Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

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  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,677 Member
    Yesterday my youngest talked a fair bit about how they wish their life would end. They feel like life is just not worth living. There is too much struggle, too much unhappiness. They feel that it's not fair that in order for them to end their misery, they would bring pain to the ones who would be left behind, and they can't handle that idea, so they'll just keep living... but they really don't want to.

    They are on meds and going through therapy, but there are days when I feel like the risk is very real that I'll be saying goodbye to my baby long before I am ready. And it terrifies the hell out of me. We have the crisis lines, we talk openly about it, I'm doing everything I can to get them help. I just hope it's enough.

    I feel your pain and fear. My 25yo STILL feels this way. He’s probably at the best spot he’s been in in over 5 years, but still said if we gave him our blessing he would off himself immediately.

    Big hugs. 😔 It's so hard to know your child is hurting and to be completely unable to stop it. It has been such a struggle for you, I can only hope it eases soon. ❤️
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    Yesterday my youngest talked a fair bit about how they wish their life would end. They feel like life is just not worth living. There is too much struggle, too much unhappiness. They feel that it's not fair that in order for them to end their misery, they would bring pain to the ones who would be left behind, and they can't handle that idea, so they'll just keep living... but they really don't want to.

    They are on meds and going through therapy, but there are days when I feel like the risk is very real that I'll be saying goodbye to my baby long before I am ready. And it terrifies the hell out of me. We have the crisis lines, we talk openly about it, I'm doing everything I can to get them help. I just hope it's enough.

    I feel your pain and fear. My 25yo STILL feels this way. He’s probably at the best spot he’s been in in over 5 years, but still said if we gave him our blessing he would off himself immediately.

    Big hugs. 😔 It's so hard to know your child is hurting and to be completely unable to stop it. It has been such a struggle for you, I can only hope it eases soon. ❤️

    Oh dear lady :( It sounds like they're getting some much needed help plus they know they can count on your love and support. And s/he is talking to you; that right there is a biggie. I feel many that are in dire straights like that never offer any clues. :( But you must be very worried and sad they're feeling this way. As a parent we all want our children to be happy most of all. Hugs and prayers that things turn around with the therapy and medication.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    Yesterday my youngest talked a fair bit about how they wish their life would end. They feel like life is just not worth living. There is too much struggle, too much unhappiness. They feel that it's not fair that in order for them to end their misery, they would bring pain to the ones who would be left behind, and they can't handle that idea, so they'll just keep living... but they really don't want to.

    They are on meds and going through therapy, but there are days when I feel like the risk is very real that I'll be saying goodbye to my baby long before I am ready. And it terrifies the hell out of me. We have the crisis lines, we talk openly about it, I'm doing everything I can to get them help. I just hope it's enough.

    I feel your pain and fear. My 25yo STILL feels this way. He’s probably at the best spot he’s been in in over 5 years, but still said if we gave him our blessing he would off himself immediately.

    I'm so sorry your son feels this way; hope his life feels brighter in the near future. Has therapy/medications, anything worked to help him?

    I cannot imagine how a parent's heart must feel. :(
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,069 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    Yesterday my youngest talked a fair bit about how they wish their life would end. They feel like life is just not worth living. There is too much struggle, too much unhappiness. They feel that it's not fair that in order for them to end their misery, they would bring pain to the ones who would be left behind, and they can't handle that idea, so they'll just keep living... but they really don't want to.

    They are on meds and going through therapy, but there are days when I feel like the risk is very real that I'll be saying goodbye to my baby long before I am ready. And it terrifies the hell out of me. We have the crisis lines, we talk openly about it, I'm doing everything I can to get them help. I just hope it's enough.

    I feel your pain and fear. My 25yo STILL feels this way. He’s probably at the best spot he’s been in in over 5 years, but still said if we gave him our blessing he would off himself immediately.

    I'm so sorry your son feels this way; hope his life feels brighter in the near future. Has therapy/medications, anything worked to help him?

    I cannot imagine how a parent's heart must feel. :(

    He’s tried everything under the sun and has been very proactive with his mental health. He’s tried different meds, different therapists, IOP, deep TMS...the only thing that’s made a significant difference so far has been Ketamine. It’s kept him relatively stable, but he still says he feels like it wouldn’t take much to tip him over the edge.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    I was informed tonight that they gave my stepmother a timeline: 2 months.

    Her cancer (which is rare and aggressive) has spread to her liver and there is a giant tumor there, there are tumors in her bowels, all of her protein/electrolyte/sodium levels are completely out of whack, her kidneys aren't working properly, food still tastes terrible to her due to chemo and so she isn't eating, which is exacerbating everything.

    Her care team can only switch to palliative care now. They want to bring a team in three times a week to help care for her at home, but there's not anything they can do. There are no treatments that will touch what she has.. and so far, I have not seen/heard of any clinical trials that can help her.

    My dad will call some experts in a couple of other states tomorrow and see if they have any insight or information on trials that might help her, but honestly, we aren't optimistic anymore. We knew going into this that we were probably only going to be prolonging her life (there is no cure for what she has, just lower dose chemo aimed at keeping it at bay for a period of time).

    We were just hoping for a better outcome than this. Certainly more than 2 months.

    I am emotionally, mentally and physically tired at this point. 2020 was crap because of the pandemic, family friends dying because of the disease, both of my cats (who I was very close to) dying in the span of a month, my stepmother having her cancer diagnosis.. and everything just continuing to spiral ever downward.

    Im so sorry you're dealing with such a heavy load, life certainly has chucked everything at you. Biggest of warm hugs to you.. you and your family will need extra strength in the coming months.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    @KosmosKitten
    Hugs and prayers to you and your family. :( It's the worst when you know there's nothing else to be done except for comfort. Hope keeps a person going. :( As a very sweet social worker told my sister, don't think ahead, take each day, live in the moment and do the best you can, enjoy every moment you can with that person. <3

    I'm so sorry the news wasn't better. :(
  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
    I was informed tonight that they gave my stepmother a timeline: 2 months.

    Her cancer (which is rare and aggressive) has spread to her liver and there is a giant tumor there, there are tumors in her bowels, all of her protein/electrolyte/sodium levels are completely out of whack, her kidneys aren't working properly, food still tastes terrible to her due to chemo and so she isn't eating, which is exacerbating everything.

    Her care team can only switch to palliative care now. They want to bring a team in three times a week to help care for her at home, but there's not anything they can do. There are no treatments that will touch what she has.. and so far, I have not seen/heard of any clinical trials that can help her.

    My dad will call some experts in a couple of other states tomorrow and see if they have any insight or information on trials that might help her, but honestly, we aren't optimistic anymore. We knew going into this that we were probably only going to be prolonging her life (there is no cure for what she has, just lower dose chemo aimed at keeping it at bay for a period of time).

    We were just hoping for a better outcome than this. Certainly more than 2 months.

    I am emotionally, mentally and physically tired at this point. 2020 was crap because of the pandemic, family friends dying because of the disease, both of my cats (who I was very close to) dying in the span of a month, my stepmother having her cancer diagnosis.. and everything just continuing to spiral ever downward.

    My heart hurts for you and your family. That is really hard news to hear and try to wrap your brain around.

    Be kind to yourself right now, you have been through so much recently it is no wonder you are tired. I wish I had magic words to give you to take some of the hurt away.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,677 Member
    edited March 2021
    @KosmosKitten Sending you love. I am so very sad to read this and my heart aches for you and your family. There are no words that can take away the pain of what's happened, or of what's coming... just know that you are loved and there are so many people who care for you. It really has been a crap year. :disappointed:
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    @RAinWA You and your dh will be in my thoughts and prayers. Covid really is a terrible thing in many ways and not being able to go with dh is definitely one of them. :( {{HUGS}} to you guys and please keep us updated.
  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @RAinWA You and your dh will be in my thoughts and prayers. Covid really is a terrible thing in many ways and not being able to go with dh is definitely one of them. :( {{HUGS}} to you guys and please keep us updated.

    Thanks Reenie! Everything went well and I'm just waiting to go get him from the hospital. I swear hospitals run on totally different time from the rest of the world.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    Good news and I bet your relief is profound!! Hope it was successful. You're not having an easy time of things. :(
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @Miss_Chiev0us_
    I cannot wrap my head around the motives behind *anyone* making you feel like *kitten* for posting about what you've gone through. You are definitely an inspiration to many and a wonderful model of how to handle bad things. If everyone could be as strong as you have shown to be......

    Thank you hun 🤗 sometimes I've acted strong when I really wasn't but I'm stronger than ever now ❤

    The internet can be a cruel place and I've learned a few lessons over the years. Imagine fighting for your life and also posting pictures being bald and having people disagreeing with it and laughing at you. Sure made me see how inhuman some people can be but also made me happy I'm not like that. I still stuck around and I'm happy I did because I've meet some amazing people along the way. Sometimes this place was all I had to express myself. Keeping my stories for my profile now and sharing things there instead ❤

    I haven't been checking my friends' profiles out much lately; haven't been spending as much time on MFP for some reason.

    BUT I just wanted to say I'm glad you've stuck around. <3

    @RAinWA I swear some people lack any kind of moral code or filter of any kind. Really, who says something like that?? :(

    The both of you are in my thoughts because I know life can be a challenge for you wonderful ladies.
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,371 Member
    RAinWA wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @Miss_Chiev0us_
    I cannot wrap my head around the motives behind *anyone* making you feel like *kitten* for posting about what you've gone through. You are definitely an inspiration to many and a wonderful model of how to handle bad things. If everyone could be as strong as you have shown to be......


    The internet can be a cruel place and I've learned a few lessons over the years. Imagine fighting for your life and also posting pictures being bald and having people disagreeing with it and laughing at you. Sure made me see how inhuman some people can be but also made me happy I'm not like that. I still stuck around and I'm happy I did because I've meet some amazing people along the way. Sometimes this place was all I had to express myself. Keeping my stories for my profile now and sharing things there instead ❤

    I can't fathom the lack of compassion and empathy it takes for someone to do this. I was going to quote @RAinWA about the people hiding behind their screens but I would have had to edit out the praying for them part because she's a much better woman than I am.

    Whatever happened to the old adage "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"? Or am I showing my age there?

    I'm glad you had the strength to stick around. So many people would have shut down and bailed.

    Nah, not better. I mostly do it for my own peace of mind - it's a way to let it go and not carry it around. And maybe it will help them. Can't hurt, might help.

    This is a really good approach for me to keep in mind when I'm stewing over stuff.
    RAinWA wrote: »
    I am amazed constantly at people's lack on sensitivity and empathy. I told one of my sisters that my husband was starting radiation again because a lot of new brain tumors have shown up and she actually said "at least you'll be a young widow." And then laughed. Who says crap like that? I don't think I'll be talking to her again for a very long time.

    Good Lord. That is so completely crass and appalling.

    Can you get a DNA test done to verify she's actually related to you? >:)
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,069 Member
    edited April 2021
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @Miss_Chiev0us_

    I am amazed constantly at people's lack on sensitivity and empathy. I told one of my sisters that my husband was starting radiation again because a lot of new brain tumors have shown up and she actually said "at least you'll be a young widow." And then laughed. Who says crap like that? I don't think I'll be talking to her again for a very long time.

    Like seriously WTF?!? I mean giving her the best of intentions she was trying to lift the mood, but who would ever think a wife would find that funny? I’m so sorry you got that response from a family member. It really is better sometimes to reach out to strangers.
  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
    Thanks all for understanding why that upset me. This particular sister is known for her totally inappropriate comments and lack of filters. Usually I can laugh it off but this was so totally awful especially since she lost her husband three years ago and I expected a little more empathy from her.

    The idea of getting a DNA test made me laugh. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure she's related.
  • stljam
    stljam Posts: 512 Member
    stljam wrote: »
    Part of me wishes I never would have found this thread and another part of me is glad that I did read the last few pages.

    @KickassAmazon76, @KosmosKitten, @ReenieHJ, @Miss_Chiev0us, @jjpptt2, @_sw33tpp3a_11 please know that you are in our thoughts.

    Just seeing this now. A part of me always wishes I didn't share so much in here, although I choose to not share much in here anymore I'm hoping that maybe some of the things I've shared can inspire others and make them see how precious life is. As for the few others in these forums that's made me feel like *kitten* about sharing it, I hope they never have to go through what I've been through.

    I wasn't trying to make you feel like *kitten* for sharing. Ugh. Sorry.
  • stljam
    stljam Posts: 512 Member
    RAinWA wrote: »
    Thanks all for understanding why that upset me. This particular sister is known for her totally inappropriate comments and lack of filters. Usually I can laugh it off but this was so totally awful especially since she lost her husband three years ago and I expected a little more empathy from her.

    The idea of getting a DNA test made me laugh. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure she's related.

    As we like to say, you get to choose your friends, not your family and often our friends act more like family than our actual family.
  • Miss_Chiev0us_
    Miss_Chiev0us_ Posts: 2,208 Member
    stljam wrote: »
    stljam wrote: »
    Part of me wishes I never would have found this thread and another part of me is glad that I did read the last few pages.

    @KickassAmazon76, @KosmosKitten, @ReenieHJ, @Miss_Chiev0us, @jjpptt2, @_sw33tpp3a_11 please know that you are in our thoughts.

    Just seeing this now. A part of me always wishes I didn't share so much in here, although I choose to not share much in here anymore I'm hoping that maybe some of the things I've shared can inspire others and make them see how precious life is. As for the few others in these forums that's made me feel like *kitten* about sharing it, I hope they never have to go through what I've been through.

    I wasn't trying to make you feel like *kitten* for sharing. Ugh. Sorry.

    Oh my gosh, not at all! I'm sorry you understood it that way. It wasn't aimed at you ❤ I was just speaking of past experiences. I appreciated your kind words 😊
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    RAinWA wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @Miss_Chiev0us_
    I cannot wrap my head around the motives behind *anyone* making you feel like *kitten* for posting about what you've gone through. You are definitely an inspiration to many and a wonderful model of how to handle bad things. If everyone could be as strong as you have shown to be......


    The internet can be a cruel place and I've learned a few lessons over the years. Imagine fighting for your life and also posting pictures being bald and having people disagreeing with it and laughing at you. Sure made me see how inhuman some people can be but also made me happy I'm not like that. I still stuck around and I'm happy I did because I've meet some amazing people along the way. Sometimes this place was all I had to express myself. Keeping my stories for my profile now and sharing things there instead ❤

    I can't fathom the lack of compassion and empathy it takes for someone to do this. I was going to quote @RAinWA about the people hiding behind their screens but I would have had to edit out the praying for them part because she's a much better woman than I am.

    Whatever happened to the old adage "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"? Or am I showing my age there?

    I'm glad you had the strength to stick around. So many people would have shut down and bailed.

    Nah, not better. I mostly do it for my own peace of mind - it's a way to let it go and not carry it around. And maybe it will help them. Can't hurt, might help.

    I am amazed constantly at people's lack on sensitivity and empathy. I told one of my sisters that my husband was starting radiation again because a lot of new brain tumors have shown up and she actually said "at least you'll be a young widow." And then laughed. Who says crap like that? I don't think I'll be talking to her again for a very long time.

    :| WTF is wrong with people? I wouldn't be talking to her... ever (assuming I can avoid it). Holy yikes.