WHY do people CHEAT?
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Me and my hubby allow each other this freedom every now and then. Of course it‘s not called cheating anymore when you have permission. But to get there where we are today took a lot of communication. We both cheated on each other after being together for 5 years for the excitement. We are 26 years together now and super happy with each other. It can be a positive thing for some couples.8
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I found a quiz for worried lovers that gives the indication if she or he is cheating. I hope it can be helpful for those who has expressed personal interest in the topic.
https://worriedlovers.com/why-do-people-cheat-lp/?s4=Cj0KCQjwoebsBRCHARIsAC3JP0I0HA_Gmq1YyM9USkoWcZlQyCrS3in_AvDXA-UgVCCtYaxmc6LrpzIaArM_EALw_wcB&gclid=Cj0KCQjwoebsBRCHARIsAC3JP0I0HA_Gmq1YyM9USkoWcZlQyCrS3in_AvDXA-UgVCCtYaxmc6LrpzIaArM_EALw_wcB0 -
biggiwig4483 wrote: »Me and my hubby allow each other this freedom every now and then. Of course it‘s not called cheating anymore when you have permission. But to get there where we are today took a lot of communication. We both cheated on each other after being together for 5 years for the excitement. We are 26 years together now and super happy with each other. It can be a positive thing for some couples.
Who cheated first?0 -
I have not read this entire thread but just chiming in that I think most women I know who cheat are doing it because they've reached their late 30s to early 40s and their husbands have started to treat them like "Mommy" (to the kids but also kind of to HIM) instead of wife/lover. They want to be treated like a girlfriend again while they're still relatively young, but they don't want to actually get a divorce and uproot everyone's lives.
I've never cheated, not a mom, etc. But I see this a LOT. This scenario usually seems to be the reason. Quite a few of them do end up leaving in the end, but others go back to their husbands and don't cheat again.5 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »I have not read this entire thread but just chiming in that I think most women I know who cheat are doing it because they've reached their late 30s to early 40s and their husbands have started to treat them like "Mommy" (to the kids but also kind of to HIM) instead of wife/lover. They want to be treated like a girlfriend again while they're still relatively young, but they don't want to actually get a divorce and uproot everyone's lives.
I've never cheated, not a mom, etc. But I see this a LOT. This scenario usually seems to be the reason. Quite a few of them do end up leaving in the end, but others go back to their husbands and don't cheat again.
I haven't cheated but my hubby started calling me "momma", just out of habit, and I asked him to stop and explained I want him to think of me as his woman, not his children's momma, especially now that our children are adults and out of the house. He has done really well with that request and in turn I've quit calling him "sir" which he hated but had never told me before. Communication is IMPORTANT!7 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »I have not read this entire thread but just chiming in that I think most women I know who cheat are doing it because they've reached their late 30s to early 40s and their husbands have started to treat them like "Mommy" (to the kids but also kind of to HIM) instead of wife/lover. They want to be treated like a girlfriend again while they're still relatively young, but they don't want to actually get a divorce and uproot everyone's lives.
I've never cheated, not a mom, etc. But I see this a LOT. This scenario usually seems to be the reason. Quite a few of them do end up leaving in the end, but others go back to their husbands and don't cheat again.
I believe this. I remember a friend of mine saying that one of the things she did that caught her husband's eye (favourably) when they first met was something he didn't want her doing any more once she was "the mother of his children". Bit of a dichotomy there.5 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »I have not read this entire thread but just chiming in that I think most women I know who cheat are doing it because they've reached their late 30s to early 40s and their husbands have started to treat them like "Mommy" (to the kids but also kind of to HIM) instead of wife/lover. They want to be treated like a girlfriend again while they're still relatively young, but they don't want to actually get a divorce and uproot everyone's lives.
I've never cheated, not a mom, etc. But I see this a LOT. This scenario usually seems to be the reason. Quite a few of them do end up leaving in the end, but others go back to their husbands and don't cheat again.
What's the difference in treatment between "mommy" and a girlfriend?1 -
BasedGawd412 wrote: »seltzermint555 wrote: »I have not read this entire thread but just chiming in that I think most women I know who cheat are doing it because they've reached their late 30s to early 40s and their husbands have started to treat them like "Mommy" (to the kids but also kind of to HIM) instead of wife/lover. They want to be treated like a girlfriend again while they're still relatively young, but they don't want to actually get a divorce and uproot everyone's lives.
I've never cheated, not a mom, etc. But I see this a LOT. This scenario usually seems to be the reason. Quite a few of them do end up leaving in the end, but others go back to their husbands and don't cheat again.
What's the difference in treatment between "mommy" and a girlfriend?
I can't speak to this with any real accuracy as I'm not a parent. But from talking with friends, I get that it's more of a habit than a conscious decision for a lot of their husbands. A way of treating the mother in the family like a de-sexualized female who is in charge of all things domestic, and no longer an individual or a lover ("girlfriend"). Women I know who have had affairs at this point seem to love the attention of a man who is viewing them more as an individual with her own interests & ideas that are completely NOT related to the kid(s)...and a sexy female...rather than "just the mom of his kids". For a lot of women this is extremely appealing and some of them are very desperate for this type of attention, especially if their husbands (some of them) started treating them as The Mommy immediately after the 1st child is born.
Please know I don't think this has to happen, by any means, nor does it happen in every marriage...I know A LOT of couples who have never fallen into these patterns, or only VERY briefly after a child's birth.
But it does seem to happen.7 -
Hip_to_be_square wrote: »InspectorRed wrote: »seltzermint555 wrote: »I have not read this entire thread but just chiming in that I think most women I know who cheat are doing it because they've reached their late 30s to early 40s and their husbands have started to treat them like "Mommy" (to the kids but also kind of to HIM) instead of wife/lover. They want to be treated like a girlfriend again while they're still relatively young, but they don't want to actually get a divorce and uproot everyone's lives.
I've never cheated, not a mom, etc. But I see this a LOT. This scenario usually seems to be the reason. Quite a few of them do end up leaving in the end, but others go back to their husbands and don't cheat again.
I haven't cheated but my hubby started calling me "momma", just out of habit, and I asked him to stop and explained I want him to think of me as his woman, not his children's momma, especially now that our children are adults and out of the house. He has done really well with that request and in turn I've quit calling him "sir" which he hated but had never told me before. Communication is IMPORTANT!
If one of the kids asked your husband a question and he directed them to you, would he say "Ask your mom" to the kid or "Ask *insert name*"?
He says ask "your mom". And his parents call each other "mom & dad" so it was definitely not a conscience choice for him, just a habit. But we went thru a really rough patch about 5 years ago, came real close to calling it quits, but we have worked on "us" and our communication since then and so when i asked him to stop calling me or even referring to me as momma, he did.3 -
BasedGawd412 wrote: »biggiwig4483 wrote: »Me and my hubby allow each other this freedom every now and then. Of course it‘s not called cheating anymore when you have permission. But to get there where we are today took a lot of communication. We both cheated on each other after being together for 5 years for the excitement. We are 26 years together now and super happy with each other. It can be a positive thing for some couples.
Who cheated first?
Does it matter?1
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