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Dad Jokes/Bad Jokes...

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Replies

  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,773 Member
    A man is being taken to the gallows for his execution. The Executioner asks if he has any last requests. The man says that he would like a high-five. The Executioner left him hanging.
  • LegionOfZoom
    LegionOfZoom Posts: 196 Member
    What day do potatoes hate the most?

    Fry day
  • LegionOfZoom
    LegionOfZoom Posts: 196 Member
    Why was the letter damp?

    It had postage dew
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,773 Member
    I went for a job interview and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said, "I don't know, but I can give Bohemian Rhapsody a good go."
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,773 Member
    A fortune teller told me that in twelve years, is suffer a horrible heartbreak. So to cheer myself up, I adopted a puppy.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    I make bad chemistry jokes because all of the good ones argon. Ar
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    I have a great joke about HIPAA but I can't tell you.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Farm girls have great calves. o:)
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Good moms let you lick the beaters.

    Great moms turn them off first.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    I am acute math teacher with problems.
  • foster1503
    foster1503 Posts: 391 Member
    I bumped into an old mate today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive cars.
    Then he pulled out his phone and showed me a picture of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
    I said, “If you think she’s gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend.”
    He said, “Why? Is she a stunner?”
    I said, “No, she’s an optician."
  • Theotherwhiteclint
    Theotherwhiteclint Posts: 340 Member
    foster1503 wrote: »
    I bumped into an old mate today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive cars.
    Then he pulled out his phone and showed me a picture of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
    I said, “If you think she’s gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend.”
    He said, “Why? Is she a stunner?”
    I said, “No, she’s an optician."

    Savage
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,773 Member
    An old woman came up to me at the ATM and asked if I'd help her check her balance. So I pushed her over.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,773 Member
    The swordfish has no known natural predators. Save--perhaps--the penfish, which is said to be even mightier.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    piggy_smalls wrote: »
    An old woman came up to me at the ATM and asked if I'd help her check her balance. So I pushed her over.

    😂
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,773 Member
    What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills?

    Bernadette
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,773 Member
    A friend of mine named his dog "5 Miles" so that he could tell people he walked 5 Miles every day. Well, today he ran over 5 Miles.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,773 Member
    My wife and I share the same sense of humor. We have to, she doesn't have one.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,773 Member
    [At my boss's funeral, kneeling beside the casket and whispering]

    Who's thinking outside the box now, David?
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,773 Member
    I just found out my grandfather is addicted to Viagra. Nobody is taking it harder than my grandmother.
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,806 Member
    @piggy_smalls That'll do, pig. That'll do. :p
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,773 Member
    A Roman walks into a bar, raises two fingers to the bartender and says, "five beers, please".
  • PaintedPlay
    PaintedPlay Posts: 51 Member
    What superpower does a parent bestow on their child...





    Supervision
  • getitamb
    getitamb Posts: 2,019 Member
    What is et short for?




    It’s because he has small legs.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,773 Member
    The neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer for eight years... I had no idea he was a barber.

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