The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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For anyone struggling, this is a five minute video by Richard Burton on his compassions for alcoholics It is a very sobering ❤️ poignant speech.
https://youtu.be/cgF1fzCqu-k 5 -
Thank you @RubyRed427 and @lorrainequiche59. Yes, being kind to myself means thinking of alcohol as "treating myself" to a big ol' swig of anxiety. Now why would (do) I do that??? I hate anxiety, but wine might as well have a big label on it saying Chateau du Panic or something like that. This little flirtation with it has only reminded me of how bad I feel when I drink.
Lesson learned!! Now on to day 101
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@donimfp Chateau du panic LOL
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@donimfp SO many great observations. "Big ol swig of anxiety." SO true.
I fell off the wagon hard over the 4th (and 5th and 6th etc.....you know how it is. Never just one day for some of us.)
I'm climbing out of the bottle today and will have a day of self care, meditation and prayer, watching inspirational videos and some exercise. It's a new day and I just have to move forward.10 -
Sending you love @JenT304 💙 every single day is a fresh start! 😘3
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It’s so quiet on the thread 🌸hopefully you are having success, but if not , it’s ok to let us know how you’re doing or if you’re struggling. I have heard from people Who say it sometimes takes several brave tries and fails at sobriety, to make it long lasting or a lifestyle change. (Even though nothing is permanent- wolf is always waiting in the woods.)
I was listening to Robin Williams take on alcohol. Obviously, he struggled so much with alcoholism and other things, but he still can bring a laugh about something so serious. You can find his bits on YouTube.4 -
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@donimfp SO many great observations. "Big ol swig of anxiety." SO true.
I fell off the wagon hard over the 4th (and 5th and 6th etc.....you know how it is. Never just one day for some of us.)
I'm climbing out of the bottle today and will have a day of self care, meditation and prayer, watching inspirational videos and some exercise. It's a new day and I just have to move forward.
YUP!!! Tis a new day and you WILL move forward!! You GO girl!! 4 -
Jen T304. you look young to have granddaughters. Go you!4
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Hey, everyone! The thread has been quiet, although I still pop in here just about every day. I enjoy reading how everyone is doing on their journeys, which also helps me stay focused on mine.
I'm at exactly 1 year 6 months of AF today! I had been feeling a bit sad lately. I just turned 56 this past Wednesday. Not that I feel bad about being 56. I actually feel great physically and am in the best shape of my life. It's more to do with feelings and issues I've uncovered through journaling and meditation, and that has brought up things that I need to own and accept responsibility for. Having hit a birthday was just a marker for assessing where I'm at. When I stopped drinking in Jan 2018, the first few weeks were pretty tough. The hardest work has come since then, though.
Karen7 -
@kcn2bluesky Happy birthday! My next b day in Sept I will be 56 too.. I am definitely aware that I have more yesterdays than tomorrows at this point in my life and I also have some regrets that I need to accept responsibility for as well. I am so pleased you have stayed away from the bottle for so long. Truly inspirational to me! Thanks for sharing.6
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kcn2bluesky wrote: »Hey, everyone! The thread has been quiet, although I still pop in here just about every day. I enjoy reading how everyone is doing on their journeys, which also helps me stay focused on mine.
I'm at exactly 1 year 6 months of AF today! I had been feeling a bit sad lately. I just turned 56 this past Wednesday. Not that I feel bad about being 56. I actually feel great physically and am in the best shape of my life. It's more to do with feelings and issues I've uncovered through journaling and meditation, and that has brought up things that I need to own and accept responsibility for. Having hit a birthday was just a marker for assessing where I'm at. When I stopped drinking in Jan 2018, the first few weeks were pretty tough. The hardest work has come since then, though.
Karen
Happy 1.5 year Soberversary!!
I have had a similar experience with feelings & issues rising to the surface since I've stopped drinking and I want to thank you for sharing this...I do believe that at some point we WILL heal from this stuff, it's just a slow process and for me, especially lately, I've been really angry and experiencing some depression, but I truly believe this is a stage I must go through. When we stop stuffing our feelings by drinking them down, they are going to need to be dealt with, and like you said it is hard work to face and accept the not so nice bits & pieces. Perhaps this is the time we need to be extra gentle with ourselves especially with our internal dialogue.
I think it is absolutely wonderful that you have succeeded in staying AF for 1 year & 6 months. So, please remember THIS accomplishment because as you well know it isn't an easy go...It IS worth the hard bits though! 5 -
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@kcn2bluesky Happy birthday! My next b day in Sept I will be 56 too.. I am definitely aware that I have more yesterdays than tomorrows at this point in my life and I also have some regrets that I need to accept responsibility for as well. I am so pleased you have stayed away from the bottle for so long. Truly inspirational to me! Thanks for sharing.lorrainequiche59 wrote: »
Happy 1.5 year Soberversary!!
I have had a similar experience with feelings & issues rising to the surface since I've stopped drinking and I want to thank you for sharing this...I do believe that at some point we WILL heal from this stuff, it's just a slow process and for me, especially lately, I've been really angry and experiencing some depression, but I truly believe this is a stage I must go through. When we stop stuffing our feelings by drinking them down, they are going to need to be dealt with, and like you said it is hard work to face and accept the not so nice bits & pieces. Perhaps this is the time we need to be extra gentle with ourselves especially with our internal dialogue.
I think it is absolutely wonderful that you have succeeded in staying AF for 1 year & 6 months. So, please remember THIS accomplishment because as you well know it isn't an easy go...It IS worth the hard bits though!
Thank you for your posts, ladies! I really needed these today
Jen, I love the way you phrased how we can become acutely aware of having fewer tomorrows than yesterdays. I regret the many ‘yesterdays’ I squandered. You wrote exactly how I was feeling. I think we can only work to make the tomorrows better.
Lorraine, I love your post! Yes, I think we definitely go through stages of healing because without alcohol, you can’t hide or numb things anymore. And it’s something we just have to work through.
Thank you again to both of you for your words of encouragement!5 -
Hope everyone is well 4
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I was cleaing a drawer looking for something the other day. I stumbled on a receipt from February and there was a case of michelob ultra on it. I went back thru my diary to see how many days I crashed and burned and it was 3. Looking back I did lousy so my official start date was March 5th.
I felt disgusted finding that slip. And of course my first thought always turns to the kids. And the guilt swarms in.
What can I do but keep working on a better today and tomorrow.
Happy AF weekend to all.5 -
I was cleaing a drawer looking for something the other day. I stumbled on a receipt from February and there was a case of michelob ultra on it. I went back thru my diary to see how many days I crashed and burned and it was 3. Looking back I did lousy so my official start date was March 5th.
I felt disgusted finding that slip. And of course my first thought always turns to the kids. And the guilt swarms in.
What can I do but keep working on a better today and tomorrow.
Happy AF weekend to all.
One way to view it is that you’ve come so far, they will remember you as you are now- healthy and strong. Forgive yourself because you did the best you could. We go through hard times to learn and grow. Sounds like you’ve come a long way!3 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »I was cleaing a drawer looking for something the other day. I stumbled on a receipt from February and there was a case of michelob ultra on it. I went back thru my diary to see how many days I crashed and burned and it was 3. Looking back I did lousy so my official start date was March 5th.
I felt disgusted finding that slip. And of course my first thought always turns to the kids. And the guilt swarms in.
What can I do but keep working on a better today and tomorrow.
Happy AF weekend to all.
One way to view it is that you’ve come so far, they will remember you as you are now- healthy and strong. Forgive yourself because you did the best you could. We go through hard times to learn and grow. Sounds like you’ve come a long way!
Thanks Ruby for your comment. Its nice to know I can come here for support. Now that I'm not drinking my kids have vented to me that they dont like it when I drink and that gives me a lot of motivation to not want to let them down. Have a great day!2 -
@aroze0928 The purpose of guilt is to signal that we have done something wrong and that we need to correct it. You've done that....That was then, THIS is now. Once guilt has served it's purpose, continuing to punish ourselves with guilt only serves to cause us to feel bad about ourselves....you do not deserve that!
I agree with Ruby that you need to forgive yourself. Easier said than done if we tend to beat ourselves up, but it CAN be done. I think it is fantastic that your kids vented their feelings to you about your past drinking. It shows they respect and trust you enough to share their feelings with you. So you can be PROUD of that!! 3 -
Thanks @lorrainquiche59. It feels most of the time the guilt will never go away..not just with drinking but other areas of my life. I appreciate these words. I really have to work on it. That and a whole bunch of other stuff lol.
We usually drink to forget and now that we dont do that the feelings are all out there loud and clear and theres no booze to quiet it down.6 -
Thanks @lorrainquiche59. It feels most of the time the guilt will never go away..not just with drinking but other areas of my life. I appreciate these words. I really have to work on it. That and a whole bunch of other stuff lol.
We usually drink to forget and now that we dont do that the feelings are all out there loud and clear and theres no booze to quiet it down.
You're singing my tune sista!! LOL I should lend you the sign my friend made me years ago when I was FILLED to the ying-yang with guilt...3 simple words NO MORE GUILT !! Go on youtube and put in guilt & it will come up with all kinds of help for working through it! At least giving you some ideas what may be fueling yours. Hope the best for you.
AND YES YES YES, once we stop boozing our feelings away they come back to confront us full force and although it isn't an easy process, eventually we will be free to live a much fuller life. We're on our way!
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Another quiet weekend here. It is a lovely evening in my part of the world and I'm sitting on my patio writing this. I am dog sitting for a couple of weeks for a couple who are in Europe...they travel extensively and I am blessed to be able to care for their canine pal.
I hope that everyone is having a happy, healthy AF weekend
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Hi friends. I've only posted a handful of times but read frequently.
On this day on Facebook can be a reminder of why drinking isn't an option for me.
On this day 7 years ago I was waking up with probably the worst hangover in my life. Hung over physically and emotionally.
At the time I was going through one of the most difficult seasons in my life. My son was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3. 7 years ago he was 6 years old. Due to his limitations with Autism he had communication delays and acted out A LOT in extreme violence and rage. As you can imagine it was extremely difficult to live with. I had horrible mother's guilt and blamed myself for his delays, due to his violence and it just not being safe for others to be around we lost all friends, no one invited him to birthday parties, etc.
My family and husband knowing how emotionally bad I was doing threw me a surprise 39.5 year birthday party. My birthday is in January and my parents are always in Aruba the month of January and my 40th birthday would be no exception. Plus no one expects a surprise 1/2 birthday party. It was an amazing party. My family had food catered in, all the alcoholic and N/A drinks a person could want, my closest friends and family friends were invited. Beautiful invites sent in the mail (side note: why is this tradition now gone and so dependent on FB Events or other event apps?), etc. It was amazing. I was so happy and overwhelmed with just joy and gratitude.
2012 was a tough year for me. My alcoholism was no longer kept a secret. I just couldn't keep it a secret any longer. I used to be able to cover my consumption and I no longer could. My daughter would cry begging me to not get tipsy, my parents, sister & closet friends saw a side of me that I wanted to hide and began questioning me. My sweet husband was withdrawing from me and every area of my life was beginning to fall apart.
On the night of my 39 1/2 party I was wasted and in a black out in less than an hour. Here I was in front of 40 people and just a hot mess express. I have vague memories from that night but I knew after that day I couldn't continue the path I was on any more. The shame, the guilt and remorse. So on this day I was so full of shame, guilt and remorse and knowing that something needed to change but the change could wait until Monday I then got wasted again at home with my husband and kids at home. So hungover that I had to drink to numb it out. So fully of guilt and shame on Sunday I had to drink again.
For several years while drinking, big beefy red and I would google "how do you know when you have a drinking problem" and when it would get really bad I'd reach out to my two friends who used to drink like me that no longer drink and seem happy. They would encourage me to get help and meet them at meetings and I just wouldn't.
After my 39 1/2 party I was willing to try to change. Never to get sober but learn how to drink like a lady and develop better coping skills. I reached out to one of my friends in AA and she told me to meet her at a meeting on Monday. I told her I couldn't because I was too hung over and I never drank on Monday's but I'd meet her on Tuesday. I justified not being an alcoholic because I didn't drink on Monday and Tuesday, had my husband/kids, job/career, house, legal driver, etc. I did meet my friend at that meeting on Tuesday and was blown away. I thought for sure they would all be so miserable and depressed and it wasn't that at all. At least not in the meeting I went to.
I wish I could tell you I stayed sober after that first meeting but I didn't. I had a really hard time identifying as an alcoholic because A. I didn't want to quit and couldn't stomach the idea of NEVER having another drink. Especially never having another glass of wine. B. From the outside looking in I had the life people wanted. C. I still had my good job but only by the skin of my teeth. D. My parents still loved me, my sister, her husband and kids (my family is thick as thieves) E. never any legal troubles due to drinking, etc.
So on Monday-Thursday I'd go to meetings but then by the weekend I'd say see I didn't drink all week....I can manage it. Then of course Monday morning would come and I'm hung over one more time, physically and emotionally. This cycle went on for several weeks. My last weekend of drinking was miserable. I tried the controlled drinking experiment suggested to me that I now know was directly quoted from the chapter from the Big Book "More About Alcoholism" Let's just say the controlled drinking experiment failed miserably. I finally surrendered, admitted I was an alcoholic and if I didn't change all the things that I hadn't lost yet due to my drinking were coming. It was if my higher power parted the seas so I could get a tiny glimpse of the future and see what was coming for me if I continued.
Still today I will never say I'll never take another drink. I can't think about FOREVER.... It's too overwhelming. I can say however that today I don't plan on taking a drink. Today I will ask my higher power to give me one more day of sobriety and tonight when I lay my head on the pillow I'll thank my higher power for another day of sobriety.
God wiling in a month from now I will celebrate 7 years of sobriety. I've seen where this disease/too much drinking will take people and it's crushing. I once thought big beefy red was my BFF and I realized I was it's slave and it was my master. My first year sober I spent bawling, mourning and avoiding foods because of how I liked to pair my foods with wine and other drinks.
I've had an amazing ride, it's not been easy. I've lived through A LOT of life these last 7 years. My son's autism has been challenging and thankfully now with age he's so much better but it's not been easy. At 2.5 years of sobriety I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. I've had other issues as well with other family members that has been challenging as well.
Today my recovery is no different than treating cancer. Meetings, sponsorship, service work and trying to grow spiritually is my chemo/surgery/radiation. If I take the medicine and do what's needed to be healthy I'll survive and live a great life.
I'm not on here to sell anyone AA. This is just been my experience on my recovery journey. Find what works best for you and do it....You're worth it!
Sorry for being so long. I'm almost never on my computer and I wanted to check in on Ruby to see how she's doing. I've been following her for a while and she's a true light in this thread. All of you are but there's something about her that I just connect with and have for a while. I hope that doesn't offend anyone..
Thank you for reading my novel and I hope you all have a fantastic sober Sunday!!!11 -
@tifano Thank you so much for this amazing, heart wrenching and heart inspiring post. I read it like a life line of hope. I stumble and try again. I don't feel hopeless, because I will never ever give up. I absolutely appreciate checking up on me and us. I will read this again and just try to let it seep into my brain. There is a lot of justification that goes on in the alcoholic's mind. I do see through my own B.S. most of the time!
Thanks again for stopping by!! Sending you a warm hug. xo 4 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »Another quiet weekend here. It is a lovely evening in my part of the world and I'm sitting on my patio writing this. I am dog sitting for a couple of weeks for a couple who are in Europe...they travel extensively and I am blessed to be able to care for their canine pal.
I hope that everyone is having a happy, healthy AF weekend
I know you enjoy dog sitting. Hopefully no cameras!!
*If I remember correctly the story.3 -
Thanks @lorrainquiche59. It feels most of the time the guilt will never go away..not just with drinking but other areas of my life. I appreciate these words. I really have to work on it. That and a whole bunch of other stuff lol.
We usually drink to forget and now that we dont do that the feelings are all out there loud and clear and theres no booze to quiet it down.
Guilt is a wicked thing. I have it too. And probably every single person on this thread has had it. Sometimes when I am feeling guilty, I find a helpful youtube about guilt and how it takes away the present moment where we are doing just fine and drags us back to relive those horrible times. I know I say this often but we did the best we could at that time. Just like we'd tell our dear friend, I forgive you. I love you. The only thing you get from looking into the past is a stiff neck! 4 -
You made me laugh Ruby. You're right! I get a stiff neck often. I am going to look into those videos.
Its been a busy weekend and boy they go by quick.
@tifano congratulations on your sobriety. Thats a haul. I hope you are well and good luck on all the challenges you face. You're a brave woman.3 -
@tifano Thank you for sharing more of your story. What a struggle, but you have developed the courage to continue to struggle and that is inspiring for us all here.
@RubyRed427 LOL Yes, no cameras at my place. I did confront the female of the other dog sitting gig with the camera situation. I left it for a bit wondering if she would mention it to me, but she didn't so I decided I could practice my assertiveness skills by addressing the issue and keeping it simple and direct...voila!! Practice makes almost perfect!
Hoping everyone a courageous, successful AF day!! 4 -
Hi everybody friend of bill w in Northern Iowa checking in!3
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