Lame Jokes. And I mean REALLY lame.
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...if she was leaning again a fence, she'd be Eileen.TheBeachgod wrote: »What do you call a woman with no arms and legs lying in a cow pasture? Patty.
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A limbo champion walks into a bar...
...and loses his title.0 -
Capt_Apollo wrote: »coolraul07 wrote: »Texasgntlman wrote: »There is a whole list of jokes about a guy with no arms and no legs: I'll start it and you can ad too it.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of the door? -Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the lake? -Bob
What do you call a man with no arms and legs beside a hole in the ground? -Doug
...the one who's in the hole is Phil.
...in a pile of leaves, Russell.
...in the mailbox, Bill.
...on the wall, Art.
...stuck in the tub, Dwayne (drain, said with a lisp)
where do you find a man with no arms and legs?? Right where you left him.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating facedown in the ocean?
F***ed.0 -
A priest, rabbi and minister walk in to a bar .. the bartender says "what is this, some kind of joke?"Capt_Apollo wrote: »personally, i like steak puns... They're a rare medium, well done
Reminds me of: Television is called a medium because it is neither rare, nor well-done.
On TV there was a news report about an escaped midget who can talk to the dead. The reporter said there was "a small medium at large".
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a head walk in to a bar
the head orders a drink.. he grows a torso
surprised, he orders another drink and arms grow
he orders another and legs grow
He is feeling quite drunk at this point and walks outside
he gets hit by a car crossing the street
the bartender says "he should have quit when he was a head"
clap
clap
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Capt_Apollo wrote: »There are only two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...
There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.0 -
I can incorporate any Bruno Mars song into a conversation.
Don't believe me? Just watch.0 -
Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans.
I had to wait until my son took 4th grade science to tell him that one.0 -
_Terrapin_ wrote: »What did the Buddhist order from the hot dog vendor? One. . . .with everything.
There is a sequel to this joke.
When the Buddhist paid for the hot dog with a twenty, he asked for his change, and the vendor said, " Change must come from within."
Yes, and the last part. Wen the vendor doesn't give the change to the Buddhist he says "I have something you ought to be more interested in then the change." The Buddhist inquires "What?" The vendor pulls out a chocolate covered mint with a hole through the center. He holds it up to the sun and asks the Buddhist what he sees. The Buddhist replies, "Sunlight coming through", the vendor says, "it is A light in mint" and this why Buddhists ought to avoid processed 'less ideal' meats. bwahahahahahaha
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Did you just make that up? If so, that's pretty good. I haven't heard it before.0
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What is Dancing with the Stars called in Russia? Dancing with the Tsars1
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So true! At least in my house!Texasgntlman wrote: »How many men does it take to change a toilet paper roll?
Nobody knows because it's never been done
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mojohowitz wrote: »A man sees a dog licking its privates and says "Man, I wish I could do that."
His friend replies, "Maybe you should pet him first."
My favorite version of that joke is told in an exaggerated Southern (US) accent and the punchline is "That dog'd bite you."
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A cleaned up version of a joke I heard on an NPR podcast this weekend:
The serial killer and his clueless potential victim are taking a shortcut through the deep, dark woods. "I'm scared!" the victim says. "You're scared?" says the killer, "I've got to walk out of here by myself!"0 -
mikeshockley wrote: »String walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey! Get out! We don't serve your kind!"
String leaves, ruffles his ends and ties himself in the middle. Walks back into the bar. Bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that string I just told to leave?" String says, "No, I'm a frayed knot".
Darn you!! That's my favorite joke of all time and you beat me to it. LOL
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What did the horse say after he fell? I've fallen and I can't gitty up!3
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Did you hear what they do to people with celiac over in Germany?
Anyone that’s diagnosed with celiac, to make them feel welcome, all the other celiacs in the town gather and beat the person with loaves of bread. It’s called the Gluten-Tag.
There’s a similar practice done in France...they bring the pain...
India is somewhat different. They choose naan-violence.3 -
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
Edit: Just read thru and saw this was already posted. Ooops.1 -
Santa had a leakage in the roof over his dining room.
Plumber asked: "Sir when did u notice it ??"
Santa: "Last night.... when it took me 3 hours to finish my soup"0 -
Did you hear about the woman who was addicted to the Hockey Pokey?
She went to rehab and turned herself around.0
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