The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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Welcome, @MonkeyMel21! Just under a year ago, I was in the same situation--leaving a job that was "hangover-friendly" (telecommuting so I could work on the couch) for one that required me to be on top of my game. That is a great motivation for not drinking. Like you, I'm not good at moderation, and I can't say I went through the whole school year (I was teaching in juvenile lock-up) without some slips, but I really learned how important being alcohol free is for performance.
Just this morning, I was reflecting that there is not one single thing in my life that isn't better without alcohol's interference--my health, my appearance, my energy, my weight, my anxiety level, my mood, my social interactions, my concentration, my memory . . . the list is endless. And I cannot think of one single advantage to drinking (for me). Therefore, it's a no-brainer of a decision. So I guess I should be singing the Scarecrow's song: If I Only Had a Brain. Today is my new Day 1. After drinking early this month after almost 100 days AF, it has taken me this long to get back to a place where I'm ready to make that commitment. I'm excited again that I don't have to (not "get to") drink any more.6 -
Thank you @donimfp for your reply and your kind words! Wish you the best getting back to it!2
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Welcome @MonkeyMel21 💗 yep suffering through work the next day is brutal! I'm a hairstylist and it's impossible to cut hair with the shakes, nausea, dizzies,ugh you'd figure that would be enough of a reason to keep away😤3
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@MonkeyMel21 Welcome Welcome
@RubyRed427 & @JenT304 Very nice pics of you two lovely ladies...hope you're having a blast together. So nice that you've been able to meet in person.4 -
GOOD MORN
To All: Today's "Letting Go" blurb is about Gratitude and it begins with a quote from the book Codependent No More,
"WE learn the magical lesson that making the most of what we have turns it into more" and then goes on.... 'Say thank you, until you mean it. Thank God, life and the universe for everyone and everything sent your way......
Gratitude makes sense of our past. brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. Gratitude makes things right. Gratitude turns negative energy into positive energy. There is NO situation or circumstance so small or large that it is not susceptible to gratitude's power. We can start with who we are and what we have today, apply gratitude, then let it work it's magic. Say thank you, until you mean it. If you say it long enough you will believe it.
SO, in my prayer this morn I listed a bunch of stuff I am grateful for and on my drive to work I am going to record myself as I list a bunch of things I'm grateful for instead of "Witching with a 'B' " I am going to switch the "B....itch" to being thankful because I AM thankful but sometimes get derailed and forget the good stuff!!
One of the things I am grateful for is all of you guys and all the support that you provide for moi
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to ALL of you 7 -
Great post, @lorrainequiche59!
I woke up full of gratitude this morning, too. Last night was "Night 1." I suffer occasionally from tinnitus (ringing in the ear--sounds like a chorus of crickets is in my head and it's very annoying). Last night, with no alcohol in me, it struck. I felt like I was being tortured. Turned on my surf sounds as loud as I could but I could still hear the crickets. I couldn't grab alcohol to make me oblivious. So on and off I didn't get much sleep.
But . . . this morning I woke up feeling refreshed enough to grab my tennies and go for a pretty decent walk outside before the 103-degree temps hit. Also, the buzzing had almost completely subsided. So as I walked outside in the beautiful morning, I was so grateful that I didn't succumb to alcohol in an attempt to knock myself out. I certainly wouldn't have had the energy to walk if I had. Also, in reading about tinnitus this morning, one of the first aggravating factors listed is alcohol consumption.
So, grateful to be starting Day 2 feeling good, and also grateful for this group. Have a great day, everyone!7 -
Hi Friends, @JenT304 and I had a beautiful time together; we did lots of sightseeing and enjoyed the summer weather here in the midwest. This thread is so positive in my life for many reasons; like @lorrainequiche59 said I am very grateful for all of your friendship, advice, honesty and smiles.7
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@FeelinFooFoo Your post about a natural high from music was spot on. It made me think of that as adults we sometimes forget all the things that made us happy before stress and work and more stress got in the way.6
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MonkeyMel21 wrote: »Hello everyone! I'm joining the Sober Squad! I've been out of control alcohol-wise for a while now and it's really getting me down. I'm starting a new job in a month that is going to take a lot more concentration, comprehension and ability than my current job (that I've been at for almost 7 years). I won't just be able to float through my days with hangovers or just general malaise like I sometimes do now. I am really excited for it and want to do well so I've decided to just go alcohol free since it's been noted that I am not good at moderation. It's nice to have a thread like this to remind myself that others are going through the same thing and have a place to express my own thoughts/struggles. That's all, thanks!!
Many of us aren't good with moderation so it's almost a sigh of relief not to have to worry about that (when you don't drink). It's August 1st here and a great day to begin again. Remember just take one day at a time and before you know it, you'll establish new and healthy patterns instead of the evening alcohol to relax. Happy to hear from you!6 -
Today is August 1.....am thinking AF through year-end....10
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I just got bumped out of a 3 paragraph post!
In a nutshell @lorrainquiche59 amazing post. We could all benefit repeating that every day instead of complaining about this or that the minute we get out of bed.
@donimfp my ears ring too I have to sleep with the fan on. Hate it.
@RubyRed427 so happy for you that you and Jen had a good time. You both look happy and worry free! You're right about moderation. Its so freeing not to worry about drinking. Never thought I could go without it for this long. To think my life revolved around the next beer feels ridiculous to me now. It was like an anchor weighing me down.
I hope everyone is faring well.
Happy AF weekend!6 -
Hi Everyone, I am back in Maryland after visiting the delightful @RubyRed427. We had such a great time as I knew we would. If there is someone you feel a connection with here or on another thread, I say try to meet up! We had a fantastic time!! 5
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Hi Everyone, I am back in Maryland after visiting the delightful @RubyRed427. We had such a great time as I knew we would. If there is someone you feel a connection with here or on another thread, I say try to meet up! We had a fantastic time!!
I agree, Jen! It was a perfect time together... and so fulfuliling connecting with you. We shared many laughs and easy, meaningful conversations.
This thread is a bridge for many of us. We all have a lot in common in more ways than just our Sober Squad goals.6 -
FeelinFooFoo wrote: »Turns out I'l be painting Saturday & Sunday So I can go into this weekend with a grain of confidence that I will be avoiding the alcohol. But I will need refreshed.....
Gona try out the new colas. There is a strawberry and mango one iv seen so far so I'l get them as a treat. And Friday, after a trip to the vets at 18:15, think I will follow that with a movie. One thing I have learnt from before, always have a plan! Now sticking to it, that's quite a different matter, but I'm ready to try. 🖌🎨👩🏼🎨
It will be so nice to paint without a hangover or headache!! Enjoy the weekend!6 -
Following up on @RubyRed427’s post about stress, I recommend Jennifer L. Scott’s “Madame Chic” books. 3 books best enjoyed in order. She stresses the simple joys in life. They’re a treat to read with a cup of tea.5
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Good Morn: I have 2 goals to switch up my mindset. The first is to get out of bed each morning & walk for 30 mins without my dog. Todays goal #1 accomplished @ 6:30 a.m. YAY!!
Most people find a dog to be a motivator to walk...mine, not so much...We start our walk out with 10 mins of sniffing and then I try to kick it into high gear as I firmly tug on his leash when he wants to sniff yet some more...because he is a sniffer & not really built for walking any length of time or at any productive pace, when I try to walk with him his little legs scamper to keep up (He's a Lhasa Apso) as his body sways like a bulldog from the Pekingese gene he carries, but at some point along the way, he does a dead stop and gives me the evil stare. AND, of course, my Enabling gene kicks in & ramps up my Guilt gene and we head back home...I figure it defeats my purpose of walking which is to get a wee bit of movement without stress...guilt for me = stress!! SO, he lounged in bed while I had a lovely walk in nature. We'll do a sniff walk for him this eve.
#2 goal is to do 15 mins of mindfulness meditation each morning...yesterday I reached that wee goal AND today I will as soon as I post this....
I logged my food today and hope to carry that on, BUT I am taking baby steps and 2 goals are IT!! for a bit!!
Happy AF day to all ... LOVE LOVE LOVE all of the posts!!
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Good Morn: I had my marker in a particular place in my Letting Go book because it resonated with what I had been struggling with on & off and at the time that I came across it, I put the marker there to read it "later" and never got around to reading it until just recently. It is entitled "Time To Get Angry"
NOW it is a coincidence that the date for that reading is July 18, the day my beloved bro died...but is EXACTLY what I've needed to read. SO as I went to read it last week it was SO timely because I have been struggling off & on since day 4 of his death with this particular feeling. It was coming in waves as the grief was coming in waves...it's like my anger & my grief were competing for my attention & energy!! I realize that anger is part of grief, but another part of my anger was residual from the past and because I just happened to be in the process of dealing with some of my past stuff I had tried to hide with alcohol and dealing with a recent significant disappointment, it is like the death of my bro blew the top off the volcano of my anger. That is the only way I can describe it...it was so intense and has lasted so long, I wondered if I was ever going to not be angry again. But as I read Melodie's Beattie's blurb, it was like she gave me permission to deal & heal from my anger and puts it in a way that makes it ok to feel what I feel.
So, having said ALL THAT, I'd like to share it in my following blurb because I really think it is important and I truly hope that sharing this will help someone of you to deal with your own anger...because anger is a secondary emotion and can be on top of hurt, fear, frustration, helplessness...THOSE are the feelings that can generate anger. And it isn't feeling anger but what we do with it that can cause harm, how we act as a result of it. So I hope it can help someone else in their healing journey. 6 -
TIME TO GET ANGRY
It's about time you got angry - YES, that angry.
Anger can be such a potent, frightening emotion. It can also be a feeling that guides us to important decisions, sometimes decisions difficult to make. It can signal other's peoples problems, our problems, or simply problems we need to address.
We deny our anger for a variety of reasons. We don't give ourselves permission to allow it to come into our awareness - at first. Understand that it does not go away; it sits in layers under the surface, waiting for us to become ready, safe, and strong enough to deal with it.
What we may tend to do instead of facing our anger and what it is telling us about self care is feel hurt, victimized, trapped, guilt and uncertain about how to take care of ourselves. We many withdraw, deny, make excuses and hide our heads in the sand - for awhile.
We may punish, get even, whine and wonder.
We may repeatedly forgive the other person for behaviors that hurt us. We may be afraid that someone will go away if we deal with our anger toward him/her. We may be afraid we will need to go away if we deal with our anger.
We may simply be afraid of our anger and the potency of it. We may not know we have a right, even a responsibility - to ourselves - to allow ourselves to feel and learn from our anger.
Melodie Beattie from The Language of Letting Go
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@lorrainequiche59, I have an almost worn-out copy of that book inscribed to me by my mom in Sept. 1991, when I was going through my divorce. I turn to it often, and it's incredible how many times that day's meditation is exactly what I needed to hear or think about. I'm glad you're finding it helpful.
We went to a dinner party last night and I was tempted to have one drink "just to be polite," but luckily didn't have to test myself because the hostess asked us to help ourselves at the bar and it was easy to just pour Topo Chico in my glass and add lime. (Don't know if Topo Chico is common all over the country/world, but it is sparkling water from Mexico and is very popular here in Texas). Only one person had wine with the dinner, everyone else, including me, sticking with our "cocktails." Up for another early walk this morning. This is keeping me motivated. If I waited until a hangover dissipated, it would be too hot outside to do anything. So far so good, but my thinking about having one for politeness is certainly a red flag that I still have a lot of work to do.
Have a great weekend, everyone!5 -
FeelinFooFoo wrote: »lorrainequiche59 wrote: »TIME TO GET ANGRY
It's about time you got angry - YES, that angry.
Anger can be such a potent, frightening emotion. It can also be a feeling that guides us to important decisions, sometimes decisions difficult to make. It can signal other's peoples problems, our problems, or simply problems we need to address.
We deny our anger for a variety of reasons. We don't give ourselves permission to allow it to come into our awareness - at first. Understand that it does not go away; it sits in layers under the surface, waiting for us to become ready, safe, and strong enough to deal with it.
What we may tend to do instead of facing our anger and what it is telling us about self care is feel hurt, victimized, trapped, guilt and uncertain about how to take care of ourselves. We many withdraw, deny, make excuses and hide our heads in the sand - for awhile.
We may punish, get even, whine and wonder.
We may repeatedly forgive the other person for behaviors that hurt us. We may be afraid that someone will go away if we deal with our anger toward him/her. We may be afraid we will need to go away if we deal with our anger.
We may simply be afraid of our anger and the potency of it. We may not know we have a right, even a responsibility - to ourselves - to allow ourselves to feel and learn from our anger.
Melodie Beattie from The Language of Letting Go
I like this. Yes hiding anger only makes it reveal itself in other areas or ways I think. Until you explode and that isn't always pretty! Im not usually an angry person but when I am I do struggle with how to cope with it or express it in a constructive way. I tend to go inwards with it and cause myself hurt. Trying to get better and this post is useful reading for me.
I think I'm too sensitive ; I think that is my issue to deal with. I also suppress my feelings and go into hibernation instead of facing a problem or conflict with someone. I am going to get that book you guys are talking about.4 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »TIME TO GET ANGRY
It's about time you got angry - YES, that angry.
Anger can be such a potent, frightening emotion. It can also be a feeling that guides us to important decisions, sometimes decisions difficult to make. It can signal other's peoples problems, our problems, or simply problems we need to address.
We deny our anger for a variety of reasons. We don't give ourselves permission to allow it to come into our awareness - at first. Understand that it does not go away; it sits in layers under the surface, waiting for us to become ready, safe, and strong enough to deal with it.
What we may tend to do instead of facing our anger and what it is telling us about self care is feel hurt, victimized, trapped, guilt and uncertain about how to take care of ourselves. We many withdraw, deny, make excuses and hide our heads in the sand - for awhile.
We may punish, get even, whine and wonder.
We may repeatedly forgive the other person for behaviors that hurt us. We may be afraid that someone will go away if we deal with our anger toward him/her. We may be afraid we will need to go away if we deal with our anger.
We may simply be afraid of our anger and the potency of it. We may not know we have a right, even a responsibility - to ourselves - to allow ourselves to feel and learn from our anger.
Melodie Beattie from The Language of Letting Go
I think I'm afraid of my anger and it churns in my brain and causes me to feel depressed and paralyzed.4 -
https://www.amazon.com/Language-Letting-Go-Melody-Beattie/dp/1401903479/ref=sr_1_4?crid=IW6K0T3QT473&keywords=the+language+of+letting+go&qid=1564863457&s=gateway&sprefix=the+language+,aps,173&sr=8-4
I see on Amazon they also have cards. I'll buy the book first.3 -
Today is day three AF and my first weekend. According to my fitbit, I’ve gotten a lot better deep sleep. My heartburn is starting to go away too! I’ve not been in a great mood but that could easily be related to something else and hopefully ease up in the next two days. Anyway, just checking in and reading previous posts. 7
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I ended my sober streak of more than a few months in April. It was the longest I'd been sober since my first drink. I wound up blacked out in jail and have a permanent scar thanks to that night. That's the bad news. The good news, is that I have been sober ever since then. 109 days sober. I believe this is the longest I've ever been sober. I feel no desire to drink right now, although it hasn't been like that since I started. After I got out of jail I wound up working and living somewhere just to keep myself from being homeless, and I was not allowed to drink, and had little time to think. After that, I moved to a different state to live with my best friend. The urge to drink returned, as I finally had alone time and freedom. I had been drinking this La Croix stuff to try and replace it but I felt like it was only making my cravings worse. Somewhere around day 100 though, my friend introduced me to a THC vape. I figured I'd try it and I've been doing it 1 or 2 times each weekend. Interestingly enough, my alcohol cravings are gone. I've been way more productive than usual. I drink caffeine to offset the munchies and just wind up working out a bunch. I don't think I qualify as sober, but I do qualify as alcohol free. I don't want to wind up replacing alcohol with this stuff, but the cravings are gone. I eventually want to get addicted to EXERCISE and drop all of this stuff, but for now, I'm really happy with this.13
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@IWillTakeBackMyLife My dr has suggested THC oil for anxiety so I don't think that is a problem. Not sure about the vaping it, she suggested putting it on your tongue. As long as you don't feel like it is damaging your lungs I don't see an issue with it. Im happy you are remaining Alcohol Free. I wish you continued success with that.3
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Good morning friends!
@FeelinFooFoo I have that too. The anxiety the day after, a knot in my stomach as I lay in bed replaying the events. Like a broken record, the obsessive thoughts come when you're recovering from a hangover. All my friends claim they don't have hangovers like I do. I guess we're the lucky ones. At least the hangover is our body saying alcohol is a wicked thing.
@IWillTakeBackMyLife Sorry you went through all that but at least it got you to the point you are right now. Sounds like you are doing well!
Off topic: Chardonnay particularly can be problematic for those who are allergic to some of the ingredients. If you've ever felt out of control after a lot of chardonnay here may be why:
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/78da3x/ladies-that-chardonnay-might-be-why-youre-an-emotional-wreck3
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