Dad Jokes/Bad Jokes...
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One sloth turned to another and said, "I used to dislike moss but now I think it's growing on me."1
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A lumberjack once told me he'd cut down 27,572 trees. I asked him how he knew the exact number. "Easy," he said, "I keep a log."2
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Today I spotted an albino Dalmatian.
It was the least I could do for him.4 -
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
"Breathe, damn it, breathe!"2 -
My youngest son asked me what an acorn was. I told him, in a nutshell, it's an oak tree.2
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I went on a date last night with a girl I met at the zoo. She's a keeper.3
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I never got remarried but I've had a few near Mrs.3
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piggy_smalls wrote: »I went on a date last night with a girl I met at the zoo. She's a keeper.
Curious, I went to the zoo as well. It was rubbish - it only had one animal. It was a Shih Tzu.5 -
[/quote]
Curious, I went to the zoo as well. It was rubbish - it only had one animal. It was a Shih Tzu.[/quote]
I think that's the best one yet!0 -
piggy_smalls wrote: »I went on a date last night with a girl I met at the zoo. She's a keeper.
Curious, I went to the zoo as well. It was rubbish - it only had one animal. It was a Shih Tzu.
OMG, I had to read that twice to get it.0 -
At my parole hearing, the board said to me, "Tell us why you should be released early."
Me: Beca...
[interrupting] Board Member: Yes?
M: I think I have...
[interrupting again] BM: Go on.
M: Can I please finish my sentence?
BM: Wish granted, parole denied.1 -
My urologist’s office called today and explained that my scheduled appointment would now be done over the phone due to the Covid virus.
One hour before the scheduled teleconference, I was instructed to administer my own urine test.
This was to avoid those lab tests and because they're shutdown too.
They instructed: Simply go outside and take a whiz in the front yard.
If ant's gather: DIABETES.
If you pee on your feet: PROSTATE
If it smells like a barbecue: CHOLESTEROL
If your wrist hurts when you shake it: OSTEOARTHRITIS
If you return to your house with your crank outside of your pants: ALZHEIMER'S
If the neighbor's wife doesn't call the police: Go Visit Her4 -
What do you call a snowman temper tantrum?
A meltdown.3 -
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.2 -
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
A: Envelope.1 -
A macaroni, a penne and a spaghetti were drinking one night. They saw a noodle sitting by itself at the end of the bar and decided to invite it over. It looked cannelloni.4
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Did you hear the joke about the number 2 pencil?
Nvm. It pointless.
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What do you call a bear with no ear?
B1 -
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
The abdominal snowman.3 -
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist,
While you were arguing about the glass of beer, I drank it.
Sincerely,
The Opportunist3
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