WHY do people CHEAT?
Replies
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Motorsheen wrote: »Many do it for financial reasons, it's cheaper to keep them than lose everything. Homes, vehicles, boats, retirement, spousal and child support payments...so they cheat while still being miserable at home. I worked with someone who got away with it for 50 years. He told everyone this is exactly why he did it. He refused to give away all of his hard-earned income.
Many women stay in miserable marriages for financial reasons, too. Insurance, retirement, childcare and overall standard of living - it goes down with a divorce. So they stay and gut it out until the end. That road runs both directions.
This is an incredibly insightful post.
..... what are you wearing ??
Think leather fringe jacket here. I live and work in a man's world and sometimes, they share how they really feel about everything.
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Diatonic12 wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »Many do it for financial reasons, it's cheaper to keep them than lose everything. Homes, vehicles, boats, retirement, spousal and child support payments...so they cheat while still being miserable at home. I worked with someone who got away with it for 50 years. He told everyone this is exactly why he did it. He refused to give away all of his hard-earned income.
Many women stay in miserable marriages for financial reasons, too. Insurance, retirement, childcare and overall standard of living - it goes down with a divorce. So they stay and gut it out until the end. That road runs both directions.
This is an incredibly insightful post.
..... what are you wearing ?? Think leather fringe jacket here. I live and work in a man's world and sometimes, they share how they really feel about everything.
Okay.... alright.
Just a leather fringe jacket?
I can work with that.5 -
Many do it for financial reasons, it's cheaper to keep them than lose everything. Homes, vehicles, boats, retirement, spousal and child support payments...so they cheat while still being miserable at home. I worked with someone who got away with it for 50 years. He told everyone this is exactly why he did it. He refused to give away all of his hard-earned income.
Many women stay in miserable marriages for financial reasons, too. Insurance, retirement, childcare and overall standard of living - it goes down with a divorce. So they stay and gut it out until the end. That road runs both directions.
Did we work with the same guy??
Thing is, the fellow I knew, his wife had always worked and was the higher earner. Yet he still thought of it as "his" stuff when she had contributed more than half of the household income.
I don't know if she ever became aware that he was cheating but she never left and he was eventually grateful for her because his health declined rapidly in his 60s and she provided care for him. None of his flings would have stuck it out.
Relationships are not black and white when divorce is out of the question. He told me it was idealistic and naive to think of marriage without grey areas and that karma is only wishful thinking. She may have known all along that someone else was dipping into the till but they gutted it out. They came out smelling like a rose and living high on the hog. He knew what others thought but he didn't give a hoot.
He died just a short time ago. The obit was glowing and full of his accomplishments. You would've thought he was an absolute saint and I'm sure spending all of that money makes everything that much sweeter now.0 -
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Diatonic12 wrote: »Many do it for financial reasons, it's cheaper to keep them than lose everything. Homes, vehicles, boats, retirement, spousal and child support payments...so they cheat while still being miserable at home. I worked with someone who got away with it for 50 years. He told everyone this is exactly why he did it. He refused to give away all of his hard-earned income.
Many women stay in miserable marriages for financial reasons, too. Insurance, retirement, childcare and overall standard of living - it goes down with a divorce. So they stay and gut it out until the end. That road runs both directions.
Did we work with the same guy??
Thing is, the fellow I knew, his wife had always worked and was the higher earner. Yet he still thought of it as "his" stuff when she had contributed more than half of the household income.
I don't know if she ever became aware that he was cheating but she never left and he was eventually grateful for her because his health declined rapidly in his 60s and she provided care for him. None of his flings would have stuck it out.
Relationships are not black and white when divorce is out of the question. He told me it was idealistic and naive to think of marriage without grey areas and that karma is only wishful thinking. She may have known all along that someone else was dipping into the till but they gutted it out. They came out smelling like a rose and living high on the hog. He knew what others thought but he didn't give a hoot.
He died just a short time ago. The obit was glowing and full of his accomplishments. You would've thought he was an absolute saint and I'm sure spending all of that money makes everything that much sweeter now.
Would thatFabulousFantasticFifty wrote: »I believe People cheat because they're missing something in their lives and rather than talking to their partner about it, they let themselves be selfish and stray which is a very cowardly act. Talk with your partner about your needs and what's going on inside your heart and your mind. I really believe that unless you have a problem or addiction with sex, cheating is more a cry out for affection and companionship that for some reason us missing in their relationship. Seek help if your relationship matters to you, be honest with your partner and attend counseling as a couple and individually if need be. And if you feel you want to seek relationships elsewhere, get a divorce or break up first! The pain of being cheated on is the most horrible feeling of betrayal and can mess with a person's self worth and self esteem!
It also makes one feel that the entire relationship was a lie and that none of it was ever real! If you Really truly Love someone, with every part of you ... Fidelity is key and the most selfless gift one can show to their partner.
And to the other side, listen and show understanding rather than anger and judgement. If your partner comes to you with honesty, this is them loving you and wanting those feelings to go away.
Seek help & Love one another ❤️
I like this.0 -
So what do you think?0
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I can only speak from my own experience having been cheated on and cheated myself.
For me, I was in a bad situation. The relationship was abusive and I didn't know at the time, having been in it since I was 17. I didn't know how to leave so I stayed because I thought that's what you were meant to do. I also didn't know how to effectively communicate my wants and needs.
9 years in to the relationship, after one incident where my life had been threatened and violence was involved, I realised I no longer respected or even liked my partner but again lacked the courage to leave. Soon after I unintentionally began an emotional affair and realised quickly my situation at home wasn't normal. As the affair progressed my confidence increased because I felt valued. 9 months in the affair turned physical and, by my own standards, that signalled to me I was done and had given up, so I left.
It was terrifying, I was broke financially, spiritually and emotionally. The separation process was drawn out and made me ill. But had I not cheated I would have either taken my own life or he would have done that for me (to his own admission). I'm no victim, that *kitten* is said and done. I'm grateful for all of those experiences, inclusive of my own infidelity, because now I know what I want, what my boundaries are and I won't tolerate BS from others or myself. Humans are complex and so is our behaviour.11 -
Many reasons but one thing is for sure and no one can convince me otherwise, is that if one cheats, then they don’t love their partner. Period.3
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@ExpressoLove11
I attended a workshop many years ago, all about domestic abuse, partners not leaving their situation. It was one of the best workshops I ever attended. I went into it blindly believing that if a situation was bad enough why can't a person simply leave it? Why does one stay when there are so many options and support systems available?
I came away from that class enlightened like no other class has ever taught me before. The scenarios they put us through left us all feeling nothing is as simple as we may think. So many extenuating circumstances. The real scary thing was, all the scenarios they used were based on real life situations they'd encountered.
{Hugs}4 -
@ExpressoLove11
I attended a workshop many years ago, all about domestic abuse, partners not leaving their situation. It was one of the best workshops I ever attended. I went into it blindly believing that if a situation was bad enough why can't a person simply leave it? Why does one stay when there are so many options and support systems available?
I came away from that class enlightened like no other class has ever taught me before. The scenarios they put us through left us all feeling nothing is as simple as we may think. So many extenuating circumstances. The real scary thing was, all the scenarios they used were based on real life situations they'd encountered.
{Hugs}
I love that! It sounds like such a meaningful course and I am glad someone out there is raising awareness. Thank you for taking the time to learn about what is both a horrifying and complex issue.4 -
Well.... those rooms at the Holiday Inn Express ain't going to rent themselves.4
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But couldn't love be subjective? One could be in love with more than one person at a time. With 7 billion people in the world, unless you've met everyone who was a potential spouse, how could one be 100% sure they chose the "forever" one?Many reasons but one thing is for sure and no one can convince me otherwise, is that if one cheats, then they don’t love their partner. Period.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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But couldn't love be subjective? One could be in love with more than one person at a time. With 7 billion people in the world, unless you've met everyone who was a potential spouse, how could one be 100% sure they chose the "forever" one?Many reasons but one thing is for sure and no one can convince me otherwise, is that if one cheats, then they don’t love their partner. Period.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Just interested to see what the answers to this question might be.0 -
But couldn't love be subjective? One could be in love with more than one person at a time. With 7 billion people in the world, unless you've met everyone who was a potential spouse, how could one be 100% sure they chose the "forever" one?Many reasons but one thing is for sure and no one can convince me otherwise, is that if one cheats, then they don’t love their partner. Period.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I think I agree with you. There are varying degrees of love and each person interprets it differently and has their own boundaries around it.2 -
But couldn't love be subjective? One could be in love with more than one person at a time. With 7 billion people in the world, unless you've met everyone who was a potential spouse, how could one be 100% sure they chose the "forever" one?Many reasons but one thing is for sure and no one can convince me otherwise, is that if one cheats, then they don’t love their partner. Period.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Nope. You can’t be in love with more than in at a time. Those people don’t know what real love is.2 -
Is counting cards in a game of blackjack considered cheating? I don't think it is. I don't feel bad at all for casinos that may lose money from players counting cards.0
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spend enough time with someone you love and eventually you're going to see the little things that you didn't notice at first
maybe they drag the fork across their teeth while they're eating
maybe they regularly forget to flush the toilet
"not a morning person" and they take it out on you every morning
etc etc. doesn't matter what these little things are, eventually you'll notice. now add years to the equation.
and maybe if you're a strong willed person, you can overlook these things
or maybe you can't because you're just unable to compromise about the things you find detestable no matter how much you love someone.
so eventually the grass looks greener on the other side, maybe with that cute coworker who laughs at all your jokes and smiles all the time when they see you.
and sometimes its true, the grass is greener and you'll be happier with a new person.
and sometimes its not.
either way its not a huge surprise that people cheat4 -
PAWGliacci wrote: »spend enough time with someone you love and eventually you're going to see the little things that you didn't notice at first
maybe they drag the fork across their teeth while they're eating
maybe they regularly forget to flush the toilet
"not a morning person" and they take it out on you every morning
etc etc. doesn't matter what these little things are, eventually you'll notice. now add years to the equation.
I would argue that none of this is an excuse to leave the other person, especially if you've been together for many years. You make a commitment when you marry somebody. You take the good with the bad, and nobody is perfect.5 -
MeatVehicle wrote: »Is counting cards in a game of blackjack considered cheating? I don't think it is. I don't feel bad at all for casinos that may lose money from players counting cards.
"Okay, well, maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupt a casino, and he was a retard."3 -
MeatVehicle wrote: »Is counting cards in a game of blackjack considered cheating? I don't think it is. I don't feel bad at all for casinos that may lose money from players counting cards.
"Okay, well, maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupt a casino, and he was a retard."
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Soooooo not to come off like an a-hole, but....
Monogamy is a recent invention. The majority of all human cultures have actually practice polygamy and many still do. Men and women have evolved for millions of years to seek lots of sex with many partners to ensure the survival of the species. The modern monogamous culture has only been around for just 1,000 years. 1000 years is nothing compared to how long evolution programmed us to hump everyone. This modern cultural and social norm has placed heavy objections on sex and sex practices and tires to make people suppress the need to have it.
But I digress. Just be honest with your partner.
PS: It's Hump Day. Stop asking for *kitten* pics you Neanderthals.7 -
SERobinsonJr wrote: »Soooooo not to come off like an a-hole, but....
Monogamy is a recent invention. The majority of all human cultures have actually practice polygamy and many still do. Men and women have evolved for millions of years to seek lots of sex with many partners to ensure the survival of the species. The modern monogamous culture has only been around for just 1,000 years. 1000 years is nothing compared to how long evolution programmed us to hump everyone. This modern cultural and social norm has placed heavy objections on sex and sex practices and tires to make people suppress the need to have it.
But I digress. Just be honest with your partner.
PS: It's Hump Day. Stop asking for *kitten* pics you Neanderthals.
Stop asking for pics??
What’s next?
Do you also want me to stop breathing too?
(Don’t answer that)4 -
Motorsheen wrote: »Well.... those rooms at the Holiday Inn Express ain't going to rent themselves.
Exactly! It's all about jobs people. No sex, no rooms, no job. It's that simple.1 -
MeatVehicle wrote: »Is counting cards in a game of blackjack considered cheating? I don't think it is. I don't feel bad at all for casinos that may lose money from players counting cards.
"Okay, well, maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupt a casino, and he was a retard."
Who is that? And what do you mean when you say he was a retard? Do you just have a general hostility towards him, or was he genuinely a moron? And what does that have to do with the greater picture?2 -
MeatVehicle wrote: »MeatVehicle wrote: »Is counting cards in a game of blackjack considered cheating? I don't think it is. I don't feel bad at all for casinos that may lose money from players counting cards.
"Okay, well, maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupt a casino, and he was a retard."
Who is that? And what do you mean when you say he was a retard? Do you just have a general hostility towards him, or was he genuinely a moron? And what does that have to do with the greater picture?
Rain Man is your MFP nickname. Oops, I wasn't supposed to tell you that is what all the cool kids call you behind your back. My bad.6 -
MeatVehicle wrote: »MeatVehicle wrote: »Is counting cards in a game of blackjack considered cheating? I don't think it is. I don't feel bad at all for casinos that may lose money from players counting cards.
"Okay, well, maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupt a casino, and he was a retard."
Who is that? And what do you mean when you say he was a retard? Do you just have a general hostility towards him, or was he genuinely a moron? And what does that have to do with the greater picture?
Rain Man is your MFP nickname. Oops, I wasn't supposed to tell you that is what all the cool kids call you behind your back. My bad.
I genuinely have no idea what you're talking about. I'll take this as one of those "ignorance really is bliss moments," and carry on.3 -
MeatVehicle wrote: »MeatVehicle wrote: »MeatVehicle wrote: »Is counting cards in a game of blackjack considered cheating? I don't think it is. I don't feel bad at all for casinos that may lose money from players counting cards.
"Okay, well, maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupt a casino, and he was a retard."
Who is that? And what do you mean when you say he was a retard? Do you just have a general hostility towards him, or was he genuinely a moron? And what does that have to do with the greater picture?
Rain Man is your MFP nickname. Oops, I wasn't supposed to tell you that is what all the cool kids call you behind your back. My bad.
I genuinely have no idea what you're talking about. I'll take this as one of those "ignorance really is bliss moments," and carry on.
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MeatVehicle wrote: »MeatVehicle wrote: »MeatVehicle wrote: »Is counting cards in a game of blackjack considered cheating? I don't think it is. I don't feel bad at all for casinos that may lose money from players counting cards.
"Okay, well, maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupt a casino, and he was a retard."
Who is that? And what do you mean when you say he was a retard? Do you just have a general hostility towards him, or was he genuinely a moron? And what does that have to do with the greater picture?
Rain Man is your MFP nickname. Oops, I wasn't supposed to tell you that is what all the cool kids call you behind your back. My bad.
I genuinely have no idea what you're talking about. I'll take this as one of those "ignorance really is bliss moments," and carry on.
Its a movie quote....
[url="
http://"]https://youtube.com/watch?v=Wk_adXBC8ws[/url] 2
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