WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR SEPTEMBER 2021

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  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,946 Member
    :D Kim - I’m sure they could be a dessert for the adults, but this is a shared birthday with my 10 year old grandson. We are having campers set up so the adults can still party after the kids are played out.

    Loneliness- the loneliest I ever felt was about 4 years of my married life. My DH was downstairs, I was upstairs and it was just miserable. I don't think we would have made it if we had stayed in that house. It was moving to a smaller house where we had to be near one another all the time that helped get US back. I feel lonely on the evenings he works but have all of you and my daughters texting to keep me company. I just don’t know how I could do it day in and day out. I am too social.

    Tracey

  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,090 Member
    Nice dinner with the ladies and now home and in bed..arthritis in my left thumb acting up something fierce.. put some blue emu oil on it and took tylenol hope that helps.
  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 17,195 Member
    :) I am very fortunate to have learned how to be comfortable alone. I went through a period in my 20's when I was quite alone, unemployed, and somewhat estranged from my parents. My choices were to go under or to learn to enjoy my own company. I learned to enjoy the company of TV, the radio, books, audio tapes of favorite music, and being busy with crafts and caring for my home. I love being with my husband and my several friends I see now, but I am perfectly able to be happy and entertained alone and for days at a time.

    <3 Barbie in NW WA
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,598 Member
    auntiebk wrote: »
    Thanking Goodness and all who’ve prayed for and whooshed good vibes to my nephew. His scans are miraculously clear, even the “unoperable” left side mass. Halelujah! Please continue to do so for keeping his foot. Thank you, THANK you, thank YOU!

    Loneliness. When have you been most lonely?
    All the many years I lived by myself I was unaware of being lonely. It was not until I lived with husband, brother-in-law, rent-a-son and three nephews that I experienced that dark, sad, hopeless feeling (‘nother long story.) Four years ago tonight, the dogs and I arrived at our new home after the move from hell. Joe would follow the next day after getting trailer tire replaced. It was 95F and hazardously smoky. There was not a fan to be had from Crescent City to Gold Beach, a distance of 54 miles. As all our furniture was with Joe in the truck I unrolled a sleeping bag onto the floor, gathered the dogs to my side and cried myself to sleep. Since the pandemic related isolation I’ve felt moments of loneliness, but thanks to Joe, my dancing/T’ai Chi/walking buddies and all you wonderful gals on this thread, it’s never lasted long. Bless you all!

    Lighter, lovelies!
    f8qt1s098sxm.gifBarbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD
    2021: choose to be leaner/stronger/kinder NOW


    I'm glad to hear that about your nephew. :)

    Loneliness? At least two times spring to mind ...
    1. During the last few years with my ex-husband. Our lives had become completely different and while I tried to get into his life (to some extent), he had absolutely no interest in mine.
    2. When I burned my foot to the bone in November 2001. I was single, on my own, with no family anywhere nearby and few friends. I was at home alone for 5 weeks. Except for the home nurse who came by to change my dressing about every other day ... she was there about 15 minutes each time. And the lady who delivered my groceries once a week ... she was there about 5 minutes each time.

    Machka in Oz
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,946 Member
    Jenn - I hope the guy at least got a fine. Thankful it was witnessed.

    Barbie - I’m sure it was a terrible process to go through but I bet it has been a good thing too.

    I have never lived alone, although Rodger drove truck. The few months that that was his career before our eldest was born I stayed with his or my parents or had someone stay with me. I kept having false contractions from August to February so didn’t like being alone. My Mother suffered terribly from loneliness and no one will ever convince me that didn’t speed her Alzheimer’s up. Since she has been in the manor and socializing it has slowed considerably, not stopped but definitely slowed.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,598 Member
    pipcd34 wrote: »
    Machka9 wrote: »
    pipcd34 wrote: »
    1st place has been saving up his rides and made one big entry. He is now at 2069.63 … that means I have 300.54 miles now that I have to do before this coming Wednesday to catch up to him. Ugh…I could do it if I rode 100 miles for today, Sunday and Monday but do I want to?? I dunno…. Sad face sore butt.

    Would that all be inside?

    I've done heaps of 100 mile days outside but I don't know if I'd have the motivation to do it inside!!

    Machka in Oz
    all inside

    The longest I've done inside is 4 hours ... 2 movies!

    The fastest century (100 miles) I've done outside was 6 hours in Manitoba (flat, flat, flat), on a beautiful day, with no wind.

    I'm not sure I could have gone on for another 2 hours inside!!


    M in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,598 Member
    JustJenn68 wrote: »
    Lots of excitement today when some ahole in boat passed within 5 metres of me swamped my kayak tossing me into the lake.

    Thank God a man on jet ski saw me,called 911 and stayed with me until Search and Rescue pulled me put of the water.

    I am currently buried under blankets and drinking hot tea.

    I will be back on the lake tomorrow afternoon because I'm not going to let this ruin something I enjoy.

    Tomorrow will be a better day.

    Jenn

    :o

    I'm glad you're OK after that!

  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member
    Barbara – I am delighted for you that your nephew’s scans are clear. Good news is wonderful. :flowerforyou:

    Pip - Karen in VA is correct. YOU are the bomb! 100 miles today! WOW! :star:

    Tracey – So sorry that your grandson was bullied on his first day of school. Bullying is never okay. :grumble:

    KJ - Our son is encouraging us to come early for our visit, and to stay longer. We haven’t made solid plans yet. We’re working on them. We are planning to spend good family time there. :smiley:

    Kim – You are busy these days, between caring for your mom and getting your work done. You amaze me by accomplishing so much. I am sorry that loneliness is sometimes difficult. :flowerforyou:

    Jenni in CT – Welcome! Stop by often & get to know us. :star:


    We managed to get the bathroom shower project finished today! The showerhead and hose are properly installed & the old hose is in the trash! :bigsmile:

    Katla in beautiful NW Oregon
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 17,255 Member
    Tomorrow is housecleaning day so I don’t know how much riding I’ll get in, lately we have not been riding , gym or walking on sundays. Just housecleaning.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,598 Member
    GodMomKim wrote: »
    Hi Gals,
    I keep reading but not commenting much as the quantity of embroidery, caregiving to my mom and keeping the house right side up is taking so much time.
    But the question about loneliness hit me. I am overwhelming lonely at least once each week. Having a pet helps- and Levi is very attentive. I have been “in tears lonely” once a week or more for my entire life… there are times when it doesn’t happen but they are when I am so busy I can’t think.. It can happen when I am with a group or by myself, and I can not honestly put into words how and/why I feel that way, but I have learned to accept it. And how to find a quiet place to cry it out so no one else is impacted. I think maybe that is part of why the pandemic struck me the way it did, being alone…. Being lonely is just part of my life nothing new or special.

    Allie – I think you are so lucky to have those memories – treasure them!
    Tracey – snacks at a hippy party – pot brownies of course!

    Kim
    In hot smoky Northern California

    What would need to change for you not to feel lonely?

    :heart:

    M in Oz
  • LisaInArkansas
    LisaInArkansas Posts: 2,884 Member
    I don't get lonely as near as I can tell, but I spent nearly a decade working from home, which I think was a good way to train for the pandemic isolation if nothing else. Effectively, I spent most of my life engrossed in whatever I was doing, thinking or creating, so lonely just isn't an issue.

    Don't get me wrong, I love being here with y'all and knowing your lives, and letting you know about mine--but it is, for all of us, strictly on our own terms. We interact as much as we want and no more, and the quality and quantity of that interaction are very much within our control.

    Please note, I'm not saying, "Look at me, I'm strong." I'm saying that a peculiar quirk of my own makeup and experience has led me to a place right now that it's not an issue for me. I appreciate that because otherwise, I'd be wandering around behind the little animals. As it is, my current issues with my health are keeping me pinned down pretty well, and I'm actually learning to get through a day without a goal other than to just stay still and heal. It's a very different mental place - serene and calm instead of driven and determined.

    Loved all the pics - Heather, your son looks like he's doing very well, and love the paint! Tracey, your grandson has the kindest eyes, I hope the bully situation gets resolved for him. Pip - I'm in the process of shedding artificial requirements like self-imposed goals, so my answer would be different than anyone else. You should do what makes the most sense to you, whatever that may be.

    Welcome to the new folks, glad you're here!

    Later,
    Love,
    Lisa
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,188 Member
    grandmallie wrote: »
    Nice dinner with the ladies and now home and in bed..arthritis in my left thumb acting up something fierce.. put some blue emu oil on it and took tylenol hope that helps.

    I use Stopain(from Amazon) that really works- it is an aerisol spray.
    There is also a cream: Diclofenac Sodium/(Voltaren is the name brand)-it is the same thing/strength as the prescription my MIL just got

    Debbie
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,699 Member
    Barbara - Quick pop in to say , I'm so glad about your nephew. :)

    Now have to make that cup of tea. :D

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    Hello, I've been reading these past days and today skimming. Not so "talkative".

    Social interaction at barnyard party yesterday
    Went to a barnyard annual party of close friend's SO's family.

    The main thing on a CICO level is that there was mostly talking, eating and drinking and no moving. I didn't do fantastically on that level. I didn't eat masses, and not much dessert, since I'm GF and most deserts have gluten, but with no movement all day I feel bit heavy from it.

    Social dynamics at party.
    My friend says his SO is very often jealous - not necessarily on a romance level - but on an attentional level - of his friends, and tends to be harshly critical of them, and not very welcoming, sometimes avoids talking to them, etc. I must say that did seem to be the case.
    She seemed to make sure that he didn't spend much time talking to his 2 friends who came, me and one other person, among the 30+ people. She rushes right over to give him something to do as soon as he is speaking with us.

    Fortunately most everyone else was warm or normal!

    Since I was tired, my friend B. said I could lie down in the shade in the back yard mid-afternoon, but then I missed some of the people I was mostly talking with going for a long walk around a nearby bee farm! that was a shame! It can be a bit long to spend many hours eating, drinking and talking with new people if there is not some natural strong link that develops.

    My friend's SO knows and hangs out with some very rich and even famous people related to her work, and I have to say I find her and this one very well off guy she is close (the god-father of their kids) very image-conscious, and not very open-hearted. I didn't see anything natural or relaxed, though I'm sure she is hardworking, intelligent and courageous and devoted to their family, which is a lot.

    I know my friend B. has very mixed feelings and he considers the relationship is not going well and wishes he hadn't had kids, and could not be in the relationship, but at the same time he is in it for the long haul, I think, out of responsibility, and the relationship is okay. He is making his choice to stay and I think he feels he maybe shouldn't. Or he is torn. He says it is a bit like the story of the wolf and the house dog from Aesop's fables.

    I suppose she must guess that B sometimes confides in his oldest friends about how he feels, about his mixed feelings, and she must not like that, which I can understand.

    When I was in a couple I preferred my SO have friends even women friends. I did trust him to be faithful. It seemed healthy to me. One of his closest friends was a woman an ex of his - not a serous one- I wasn't close to - but it seemed normal that he be able to go and talk to her from time to time, have someone to talk to, confide in from time to time.

    I think lots of times both men and women confide more in women, from what I've heard, as - maybe on average - and OF course there are exceptions - women are better at or more interested in listening about personal things.

    Not feeling great about day spent - heavy - no movement - somewhat stilted social dynamic - but that is the way it is! I did speak to several nice people. and it's presumably good for health to be in the countryside for the afternoon.

    The previous day - work day- meetings - was so much better -
    boring general meeting with 70 + people in morning - I left in the middle to go talk to other people about this and that. and sort things out. time well-spent. Also being 70+ with masks in poorly ventilated place is not fun!

    Lunch fun and then the 2nd meeting (several smaller groups) really interesting. I am very low on the totem pole in this hierarchical place. At first I was slightly uneasy as everyone was participating but I didn't have much to say, but then I had some extremely pertinent and fundamental contributions that everyone seemed to appreciate, and that conceivably could have a big impact on a fundamental approach at the school.

    In both cases I kind of had to really myself to go! one very good finally and the other so-so.
    going to my café now - for quiet Sunday! maybe to the pool and at least on recumbant today!
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,188 Member
    I think I will be watching church online tomorrow- another member just passed away this morning from the virus- Masks are supposed to be mandatory but last week, including me, there were only 4-5 people that I saw with one one- and there was at least 60 there, maybe more(hard to count from where I sit).
    I will miss being IN church but will settle being safe at home.
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    LONILNESS

    It is hard to say, when I was loneliest.
    But I lived in another city many years ago- moved just like that - on an adventure with no plan- no job - in my early 20s.
    Back then it was easy to get a job and get by in many places. I lived there two years and had some acquaintances-friends that I could hang out with but very few real deep friends. Back then there was no internet and distance calls were expensive. I did a lot of sports.
    When I moved to France in the beginning there were also some lonely periods especially in the very beginning.

    Now with internet it is easier to connect with people from a distance, and also I am more accustomed to dealing with emotions. It is not a piece of cake but I feel emotions are less intense -easier to manage than when I was in my 20s and early 30s.

    I did start getting seriously into meditation in my late 20s and early 30s (not so much actual sitting meditation these days - though I think it is good to do- but I think the mindfulness can stay intrinsically - like riding a bike ) so I presume integrating some of that intrinsically into life approach has helped.

    I do think of this saying "This too shall pass."

    Extremely upsetting times don't generally last so very long, and I can sometimes focus on other things for a while in the mean time.

    When I went through a very difficult breakup at around 35 a meditation leader lady - who I didn't really connect with, said- "you can allot yourself 5 minutes a day to be really upset and in mourning about this, and then the rest of the day you can focus on whatever you are doing: sweeping, opening the door, etc." It's not as simple as that, for sure, but there is some element of choice at some points, and evolution in a direction.

    I think in reponse I was still really upset much of the time but there were some lovely breaks when I was able to just think about sweeping the floor or what I was doing, and surely more and more over time.

    This is not to be preachy. Just to talk about my experience and the evolution of loneliness as I'm thinking about it at the moment - which might feel differently tomorrow or in an hour.
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    Now that I have to pay attention to skin and sun, I've noticed in others.
    - a colleague wearing gloves yesterday in the sun, - who has vitigo - another woman wearing gloves yesterday - a warm day, a rather young woman (late 30s?) sitting in the shade applying 50 sunscreen says she has to protect her skin, another woman wearing a mask more to protect herself from sun than from virus I think, another who clearly had an operation around her nose area, another who had a bicycle accident and a big scar on her forehead. all in 2 days.
    - things I surely wouldn't have noticed or thought about before.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,598 Member
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  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,598 Member
    bananasandoranges wrote: »
    Now that I have to pay attention to skin and sun, I've noticed in others.
    - a colleague wearing gloves yesterday in the sun, - who has vitigo - another woman wearing gloves yesterday - a warm day, a rather young woman (late 30s?) sitting in the shade applying 50 sunscreen says she has to protect her skin, another woman wearing a mask more to protect herself from sun than from virus I think, another who clearly had an operation around her nose area, another who had a bicycle accident and a big scar on her forehead. all in 2 days.
    - things I surely wouldn't have noticed or thought about before.

    No one is "perfect" ... whatever that is!

    Have you been watching the Paralympics? It's inspiring to see what can be accomplished by people who have been born different or who have been through diseases or difficulties.


    M in Oz
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    MACHKA
    I'm not a major olympics fan. I watch enough screen stuff - I don't need to add to it! :)
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    MACHKA I agree about noone being perfect.
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    Stuggling food-wise today ----

    not feeling totally grounded!
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,090 Member
    Heather- thank goodness nothing more serious than that phew..
    I dont know how many of you like animals but I know a majority of you do.
    Check out
    Ima Survivor Donkey and Farm Animal Sanctuary
    They are on Facebook,Youtube,Instagram etc... and you will so enjoy the antics of all thr crazy animals it really brings me joy to watch them. The whole family is involved. I promise you'll get hooked
    Cloudy today after a beautiful weekend
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,699 Member
    Actually it's a broken finger. :|
    Kids playing football. Their mum coming to pick them up in an hour.
    It's been lovely for us, but my son is a bit shocked. So glad it wasn't worse. <3
    Love Heather UK xxxxxx
  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 17,195 Member
    :)Machka, I, too, am inspired by the Paralympics. Along with that I am currently reading a book in which the author recounts his mother's journey through years of away from home treatment for polio into her adulthood of raising a family. These things encourage me to focus on what's right in my world, rather than what is wrong.

    :)Heather, glad to hear that your son's injuries weren't any worse than they were. Glad you were there to look after the grands.

    :)Allie, there are so many fun things on YouTube, that a person can stay entertained for hours.

    :)Lisa, You expressed how to not be lonely so well. When you have to learn how to do something, you just do it.

    :)Tracy, My father was in the Coast Guard all the years I was growing up and often on duty away for months. My mother was a master at being independent and self sufficient during that time. She learned to love the time he was gone. When he retired, she got a job because it made her crazy that he was home and underfoot all day.

    :) It's "Grocery Day"--a highlight of our week when we drive to the store and have our groceries loaded into the back of our car.

    <3 Barbie in NW WA

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