Online dating
Replies
-
bmeadows380 wrote: »I've got a question for the guys:
My brother tells me his opinion is that I don't get dates because I'm intimidating. I asked him to clarify that one day, and he tells me that I can do too much, that I don't need a man and that a man wants to feel needed. So because I do my own repair work around the house, keep my own lawn in shape, do my own gardening, build what I need built, etc, I'm being intimidating and signaling that I don't need to be taken care of. (of course, I told him that its not that I don't need or want a man, but since I don't have a significant other and that sort of stuff needs done, its either learn to do it myself or pay out a fortune for someone else to do it for me.....)
Anyway, his comments dovetails right in with my mother's opinion that I am too independent.
However, I see comment after comment here and elsewhere that a man wants a woman who is confident.
So I'm curious - which is right? Or how does a gal reconcile being independent and confident while at that the same time somehow project a certain level of neediness? Or is my brother just an anomaly to the typical male of the species? lol
It does surprise me that was his viewpoint, though: we grew up with a mother who worked right alongside our dad doing many things that old timers would consider a "man's" work - Mom splits wood, puts on roofing, helps in framing, does minor repairwork around the house, and all sorts of other things, especially since Dad has become disabled. Our mom's mother is also very independent and capable, so with having those examples of women in our family, I am rather surprised that he sought out a woman that was opposite of the type of woman our mother is. His wife is very much a "girly" girl and pretty much doesn't too anything - my brother does the yardwork and the housework. I've never really understood that but then again, I ain't a guy, either *shrugs*
I agree with Bojack. To many men it seems this would be intimidating as they see the traditional role of manly man, the fixer, chivalric knight as the way to act. What can they offer if you can do that? I'm one, and I know I'm not alone, that doesn't look at it so black and white. I'd appreciate a woman that can get stuff done and figure out how we work together best.
I don't think you have to worry so much about being intimidating. Advice to all is that you are who you are and if you try to alter that to find a partner, it cannot be sustained happily. The one that works, will come along if you keep your eyes open while you're being you.2 -
It's all a crap shoot. But so is meeting someone in the grocery store.1
-
michaelroode1980 wrote: »michaelroode1980 wrote: »Can I ask what you think of my profile if there is anything wrong with it?
Not sure what aventurine is supposed to mean. Isn't that a crystal? Nothing really "wrong" with your profile but I can see why some women wouldn't swipe. Smoking can be a turnoff, kids can be a turnoff and your height. Nothing can be done about most of those things so it might take a bit longer to find a match but when you do, they'll be worth the wait.
Thank you so much for the honesty
Dont sweat your height man, you are every bit as tall as Jon Snow, maybe carry a sword and always keep a smoldering look on your face. Quit smoking, and mention your kids is good, but too many pics of them doesnt really give off a date vibe i dont think.5 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »I've got a question for the guys:
My brother tells me his opinion is that I don't get dates because I'm intimidating. I asked him to clarify that one day, and he tells me that I can do too much, that I don't need a man and that a man wants to feel needed. So because I do my own repair work around the house, keep my own lawn in shape, do my own gardening, build what I need built, etc, I'm being intimidating and signaling that I don't need to be taken care of. (of course, I told him that its not that I don't need or want a man, but since I don't have a significant other and that sort of stuff needs done, its either learn to do it myself or pay out a fortune for someone else to do it for me.....)
Anyway, his comments dovetails right in with my mother's opinion that I am too independent.
However, I see comment after comment here and elsewhere that a man wants a woman who is confident.
So I'm curious - which is right? Or how does a gal reconcile being independent and confident while at that the same time somehow project a certain level of neediness? Or is my brother just an anomaly to the typical male of the species? lol
It does surprise me that was his viewpoint, though: we grew up with a mother who worked right alongside our dad doing many things that old timers would consider a "man's" work - Mom splits wood, puts on roofing, helps in framing, does minor repairwork around the house, and all sorts of other things, especially since Dad has become disabled. Our mom's mother is also very independent and capable, so with having those examples of women in our family, I am rather surprised that he sought out a woman that was opposite of the type of woman our mother is. His wife is very much a "girly" girl and pretty much doesn't too anything - my brother does the yardwork and the housework. I've never really understood that but then again, I ain't a guy, either *shrugs*
This is going to vary from person to person. Personally, I think it's cool when a girl has independence.2 -
michaelroode1980 wrote: »Can I ask what you think of my profile if there is anything wrong with it?
Hi- nothing wrong with it, but I do have a few suggestions. I would take out the picture of you holding the suitcases and replace it with a more professional or dressed up photo. You say you're in banking but all your pics are very casual. I think pics of your kids is fine- they are very important to you and a prospective date should know that. Don't worry about the height- I'm 5'3" and there are a lot of short women out there. Stop smoking- honestly that is a HUGE turn off to a lot of people. Or, just leave it out of your profile and on a date ask if smoking bothers them- if so be honest and tell her then you smoke socially but promise never to smoke in front of her. When I was on dating sites I would immediately eliminate anyone who smokes. One final thing- I would take out "must have family values"- that sounds a little judgey and rigid. You already note that you are Christian and have kids, so it's kind of a given.9 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »I've got a question for the guys:
My brother tells me his opinion is that I don't get dates because I'm intimidating. I asked him to clarify that one day, and he tells me that I can do too much, that I don't need a man and that a man wants to feel needed. So because I do my own repair work around the house, keep my own lawn in shape, do my own gardening, build what I need built, etc, I'm being intimidating and signaling that I don't need to be taken care of. (of course, I told him that its not that I don't need or want a man, but since I don't have a significant other and that sort of stuff needs done, its either learn to do it myself or pay out a fortune for someone else to do it for me.....)
Anyway, his comments dovetails right in with my mother's opinion that I am too independent.
However, I see comment after comment here and elsewhere that a man wants a woman who is confident.
So I'm curious - which is right? Or how does a gal reconcile being independent and confident while at that the same time somehow project a certain level of neediness? Or is my brother just an anomaly to the typical male of the species? lol
It does surprise me that was his viewpoint, though: we grew up with a mother who worked right alongside our dad doing many things that old timers would consider a "man's" work - Mom splits wood, puts on roofing, helps in framing, does minor repairwork around the house, and all sorts of other things, especially since Dad has become disabled. Our mom's mother is also very independent and capable, so with having those examples of women in our family, I am rather surprised that he sought out a woman that was opposite of the type of woman our mother is. His wife is very much a "girly" girl and pretty much doesn't too anything - my brother does the yardwork and the housework. I've never really understood that but then again, I ain't a guy, either *shrugs*
Not a guy but...
if that's who you are, the right guy won't be intimidated. I'm similar.
though just because you can do it, doesn't mean you can't allow someone to help or do it for you.
I think and have found the right guy will find it an asset and not a detriment2 -
Not a guy but...
if that's who you are, the right guy won't be intimidated. I'm similar.
though just because you can do it, doesn't mean you can't allow someone to help or do it for you.
I think and have found the right guy will find it an asset and not a detriment
that's what I had always thought - find a companion that will walk beside you sort of thing, not behind or in front. The chores and work that need done isn't divided as a "guy thing" or "gal thing" but just stuff that needs done, so you work together to get it done and help each other out.
I'm old fashioned, though, so I still like when a guy holds the door or offers to help me with something; those old fashioned 50's values that used to be drummed into young men in how they treated a lady until the really extreme feminists suddenly decided that was somehow chauvinistic. *eye roll*4 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »
Not a guy but...
if that's who you are, the right guy won't be intimidated. I'm similar.
though just because you can do it, doesn't mean you can't allow someone to help or do it for you.
I think and have found the right guy will find it an asset and not a detriment
that's what I had always thought - find a companion that will walk beside you sort of thing, not behind or in front. The chores and work that need done isn't divided as a "guy thing" or "gal thing" but just stuff that needs done, so you work together to get it done and help each other out.
I'm old fashioned, though, so I still like when a guy holds the door or offers to help me with something; those old fashioned 50's values that used to be drummed into young men in how they treated a lady until the really extreme feminists suddenly decided that was somehow chauvinistic. *eye roll*
Me too.1 -
lauragreenbaum wrote: »michaelroode1980 wrote: »Can I ask what you think of my profile if there is anything wrong with it?
Hi- nothing wrong with it, but I do have a few suggestions. I would take out the picture of you holding the suitcases and replace it with a more professional or dressed up photo. You say you're in banking but all your pics are very casual. I think pics of your kids is fine- they are very important to you and a prospective date should know that. Don't worry about the height- I'm 5'3" and there are a lot of short women out there. Stop smoking- honestly that is a HUGE turn off to a lot of people. Or, just leave it out of your profile and on a date ask if smoking bothers them- if so be honest and tell her then you smoke socially but promise never to smoke in front of her. When I was on dating sites I would immediately eliminate anyone who smokes. One final thing- I would take out "must have family values"- that sounds a little judgey and rigid. You already note that you are Christian and have kids, so it's kind of a given.
Great post.1 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »I've got a question for the guys:
My brother tells me his opinion is that I don't get dates because I'm intimidating. I asked him to clarify that one day, and he tells me that I can do too much, that I don't need a man and that a man wants to feel needed. So because I do my own repair work around the house, keep my own lawn in shape, do my own gardening, build what I need built, etc, I'm being intimidating and signaling that I don't need to be taken care of. (of course, I told him that its not that I don't need or want a man, but since I don't have a significant other and that sort of stuff needs done, its either learn to do it myself or pay out a fortune for someone else to do it for me.....)
Anyway, his comments dovetails right in with my mother's opinion that I am too independent.
However, I see comment after comment here and elsewhere that a man wants a woman who is confident.
So I'm curious - which is right? Or how does a gal reconcile being independent and confident while at that the same time somehow project a certain level of neediness? Or is my brother just an anomaly to the typical male of the species? lol
It does surprise me that was his viewpoint, though: we grew up with a mother who worked right alongside our dad doing many things that old timers would consider a "man's" work - Mom splits wood, puts on roofing, helps in framing, does minor repairwork around the house, and all sorts of other things, especially since Dad has become disabled. Our mom's mother is also very independent and capable, so with having those examples of women in our family, I am rather surprised that he sought out a woman that was opposite of the type of woman our mother is. His wife is very much a "girly" girl and pretty much doesn't too anything - my brother does the yardwork and the housework. I've never really understood that but then again, I ain't a guy, either *shrugs*
It’s kind of both, at least for me. I like an independent, confident woman that doesn’t need me in the strictest sense, but appreciates that I want to take care of her anyway I can. Simply put, I want her to be able to do it all, but never have to.6 -
michaelroode1980 wrote: »michaelroode1980 wrote: »Can I ask what you think of my profile if there is anything wrong with it?
Not sure what aventurine is supposed to mean. Isn't that a crystal? Nothing really "wrong" with your profile but I can see why some women wouldn't swipe. Smoking can be a turnoff, kids can be a turnoff and your height. Nothing can be done about most of those things so it might take a bit longer to find a match but when you do, they'll be worth the wait.
Thank you so much for the honesty
Dont sweat your height man, you are every bit as tall as Jon Snow, maybe carry a sword and always keep a smoldering look on your face. Quit smoking, and mention your kids is good, but too many pics of them doesnt really give off a date vibe i dont think.
True. 👆 And Jon Snow is uber hot. His true height hadn't even crossed my mind. I favour Tyrion Lannister though on GOT, so height isn't ALWAYS that one element that would garner a swipe left.1 -
Finishiitnow wrote: »
A friend of mine does the same. He is married but he is on every dating app. He said he won't get divorce until he finds the next right fit 🥺I get a lot of men who match with me but don’t say anything or give one word answers and take forever to respond. I actually think a lot of these men on apps are not really single.
I have met a few cool people though.
I think thismis the approach my ex wife used.3 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »I've got a question for the guys:
My brother tells me his opinion is that I don't get dates because I'm intimidating. I asked him to clarify that one day, and he tells me that I can do too much, that I don't need a man and that a man wants to feel needed. So because I do my own repair work around the house, keep my own lawn in shape, do my own gardening, build what I need built, etc, I'm being intimidating and signaling that I don't need to be taken care of. (of course, I told him that its not that I don't need or want a man, but since I don't have a significant other and that sort of stuff needs done, its either learn to do it myself or pay out a fortune for someone else to do it for me.....)
Anyway, his comments dovetails right in with my mother's opinion that I am too independent.
However, I see comment after comment here and elsewhere that a man wants a woman who is confident.
So I'm curious - which is right? Or how does a gal reconcile being independent and confident while at that the same time somehow project a certain level of neediness? Or is my brother just an anomaly to the typical male of the species? lol
It does surprise me that was his viewpoint, though: we grew up with a mother who worked right alongside our dad doing many things that old timers would consider a "man's" work - Mom splits wood, puts on roofing, helps in framing, does minor repairwork around the house, and all sorts of other things, especially since Dad has become disabled. Our mom's mother is also very independent and capable, so with having those examples of women in our family, I am rather surprised that he sought out a woman that was opposite of the type of woman our mother is. His wife is very much a "girly" girl and pretty much doesn't too anything - my brother does the yardwork and the housework. I've never really understood that but then again, I ain't a guy, either *shrugs*
Nothing wrong with being intimidating because you are competent. You will only intimidate those who are unable to care for themselves.
I'd say you family is sort of right, but not to the extent that you need to change. Sounds to me it will take an exceptional person to be your partner. Nothing wrong with that. Which is worse, quickly settling for something less than you want, or holding out for something better?
Only you can decide.1 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »I've got a question for the guys....:
Oh do I feel that pain - I've heard that from more than a few people - that I don't "need" someone, and that I'm intimidating (I'll admit I'm not exactly a bubbly personality), and reality is, I've been single long enough that no, I really don't need a man to survive and do what I want to do. Doesn't mean I wouldn't like to share life with someone, but I think it would take a unique guy - and at my age, those are fewer and fewer between.
I've tried the online dating thing, and the amount of work sunk into a variety of unsuccessful dates (and one that did turn into someone I dated for about 6 months), just doesn't make the time suck worth it for me. I guess I'm too busy living life to be spending the time required - dating just isn't a priority in that way for me.5 -
Just saw this and it reminded me of those commenting on not being approached.
8 -
tbright1965 wrote: »Just saw this and it reminded me of those commenting on not being approached.
Hey, I can't help it! That's my face!1 -
tbright1965 wrote: »Just saw this and it reminded me of those commenting on not being approached.
Then she needs to go to Texas ... They're going to slam her on a burger or bbq real quick ... They're down for cougar/lion meat
0 -
isalsayourface123 wrote: »
Ok I know it is a bit soon, 4 dates in 2 weeks, but he asked me to be his gf today. Great connection. ❤️
So I guess something good came out of Tinder.
9 -
isalsayourface123 wrote: »
Ok I know it is a bit soon, 4 dates in 2 weeks, but he asked me to be his gf today. Great connection. ❤️
So I guess something good came out of Tinder.
Aaawww. My last bf it was date 2. So if it works it works.1 -
isalsayourface123 wrote: »isalsayourface123 wrote: »
Ok I know it is a bit soon, 4 dates in 2 weeks, but he asked me to be his gf today. Great connection. ❤️
So I guess something good came out of Tinder.
Aaawww. My last bf it was date 2. So if it works it works.
Oh ok cool. Normally, I move a bit slower but it just felt right. We are both 37 with no kids, know what we want, are very open with each other, and surprisingly compatible.
I know you can’t always know someone’s true self so early on but I just get the most real and genuine vibe from him. I’m very happy.
9
![tenor.gif?itemid=5878976[\img]](https://media1.tenor.com/images/1f84b096cbe1cc9f3763c803bb17e10e/tenor.gif?itemid=5878976[\img])
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 388 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 910 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.2K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions