smoking.
Have a safe and sober Sunday my friends.
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Good morning, friends! What a calm morning here in the midwest. This morning, coffee (hangover free) with my daughter and I'm going to the theater to see a musical (by myself) but I'm happy with that.
@FeelinFooFoo Hi There! Keep in mind around day 3 or 4, you will get that twitch to drink. Have some substitutes handy, have good distractions around and you will be just fine. Wishing you a good calm AF week! You can do it!!
@JenT304 I look forward to reading the article.
@lorrainequiche59 I watched the Dick V. *kitten* video ; he said a lot of things that were quite powerful. Thanks for sharing it.4 -
VeggieGirlforLife wrote: »Popped in to the grocery this week and the guy in front of me had one of the 6 pack wine cellar boxes which allows you to get a discount when you purchase 6 bottles of wine. He also had a liquor bottle. He had a couple of food items, his total was $160. The guy behind me put his things on the belt after my food and he also had a 6 pack wine box. I remember doing the same so many times and I started thinking about how much I have been saving lately by not drinking. Also don't have to lug out a big heavy box of alcohol and feel judged by the cashier. Although by the looks of it, it's quite common for people to purchase a lot of alcohol. The total of my bill? $20 and some change. My self-respect and lack of hangovers? Priceless.
Love the last sentence!! So true!2 -
I went to my third AA meeting of the week; I look forward to feeling as calm and peaceful as many of the participants express. I'm still in the white knuckle mode. Left a party yesterday early (I came on purpose right when it started). The hosts were still setting up. The Bar was so full of bottles of liquor ; I got a headache looking at it. The DJ arrived and the only ones there at 4:00 were me and some cute grey haired older guests. Again, I came early on purpose; I left before all my drinking buddies came. My ex said that he snuck out at 11:00 p.m and the party was on full force ....
Little decisions we make for the sake of our own health are so important sometimes.4 -
You bet @RubyRed427 ! I avoided a party yesterday. I did have cravings in the back of my mind because of it I think. Crazy. I came home and relaxed and went back for my daughter. She was actually happy I didnt stay. She has no problem telling me like it is. 8 years old and sharp as a tac.
Enjoy the musical and happy af day to all.
@FeelinFooFoo. Im rooting for you for a successful week!3 -
Morning friends,@FeelingFooFoo you got this! I hope your cat is ok? My dog likes to run out whenever he gets the opportunity so I get sooooo scared he'll get ran over! I treat him like a king so I get really offended when he runs out😆 I avoided a party last night too,it was my g-sons cousin who turned 8 but in their world a child's birthday party is just another excuse to drink,I feel bad cuz I wanted to see her but don't feel bad cuz it was at the girl's other grammas house and I don't know them anyways and it woulda felt awkward,I did send a gift with my daughter from me though, wishes for a great AF day for us all!!3
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@RubyRed427 good for you having a plan and sticking to it. Also cool on the AA meetings, I just know for me, if I follow the simple suggested steps ...it worked out
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@JenT304 I just read the article you posted and the gang talked about. I am crying too. The author, oh my God I have pity for him. To take another life because of a bad decision is almost too much to bear. Thanks for the sober reminder. Of course, I have deep empathy and sadness for the White family as well.
Excerpt that hit home:
I never saw my drinking as out of control. But slowly, like a cresting wave, it was getting less and less manageable. Though I ran between five and seven miles a day, my body wasn’t as good at alcohol anymore — a phenomenon doctors say isn’t unusual when we enter our 50s. And the volume was increasing, without my really noticing or caring. A few beers after dinner. Maybe a handful of scotches or bourbons after my middle-school-teacher wife retired to bed at about 9:30. I didn’t intend for it to become a habit. It just … did.
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