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Unwanted advice at gym
Replies
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On a related note... whenever the New Year rolls around, there are a slew of postings on various fora which say, "Be nice to the resolutionists! Befriend them. Start conversations with them. And if you see them doing something wrong, then offer to correct them instead of rolling your eyes."
Folks, those are bad recommendations all around. Unsolicited advice is seldom taken well -- especially by gym newbies. You may be trying to help, but that'll just piss most of them off.
For that matter, going out of your way to befriend them and starting up conversations isn't recommended either. Unless people treat the gym like a social club, they generally just want to be about their own business. Let the friendships and conversations occur naturally instead of deliberately trying to make them happen.15 -
I’ve had at least 2 people “correct” my squat form. I low bar squat and people assume I’m doing something wrong (form is fine, used to work out with a powerlifting coach). I schooled them on different squats (they had no clue there was different ways to squat) and it shut them right up.
I had a women tell me I needed to pull the lat pull down cable all the way to my thighs, and if I couldn’t, it was too heavy. I kindly pointed to the picture on the machine illustrating the correct depth. Mind you, there was a man using the last pull down across from me, pulling it down to collar bone depth and she didn’t say a word to him.
Eh, I just brush it off and move on. Sometimes I huff to my husband about it when I get home, but generally I just blast my music in my ear buds and put my resting “kitten” face on and keep lifting 💪🏻
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On a related note... whenever the New Year rolls around, there are a slew of postings on various fora which say, "Be nice to the resolutionists! Befriend them. Start conversations with them. And if you see them doing something wrong, then offer to correct them instead of rolling your eyes."
Folks, those are bad recommendations all around. Unsolicited advice is seldom taken well -- especially by gym newbies. You may be trying to help, but that'll just piss most of them off.
For that matter, going out of your way to befriend them and starting up conversations isn't recommended either. Unless people treat the gym like a social club, they generally just want to be about their own business. Let the friendships and conversations occur naturally instead of deliberately trying to make them happen.
Excellent. I resolve to be over-friendly and immensely helpful and butt in to all resolutioners' gym sessions come January if it means it will clear the gym out to normal user levels faster.
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The best knowledge I've gained was from strangers in the gym, either from them tapping me on the shoulder, me pestering or staring at them....
Has anyone else had an experience like this? How did you handle it? Do you think its okay to go around giving advice to strangers?
Public gyms aren't private. I got my home gym going because I started to really hate the crowd in all three gyms in my smallish town. Among other reasons, but yeah.
I've seen many bad trainers with great attitudes, so yawl be careful. Conversely, I've seen many great trainers get banned because they were too great.
4 dislikes! Wow, I do not fit in here.
I won't disturb you again.
@pjwrt eh, I got a bunch of dislikes on a post I made about my intermittent cat allergies. Don't worry about it
I assume the disagreers are mostly lurkers anyway and I'm not too worried about the opinion of someone who can't write a thoughtful post explaining why they disagree.9 -
The beauty of working out at home ALONE13
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Headphones.
The only unsolicited advice I got was from my own trainer who saw me a couple of weeks after I started. He opened with, "Can I offer a suggestion?" Clearly I had forgotten how to correctly execute the lift. If a stranger offered a suggestion, I might listen (I might not), but then the headphones go back in. OP, that guy was weird. Go back and reclaim your space.4 -
I've had to bite my tongue many times while passing the erg (row) machines.
Their form were terrible!!!
I mean, at least watch some videos!
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Some people are just plain akward and/or creepy AF. Public humiliation is the way to go. Otherwise, call the cops and have them come in. Dude will shut the f up quick.1
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I've had to bite my tongue many times while passing the erg (row) machines.
Their form were terrible!!!
I mean, at least watch some videos!
Ok, rowers, I don't currently have a gym membership, but if that changes and there is a rowing machine, I'm going to be thinking of this thread and feeling self-conscious. Video recommendations?
@AnnPT77 @aokoye3 -
I've had to bite my tongue many times while passing the erg (row) machines.
Their form were terrible!!!
I mean, at least watch some videos!
I have a sticker on the flywheel of our C2 ergs that says the most efficient damper setting is 3-5.
Whenever I walk by and it is set higher, I always change it (and it is almost always set higher). Two days ago, right after I changed it, one of our trainers walked over and set it to 10 for her client. It wasn’t the time or place to address it, and I am still trying to figure out how to do it. And our trainers are really good. But rowing still seems to be a mystery for too many people.
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kshama2001 wrote: »I've had to bite my tongue many times while passing the erg (row) machines.
Their form were terrible!!!
I mean, at least watch some videos!
Ok, rowers, I don't currently have a gym membership, but if that changes and there is a rowing machine, I'm going to be thinking of this thread and feeling self-conscious. Video recommendations?
@AnnPT77 @aokoye
This is as good as any:
https://youtu.be/4zWu1yuJ0_g
Its from Concept 2.
Also, note the damper setting
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kshama2001 wrote: »I've had to bite my tongue many times while passing the erg (row) machines.
Their form were terrible!!!
I mean, at least watch some videos!
Ok, rowers, I don't currently have a gym membership, but if that changes and there is a rowing machine, I'm going to be thinking of this thread and feeling self-conscious. Video recommendations?
@AnnPT77 @aokoye
Beginner videos at Concept 2 web site, to start, assuming the gym's rowing machine is one of those (or a similar configuration type) . (There are other things called "rowing machines" that generally have 2 handles and don't really work like normal on-water rowing at all. Concept 2, WaterRower, and some others use a motion pattern that's quite similar to the on-water pattern . . . just without bladework or balance as big issues, so a little simpler ).
https://www.concept2.com/indoor-rowers/training/technique-videos
Lots of good info at other places at that site, too, including very active forums with help for beginners. (IIRC, @MikePfirrman is active in providing beginner help there.)
The big deal is that with the C2 machines, technique creates increase in difficulty: The harder one pushes/pulls, the more intense the workout can become. The best way to be able to push/pull hard is via good technique. I think people are more used to machines that have resistance settings to make the workout harder, or you just move your body faster to make the workout harder, or both.
So you see people on rowers at the gym using pretty awful technique, but with the damper (which they think is resistance, but isn't) set at the #10 setting (wrong in virtually all cases), and they're zipping up and down the slide at a gazillion strokes per minute (something in the 20s of strokes per minute would be good for training, at sub-race-pace), but still not getting a very good workout. While I am being critical here, I'm not intending to be blameful. Correct technique is not intuitively obvious. I don't know how one would figure it out just by getting on the machine and doing stuff.
The even bigger deal is that some of the things people do are potentially injurious (cumulatively, more than instantly, in most cases, fortunately - as no one with really bad technique tends to stay on the machines all that long ). It's things like bending of the back as part of the rowing stroke, i.e., articulating the spine; it's supposed to be straight spine, firm core, swinging forward/back from the hip joints. This is just to name one common problem that's potentially dangerous.
It's not impossibly difficult, it's just not intuitively obvious, and at intermediate/advanced levels, the necessary changes to improve further can be quite subtle.3 -
Thanks all!
I have been guilty of putting the damper on 10, but I did get the straight spine part right
The machine in the video is the type I've used at gyms. I think I start pulling at the right time, but can't be sure from just watching the videos.0 -
Call me non-sociable, or whatever, but I really don't want to be talking to anyone at the gym, period. There is a big difference in being polite and saying hello, to giving advice or inquiring about someone else's workout. That annoys me to no end, and especially in this situation I would have probably told the guy to *kitten* off. I just want to get in there, do my work, and leave. People who do this are either making a very poor attempt at flirting, or are trying to feed their ego. I wish there was one gym we could ship all these people off to. That would be pretty entertaining actually, to see all these bro types critiquing each other and trying to determine who has the most perfect form. Thats reality tv I would watch.
Assuming from your photo/avatar you're male, if you told him to kitten off, he wouldn't have called you a b***h or a c**t, which is actually on the low end of what women have to be aware could happen if they tell a jerk offering unsolicited advice, compliments, or invitations "no".15 -
I hope I never run into him at the gym again. It was so off putting I couldn't even concentrate on the rest of my work out cause I felt like I had eyes on me. Even after I let him know I wasn't interested in continuing the conversation I could feel his eyes on me across the room and end up leaving. Before he approached me he was standing around for awhile not doing anything himself. I know how important safety is at the gym and if i was doing somthing that was putting myself at risk i'd like to be told but this wasn't like that. I've been going to the gym a long time now and have had different personal trainers on and off. Like I said I was there 2 days before this incident with my trainer lifting the same weight with the same form and she said it was fine.
I think at that point I would have told someone who worked at the gym and asked for an escort to my car when I left.
This whole scenario seems like it went way beyond unsolicited advice. That comment you mentioned in your OP about his saying you looked p****d after you accepted his apology is really manipulative crap to try to force you to be "friendly" and "make it up to him."17 -
Headphones and no eye contact is how I workout alone in a room full of other people.7
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lynn_glenmont wrote: »Call me non-sociable, or whatever, but I really don't want to be talking to anyone at the gym, period. There is a big difference in being polite and saying hello, to giving advice or inquiring about someone else's workout. That annoys me to no end, and especially in this situation I would have probably told the guy to *kitten* off. I just want to get in there, do my work, and leave. People who do this are either making a very poor attempt at flirting, or are trying to feed their ego. I wish there was one gym we could ship all these people off to. That would be pretty entertaining actually, to see all these bro types critiquing each other and trying to determine who has the most perfect form. Thats reality tv I would watch.
Assuming from your photo/avatar you're male, if you told him to kitten off, he wouldn't have called you a b***h or a c**t, which is actually on the low end of what women have to be aware could happen if they tell a jerk offering unsolicited advice, compliments, or invitations "no".
Exactly this. As a man (especially if you are tall or muscular) you will get a very different response from other men. That’s why the women here are more understanding of the OP’s point.18 -
ThatJuJitsuWoman wrote: »There’s a lot of people thinking it was a flirting attempt. Does this really happen?? Maybe I’ve missed a few attempted flirts over the years. I just expected that any guy trying to hit on me would say something nice!
That's part of how pathetic it is: They think their advice is something nice. 🙄
Not necessarily. There is a pick up artist technique that a normal humans would call damning with faint praise, but they call negging. The idea is to say something that is insulting to make a woman insecure, but have just hint of politeness so it can't be directly called out as rude.
Thinking about it, the OP situation matches the negging technique perfectly: he started out saying you're lifting very heavy, which sounds like praise, but then he turned it into - too heavy, bad form.
I'd be amazed if the technique ever worked, and I am amazed there is a whole subculture of men that think it will work.10 -
As others have said, I've heard headphones as advice and not just any. Unforuntately, the most effective way is to get the really big, really clunky ear covering headphones over earbuds - ones that make it obvious you have them on. I think most would find them uncomfortable to work out in, but it seems they're more manageable than dealing with men that want to use the gym as a dating site.3
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lynn_glenmont wrote: »Call me non-sociable, or whatever, but I really don't want to be talking to anyone at the gym, period. There is a big difference in being polite and saying hello, to giving advice or inquiring about someone else's workout. That annoys me to no end, and especially in this situation I would have probably told the guy to *kitten* off. I just want to get in there, do my work, and leave. People who do this are either making a very poor attempt at flirting, or are trying to feed their ego. I wish there was one gym we could ship all these people off to. That would be pretty entertaining actually, to see all these bro types critiquing each other and trying to determine who has the most perfect form. Thats reality tv I would watch.
Assuming from your photo/avatar you're male, if you told him to kitten off, he wouldn't have called you a b***h or a c**t, which is actually on the low end of what women have to be aware could happen if they tell a jerk offering unsolicited advice, compliments, or invitations "no".
I dunno... I have no problem telling a dude to eff off and leave me the eff alone. 🤷🏼♀️9 -
He likes you and wanted something to talk about to get your attention. Some guys do this and it is really annoying. It sounds like he has poor social skills. That's not your problem.5
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »lynn_glenmont wrote: »Call me non-sociable, or whatever, but I really don't want to be talking to anyone at the gym, period. There is a big difference in being polite and saying hello, to giving advice or inquiring about someone else's workout. That annoys me to no end, and especially in this situation I would have probably told the guy to *kitten* off. I just want to get in there, do my work, and leave. People who do this are either making a very poor attempt at flirting, or are trying to feed their ego. I wish there was one gym we could ship all these people off to. That would be pretty entertaining actually, to see all these bro types critiquing each other and trying to determine who has the most perfect form. Thats reality tv I would watch.
Assuming from your photo/avatar you're male, if you told him to kitten off, he wouldn't have called you a b***h or a c**t, which is actually on the low end of what women have to be aware could happen if they tell a jerk offering unsolicited advice, compliments, or invitations "no".
I dunno... I have no problem telling a dude to eff off and leave me the eff alone. 🤷🏼♀️
More power to you. I've been called a b***h and a c**t and had my path blocked multiple times by guys (sometimes by guys acting as a group) just for ignoring a total stranger's demand that I smile or attempts to engage me in conversation. I don't need anyone, not even another woman, judging my decisions about how to avoid unpleasant and threatening situations.25 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »lynn_glenmont wrote: »Call me non-sociable, or whatever, but I really don't want to be talking to anyone at the gym, period. There is a big difference in being polite and saying hello, to giving advice or inquiring about someone else's workout. That annoys me to no end, and especially in this situation I would have probably told the guy to *kitten* off. I just want to get in there, do my work, and leave. People who do this are either making a very poor attempt at flirting, or are trying to feed their ego. I wish there was one gym we could ship all these people off to. That would be pretty entertaining actually, to see all these bro types critiquing each other and trying to determine who has the most perfect form. Thats reality tv I would watch.
Assuming from your photo/avatar you're male, if you told him to kitten off, he wouldn't have called you a b***h or a c**t, which is actually on the low end of what women have to be aware could happen if they tell a jerk offering unsolicited advice, compliments, or invitations "no".
I dunno... I have no problem telling a dude to eff off and leave me the eff alone. 🤷🏼♀️
More power to you. I've been called a b***h and a c**t and had my path blocked multiple times by guys (sometimes by guys acting as a group) just for ignoring a total stranger's demand that I smile or attempts to engage me in conversation. I don't need anyone, not even another woman, judging my decisions about how to avoid unpleasant and threatening situations.
That's sad. But no one is judging you. Do you. For me, I have no problem telling someone to go eff themselves... Male, female or otherwise. 🤷🏼♀️2 -
There are jerks in the malls, there are jerks in the workplace. The gym is no different. I spent a lot of time at the gym, and I've seen this type of thing over and over again. There are people that are genuine and just wanting to be helpful (they offer advice to male and females and tend to be quite sociable all around) and there are others who lurk and wait for the right opportunity to pounce.
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The funniest experience I had with unwanted advice was when the middle aged guy decided to take plates off the bar when I was squatting because it was "too heavy for a lady". Staff were trying not to laugh as I was like, "it's ok, that was my warm up, need to add some more now".
Being a middle aged woman who is often the only female to use the barbells in the very small local gym, I'm used to the attempts at giving me advice. If its someone not used to me, I generally just say it's ok I've got a personal trainer and do what she tells me form wise. Which I do, and of course what the ransoms dont know is that I have a specific medical condition (hypermobility/eds) which means I have a different range of motion to the norm and have to protect my joints.10 -
Guess I am just evil.... I watched a guy doing deads with poor form.... threw out his back. I didn't say a word. Polite or just gym rules?4
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psychod787 wrote: »Guess I am just evil.... I watched a guy doing deads with poor form.... threw out his back. I didn't say a word. Polite or just gym rules?
I think the only sensible route is to talk to the gym staff. Almost no one likes advice from random gym bros, and they don't have forehead tattoos to distinguish themselves from experts.
I was US rowing certified to coach rowing (admittedly only level 2 of 3). I don't give advice to random strangers on the rowing machine, no matter how hard they're trying to hurt themselves. It just doesn't work.5 -
i've had this happen. in your case, i would have said, "my personal trainer disagrees" and turned my back.
in my case, i was less polite 3 -
Just look him straight in the eye and say "Is this your awkward way of hitting on me, because if it is, it's not working", and then ignore him, no matter if he keeps talking or not. Who cares if you tick him off, he should learn not to stare, or to come over and give "well-meaning" advice. Besides, if you were doing it wrong, I'm sure your own Trainer would of corrected your posture already, he just wanted to get your attention and didn't know how to do it.0
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