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  • nooshi713nooshi713 Member Posts: 4,111 Member Member Posts: 4,111 Member
    tinak33 wrote: »

    While I want to say that there is always hope, because it's true..... I also want to be realistic.
    If you are in a small rural town where most people your age are gone and it's just retirees that have stayed, then it sounds like dating prospects are very slim to none.... unless you are interested in retirees.
    What about towns nearby? Any that are close? Within 15-30 minutes? I understand not wanting to leave home, but maybe you will meet someone in a different town who would be willing to move?

    I live in a rural state but my job does take me all over. While the community I live is has a population under 1,000 and most of those being retirees, I do work in the county seat 25 miles away, though that town's population may be 4,000 at best. My job also takes me periodically to the northern, more populated areas of the state as well, but opportunities for socializing are limited when I do head north. I have a job in a field that is predominately male, but that is most likely working against me - I figure I end up being categorized as "one of the guys". And there's the fact that the majority of the men I am in contact with are already in a relationship and thus unavailable.

    However, as much as I try to maintain hope, I too want to be realistic. I lived in the suburbs of Pittsburgh for 3 years and within the region for another 8. I then moved back to my home state and lived in the northern area with its younger population for another 2 years before taking the position that brought me home to where I currently am living. In all that time, I never seemed to figure out where one went for socializing (other than a bar, and since I don't drink and don't care to be around alcohol, I never went to bars except to grab a bite to eat) or even how one actually went about socializing. The church I attend and serve in has a stark lack of people my age, but that's true of most of the churches in my area, and I choose a church based upon factors that are more important to me than demographics. Though with my values and worldview, church would be the best place to come across someone likely to be compatible with me. I've also went on trips to conferences and such where people with similar interests gathered and I did mingle and socialize at such events.

    I do get out and do things; I don't always just sit at home. I shop, I visit parks, go to movies and other events in the area that pique my interest, go to local fairs and festivals. I like to think that I'm friendly and open when in public, but more than likely, I just come across as weird and childish or annoying (pretty much like I do in writing....) I'm probably unconsciously projecting something that turns people off; I just haven't figure out yet just what that is to even begin to know how to change it.

    So online dating probably would be about my only chance, but that hasn't seemed very hopeful in the few instances where I toed the water, so to speak.

    nooshi713 wrote: »
    Cutemesoon wrote: »


    People in the 30's ask people to be their bf or gf still? Didn't happen in my 30s. We just usually confirm exclusivity, and you kind of grow into the relationship from there

    Apparently so.

    My best friend also just got into a new relationship and she confirmed the guy formally asked her the same thing. They are also both 37.


    I admit that at 39, I would find it a little odd to refer to someone as my boyfriend, but then again, what else would you call them? Lover is rather blunt for polite society and implies way more than the relationship may have actually progressed to; friend implies the direct opposite. Beau seems a little out of touch these days. "This guy/gal I'm seeing" is needlessly wordy. Any ideas?

    I agree that the term seems more applicable to younger people. Not sure what a better option is.

    I call him boo 😋

  • erickirberickirb Member Posts: 12,272 Member Member Posts: 12,272 Member
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    tinak33 wrote: »

    While I want to say that there is always hope, because it's true..... I also want to be realistic.
    If you are in a small rural town where most people your age are gone and it's just retirees that have stayed, then it sounds like dating prospects are very slim to none.... unless you are interested in retirees.
    What about towns nearby? Any that are close? Within 15-30 minutes? I understand not wanting to leave home, but maybe you will meet someone in a different town who would be willing to move?

    I live in a rural state but my job does take me all over. While the community I live is has a population under 1,000 and most of those being retirees, I do work in the county seat 25 miles away, though that town's population may be 4,000 at best. My job also takes me periodically to the northern, more populated areas of the state as well, but opportunities for socializing are limited when I do head north. I have a job in a field that is predominately male, but that is most likely working against me - I figure I end up being categorized as "one of the guys". And there's the fact that the majority of the men I am in contact with are already in a relationship and thus unavailable.

    However, as much as I try to maintain hope, I too want to be realistic. I lived in the suburbs of Pittsburgh for 3 years and within the region for another 8. I then moved back to my home state and lived in the northern area with its younger population for another 2 years before taking the position that brought me home to where I currently am living. In all that time, I never seemed to figure out where one went for socializing (other than a bar, and since I don't drink and don't care to be around alcohol, I never went to bars except to grab a bite to eat) or even how one actually went about socializing. The church I attend and serve in has a stark lack of people my age, but that's true of most of the churches in my area, and I choose a church based upon factors that are more important to me than demographics. Though with my values and worldview, church would be the best place to come across someone likely to be compatible with me. I've also went on trips to conferences and such where people with similar interests gathered and I did mingle and socialize at such events.

    I do get out and do things; I don't always just sit at home. I shop, I visit parks, go to movies and other events in the area that pique my interest, go to local fairs and festivals. I like to think that I'm friendly and open when in public, but more than likely, I just come across as weird and childish or annoying (pretty much like I do in writing....) I'm probably unconsciously projecting something that turns people off; I just haven't figure out yet just what that is to even begin to know how to change it.

    So online dating probably would be about my only chance, but that hasn't seemed very hopeful in the few instances where I toed the water, so to speak.

    nooshi713 wrote: »
    Cutemesoon wrote: »


    People in the 30's ask people to be their bf or gf still? Didn't happen in my 30s. We just usually confirm exclusivity, and you kind of grow into the relationship from there

    Apparently so.

    My best friend also just got into a new relationship and she confirmed the guy formally asked her the same thing. They are also both 37.


    I admit that at 39, I would find it a little odd to refer to someone as my boyfriend, but then again, what else would you call them? Lover is rather blunt for polite society and implies way more than the relationship may have actually progressed to; friend implies the direct opposite. Beau seems a little out of touch these days. "This guy/gal I'm seeing" is needlessly wordy. Any ideas?

    I agree that the term seems more applicable to younger people. Not sure what a better option is.

    I call him boo 😋

    Partner, or dont have to call them anything, refer to them by name.

    This is so and so, instead of this is my gf/bf so and so.
    edited November 2019
  • ythannahythannah Member Posts: 3,174 Member Member Posts: 3,174 Member
    erickirb wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    tinak33 wrote: »

    While I want to say that there is always hope, because it's true..... I also want to be realistic.
    If you are in a small rural town where most people your age are gone and it's just retirees that have stayed, then it sounds like dating prospects are very slim to none.... unless you are interested in retirees.
    What about towns nearby? Any that are close? Within 15-30 minutes? I understand not wanting to leave home, but maybe you will meet someone in a different town who would be willing to move?

    I live in a rural state but my job does take me all over. While the community I live is has a population under 1,000 and most of those being retirees, I do work in the county seat 25 miles away, though that town's population may be 4,000 at best. My job also takes me periodically to the northern, more populated areas of the state as well, but opportunities for socializing are limited when I do head north. I have a job in a field that is predominately male, but that is most likely working against me - I figure I end up being categorized as "one of the guys". And there's the fact that the majority of the men I am in contact with are already in a relationship and thus unavailable.

    However, as much as I try to maintain hope, I too want to be realistic. I lived in the suburbs of Pittsburgh for 3 years and within the region for another 8. I then moved back to my home state and lived in the northern area with its younger population for another 2 years before taking the position that brought me home to where I currently am living. In all that time, I never seemed to figure out where one went for socializing (other than a bar, and since I don't drink and don't care to be around alcohol, I never went to bars except to grab a bite to eat) or even how one actually went about socializing. The church I attend and serve in has a stark lack of people my age, but that's true of most of the churches in my area, and I choose a church based upon factors that are more important to me than demographics. Though with my values and worldview, church would be the best place to come across someone likely to be compatible with me. I've also went on trips to conferences and such where people with similar interests gathered and I did mingle and socialize at such events.

    I do get out and do things; I don't always just sit at home. I shop, I visit parks, go to movies and other events in the area that pique my interest, go to local fairs and festivals. I like to think that I'm friendly and open when in public, but more than likely, I just come across as weird and childish or annoying (pretty much like I do in writing....) I'm probably unconsciously projecting something that turns people off; I just haven't figure out yet just what that is to even begin to know how to change it.

    So online dating probably would be about my only chance, but that hasn't seemed very hopeful in the few instances where I toed the water, so to speak.

    nooshi713 wrote: »
    Cutemesoon wrote: »


    People in the 30's ask people to be their bf or gf still? Didn't happen in my 30s. We just usually confirm exclusivity, and you kind of grow into the relationship from there

    Apparently so.

    My best friend also just got into a new relationship and she confirmed the guy formally asked her the same thing. They are also both 37.


    I admit that at 39, I would find it a little odd to refer to someone as my boyfriend, but then again, what else would you call them? Lover is rather blunt for polite society and implies way more than the relationship may have actually progressed to; friend implies the direct opposite. Beau seems a little out of touch these days. "This guy/gal I'm seeing" is needlessly wordy. Any ideas?

    I agree that the term seems more applicable to younger people. Not sure what a better option is.

    I call him boo 😋

    Partner, or dont have to call them anything, refer to them by name.

    This is so and so, instead of this is my gf/bf so and so.

    I usually use partner. Then I struggle with how to introduce the fellow I work with who is my "partner" in a colleague sense, very distinct from other coworkers.
  • lauragreenbaumlauragreenbaum Member Posts: 918 Member Member Posts: 918 Member
    Can I ask what you think of my profile if there is anything wrong with it?

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    y7ajl66mihdd.png

    Hi- nothing wrong with it, but I do have a few suggestions. I would take out the picture of you holding the suitcases and replace it with a more professional or dressed up photo. You say you're in banking but all your pics are very casual. I think pics of your kids is fine- they are very important to you and a prospective date should know that. Don't worry about the height- I'm 5'3" and there are a lot of short women out there. Stop smoking- honestly that is a HUGE turn off to a lot of people. Or, just leave it out of your profile and on a date ask if smoking bothers them- if so be honest and tell her then you smoke socially but promise never to smoke in front of her. When I was on dating sites I would immediately eliminate anyone who smokes. One final thing- I would take out "must have family values"- that sounds a little judgey and rigid. You already note that you are Christian and have kids, so it's kind of a given.

    Now I have to take a photo at work Thank you for the feedback really appreciate the feed back

    Happy to help. If you want to post the professional photos, happy to give feedback on those, too!
  • mattig89chmattig89ch Member Posts: 2,519 Member Member Posts: 2,519 Member
    I can't speak for your rural area, but I go to board game events, and meetup events to socialize. As for figuring out how to actually socialize...its a skill not everyone learns growing up. Good news is, you can learn it when you an adult. Though it does tend to be much harder.
  • lauragreenbaumlauragreenbaum Member Posts: 918 Member Member Posts: 918 Member
    1sphere wrote: »
    0xc4yan6op2z.png
    i hope everything looks ok on my Tinder profile

    Offering eternal life is definitely a plus!
  • earlone1earlone1 Member Posts: 29 Member Member Posts: 29 Member
  • threewinsthreewins Member Posts: 513 Member Member Posts: 513 Member
    jruch23 wrote: »
    Do you think that if men approached women more in public and asked them out the woman would be caught off guard? Or still might expect it? The dating world is difficult. I'm not having much luck with online dating.

    I'm a guy so here's my opinion. First of all, I've given up on checking for wedding rings. Too many single women are wearing rings on that finger for it to be a useful method of determining who is single.

    I don't think that it's a good idea for a man to walk up to a woman and immediately ask her out for coffee. But after 5 minutes of talking, I don't think that is wrong to do. Some women won't like it even after 30 minutes of talking.
  • ythannahythannah Member Posts: 3,174 Member Member Posts: 3,174 Member
    threewins wrote: »
    jruch23 wrote: »
    Do you think that if men approached women more in public and asked them out the woman would be caught off guard? Or still might expect it? The dating world is difficult. I'm not having much luck with online dating.

    I'm a guy so here's my opinion. First of all, I've given up on checking for wedding rings. Too many single women are wearing rings on that finger for it to be a useful method of determining who is single.

    I don't think that it's a good idea for a man to walk up to a woman and immediately ask her out for coffee. But after 5 minutes of talking, I don't think that is wrong to do. Some women won't like it even after 30 minutes of talking.

    I agree with this. I think it's a bit much for a guy to come bounding across the produce section at some hottie and immediately ask for her number while wiping the drool from his chin. But if you strike up a casual conversation and she seems friendly and receptive, an invitation for further interaction probably wouldn't go amiss.
  • nooshi713nooshi713 Member Posts: 4,111 Member Member Posts: 4,111 Member
    erickirb wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    tinak33 wrote: »

    While I want to say that there is always hope, because it's true..... I also want to be realistic.
    If you are in a small rural town where most people your age are gone and it's just retirees that have stayed, then it sounds like dating prospects are very slim to none.... unless you are interested in retirees.
    What about towns nearby? Any that are close? Within 15-30 minutes? I understand not wanting to leave home, but maybe you will meet someone in a different town who would be willing to move?

    I live in a rural state but my job does take me all over. While the community I live is has a population under 1,000 and most of those being retirees, I do work in the county seat 25 miles away, though that town's population may be 4,000 at best. My job also takes me periodically to the northern, more populated areas of the state as well, but opportunities for socializing are limited when I do head north. I have a job in a field that is predominately male, but that is most likely working against me - I figure I end up being categorized as "one of the guys". And there's the fact that the majority of the men I am in contact with are already in a relationship and thus unavailable.

    However, as much as I try to maintain hope, I too want to be realistic. I lived in the suburbs of Pittsburgh for 3 years and within the region for another 8. I then moved back to my home state and lived in the northern area with its younger population for another 2 years before taking the position that brought me home to where I currently am living. In all that time, I never seemed to figure out where one went for socializing (other than a bar, and since I don't drink and don't care to be around alcohol, I never went to bars except to grab a bite to eat) or even how one actually went about socializing. The church I attend and serve in has a stark lack of people my age, but that's true of most of the churches in my area, and I choose a church based upon factors that are more important to me than demographics. Though with my values and worldview, church would be the best place to come across someone likely to be compatible with me. I've also went on trips to conferences and such where people with similar interests gathered and I did mingle and socialize at such events.

    I do get out and do things; I don't always just sit at home. I shop, I visit parks, go to movies and other events in the area that pique my interest, go to local fairs and festivals. I like to think that I'm friendly and open when in public, but more than likely, I just come across as weird and childish or annoying (pretty much like I do in writing....) I'm probably unconsciously projecting something that turns people off; I just haven't figure out yet just what that is to even begin to know how to change it.

    So online dating probably would be about my only chance, but that hasn't seemed very hopeful in the few instances where I toed the water, so to speak.

    nooshi713 wrote: »
    Cutemesoon wrote: »


    People in the 30's ask people to be their bf or gf still? Didn't happen in my 30s. We just usually confirm exclusivity, and you kind of grow into the relationship from there

    Apparently so.

    My best friend also just got into a new relationship and she confirmed the guy formally asked her the same thing. They are also both 37.


    I admit that at 39, I would find it a little odd to refer to someone as my boyfriend, but then again, what else would you call them? Lover is rather blunt for polite society and implies way more than the relationship may have actually progressed to; friend implies the direct opposite. Beau seems a little out of touch these days. "This guy/gal I'm seeing" is needlessly wordy. Any ideas?

    I agree that the term seems more applicable to younger people. Not sure what a better option is.

    I call him boo 😋

    Partner, or dont have to call them anything, refer to them by name.

    This is so and so, instead of this is my gf/bf so and so.

    But that doesn’t define who they are to you. For all anyone knows, you’re introducing a family member or friend.
  • nooshi713nooshi713 Member Posts: 4,111 Member Member Posts: 4,111 Member
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    erickirb wrote: »

    Partner, or dont have to call them anything, refer to them by name.

    This is so and so, instead of this is my gf/bf so and so.

    But that doesn’t define who they are to you. For all anyone knows, you’re introducing a family member or friend.

    partner does seem ambiguous.

    I looked up "boyfriend" on Thesaurus.com and got some interesting synonyms. Partner is there, along with beau, suitor, sweetheart, admirer, flame, steady, date, and the retro "swain" lol Though I found "follower" to be a rather odd choice; I'd probably equate that more to stalker than boyfriend ;)

    Lol @ follower
  • threewinsthreewins Member Posts: 513 Member Member Posts: 513 Member
    I tend to keep "partner" for women I have shacked up with. Girl/boyfriend for dating (even though I am 55). There is a huge difference between living with someone and seeing them even 6 days a week.
  • 777Gemma888777Gemma888 Member Posts: 9,509 Member Member Posts: 9,509 Member
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    erickirb wrote: »

    Partner, or dont have to call them anything, refer to them by name.

    This is so and so, instead of this is my gf/bf so and so.

    But that doesn’t define who they are to you. For all anyone knows, you’re introducing a family member or friend.

    partner does seem ambiguous.

    I looked up "boyfriend" on Thesaurus.com and got some interesting synonyms. Partner is there, along with beau, suitor, sweetheart, admirer, flame, steady, date, and the retro "swain" lol Though I found "follower" to be a rather odd choice; I'd probably equate that more to stalker than boyfriend ;)

    Many active members on MFP simply write or say 'significant other' or abbreviate it as SO.
  • ythannahythannah Member Posts: 3,174 Member Member Posts: 3,174 Member
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    erickirb wrote: »

    Partner, or dont have to call them anything, refer to them by name.

    This is so and so, instead of this is my gf/bf so and so.

    But that doesn’t define who they are to you. For all anyone knows, you’re introducing a family member or friend.

    partner does seem ambiguous.

    I looked up "boyfriend" on Thesaurus.com and got some interesting synonyms. Partner is there, along with beau, suitor, sweetheart, admirer, flame, steady, date, and the retro "swain" lol Though I found "follower" to be a rather odd choice; I'd probably equate that more to stalker than boyfriend ;)

    Many active members on MFP simply write or say 'significant other' or abbreviate it as SO.

    I refer to him as SO on here but it doesn't trip off the tongue very well during a verbal introduction.

    I've often used "better half" introducing him to someone who already knows I have a partner/boyfriend/significant other. More formal introductions he's my partner.
  • HappilyDistractedHappilyDistracted Member Posts: 1,702 Member Member Posts: 1,702 Member
    1sphere wrote: »
    LyndaBSS wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    just_Tomek wrote: »
    Because of this thread I just signed on on tinder.
    I did too. I got 3 or 4 matches after a month. Results were a failure as anticipated.

    here's the trend:
    1. Girl replies hi
    2. Girl feels a (likely) instant sense of fear and distrust
    3. Girl decides it is best not to communicate any further and the approach is ghosting

    I'm thinking that if you're under 35 whereabouts - girls see Tinder as some kind of game, and guys take the thing for serious


    Absolutely untrue.
    You cannot say what’s untrue since you are not a man, and you don’t know what it’s like on the male side of using the apps.

    Do I have to screenshot it for you?

    You saying men are serious is directly opposite of my experience though. More women than men tend to want to actually date or find a relationship. More guys tend to look for casual flings. This is generally true. Doesn’t mean there aren’t exceptions.
    A lot of women sign up with expectations such as finding a long term relationship, they also set their standards extremely high, and in a way this makes them out to be not taking it for real with unrealistic standards (ie. not practically giving anyone a chance). The end result is that they’re just there to lurk and seek attention. I’m not saying this is you, you’re probably realistic and mature... but this seems to be most people, you can even see it in the profile descriptions that they seek the ideal fairytale; stamping down the words “prince perfect” and “long term”. It ends up making you think that they’re crazy.

    Long term does not suggest crazy. The fact that you think so makes me think you’re the crazy one.
    Desiring a long term relationship is absolutely fine, and healthy of course. But explicitly stating that you want a long term instantly is nuts. Don’t you think that it makes more sense to seek short term relationships initially to see if there’s a good chemistry? And then eventually build it into a long term in *reality*?

    Saying one wants something long term doesn’t mean they expect it instantly. You’re doing an awful lot of assuming. Anything before a relationship is just dating.

    This ^^^^

    I would absolutely put long term relationship as my reason for being on the site, if that’s what I wanted.

    You’d be amazed how that would be a deterrent for guys who aren’t there for the same reason. Weeds out the losers. 🥰
    It's important to remember that guys don't think exactly the same way that women do. Stating "long term" puts pressure on you to be the perfect man, it makes us run 100 miles even though we may also desire a long term relationship. I talked to guys about this before.

    Or fly a thousand miles to meet 😏 ... At least that was my experience. Met on Tinder, dated briefly, and that evolved into a very strong friendship.

    Btw - as a female doing online dating, I get inundated. 100s of likes, matches, etc in short periods of time. Which sounds awesome, but I can have no picture up and still have men trying to hit me up.... Standards. 🙄 So, obviously, most of these are not the quality men I am interested in. And after wading through unsolicited dick pics and booty calls I get tired of talking to people. Who knew.

    On the flipside, The males I know typically have a handful of matches and responses at best. Total polar opposite in terms of experiences.
  • 777Gemma888777Gemma888 Member Posts: 9,509 Member Member Posts: 9,509 Member
    ythannah wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    erickirb wrote: »

    Partner, or dont have to call them anything, refer to them by name.

    This is so and so, instead of this is my gf/bf so and so.

    But that doesn’t define who they are to you. For all anyone knows, you’re introducing a family member or friend.

    partner does seem ambiguous.

    I looked up "boyfriend" on Thesaurus.com and got some interesting synonyms. Partner is there, along with beau, suitor, sweetheart, admirer, flame, steady, date, and the retro "swain" lol Though I found "follower" to be a rather odd choice; I'd probably equate that more to stalker than boyfriend ;)

    Many active members on MFP simply write or say 'significant other' or abbreviate it as SO.

    I refer to him as SO on here but it doesn't trip off the tongue very well during a verbal introduction.

    I've often used "better half" introducing him to someone who already knows I have a partner/boyfriend/significant other. More formal introductions he's my partner.

    It does seem unnatural to say, I agree. I've always deemed it impolite to pry as to the nature of one's relationship with their plus ones, given that some don't even attend with their wives or resident plus ones necessarily. I have heard 'friend' more than SO or any other term of reference to be honest.
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