How would you feel about your partners weight gain?

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Replies

  • Dolly989
    Dolly989 Posts: 30 Member
    I never said I didn't want to be in a relationship with him anymore or that I didn't find him attractive. I made an observation that this is now a problem for him and I was deciding on weather to bring it up to him in a gentle way or not. If he was obease I wouldn't be attracted to him anymore and I wouldn't expect him to be attracted to me like that either. You're right maybe this wasn't the right place to bring this topic up since as its a sensitive subject but it wasn't supposed to be an attack on anyone. Everyones relationship is different and everyone has different standards. It's also about compatiability, because i'm into fitness and health in an ideal world I'd want someone who has the same interests. Thats not to say theres not other great things about my relationship.

    Yes, your assumption was wrong. Yes looks are important to my boyfriend but its not the most important/only important thing. People aren't that one dimensional. I can want someone who is goodlooking/funny/smart/outgoing. Whats wrong with wanting it all? We wouldnt be together 3 years if our relationship was based on looks.
  • noel2fit
    noel2fit Posts: 235 Member
    My husband and I both gain and lose weight, and move toward and away from healthy eating, and it's a pretty normal ebb and flow for us. We mention it to each other or suggest changes if we're trying to nudge the other person, but in the end everyone is an individual and gets to decide about their own body. Our marriage doesn't hinge much on it, but I'm sure there would be a limit for each of us somewhere. I guess you need to think about what your limits are surrounding this. Is 30lbs the difference between wanting to be with this person? Is 300lbs the difference? There's not a right or wrong here. The judgements of others are irrelevant because you have to live out your life with your partner, but it would be helpful to know this about yourself.
  • LIFOtheparty
    LIFOtheparty Posts: 24 Member
    Dolly989 wrote: »
    Dolly989 wrote: »
    Well actually he told me dosn't like fat girls. He would make fun of girls who would share quotes on the internet like "real men love curves". He's quite a shallow guy. He wants a 'trophy' girlfriend. Thats why it feels like a double standard.

    So you're OK being the "trophy" girlfriend of a shallow hypocrite, so long as he stays fit?


    Theres other things he likes about me other than my outside appearence. What i ment by 'trophy girlfriend' is that he goes for goodlooking girls. All his exes have been really pretty. He has high standards and told me he wouldn't be with a bigger woman. Hes not a tool hes a nice guy. He dosnt go around insulting people or fat shaming or making girls cry. He says it to me in private that he wouldnt be with larger women.... not like hes going around saying it to their faces. In my opinion theres nothing wrong with that everyone has a type. That dosn't make him a tool. I just think that if you want to be with someone that looks after themselves and appearence is important to you then you should be willing to put in the same effort. I understand that this is not important in every relationship but every relationship has different standards. You shouldn't expect from your partner what you're not willing to do yourself.

    When I met him he was very active/into sports, ate clean. In a short amount of time he put on alot of weight. I still wouldn't consider him 'fat' I just don't like the road he's going down. At one point he was eating take away every night and eating plenty of junk through out the day and it shocks me that someone can treat their body like that. Somtimes I try to cook for him just so he can get somthing nourishing into him. Its more his lifestyle I don't find atttactive rather than his physical appearance. Because it shows lack of self control/laziness and they're not qualities I find attractive. Now I still find him atttactive but if he gained much more I probably wouldn't. I'm not a monster if it was weight gain due to depression/medication/illness of course I would accept it and be supportive but gluttony is not somthing I can get behind.

    Does he know this? Like, have you had an actual conversation about it, not just little passing comments? If you value the relationship, have the conversation and see how he responds. If you don't, move on. Clearly your interests and values don't align anymore.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,053 Member
    @Dolly989 now that you've had this discussion with us, what are you going to say to him, tonight?
  • vanityy99
    vanityy99 Posts: 2,583 Member
    Dolly989 wrote: »
    My boyfriend has gained a significant amount of weight in the last few months. Not because of any medical issue or anything like that, just generally letting himself go. Living with him I've noticed how good my will power is because hes constanly eating junk food and I don't ever cave in and join him. I like to lead a healthy lifestyle and can be quite strict with what I eat. I go to the gym most days. He makes fun of how strict I am and will try to buy me junk food to tempt me. I haven't brought up his weight gain because I don't wanna hurt his feelings but at the same time i'm annoyed at how little he cares about himself? What if the tables were turned would he be bothered if i start piling on weight? I don't know. Somtimes I'd make comments like 'you're getting take away again? Thats so bad for you" ect but he just laughs it off and says its delicious.

    How would you feel if your partner started putting on weight? Would you care? Would you say it to them? If yes then how would you approach it?

    Depends on what kind of dude he is? Can he handle a convo like that? Is he easily offended?

    I once tried dating a chubby dude, I couldn’t do it, I didn’t tell him why I just moved on.

  • vanityy99
    vanityy99 Posts: 2,583 Member
    edited September 2019
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  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,076 Member
    Dolly989 wrote: »
    I never said I didn't want to be in a relationship with him anymore or that I didn't find him attractive. I made an observation that this is now a problem for him and I was deciding on weather to bring it up to him in a gentle way or not. If he was obease I wouldn't be attracted to him anymore and I wouldn't expect him to be attracted to me like that either. You're right maybe this wasn't the right place to bring this topic up since as its a sensitive subject but it wasn't supposed to be an attack on anyone. Everyones relationship is different and everyone has different standards. It's also about compatiability, because i'm into fitness and health in an ideal world I'd want someone who has the same interests. Thats not to say theres not other great things about my relationship.

    Yes, your assumption was wrong. Yes looks are important to my boyfriend but its not the most important/only important thing. People aren't that one dimensional. I can want someone who is goodlooking/funny/smart/outgoing. Whats wrong with wanting it all? We wouldnt be together 3 years if our relationship was based on looks.

    Yes, you should tell. Not telling him is lying by omission, misleading him into thinking that you are committed to a relationship with him when you're actually only committed if he doesn't gain any more weight. If you can't figure out how to tell him, just show him this thread.
  • Cat_A_89
    Cat_A_89 Posts: 93 Member
    If you truely love someone weight shouldnt matter I personally gained over 90 pounds in my relationship and my bf never made me feel bad about it. Still tells me im beautiful. I have lost 45 pounds since May, not for him but for my own health and wanting to feel confident again but at the end of the day he loved me no matter what size I was.
    If you are concerned for his health maybe try to convince him to see a doctor have them explain the health risks of his lifestyle. No one will be able to get him to change his ways but him. He has to want it for himself.
  • threewins
    threewins Posts: 1,455 Member
    Cat_A_89 wrote: »
    If you truely love someone weight shouldnt matter

    I guess then I didn't truly love my ex. She weighed about 145 kg. Initially I was very attracted to her. As time went on, though I noticed that my desire to rip her clothes off reduced relatively quickly, compared with previous relationships. We had a great connection, but we didn't have sex for 4 years in a 7 year relationship.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,053 Member
    @Dolly989 so did you talk to him?
  • Taytaylynn92
    Taytaylynn92 Posts: 230 Member
    I had a boyfriend that gained a significant amount of weight. Eventually it hit him that he couldn’t go on like that anymore. He’s lost 135 pounds and loves to go to the gym and is in phenomenal shape. A lot of times I think something happens that causes them to know it’s there time, without anyone having to say anything. If you choose to tell him yourself, be careful how you come across about it.