60 yrs and up

AnnPT77 wrote: »

alteredsteve175 wrote: »

Drive-by check-in. Met with the oncologist yesterday. Wife's blood chemistry is good/normal now, but she is not fighting to get stronger. She said to the doctor, "This old gal is wearing out." I'm concerned that she is just going to give up. She is not doing the needed physical therapy. She's not long for this earth if she doesn't improve her general physical condition. 😟

Regardless, trying to take care of myself, too. Still walking with the dog. Two gym workouts this week. Keeping the diet under control and not drinking too much.

Appreciate all the kind words, everyone. Thank you.

Good to hear from you, Steve! I empathize with your situation, and your wife's. I don't want to intrude, but have they suggested any medication or other types of intervention on the more psychological side of things? A certain amount of depression or anxiety comes with the cancer diagnosis, of course. Some of that is for obvious reasons, but there's also some speculation that mood/attitude may be affected at the biochemical level during the cancer experience as well. Good nutrition is a plus on that side of things, for sure, if you/she can get her there, but other things can be useful. I'm far from the only person I know who used some medication during treatment to help with that sort of thing, though it hasn't been common in my life under other conditions.

On another front, personally, I found professional massage very helpful physically, and that has the plus of being enjoyable and basically passive. There can be some limitations on the modality during treatment, but a good MT can work within the guidance doctors offer. I don't know whether that would appeal to her, be affordable as a complementary therapy - just a thought.

Sounds like you're doing good things for yourself, still, and that'll be good for her as well (to see, and of course for you to keep your own tank a little more topped up as a caregiver).

Sending strength and well-wishes to you both!

Thanks for the suggestions, Ann. She is taking an antidepressant (and has taken various types for years). But that was combined with excessive drinking at times - not a good situation - led to some erratic behavior. No drinking now, though, so that's one less contributor to depression. She was also a daily marijuana user, but no smoking now. Uses edible forms as desired, though - that does seem to elevate the mood. I use them, too, now and then. It does help to reduce my stress level.

I'll suggest the massage option to her. She might go for that. I've tried the direct approach to encourage exercise, but all I hear are excuses about why it can't be done.

alteredsteve175 wrote: »

AnnPT77 wrote: »

alteredsteve175 wrote: »

Drive-by check-in. Met with the oncologist yesterday. Wife's blood chemistry is good/normal now, but she is not fighting to get stronger. She said to the doctor, "This old gal is wearing out." I'm concerned that she is just going to give up. She is not doing the needed physical therapy. She's not long for this earth if she doesn't improve her general physical condition. 😟

Regardless, trying to take care of myself, too. Still walking with the dog. Two gym workouts this week. Keeping the diet under control and not drinking too much.

Appreciate all the kind words, everyone. Thank you.

Good to hear from you, Steve! I empathize with your situation, and your wife's. I don't want to intrude, but have they suggested any medication or other types of intervention on the more psychological side of things? A certain amount of depression or anxiety comes with the cancer diagnosis, of course. Some of that is for obvious reasons, but there's also some speculation that mood/attitude may be affected at the biochemical level during the cancer experience as well. Good nutrition is a plus on that side of things, for sure, if you/she can get her there, but other things can be useful. I'm far from the only person I know who used some medication during treatment to help with that sort of thing, though it hasn't been common in my life under other conditions.

On another front, personally, I found professional massage very helpful physically, and that has the plus of being enjoyable and basically passive. There can be some limitations on the modality during treatment, but a good MT can work within the guidance doctors offer. I don't know whether that would appeal to her, be affordable as a complementary therapy - just a thought.

Sounds like you're doing good things for yourself, still, and that'll be good for her as well (to see, and of course for you to keep your own tank a little more topped up as a caregiver).

Sending strength and well-wishes to you both!

Thanks for the suggestions, Ann. She is taking an antidepressant (and has taken various types for years). But that was combined with excessive drinking at times - not a good situation - led to some erratic behavior. No drinking now, though, so that's one less contributor to depression. She was also a daily marijuana user, but no smoking now. Uses edible forms as desired, though - that does seem to elevate the mood. I use them, too, now and then. It does help to reduce my stress level.

I'll suggest the massage option to her. She might go for that. I've tried the direct approach to encourage exercise, but all I hear are excuses about why it can't be done.

If she thinks it sounds good, ask her oncologist if there are any medical limitations. These days, IME, most oncologists are open to the modality in general as a complementary add-on, but some types of cancer treatment might mean the MT should avoid certain body areas or techniques.

For example, after my breast cancer surgery, I was not able to lie on my stomach for a while, so my MT worked while I was lying on my back (could still access back muscles). Later, during radiation, she was to avoid any skin that was even slightly pink. If your wife as a port, there might be issues of how to work around that. A good, qualified, certified MT will understand, and work with it. Possible that your cancer center may even know of MTs with cancer-related training.

I found massage so, so helpful. It's hard to explain why: It goes beyond simple relaxation as I usually think of it, but I'm also not suggesting anything magical or mystical . . . just that there are subtle physical effects that are hard to describe. Speaking kind of metaphorically rather than literally, it may just be that we hold some of the trauma of the total situation in our bodies, as clenched or restricted areas, and releasing those has subtle physical benefits. I don't know.

Sending strength to you, and her. You're doing good things in this scenario, and they're hard ones. Hope you get to enjoy your weekend off, this time!

MargaretYakoda wrote: »

alteredsteve175 wrote: »

AnnPT77 wrote: »

alteredsteve175 wrote: »

Drive-by check-in. Met with the oncologist yesterday. Wife's blood chemistry is good/normal now, but she is not fighting to get stronger. She said to the doctor, "This old gal is wearing out." I'm concerned that she is just going to give up. She is not doing the needed physical therapy. She's not long for this earth if she doesn't improve her general physical condition. 😟

Regardless, trying to take care of myself, too. Still walking with the dog. Two gym workouts this week. Keeping the diet under control and not drinking too much.

Appreciate all the kind words, everyone. Thank you.

Good to hear from you, Steve! I empathize with your situation, and your wife's. I don't want to intrude, but have they suggested any medication or other types of intervention on the more psychological side of things? A certain amount of depression or anxiety comes with the cancer diagnosis, of course. Some of that is for obvious reasons, but there's also some speculation that mood/attitude may be affected at the biochemical level during the cancer experience as well. Good nutrition is a plus on that side of things, for sure, if you/she can get her there, but other things can be useful. I'm far from the only person I know who used some medication during treatment to help with that sort of thing, though it hasn't been common in my life under other conditions.

On another front, personally, I found professional massage very helpful physically, and that has the plus of being enjoyable and basically passive. There can be some limitations on the modality during treatment, but a good MT can work within the guidance doctors offer. I don't know whether that would appeal to her, be affordable as a complementary therapy - just a thought.

Sounds like you're doing good things for yourself, still, and that'll be good for her as well (to see, and of course for you to keep your own tank a little more topped up as a caregiver).

Sending strength and well-wishes to you both!

Thanks for the suggestions, Ann. She is taking an antidepressant (and has taken various types for years). But that was combined with excessive drinking at times - not a good situation - led to some erratic behavior. No drinking now, though, so that's one less contributor to depression. She was also a daily marijuana user, but no smoking now. Uses edible forms as desired, though - that does seem to elevate the mood. I use them, too, now and then. It does help to reduce my stress level.

I'll suggest the massage option to her. She might go for that. I've tried the direct approach to encourage exercise, but all I hear are excuses about why it can't be done.

We have found that having joints available for my husband to use at will has helped keep his mood elevated too.
He hadn’t (as far as I knew) smoked pot since coming back from Vietnam.

But the dementia he has definitely changed his personality. It’s vascular dementia. A result of strokes. So part of who he was is literally gone.

He had been a black belt. Calm, cool in a crisis. Always athletic. Taught classes. Was a judge numerous times at the Nationals in Vegas. Everyone loved him.

Then ZAP! He is easily irritated. Quick to want to throw a punch. Over imagined things.

God. Bless. Cannabis.

That’s all I have to say about it.

Margaret, I'm glad that you found something that helps your husband and you deal with his issues. That calming effect is noted by lots of users. I find I'm still able to do normal things around the house - chores, prepare meals, etc. I find that it makes me more active - can't sit still - need things to do. A win-win for me.

Hello all, another Canuck newbie in your midst!
I am 61, been yoyo overweight (but ever increasing) since I had my babies in my twenties...so that's lame. Tried so many approaches at weightless. Gearing myself up again.

I retired earlier this year vs total breakdown or heart attack - I had been working flat out under extremely stressful conditions throughout the pandemic, which added a good (not at all good) 50 lbs, year over year.

Now damn close to 300 lbs and not nearly tall enough ... pretty despairing but yet not quite desperate enough apparently...I retired with the goal of regaining my health; emotional, mental, spiritual and physical, and I now finally feel ready for the babiest of steps towards weight management.

I am very, very sedentary - part of my rebellion against working is binge-watching as missed that stage of the pandemic + happily rediscovering my love of reading. My only stated plans upon retirement were to satisfy my pandemic FOMO: wear only yoga pants or leggings (I have added jean shorts), genuinely be confused as to what day it is, the aforementioned binge-watching, get my mail in PJs!
Mission accomplished!

So I downloaded this app a few days ago and started tracking food. I am also tracking water which went from what I needed to use to swallow a pill to 4 glasses a day, so that's something. Actually 2 somethings lol.

Today made my way to the forums and here I am! Hello 👋

It's great to see so many new folks joining us: Welcome to all, wishing you much success! If there are any questions you have about using the app, need to vent, want to brainstorm solutions for some challenge or temporary roadblock, etc., please post. In my experience, MFP-ers are extremely helpful. Possible that not all of others' approaches will fit you, but odds are good of finding some ideas that sound plausible to try.

@Ladybug8882021, I don't know where you are in Canada, but I'm Canada-adjacent (Michigan, US). @1BadAssGranny, sounds like you're off to a good start with your walks: All we can do is start where we find ourselves, but careful persistence tends to bring progress, IME. Exercise is great for fitness, but it's the eating side of things that was the biggest route to weight management, for me; I didn't change my exercise schedule much if at all to lose, but worked on figuring out portion sizes, proportions, frequencies for foods I enjoy eating, to balance satiation, nutrition, tastiness, practicality, within calorie goal. Figuring out a workable set of habits was a gradual thing, but honestly, that made weight loss/maintenance easier than I'd expected. Wish I'd done it decades earlier!

Minor update from me: I mentioned eye surgery that happened last week. My 2nd follow up with eye doc was yesterday, and it seems healing is going OK. Still using the 2 kinds of drops 4x daily for a while, still have limits on exertion (sigh!). Yesterday, I learned that if I see vision improvement from this procedure, it will most likely evolve slowly over weeks to even months, so I need to manage my expectations accordingly. There may've been the tiniest improvement eye-chart-wise (from 20/150 minus, to 20/150 plus, basically), but that could also be random luck at guessing letters 😆. I see zero difference in daily life, so far. Patience!

I expect that I can resume most normal activities next week, including rowing, though I need to keep it at moderate intensity for a while. I'm chomping at the bit, gotta admit.

I've settled down to eating at/around maintenance calories again, after a short stint of compensatory over-indulgence on the eating front out of pique or boredom or whatever. In year 5+ of maintenance, I don't get too worried about a short thing like that, but I know I need to get back to normal within a reasonable time. I think that's getting more automatic: I've made it a point all along to eat foods I like, not avoid anything I truly love, within calorie goals on average. This time, after a few days of more than normal pizza and such, I was really *feeling* the need to get back to my happy, veggie-heavy, protein-sufficient way of eating, as in craving that routine. Maybe there's hope for permanence, or something near it! 😉

Wishing everyone a happy week/weekend, and success in your health/fitness/weight goals, whatever they may be!

annliz23 wrote: »

Sharing but no-one needs to read I just have learned not to bottle this up. It has been a tricky year so far my husband has started showing signs of memory loss some days are good some bad but because he gets frustrated I often have to take the flack and I am aware it will only deteriorate as he gets older (71). My best friend of 35 years died this year I miss her advice , and friendship greatly.
We went on holiday with my youngest son and grandson but youngest has always been challenging but now in his 30s he finds managing money difficult, he has a drinking problem and can be hard to talk to as he flys off the handle, I pray daily but suspect he will end up in trouble soon.
My oldest son has a difficult time his son 6 yrs old is autistic and has sensory problems it's very draining emotionally.

I know I need to keep being supportive but feel so worn down and tired, stress takes its toll. I am trying to focus on positive things whenever I can. Thanks for listening.

I did read your post, @annliz23. That's all really hard stuff, let alone all of it at once. Hugs!

If you need to vent, this is a good place. Sending strength!