Things people say when you lose weight
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I have a different point of view about store clerks and other people who have "captured" me in unwanted personal conversation. They don't do this to everybody.
When this happens to me, usually I've done something to make them think it's okay -- I've been too nice and listened too long, so they think it's okay because I allowed it to go on, at least at first.
The art of saying NO and ending things in a polite, short manner is a life survival skill. Not apologizing, not suffering in silence, just moving on and setting boundaries without burning people to the ground.
True. I'm still not good at it.
I'm pretty good at setting boundaries and getting myself out of awkward situations. I am also a fairly assertive person in 95% of situations. But this particular cashier lady, I can't really bring myself to handle in my usual way because she's a senior, she seems sad in general, etc. Too nice, maybe... but I'd rather just avoid or cringe my way through.13 -
MySlimGoals wrote: »"Hi, I don't think we've met? I'm Tom."
"Hi, I'm Sarah. You worked with me for four years."
You must have lost heaps of weight - it's amazing he didn't recognise you.
I had a somewhat similar experience with recognising a lady I work with but not to do with weight. She usually turns up to work in rather frumpy clothes and no makeup and always her hair tied back and glasses. Our workgroup arranged to go out to dinner one day and met in the weekend for it. She turned up with a hell of a lot of makeup on, no glasses and her hair straightened and out as well as a mini skirt, heels and a leather jacket. I assumed for the first half-hour she was one of my male colleague's partners! Then she started talking about work and I clicked and was blown away at how she had transformed.
In his defence, I went to a New Year's party shortly after losing most of my weight and even with my ex-husband it took a moment before the hair and the voice gave me away
I've lost about 17 stone. That's over 60% of my initial bodyweight. Even my face is a different shape!
It was a pretty good moment, though 33 -
I have a different point of view about store clerks and other people who have "captured" me in unwanted personal conversation. They don't do this to everybody.
When this happens to me, usually I've done something to make them think it's okay -- I've been too nice and listened too long, so they think it's okay because I allowed it to go on, at least at first.
The art of saying NO and ending things in a polite, short manner is a life survival skill. Not apologizing, not suffering in silence, just moving on and setting boundaries without burning people to the ground.
True. I'm still not good at it.
I'm not that good at it, either, but working on it.
I'm female. I grew up feeling I have to be nice to everybody, and always be polite (whatever that means). I think this is the way a lot of women grew up.
Other people can offend the crap out of me, but I'm reluctant to speak up and stop it because "I don't want to be rude" or "I don't want to cause a scene." Then I'll be mad for hours.
Nonsense. Drawing the line with people is a social skill. It's a skill just like other skills. There's nothing wrong with saying some variation of "I'm not discussing my weight, that's personal, but I appreciate your concern. Have a nice day." Then you're done with it.
I was that way too. I'm way past that part now. I'm at the "burning people to the ground" stage. lol.. no moderation anywhere.
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My partner is just concerned about me losing my bum. lol. I'd actually like to lose a bit more of it, he disagrees. People also tend to act concerned whenever I lose weight, and ask me "how much more?" Apart from a small period in my early-20's, (25 years ago) I have never been underweight & my aim is to lose just a couple more kilo, which still puts me in the healthy BMI range.
In the 4-hour body (a book) the author asserts that kettlebell squats will give you a nice muscular bum, meaning a bum that doesn't go flat when you lose weight.
Thanks for the tip, do find my stairs at home help a bit, but do need to do more weight training type exercises. Just a matter of trying to get time and get into the habit of it.
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her response “yes, and you’ll eat a wedge of lettuce because you think you’re better then me” Ouch. Oh now I remember why we stopped being close. My choices are not a competition with other people.
Wow, this might be the worst one I've ever heard. She didn't even try to hide her envy.
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Some folks have asked how I cope with loose skin (I've lost nearly 130lbs). I just tell them that a few lbs of loose skin isn't going to try to kill me whereas 140lbs of excess fat would have eventually done just that. I'm fairly lucky as my loose skin isn't that bad but I wear it with pride as it is a part of me and reminds me of how far I have come 😊39
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My ultimate goal from day 1 was to lose the 100 lbs I gained over last 16 years. after losing the first 30 lbs, certain people were telling me that was enough and if I lost 100 lbs, there would be nothing left of me. HAHA! I'm down 72 lbs now since April, and there is still plenty of fat to lose. I guess hiding under baggy clothes fooled them? (that is until I show them my shirtless before and after photos! 19
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Yesterday I had a coworker ask me when I was gonna stop losing weight, that sometimes I looked sick. I told her that I wasn't losing, but was toning, and that I've been maintaining within a 6-lb range for over a year now. She didn't look convinced, but dropped it. Kinda irritated me, as I looked a lot sicker before the double-bypass surgery 2 years and 84-lbs ago.36
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A coworker told me I was looking thin today, in a good way! He was asking me about loseit on reddit because I've mentioned it before. I think he's looking to get some weight off too. He recently lost a parent, and apparently it was more of a relief to have him gone, and I think he's realizing he wants to get his life in order.12
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I attend group therapy twice a week for anxiety and depression, and sometimes the counselors think my weight loss is the result of depression...they often ask me if I am eating enough.
One down side to losing a lot of weight is that sometimes you are one of the fittest people at the gym, and people treat you differently, as if you are judging them. I get dirty looks sometimes when changing...but at my heaviest I was 209 pounds (I am down to 125), so of course I am not fat-phobic, but it seems some people at the gym think I am just naturally thin and muscular. I don't want my weight loss or fitness level to make anyone else feel inadequate...I gained a lot of weight due to illness - my fitness regimen is me getting my body back and making up for lost years.20 -
kerrylkatriviera wrote: »I attend group therapy twice a week for anxiety and depression, and sometimes the counselors think my weight loss is the result of depression...they often ask me if I am eating enough.
One down side to losing a lot of weight is that sometimes you are one of the fittest people at the gym, and people treat you differently, as if you are judging them. I get dirty looks sometimes when changing...but at my heaviest I was 209 pounds (I am down to 125), so of course I am not fat-phobic, but it seems some people at the gym think I am just naturally thin and muscular. I don't want my weight loss or fitness level to make anyone else feel inadequate...I gained a lot of weight due to illness - my fitness regimen is me getting my body back and making up for lost years.
One of the hardest things I've had to learn in life (and I'm still learning it) is that I can't control what other people think or feel or do, just myself (and barely that). Whatever is eating these people, it's on them 100%, not you.
Good for you for losing the weight and becoming a healthier, fitter person.
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One girl said “ you’re probably going to need surgery to fix your stomach when you’re done losing.” Right, thanks. And honestly I’d do it if she’d pay for it. She’s a big bully, it doesn’t really hurt coming from her.19
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For me it's just... awkward. The people I work with really don't seem to notice appearance - I got a MOHAWK and dyed it PURPLE and about A YEAR IN, one of the scientists squinted at me and asked if I got a haircut.
So they are REALLY proud when they notice a change in a timely manner like a normal earthling, and *I* feel like a jerk correcting them.
"Wow. You've been losing a lot of weight lately! Did you take up with the running group? What's your secret?"
"... Anemia...?"
"Really? Which kind?" (Are we doubling down now, or have we just switched from "I'm trying to appear interested," to "OK NOW YOU'RE ACTUALLY INTERESTING?")
"Uh. Pernicious."
"Mmmmhmm. Megaloblastic. We have a section on that in our class next semester. I can send you the lecture notes if you're interested."
"... Sure... Thanks?"22 -
I'm an expat and the culture here is very different, but when people tell you the same thing over and over again it can really get to you.
There's a guy at the gym that gets very excited when I do cardio and tells me to run for weight loss and not weight lift. He'll come stand behind me to watch me run and tell me good job. Same guy also told me I eat too much. I get that the culture is very blunt and they do things differently, but it sucks when I go in feeling really good about my weight loss/health journey only to be met with you not doing it right. I can block out the comments, but the stares are the worst why do you need to watch me work out? And no amount of telling them to stop does anything (there's a language barrier so they just smile and nod).
I wasn't very big when I started, but with most females wanting to be around 45 kgs regardless of height I'll probably never hear some of the comments I've read on here.
Good luck on your journeys!18 -
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I love hearing you look so much happier (because i am like a fog is lifted).
I hate hearing you look so much better. Like i didnt look good before but now i do. But i try to see past it and realize most have good intention.8 -
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ElizabethKalmbach wrote: »For me it's just... awkward. The people I work with really don't seem to notice appearance - I got a MOHAWK and dyed it PURPLE and about A YEAR IN, one of the scientists squinted at me and asked if I got a haircut.
So they are REALLY proud when they notice a change in a timely manner like a normal earthling, and *I* feel like a jerk correcting them.
"Wow. You've been losing a lot of weight lately! Did you take up with the running group? What's your secret?"
"... Anemia...?"
"Really? Which kind?" (Are we doubling down now, or have we just switched from "I'm trying to appear interested," to "OK NOW YOU'RE ACTUALLY INTERESTING?")
"Uh. Pernicious."
"Mmmmhmm. Megaloblastic. We have a section on that in our class next semester. I can send you the lecture notes if you're interested."
"... Sure... Thanks?"
That sounds like a way I'd react....it's just part of being an awkward science geek.
It means the person likes or is interested in you whether the news is good or bad, not judging you. They are trying to be on your side but don't know how. They wanted to praise you for your weight loss effort, learned you were sick, and tried to keep the health issue as a fixable technical problem (its treated with vitamin injections, for readers unfamiliar) rather than a chronic troubling illness. Then they indicated they understand the nature of your technical problem and want to give you what they know in an effort to help you deal with the problem. Focusing on solving the technical aspect is a way of avoiding facing head on the emotional issue of learning someone you like has a scary problem.19 -
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when i was diagnosed with cancer and i did keto to lose 20 lbs - i'd gone to an event where some very shallow people that i knew from my previous life were. one after the other said WOW you look amazing.
(side note - i was 150 before that weight at 5'7" and honestly didn't think i looked THAT bad)
i wasn't looking for affirmation from anyone. i just wanted to go out and have fun!!
one guy i used to dance salsa with said the same thing - and frankly i was done with those comments previous to this. i was already feeling super triggered from when i had an eating disorder when was in my twenties.
i'd had a few drinks and said
- it's the cancer diet, dude.
he was speechless.18 -
Honestly the fact that no one has noticed I’ve dropped nearly 30 lbs (28 lbs today) and about 3 levels on BMI since May is discouraging actually.36
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Good- you're looking really good, love it when my husband notices.
Actually I've only had all good tbh7 -
VictorSmashes wrote: »Honestly the fact that no one has noticed I’ve dropped nearly 30 lbs (28 lbs today) and about 3 levels on BMI since May is discouraging actually.
32lbs for me and no one has noticed yet. I’ve certainly noticed though.
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VictorSmashes wrote: »Honestly the fact that no one has noticed I’ve dropped nearly 30 lbs (28 lbs today) and about 3 levels on BMI since May is discouraging actually.
I’m sure people have noticed they probably just think it would be rude to mention it.
I lost 50 lbs before my sister-in-laws wedding and we live in a different state so none of them had seen me since before I started losing weight. The only person to mention it was my husband’s great-aunt whose known for being very blunt and having no filter. Everyone else wanted to be “polite” and not say anything about my weight. Which, yeah, I agree with you is kind of frustrating because I worked hard to get here and everyone’s just pretending they don’t notice a change. But it’s there, I promise!16 -
VictorSmashes wrote: »Honestly the fact that no one has noticed I’ve dropped nearly 30 lbs (28 lbs today) and about 3 levels on BMI since May is discouraging actually.
I agree with @Shortgirlrunning people have probably noticed and didn't want to be rude. OR they know at some level that there's a difference but can't put their finger on it. You see comments on the boards here all the time where someone's friends or coworkers think they got a haircut or a new outfit or something. For me, for example, I remember that I didn't tell anyone except my partner that I was trying to lose weight, but I saw my gay bestie every day. How this played out since I was losing too slowly for someone who saw me so often to notice, after a certain point, I'd get the occasional side eye from him, with a comment like, "You look extra sexy today ... I don't know why ..." So chances are something like that is going on in your case. Just keep plugging away.11 -
At the wedding this Saturday:
"You look stunning!"
"You look amazing!"
"You really put up a good work keeping the weight off"
"You shine!"
"That dress looks loose on you, it should be tighter." - a female friend.
The bold one is my favorite.
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Be prepared for when the comments and compliments come to an end. People will get used to seeing you after awhile and they won't say anything. I've had a few...I sure hope you don't eat it all back again this time. Backhanded compliments are probably the hardest to deal with. There's an eliminate of truth but a stinger in there, too. It usually gives me a big pinch but I use it as fuel to stay the course. Under my breath or thinking to myself, I counter with you can eat my dust.23
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That sounds like a way I'd react....it's just part of being an awkward science geek.
It means the person likes or is interested in you whether the news is good or bad, not judging you. They are trying to be on your side but don't know how. They wanted to praise you for your weight loss effort, learned you were sick, and tried to keep the health issue as a fixable technical problem (its treated with vitamin injections, for readers unfamiliar) rather than a chronic troubling illness. Then they indicated they understand the nature of your technical problem and want to give you what they know in an effort to help you deal with the problem. Focusing on solving the technical aspect is a way of avoiding facing head on the emotional issue of learning someone you like has a scary problem.
Yeah, my Dad is a research chemist, so I'm used to people not really noticing physical appearance, unless you're violating lab safety protocols. I'm totally down with that, because as long as my purple mohawk isn't violating a safety protocol, nobody cares if it's gone a bit past "business casual." It feels *MEAN* telling them bad news when they're temporarily proud to have made an observation that could lead to a positive social interaction. Because it leads to awkward floundering.
I'm already awkward enough for the both of us. >_<6 -
Lol i just had one! I was in the break room and a male coworker of mine said "hey you're wasting away! I mean, every time i see you youre smaller! I mean, you look good?" lol lol lol awkward interactions are the best20
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My weight has gone up and down quite a bit over the years. Now I have developed consistent healthy habits, and I'm vocal about it. I'm probably annoying to some folks because of how I talk about lifting weights and such, but I'm always happy to share what I'm doing when people are curious.
Most people don't comment on my body. I get a lot of compliments on my outfits, and when I run into people I haven't seen in a long time, they tell me I'm "glowing" or "radiant," and I just say I'm really happy and active. I do have one old co-worker who asks every time I see her if I've lost more weight. (She always acknowledges how hard I've worked, so I appreciate it.) I think most others keep it to themselves because they've seen me both gain and lose, and they don't want to be rude.7
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