WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR OCTOBER 2019

Lisa: I have the happiest memory of meeting Corey and you about 3 years ago. We had a wonderful visit over breakfast and I got to observe how he looks at you, and it was pure love. 💘

Barbara: Happy anniversary to you and Joe 💕💕💕 I love the story of your journey and wonder if we were ever in the same town in S. California at the same time.

Karen in VA: You and your partner are very blessed. Many times I've wished I had a wife like me. 😁😄😎 It lifts my heart to read how happy you are because you are truly a special person.

Lanette: Yes, my brother is still living with us, and I am enjoying it. He starts his job on Monday, and has already been talking about getting his own place near the office in a few weeks. The bathroom reno was done in one week, so haven't seen our handyman Reuben for awhile. Would you like me to ask if he can fix a teleporter?

Woke up and stayed up due to pain in my left foot and big toe. I did a yoga routine yesterday and I may have over estimated how much my injured tendons have healed. 😫😫😫Took day off and keeping Calories In to a bare minimum. I've been sluggish all day. Sleep deprivation is not pretty.

Stay well. We can do this.
Rori
Colorado Foothills

Thanks everyone for the kind comments!

NYKAREN Finding my freshly laundered comforter and the TV remote waiting for me is better than flowers!

Rori I have to smile at your comment about wishing you had a wife like yourself...my mother told me once that I just needed a wife. I don't think she really meant it the way it eventually turned out, but I do know she would have loved my partner (once she recovered from the shock). I met my partner about a year after Mom died.

_______

One time I got a box of Harry & David pears for my pear-loving daughter-in-law for her birthday and she teared up and said how much she wished my son (her husband) had given them to her. I understood exactly what she meant. In that moment I wished so badly I had taught my son how to be a wonderful husband.

Karen in Virginia

GodMomKim wrote: »

Hi Gals,

No notes today, just wanted to lose myself in the reading….

Lisa, I must have read the Corey story before, and much of it I do remember, but I don’t remember it as a whole - thank you so much for sharing.

As one of the few single never married gals on this thread it is always interesting to hear the challenges as often the grass looks greener on the married side of the fence from this single side…. I find that the thing most of the married gal pals I have never think about is how much more you need to pay for as a single gal. Any job that takes a second set of hands I end up paying for; a partner usually has some different skills than you so instead of tapping into a partner’s skills you buy those skills. And although I know folks with the skills, if it is the male side of a straight couple many many wives are too controlling/jealous to allow the husband to help. And trust me I do NOT want someone else’s current husband; that is not my jam at all!

Tomorrow is all embroidery, Saturday morning is back in the camp garden, afternoon embroidery then Sunday I am going to a you pick it apple ranch and then home to make apple turnovers and cake -for the freezer and to make and can applesauce.

Kim from N. California

I’m single, never married. I’ve had a very close relationship with a gay man (yes, like Will and Grace) which was very fulfilling emotionally. He and his husband are my daughter’s godfathers, and we still enjoy a very close friendship. He and his husband are my very best friends. I can’t imagine them not being in my life, but we live very separate lives now. I miss living under the same roof, but in other ways, I’m glad I have my space. Financially, two incomes are nice, but a spouse/partner is also a second set of expenses. The guys help out a lot with home maintenance that I can’t do alone.

I have to admit I have fat fingers too. I’ve accidentally hit the “disagree” button and had to remove my disagree. It easily could have been me. Also, I won’t be upset if anybody disagrees with this post. I know it may make some uncomfortable.

It’s after 1AM here. Cold front finally arrived, and the 90 degree heat is gone. Excited for Friday morning/afternoon. Hannah (my daughter) are visiting colleges this weekend. Hard to believe my baby is a high school junior!

Connie in KY

Enjoying reading the stories of spouses. Mine, bless his sweet heart, can be loving and thoughtful and then emotionally distant as well. I try to remember the thoughtful times when he’s getting on my last nerve.

I confess I don’t pay attention to the buttons very much. Like others, I wish there was a name attached like on Facebook. After Karen’s comment about the disagree, I did scroll back through looking for disagrees. My first thought was that people were hitting the disagree button by accident, because there were a couple of disagrees on totally non-controversial topics. For example, somebody disagreed on Barbie’s post saying she was glad my mother’s phone got fixed.

Today was a special day at our house. We paid off our mortgage! It was a long time coming. It took us 25 1/2 years. We’ve been hitting it heavy for the last couple of years. This should really open up the budget some.

Hi all! I'm on my tablet today, so it should be a bit easier to type.
Interesting to read all the spouse stories. I have very high expectations of mine and, most of the time, he lives up to them. I know he really, really loves me and he shows it regularly. Both of us have been in a previous marriage where the fit was not quite right and intimacy was missing. He then had a long relationship with a younger woman who died of breast cancer at 47. He was very happy in that relationship, although it was different to ours.
He gives great thought to little gifts, we talk about almost everything, we are best friends, he does his share of chores, he lets me control the heating , the tv, lighting, schedules etc but he very much has a mind of his own and loves an intellectual argument. Sometimes he drives me nuts, but not as often as I drive him! I am difficult to live with as I am a control freak and a bit OCD. He is patient with me.
My only problem with him is that he is very sensitive and can easily feel misunderstood, or disregarded. I have to apologise sometimes for being too sharp with him, or criticising him. He cries when he feels hard done by and sulks. He does get over it, but it tries my patience. It keeps me on my toes.
I think, looking back, that I was emotionally abusive to my first husband. Our married life was 'scrambled' to say the least. We met on my 18th birthday and were married at 20. I was the product of a sexually abusive father and it skewed my attitude to men. I needed to dominate them in retaliation. Let's just say I was not a happy person and I did not know how to love.
My DH and I met through online dating. He is the best ever step grandad to my three grandchildren. He is their beloved 'Johnny'. I think I am so lucky to have had this chance of love and happiness and I count my blessings every single day.
Through the years I had masses of counselling and treatment for severe depression and made sure I was well read up on my situation. I have written a memoir about my early years, ME I AM - Heather Eyles, available on Amazon, where I try to explain how my loving, sick, abusing father affected me. I am now writing about my teenage years.
One thing is sure. I am with the right person now .

Last night the crew had a problem with one of the lifeboat winches and had to get spare parts. Instead of leaving at 5.30 pm we didn't get away until 2.30 am. Of course, this morning we are still at sea, instead of on our trip around the archipelago. Further announcements will be made, but I guess we may not be able to go, or it will be curtailed. Oh well. I don't envy the shore directors trying to reschedule everything!
Hence the time to write my epistle here! :-)

Much love to all, Heather UK, on her way to Gothenburg, Sweden. Xxxxxxxx

Top of the morning, afternoon, or evening to you all.

Ah, it’s Friday. I was really looking forward to a somewhat calm day at work. However, that is not going to happen since finance is a total day behind. Hopefully when I get in to the office finance will have completed the entries we need and we can start the day out jamming out tons of numbers. The problem with a Friday close it usually means I will have to work over the weekend to complete the accruals I need to get back to them.

On the subject of partners and challenges. When Charlie and I first started out we had a terrible time discussing highly-emotional topics. He was an English professor and could thrash me like no one’s business. I, on the other hand, am a numbers person (Master in Accounting). If it wasn’t a spreadsheet I was reviewing I struggled with getting my point across without being defensive and/or stumbling over my words. After a particular nasty bickering match (we just bought our home and I was painting one of the living room walls) I threw down the paint brush and simply stated, “Look I cannot do this anymore. If we cannot learn how to move forward I am more than willing to finish putting this house together, selling it, and going on our own separate ways.”.

After a sleepless night rolling things through my mind I came to the realization I loved Charlie more than the issues we were having. I decided to write him a letter which gave me time to respond in a more productive manner. When we write something down and are able to think outside of the moment we find the real issue. When you say this, you make me feel like xyz. It’s not they left their socks on the floor or did not wash the dishes to our expectations. At the end of the letter I asked him to please respond in writing.

Did I have to spend a little time agonizing over the reply? Yes. But, when I received his letter I found we were looking for the same things, but hot words and situations were clouding our vision of what life could be if we would just bend a little to each other’s needs and wants.

After a year of letter writing we were finally able to say to each other, “I need to talk. When will it be a good time to have a discussion?”. We also found, in the beginning, it was better for us to have discussions outside of our home (who wants to leave a negative imprint). So we would go out to lunch, take a walk, sit in the garden, or a host of other places to have discussions.

One small change in method can lead to lasting results. If it would have gone upside down for me I would have been fine going out on my own because I am extremely independent. A very tough thing for most men. I am so glad we were able to develop the skills needed for any successful partnership – open communication and compromise.

Charlie used to say, when we shove all of those little stones in our pocket eventually the weight will become too great to carry and we will lose the original reason the first stone was placed there. We both learned how not to put stones in our pockets and I am a happier person for those lessons. I miss him so much, but life moves forward.

It’s off to the races for me. Work beckons!
SuziQ – Broward County, FL